Dates and Paying

[Im_A]

20MoreMiles, i don't understand your posts in this discussion here at all.

the price isn't the issue here. its about, having a good time with someone, and since those things cost money, i like to pay for the girl. i like being a gentleman and being a little old fashioned even tho i'm not an old fashioned type of guy. its not about thinking, oh i have to spend a lot of money so she can think i'm worth her time. she very well could pay for it. i'm not a sugar daddy. i ain't going to help her pay for her bills, or her kids. the only time that would even plausibly happen is if we were in a very serious relationship together, and i mean extremely serious relationship.


i can have a good time with spending 5 bucks on myself, and 5 bucks for her, or spending 80 bucks on a date. if i was a rich man, i wouldn't mind spending 100 plus bucks a piece on a date. that'd be kind of cool in a way. i've never done something like that, and you could really use one's imagination with createing a good time, but so one can with spending 5 bucks a piece on a date. point being, the price isn't the issue here. the idea of being worth her time, isn't the issue here. i'm not too concerned about that because, by her saying "yes" to spend time with me, that leads me to think, ok she at least thinks, i'm worth her being around right and i didn't pay anything to ask her out? she wouldn't have said yes, if she thought i wasn't worth her time to be around. i mean, i'm actually debating about the next time i ask a girl out and assuming she says yes, we go and get some good food, and i sneak a boombox in my truck and we go to some park, take a walk, talk and get her to dance (not slow, romantic dancing, or dry humping dancing) but the dance moves that would fit songs similar to "Put It On Me", "Say You Will" by Ben Harper(if you don't know the songs, find it on youtube). my point for bringing that idea for my next date up, i just like to have a good time and i'm not worrying about convincing her to have a second date, because i would rather have a girl want a second date with me without me trying to convince her to.

have you had dates with women who used you for your money? have you had dates with women who thought you had to spend, spend on her to make you worth her time? i'm trying to understand your points here because personally, i'm astonished that a guy would even consider going on a date with any woman, when you say the things that you do here in this discussion.

 

[overit]

And no, the one who asks the other out for a date is not "responsible" for transportation, funding, etc. Geez, you make it sound like i'm on a date with a baby! A grown up woman can take care of her own transportation and funding. When i ask a girl out, it means i would like to get to know her better, and when she agrees, she agrees to just that, not to me being her sugar daddy.


..

And here's another thing I'm a little curious about-at least when I mentioned spending $50 for both-that's only $25 for her-I have NO idea how paying $25 or even $40 for a girl is the equivalent of being a sugar daddy lol. Believe me, I dated a rich man who never batted an eye on spending a lot more then that on me on dinners-we didn't work out but we are STILL close friends till this day. He even treated me to an all expenses paid trip to Vegas a few months ago-we dated almost 4 years ago.

ABout transportation-on a first date typically women will meet you there as to be safe and have an easy out if it doesn't go well. So mostly you wouldn't be in charge of transportation. You invite, you pay.....that's how it goes typically. We're giving you advice that will make your life easier here and make you more desirable as a partner.

 

[20MoreMiles]

If I were a guy, I'd pay for a girl because if I asked her out, I obviously have a thing for her, and I'd like to do something nice for her. I don't care if it is an "unoriginal" way to give her a gift or show my affection. I don't have to think up unconventional ways of making people happy in order to show them that I care about them. It's the company that makes the dinner special, not the food on your plate. I'd take a girl out to spend time with her and show her that I'm interested and that I care about her, that I think there's something different about her than every other girl, even if it doesn't work out. I am just like that, though, and that would be one way I would show affection for her. That is why I would pay, because I would be fond of her, and would like to show my affection in that way. I wouldn't date a selfish bum, so the issue wouldn't be spending money on a girl who just wanted to take, take, take and thought she was a goddess or something.

This is EXACTLY my point! It's about the company, not the food. So why should i pay for her food when she's a grown woman who perfectly capable of doing so herself?

20 I don't expect you to get it, to each their own but just know whether u like it or not most girls will see u as cheap and a scorekeeper...but
I'm sure there is someone that might dig ur style and views about women

Like i said before, and i don't want to "brag" or anything since the Bible forbids that, but i had a good amount of success before becoming a Christian. If you give her a good time and be clear about it then women have no problem with it... here anyway. And like i also said, when in a relationship, i gave plenty of gifts, surprise dinners, etc, so i doubt they considered me cheap.

have you had dates with women who used you for your money? have you had dates with women who thought you had to spend, spend on her to make you worth her time? i'm trying to understand your points here because personally, i'm astonished that a guy would even consider going on a date with any woman, when you say the things that you do here in this discussion.

No, i've never been used for my money. <staff edit> but in the end, we usually end up with a normal person because there are other factors more important.

And here's another thing I'm a little curious about-at least when I mentioned spending $50 for both-that's only $25 for her-I have NO idea how paying $25 or even $40 for a girl is the equivalent of being a sugar daddy lol. Believe me, I dated a rich man who never batted an eye on spending a lot more then that on me on dinners-we didn't work out but we are STILL close friends till this day. He even treated me to an all expenses paid trip to Vegas a few months ago-we dated almost 4 years ago.

Paying $25 for a person that you don't know just to show up, i consider a lot. Doing that once doesn't make you a sugar daddy, but doing it more often and buying an all expenses paid trip to Vegas, does. I would feel guilty if i was in your position, especially considering that men are more desperate to be liked by and get women than the other way around, and often spend money to get her approval. The only way i could live with it, is when i treated him to something similar later. And in fact i do this kind of thing often.

