dating a nonchristian

[annainwonderland]

Hi,

I've been dating my boyfriend for about three years now and he is not a christian. however, he doesn't discourage my faith. he is completely supportive and understanding.

Let me give some background info about our relationship..

I met him in my church's youth group when i was in high school. we did not date, but became good friends. i was under the impression that he was a christian at the time but struggling. we sort of had a falling out and went in different directions, but i had a situation where i felt god calling me to him, and telling me i would be the one to bring him to Christ. From this point on, he was always in my prayers and continually came in and out of my life. We still had not dated.

This continued for four years. Me feeling called, and him coming into my life for a season and then being taken away.

I began to get involved with high school ministry for about a year when he came into my life again and we started dating. And i found out he was not a christian, but someone who was comfortable living without God. he comes from a christian home and has many christian friends, but does not identify himself under Christ.

Since we've started dating i have not felt like my faith has suffered. I live for Christ and Christ alone, but am conflicted about being in a relationship with a nonchristian. It is my heart's desire for my boyfriend to come to the Lord. I still feel like i am being called to bring him to Christ, and pray for him regularly, invite him to church regularly, and talk about god with him regularly.

Yet, after three years with him and not seeing him experience the fullness of God, i am finding myself discouraged. I love my boyfriend very much, and see him as someone i could marry. i hope he is being prepared as my future husband. but i don't want to hinder him coming to God, or have him hinder my relationship with God. I know the verses that say not to be unevenly yoked and not to marry a nonbeliever--but having felt God tell me to minister to him, i don't know what to do.

do i continue to stay in a relationship with him? Or do i walk away?

 

[flippin4christ]

Honey don't feel discourage. God is doing wonderful things, but sometimes it is not in the time frame we want it to be. I would say continue to pray for him and use God to lead him to Christ. I would also say continue to date him since he does not seem to discourage your faith or draw you away from Christ in anyway, but the talk of marriage should be put on hold only and if he becomes a christian. Of course there will come a time if your BF doesn't embrace Christ that you must decide to move on or not. That is only a decision that you and God can make.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

The Bible says we are not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. Even if he is supportive of your beliefs, he cannot fully understand them without being a Christian himself.

Even dating is a partnership of sorts, and it's used for the intent of seeing if you would be able to marry that person. Since the Bible specifically condemns marriage between a believer and an unbeliever, dating an unbeliever will ultimately lead to one of two things: disappointment in having to leave the relationship after being so emotionally invested in it, or sin by marrying the person.

 

[Melethiel]

What they said.

However, it is not YOUR job to "bring him back to Christ" - only the Holy Spirit can do that. Your job is to live in a way that you witness to Christ - and this includes standing firm in your beliefs.

 

[citizenthom]

There is no legitimate reason for a Christian to date a non-Christian. None. The reason Christians date is to evaluate someone as a marriage partner. The Bible warns Christians not to marry non-Christian, and with good reason: marriage only truly works if both people have submitted themselves to God's will first. If your partner is not already committed to Christ, you cannot expect him to follow God's will for your lives together.

That has very real consequences. How would a non-Christian husband raise your children? It is not enough "not to discourage" your kids toward Christ: you have to actively lead them and set a Christian example. Will a non-Christian husband lead your home spiritually as the Bible commands? Of course not. Will he support giving sacrificially to the church? Of course not. And the list goes on.

If you were not already thinking some of these same things in your heart, you would not be asking this question. Listen to what God is trying to tell you and end this relationship before your attachment gets any deeper and more unhealthy.

 

[ParentofChildren]

My faithful wife accepted my passive faith while we dated. One night she said she needed more. She asked me to go to her brothers chhurch. So much of what was good was because of her so I tried that church and never looked back. Dating a none Christian is a challenge, marrying one dangerous. Please look for wise friends, mentors, and Gods leading before marraige. Unequally yoked is a big decision.

 

[The Nihilist]

How old are you?

 

[flippin4christ]

How old are you?

She is 21. it says it to the left of the female icon on her post.

