Dating after 30

[EazyMack]

Dating after 30

Not worth it.

 

[orangeness365]

that sucks. I'm 25 and was hoping to date in my 30's, that is if I ever do get married.

 

[toastface_grillah]

Whether I find dating and relationships more difficult now in my mid-30s? Hardly! I've never been overly eager to date; I'm more the "let's get to know each other and see where this goes" type. My 20s were kind of a disorganized mess compared to my 30s to date - I was drifting aimlessly personally and professionally, didn't really know where I was going in life or how I'd get there, and was relationally clueless.
Nowadays I have more of a head on my shoulders, am better at reading body language, and am making some headway in the battle against social anxiety. Unfortunately, I am kind of a late bloomer, but if a girl can't look past that, to me she isn't worth trying to win over.

 

[Elizabeth8393]

I'm finding it hard enough to meet guys even at 21. I'm not taking about your average bar jock, I'm taking about good men of God.

But I have hope that I'll meet my man when I least expect it, my grandparents did, why shouldn't I?

 

[redblue22]

I love dating after 30; 9:30, 10:30, 11:30, 12:30.

 

[smalltowngirl86]

I'm curious, does anybody else find it difficult to date and have meaningful relationships after 30? 30 seems to be that age, that it feels like all is lost when it comes to dating. If you don't find anybody in your 20s, hopeless is probably too strong of a word, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

In my geographical area, going to church, spiritual integrity and morality are practically lost on my generation. I go to church on Sundays, the closest aged peers that go to church are 45 and 21. There is nobody in my age group that goes to church. Everybody my age is married or has kids.

I don't mean to be insensitive and I'm not sure how to say this in a sensitive manner, I'm not interesting in dating someone that already has kids, either out of wedlock or a failed marriage. I've been careful to save myself for marriage (which puts me in the company of nobody for my age group in this geographical area) while I'm not so naive to expect the same from my future spouse, having a family I could call my own has always been a dream. Again, I don't mean any disrespect to anybody that finds themselves being a single mother, it's just not what I'm looking for.

The women that are my age and are single and do have moral integrity, I get the sense that they have been hurt from past relationships and I have difficulty getting close to them. I understand completely why they are guarding their hearts, I've been disappointed a lot too in past relationships. The refrain "I'm not like other guys" I'm sure has been used on them over and over again on them. But I genuinely don't see myself as being like other guys. I wish I knew how to prove that, how to gain their trust.

I've always said that we never fully understand God's will for our lives. But it doesn't mean that we won't try. It's human nature to want to understand life's meaning. I don't know what God's plan is for me. While I trust God's plan, it's also frustrating and it wears me down sometimes. But you can always count on the comfort of Christ. That's why I always pray for God to comfort us whenever we are feeling down and hurt. Just asking for prayers of comfort.

I agree with you. I am 29 and the people at my church are either married, or not in my age range. I also am not interested in dating someone that already has kids.

 

[Al T]

The longer the list of non-negotiables that you have, the bigger the challenge you will have to find someone.
It's also true that if you've fished one pond then it's time to move onto another.
I'm over 30 and can say that potential partners are out there - but it's likely you'll meet them where you least expect....

 

[miss-a]

While it can be more difficult after high school/college/young career stage to meet, date and mate, let's not let the world's view of this bog us down. The Maker of Heaven and Earth is our Dad. He knows what He's doing and if marriage is in His plan for us than we don't need to produce a single care in that direction. "...For He cares us you." Instead of dragging around the world's helplessness and burden in this area, let's hold tight to the truth. All things truly are possible with God!

 

[Ubuntu]

While it can be more difficult after high school/college/young career stage to meet, date and mate, let's not let the world's view of this bog us down. The Maker of Heaven and Earth is our Dad. He knows what He's doing and if marriage is in His plan for us than we don't need to produce a single care in that direction. "...For He cares us you." Instead of dragging around the world's helplessness and burden in this area, let's hold tight to the truth. All things truly are possible with God!

Amen! It's so easy to be overwhelmed by anxiety and forget this, though. And the media tells us that the way to find a spouse is to constantly be on the lookout, as if a wife/husband is some kind of animal that has to be smoked out and hunted down. We're told that the way to find someone is to sweep them off their feet by our charm, good looks or intelligence; and then we despair because we realize that we're quite ordinary...

