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Dating and Physical boundaries
- Thread starter sampa
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thanks Jolie heart. Not everyone thinks about the physical or it's importance.
A brother in Christ, 30yrs old, just encouraged me recently and said guys do see value in "holding out" (as he phrased it) for someone special or future spouse. He hasn't been able to and says it's been a very hard road with lots of consequences. I've met sisters in Christ that weren't able to also. Some respect it while others don't.
It's hard for me to sort out at times because the urge and temptation seems to be there so many times. A couple of days ago at a Shrek movie, a brother in Christ put his arm over into my seat, I kept moving my arm away and finally I just got up and used the restroom so as not to have to deal with the temptation. This wasn't a guy I liked either. It was a young adult get-together and my sister in christ to the right of me seemed oblivious to what was happening.
I wish that some of our brothers in Christ (sisters too) could have some standards, a moral compass of respect and boundaries.
sorry to go on, can anyone relate?
A brother in Christ, 30yrs old, just encouraged me recently and said guys do see value in "holding out" (as he phrased it) for someone special or future spouse. He hasn't been able to and says it's been a very hard road with lots of consequences. I've met sisters in Christ that weren't able to also. Some respect it while others don't.
It's hard for me to sort out at times because the urge and temptation seems to be there so many times. A couple of days ago at a Shrek movie, a brother in Christ put his arm over into my seat, I kept moving my arm away and finally I just got up and used the restroom so as not to have to deal with the temptation. This wasn't a guy I liked either. It was a young adult get-together and my sister in christ to the right of me seemed oblivious to what was happening.
I wish that some of our brothers in Christ (sisters too) could have some standards, a moral compass of respect and boundaries.
sorry to go on, can anyone relate?
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Hiya, revamping the thread!
I can sorta relate, sampa, to the brother thing you mentioned, although it's not exactly the same.
As a leader in youth group I was the target of a few crushes (which is kinda funny, 'cause I don't think I'm crushable!) and that made my fiance (now wife of 9 years) very cranky.
The weird thing was I was obviously off the market, and she was my co-leader. It wasn't like these girls didn't know her, or anything! That made it difficult in groups. I just avoided the girls, politely, and let Mandy deal with them.
Just to encourage you some more, though. There are guys out there with a moral compass called the Bible. I don't know where you'd look, because I'm on the opposite side of the globe, but they exist. Keep your standards high. Remember that you are a Christian first, and a woman looking for a life partner second. If you drop the first standard for the second desire, you will not be happy. As Mr Miyagi said in "Karate Kid 2":
"Never place passion before principles. Even when you win, you lose."
If that's not enough, listen to Paul:
"Do not associate with a sexually immoral person...with such a person, do not even eat!"
All the best,
I can sorta relate, sampa, to the brother thing you mentioned, although it's not exactly the same.
As a leader in youth group I was the target of a few crushes (which is kinda funny, 'cause I don't think I'm crushable!) and that made my fiance (now wife of 9 years) very cranky.
The weird thing was I was obviously off the market, and she was my co-leader. It wasn't like these girls didn't know her, or anything! That made it difficult in groups. I just avoided the girls, politely, and let Mandy deal with them.
Just to encourage you some more, though. There are guys out there with a moral compass called the Bible. I don't know where you'd look, because I'm on the opposite side of the globe, but they exist. Keep your standards high. Remember that you are a Christian first, and a woman looking for a life partner second. If you drop the first standard for the second desire, you will not be happy. As Mr Miyagi said in "Karate Kid 2":
"Never place passion before principles. Even when you win, you lose."
If that's not enough, listen to Paul:
"Do not associate with a sexually immoral person...with such a person, do not even eat!"
All the best,
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thanks again aspartamefree. Some awesome advice and encouraging.Hiya, revamping the thread!
I can sorta relate, sampa, to the brother thing you mentioned, although it's not exactly the same.
As a leader in youth group I was the target of a few crushes (which is kinda funny, 'cause I don't think I'm crushable!) and that made my fiance (now wife of 9 years) very cranky.
The weird thing was I was obviously off the market, and she was my co-leader. It wasn't like these girls didn't know her, or anything! That made it difficult in groups. I just avoided the girls, politely, and let Mandy deal with them.
Just to encourage you some more, though. There are guys out there with a moral compass called the Bible. I don't know where you'd look, because I'm on the opposite side of the globe, but they exist. Keep your standards high. Remember that you are a Christian first, and a woman looking for a life partner second. If you drop the first standard for the second desire, you will not be happy. As Mr Miyagi said in "Karate Kid 2":
"Never place passion before principles. Even when you win, you lose."
If that's not enough, listen to Paul:
"Do not associate with a sexually immoral person...with such a person, do not even eat!"
All the best,
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thanks for keeping it alive. Hope all is well with you, you bless me
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L
LongLegs
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I have never really had any boundaries in my dating life except what I felt comfortable with. Some guys I dated a few times and we never touched or anything ... it just didn't click. And then there our other guys who I got physical with right away. I believe the physical is so important, and I love to express myself that way.
Kathy
Kathy
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Kathy, thanks for sharing.I have never really had any boundaries in my dating life except what I felt comfortable with. Some guys I dated a few times and we never touched or anything ... it just didn't click. And then there our other guys who I got physical with right away. I believe the physical is so important, and I love to express myself that way.
Kathy
I was rolling this around in my head today, but does anyone feel that getting into the physical too quickly makes a relationship weaker?
It almost seems like there's 3 sets of people, people who are touchy with everyone and need physical contact, the reserved - even hugging is limited, and the in between, any agreement?
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Interesting how the singles section was pretty busy for a while discussing if they were huggers or not.
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shamrockmoon
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My family isn't the huggie, kissie, I love you type of people...but for some reason I am. I love to reach out to people. It does sometimes become a problem...like it was said before some people just don't liked to be touched. I am just glad I am not one of them.
Bring up the boundaries conversation within the first couple of dates...will eliminate guys that are not worth your time.
Bring up the boundaries conversation within the first couple of dates...will eliminate guys that are not worth your time.
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hmmm, that's interesting shamrockmoon, most people think our boundaries or if your touchy feely type comes from family upbringing. Something to think about.
How have you brought up the boundaries conversation? I haven't had many opportunities or couldn't seem to find the words and the guys ended up kind of confused b/c I didn't know what to say and usually the dates ended after the 2nd one.
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Tonight a gal and I discussed about this guy we mutually know always getting in our space or hugging and not letting go. Its almost like he's checking out our bustage. She says he's not doing it like he used to with her and tonight at a camp thing there was a girl that was really pretty and he was all over her.
My friend said that he may not even realize how much he's drooling over the person. Cuz he keeps questioning how others see him as a couple with some girl. Almost always he's with another girl. Some others I guess in the church have just kind of backed out of his life because of this. Or today continuously looking at me, then the pastor and back again, it's driving me nuts. How could someone not know they aren't doing that?
OK, I guess it's not physical boundaries in a dating relationship, but it seems like others should be aware unless your family, arms touching and being partially in your seat is just not cool.
My friend said that he may not even realize how much he's drooling over the person. Cuz he keeps questioning how others see him as a couple with some girl. Almost always he's with another girl. Some others I guess in the church have just kind of backed out of his life because of this. Or today continuously looking at me, then the pastor and back again, it's driving me nuts. How could someone not know they aren't doing that?
OK, I guess it's not physical boundaries in a dating relationship, but it seems like others should be aware unless your family, arms touching and being partially in your seat is just not cool.
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