 

[katautumn]

I want to share something from the heart of a woman who is not a Christian, who is also married to a non-believer - not being matched spiritually is hard. My husband has supported every last one of my religious endeavors. When I wanted to read the Bible and start going to church again, he supported it. When I wanted to be Pagan again, he supported it. When I wanted to study Buddhism, he supported it. The problem? We have no common spiritual ground, which is hard. We have a great marriage, but we don't have that solid foundation. To further muddy the issue, his son is a strong Christian teen.

Anyway, you cannot make him be a Christian and you cannot see yourself marrying him only under that condition. You feel conflicted. Is it possible you're confusing devotion and desire to be with him with believing God wants you to stay with him in hopes he'll become a Christian? Marriage is about loving someone right where they're at, not where they could be down the road. Would you still be comfortable in marriage to this man if he never became a Christian? To take it one step further, would you feel comfortable in the marriage if he came to you one day and proclaimed he was an atheist? You have a lot to think about here.

 

[iambren]

What do you trust more, your feelings or God's Word. One is imperfect and fleeting, one is steadfast and true.

I lived with a Christian mom and nonChristian dad. It was not pretty. Why would you choose a life time of intimacy with someone who did not share the most important thing in your life.

Don't do your rescuing in your relationships. Bad idea. If God has a way to call him to Himself He will find it.

 

[Blueflamingos]

I agree completely with the person who said there's absolutely no point in dating a non-Christian if you're a Christian- even if he isn't pulling you away from your faith and even if he is supportive. It sounds like you are very committed to Christ which is awesome and that He is the foundation of your life, which again, is awesome! But can you imagine spending your life with someone who didn't share your equal passionate and commitment and love for the Lord? And as the man, he should be the spiritual leader anyway and love you like Christ loves the church. My heart goes out to you- its excruciating to consider leaving someone you love....but in my very humble opinion, I think it would be even more excruciating to be married to someone who didn't love Christ as much as you do....and someone whose life foundation isn't built upon Him....I think your heart will end up much less broken if you were to break off something with a non-Christian now than to hope that you staying in his life will convert him. As another poster said, the ONLY reason Christians should date is to evaluate someone as a potential marriage partner. And since we are not supposed to be yoked to non-Christians, we shouldn't be dating them either. That's just my opinion though and I will definitely pray for you for God's peace and assurance and direction concerning this whole matter and the He will protect your heart and carry you through in His strength no matter what the out come of the situation. God bless!

 

[Luther073082]

The only way that inter-faith marriages can work is if the person or people in question's faith is not the most important thing in their life.

In order to marry someone of a different faith, God will have to play 2nd fiddle to that person. Word is God isn't a big fan of playing 2nd fiddle to anyone.

I'm in agreement, there is no reason a Christian should be dating a non-Christian.

 

[GrumpGrump]

I'd like to offer a different perspective, perhaps one that speaks to his side of the story. It's not fair to him to have a relationship with him that is predicated upon HIM changing. I don't date Christians because I'm not willing to be in a relationship with someone who is going to spend the rest of his life trying to convert me. it's frustrating for both stubborn parties.

I'm so tempted to say, "if it works for you, then go for it." But it doesn't seem to be working for you, and it's not kind to him (or respectful of his intellectual and spiritual autonomy) to be with him if you're going to be constantly working to change his fundamental beliefs.

Talk to him. If he thinks that he might one day share your perspective (or that you might share his), maybe you could consider sticking it out. But if he's sure that your beliefs are antithetical to his, it will only make you both miserable for you to spend forever trying to convert him and for him to be subject to your conversion attempts.

Just as there's no reason for a Christian to date a nonChristian, there's no reason for a nonChristian to date a Christian.

 

[E.C.]

Continue to date him and pray for him. You don't bring him to God, God does that.

 

[BleedingHeart]

The only way that inter-faith marriages can work is if the person or people in question's faith is not the most important thing in their life.

In order to marry someone of a different faith, God will have to play 2nd fiddle to that person. Word is God isn't a big fan of playing 2nd fiddle to anyone.