The radical message in the Bible is that a spouse is a gift from God, (Proverbs 19:14) and this means that we don't have to worry about how we're going to meet someone; as long as we keep close to God he will make it happen as soon as we're ready for it. Our job is to keep close to God, to believe and trust that God is in charge.

This can obviously be a trying ordeal for our flesh, we would certainly prefer to be in charge of this ourselves. But in my experience we mess things up when we try to do things our way. God knows what's best for us!

 

[redblue22]

I'm going to keep producing those "cares." Deadbolt on my door. Hands on the steering wheel. Medication.

I'm no farmer, but I can't imagine just letting God grow what he wants.

Is marriage so improbable that an all-powerful miracle is required? Maybe a little overrated. I can't imagine what life will look like if you don't care in that direction. "I don't take care of my wife, kids, family; God has it covered."

 

[Ubuntu]

I'm going to keep producing those "cares." Deadbolt on my door. Hands on the steering wheel. Medication.

I'm no farmer, but I can't imagine just letting God grow what he wants.

Is marriage so improbable that an all-powerful miracle is required? Maybe a little overrated. I can't imagine what life will look like if you don't care in that direction. "I don't take care of my wife, kids, family; God has it covered."

I don't think there has to be any dichotomy between trusting God and being a responsible person. God wants us to trust him, but we also know that the Bible urges us to be diligent and hardworking people.

For instance, Jesus said:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? […] “But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:25, 33

Yet it's also written that:
“The one who gathers crops in the summer is a wise son, but the one who sleeps during the harvest
is a son who brings shame to himself.” - Proverbs 10:5

I don't think there's any real contradiction here. God doesn't want us to be weighed down with cares and anxiety, yet he also wants us to use our talents to his glory.

What we need to remember is that there's something that Christians in old days called the “divine providence.” It's how God works through processes that appear natural or even random at first glance. This is a quite deep subject, and there are many wonderful stories in the bible that illustrates this concept.

 

[Messy]

as if a wife/husband is some kind of animal that has to be smoked out and hunted down.

 

[miss-a]

I'm going to keep producing those "cares." Deadbolt on my door. Hands on the steering wheel. Medication.

I'm no farmer, but I can't imagine just letting God grow what he wants.

Is marriage so improbable that an all-powerful miracle is required? Maybe a little overrated. I can't imagine what life will look like if you don't care in that direction. "I don't take care of my wife, kids, family; God has it covered."

Okay, to clarify, I lock my doors, have a roadside assistance card, I carry pepper spray and I'm considering considering purchasing a stun gun. And if I had a family I would take care of them, with the knowledge that the best way to do that is in a clear headed manner trusting God and determining His will and using the brain He gave me.

When the Bible says to cast our cares it means worries. So I don't worry about someone breaking in, but I am still reasonable because there are wayward thinking folks out there. I'm prepared, but not worried. I don't worry or fret about finding a mate. I'm prepared but not worried. God's not going to drop just anyone in my life, and it won't take an "all-powerful miracle" (the picture on my profile is my cat, not me. And even if it was me, she's pretty, and she works out. I think you owe her an apology. Tuna will be fine, but it has to be the kind in just spring water, none of that mystery broth, okay? and sustainable, that's all she'll tolerate. She's very responible, a good catch really. ), but it might take me focusing on what I do have and how God is using it to lead me into using my gifts, and my gifts might just bump into my mates gifts. But I'm not going to worry about the what if's, or try to make it happen. Been there, done that, and the wedding T-shirt is still in moth balls. It doesn't work. And my opinion is that it doesn't have to be work. I get to just live in the palm of my Dad's hand. I'll keep my eyes open, just in case my Dad's enemy tries to drop a guy into my life. I'm not talking about stumbling blindly through my life and hoping for the best. I'm talking about being guided by the Maker of Heaven and Earth. Two very different things.

And I'm not saying I'll never ask someone out, nor am I encouraging folks to avoid initiating relationships. I'm encouraging us all to not get so wrapped up in finding a mate, to realize it's not all on us. God is in this, just like He's involved in every part of our lives, as much as we'll let Him be.

So, let me know when you have that tuna ready! 'k?

 

[Messy]

and the wedding T-shirt is still in moth balls

Lol well better than at the garbage dump