ABout transportation-on a first date typically women will meet you there as to be safe and have an easy out if it doesn't go well. So mostly you wouldn't be in charge of transportation. You invite, you pay.....that's how it goes typically. We're giving you advice that will make your life easier here and make you more desirable as a partner.

It depends on the circumstances. I have payed for "first" dates, but i put those quote marks around the word first, because in that case i already knew the woman in question. So, then it's a treat. But just to get to know someone? I'm not gonna pay her to show up.

On a sidenote, i make most of the first dates just a meeting in a coffee house or something similar, that's a lot lighter. And no, in that case i won't mind paying for her, since it's really stupid to talk about a small amount of money like that. She can buy me a beer later if the occasion comes up.

 

[Im_A]

No, i've never been used for my money. <staff edit of quoted post> but in the end, we usually end up with a normal person because there are other factors more important.

hmm, ok so you've never been used for your money. ok.

and your point about women is?

 

[Redstiletto]

I have always offered to pay but no one ever let me.

I feel that if I was the one to ask I should pay, for at least part of it!

But if I am asked out I would expect that the asker would pay, not that I wouldnt offer though.

 

[deliciousBass]

To 20MoreMiles:

You don't come across as a crusader for men... you come across as greedy to me...

Anyway, anytime you are in town, I'll buy you lunch at Chipotle. It's no big deal, even if you are capable of paying for yourself.

Actually, I'm going to lunch with my buddy today. I will pay for his food probably since last time I think he paid for mine. It's allllll good

 

[deliciousBass]

I have always offered to pay but no one ever let me.

I feel that if I was the one to ask I should pay, for at least part of it!

But if I am asked out I would expect that the asker would pay, not that I wouldnt offer though.

If I went out on a date with a girl that I liked and she offered to pay, it would make me a little sad and make me think that she doesn't like me all that much.

 

[traingosorry]

20More,

It's really just about making the other person feel special. She could essentially do the same for you, it's just that typically the guy would pay for her. When you are interested in her you go the extra step in making her feel cared for/desired and that her time is worth something to you.

If you don't want to pay for her dinner, maybe you can buy her a few flowers or bring a gift that has a meaning you both can understand. It's just the thought.

Anyway, I wish you luck on your dates in the future.

 

[Redstiletto]

If I went out on a date with a girl that I liked and she offered to pay, it would make me a little sad and make me think that she doesn't like me all that much.

Aww that is sad. I only offer to be polite. I dont like to assume things.

 

[Wren]

Aww that is sad. I only offer to be polite. I dont like to assume things.

I'm the same way. It must be a Wisconsin (or Midwest?) thing.

 

[Redstiletto]

I'm the same way. It must be a Wisconsin (or Midwest?) thing.

Must be! WE are too nice for our own good!

 

[ido]

MOD HAT ON

I would like to remind everyone that the OP is asking what our views are on whether or not to pay - not our opinions of people with opposing views.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Tutu]

My view on this is pretty simple. The person who asks the other out should be the one whp picks up the check. Now as the relationship gets to a more steady thing the guy should handle the check unless on special occassions.

 

[Markus6]

If I went out on a date with a girl that I liked and she offered to pay, it would make me a little sad and make me think that she doesn't like me all that much.

I think this is a sad sign of how far it has got. If a guy offers to pay it's completely normal, infact required, but if a girl offers to pay somehow it's an insult? It isn't, she's just showing that she is generous and financially thoughtful.

So Redstiletto and Historia I say go for it. For me it would just show that you didn't take me paying for granted and you actually appreciated it.

 

[Redstiletto]

I think this is a sad sign of how far it has got. If a guy offers to pay it's completely normal, infact required, but if a girl offers to pay somehow it's an insult? It isn't, she's just showing that she is generous and financially thoughtful.

So Redstiletto and Historia I say go for it. For me it would just show that you didn't take me paying for granted and you actually appreciated it.

Very nicely put

 

[deliciousBass]

I think this is a sad sign of how far it has got. If a guy offers to pay it's completely normal, infact required, but if a girl offers to pay somehow it's an insult? It isn't, she's just showing that she is generous and financially thoughtful.

So Redstiletto and Historia I say go for it. For me it would just show that you didn't take me paying for granted and you actually appreciated it.

I don't speak for all men. I am speaking from past experience.

 

[Tamara224]

I think this is a sad sign of how far it has got. If a guy offers to pay it's completely normal, infact required, but if a girl offers to pay somehow it's an insult? It isn't, she's just showing that she is generous and financially thoughtful.

I think that's usually true. But sometimes she's saying she doesn't really like the guy and doesn't want to feel obligated to him in any way - to make it easier on herself when she tells him she doesn't want to see him again.

So, I think women need to be careful how they phrase their offer to pay.

So Redstiletto and Historia I say go for it. For me it would just show that you didn't take me paying for granted and you actually appreciated it.

I should think that saying "thank you" would also show appreciation...

 

[Wren]

So, I think women need to be careful how they phrase their offer to pay.

I'm honestly not even sure what the right way to phrase it is. This whole issue/topic makes my head spin.

 

[Gwendolyn]

So Redstiletto and Historia I say go for it. For me it would just show that you didn't take me paying for granted and you actually appreciated it.

You don't believe a woman can actually be grateful without doing the whole "I'll pay, no I'll pay, no I'll pay" thing? You don't believe her if she thanks you, you think she's lying or something?

 

[Wren]

Just to be clear, I don't do a "I'll pay, no I'll pay, no I'll pay" thing. For example, on a blind date, the check/bill was given to the guy and I asked what my half was. I went on the date thinking that he'd pay for himself and I'd pay for myself. I didn't expect him to pay for everything (although I was pleased that he wanted to). He replied that it was on him and I probably said "ok, thank you".