I would have to add that many significant others aren't big fans of playing 2nd fiddle either.
He sees you as the most important thing; you see God as the most important thing. As much as I hate to say it, I really don't see how you two can be happy together if you don't get over yourself.
I agree with the others.

 

[~Lynz~]

:O you and me could be the same person. im 23 engaged to a guy i met at a christian youth group 10 yrs ago. and we didnt see each other for the last 9 but occasionally got back in each others life.

i read ur post and though "thats me to"


the thing i have came to terms with is my bf will not discourage my faith (in fact he encourages it.) he knows its important to me.

a thing that u have to remember is its gods timing not yours. and you have to accept that he may never be a chirstian.

u just got to keep faith.

ive recently started going to a new church and my Fiancé the other day commented on how different and happy i was when i came home.

my thought on it was that he must be able to see what i can feel. and if he can contuine to see me then he will feel the same.

 

[rita727]

Take my advise: Leave the relationship. It hurts, but in the long-run, if you're thinking that way it'll be better for you.

You said you want someone who's also in the Lord. God says that His ideal

It feels differently at the moment, since he's accepting of your faith. But if you two decide to take this more seriously, you must consider how your differences in faiths, will affect your marriage, how it will affect how you govern your children's morality, not to mention your spiritual health. And yes--being in an unequally yoked marriage does affect your spiritual health. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Just my .02.

5 cents, with inflation.
-Rita

 

[persontwo]

Let's remember 1 Cor 7:

12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.

Loyalty is important. Beware if he is bringing you down or away from God. And don't worry about your situation, it will only leave you to evil.

 

[EphesiaNZ]

My wife married a non-Christian (me) who took seventeen years to come to the Lord - He works in mysterious ways, but slowly at times. I never tried to pull her away from her beliefs as I respected her for who she was and is.

The pastor that married us said he wouldn't judge us so long as we were truly committed to each other in that we respected, loved and were loyal. He said to me that he hoped I would see the true way one day in order to put the biblical meaning into our marriage - which we have now.

It's funny how Christians can become rather unholy in their comments about this. We had some very nasty things said to us from some Christian "friends" around us at the time we announced our marriage. Also if Christian marriage (between two Christians) is so perfect, why are the divorce rates so high?

While obviously it's good if both parties are Christians, bringing a non-Christian partner to Christ could be better in the long run too.

Thats just my opinion for what it's worth.

 

[Level_Seven_Paladin]

My wife married a non-Christian (me) who took seventeen years to come to the Lord - He works in mysterious ways, but slowly at times. I never tried to pull her away from her beliefs as I respected her for who she was and is.

The pastor that married us said he wouldn't judge us so long as we were truly committed to each other in that we respected, loved and were loyal. He said to me that he hoped I would see the true way one day in order to put the biblical meaning into our marriage - which we have now.

It's funny how Christians can become rather unholy in their comments about this. We had some very nasty things said to us from some Christian "friends" around us at the time we announced our marriage. Also if Christian marriage (between two Christians) is so perfect, why are the divorce rates so high?

While obviously it's good if both parties are Christians, bringing a non-Christian partner to Christ could be better in the long run too.

Thats just my opinion for what it's worth.

I really admire your sharing this, its good to have all perspectives known on this issue. Not to discredit anyone else.. Im just saying its wonderful when God works and brings together both on one accord in his will.

It is totally right to say that marriage is not what it used to be, the mores and folkways have been changed- some for better, some for worse but God will always get glory in the end.

I was asked something similar by a friend of mine recently, I couldnt give him a straight answer because I know what everyone believes- but what about when things do work out?

Let's remember 1 Cor 7:

12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.

Loyalty is important. Beware if he is bringing you down or away from God. And don't worry about your situation, it will only leave you to evil. .

This is exactly what I mean, thankyou- I knew it was in there somewhere. God gives us certain orders in how we should conduct our lives, some of those things there is no gray area in it but some do.. as to the fact that while God is the same all the time the things each of us need our different from the next person. Certainly if a man were to find God then I wouldnt think God would what us to divorce because they are not, a seed is now planted in the home and now both will be saved.