Daily Obstacles

[Knee V]

It's definitely difficult for me too, even when I have plenty of time on my hands, in which case my inclination to laziness is something of an extenuating circumstance. Would you say that you find prioritization challenging for internal reasons? Or is it more of a response to external pressures?

Predominately internal.

 

[Ezana]

Ezana, you didn't ask me, but I couldn't help but think of my own struggles with pride. It's tentacles reach out and touch so many parts of our walk. I think of it as a snake that creeps up behind me shooting a toxic prideful thought into my head. It has changed with time as I more often recognize it quickly and quickly repent.

I appreciate your response! In reading your words I find much that resonates with me, much that I've found to be true in my spiritual life. You're totally right in your description of tentacles touching so many parts of our walk; sometimes it seems like I only discover my self-deficiencies when the devil exploits some hidden weakness in me that I wasn't previously aware of; the (temporary) severing of one serpent's head leads to the growth of another, impossible to wholly destroy, like tares in a field.

As for struggles with sin, God works differently in each one (and with each person). A couple of times I've prayed for him to take it away and he instantly did. Normally I have to repent and pray a lot. At first I would fall and only realize it after the fact. Then the Holy Spirit started to remind me just before I fell and the urge was so strong, I fell anyhow. As God strengthened me I became more able to resist. The battle never ends in the sense that the more we grow in our love for Jesus, the more sensitive we become and see areas of our life that need to change.

Yes! I recognize that transformation in my life as well--going from lacking any awareness of sin, to only realizing my sin after it was committed, to experiencing pricks of conscience before I would fall and falling in spite of my conscience, to being able to resist some of my affections, to even becoming aware of, and taking steps to prevent, their causative proclivities. This doesn't apply to all my sinful affections, of course, but to see the change that only God could effect in me is encouraging, and what made the difference for me was just what you hinted at: a growing, genuine love for Christ. The more I love Him, the more I'm able to resist temptation and examine myself, but it also inspires our enemy to work against us, and so the battle indeed never ends. But it's always worth it, for he who is forgiven much, loves much.

Regardless, in the almost fifty years I've known him as Savior, even in the darkest of times, I've never wanted to back to the emptiness of life without our triune God.

Fifty years is an incredible and unfathomable amount of time to me. If we were to image your life as a graph or electrocardiogram, how would you draw the trajectory of those near-fifty years, with all its ups and downs?

 

[Ezana]

Welcome...
Like many of the others my struggles surround my attempt at living out my Orthodox life. I'm not a very good time manager and I often find myself wasting time while neglecting my spiritual health. Usually I react with a harsh prayer rule that is not feasible. This creates even more despair. I'm learning to accept my limits and to follow the prayer rule my Spiritual Father suggests. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

I'm also guilty of imposing penance on myself in that manner as well.

Forgive my presumptuousness, but if I'm not mistaken, you also have a wife and children, and your occupation as a teacher on top of that. This much on your plate probably doesn't give you a whole lot of time to manage in the first place. But I'm curious: have these circumstances proved to be beneficial to your spiritual life in any way that might not have otherwise been possible?

 

[Ezana]

Welcome

For me one thing that jumps to mind is actually praying. Or even just saying my prayer rule while *paying attention* to it. Lots of times I rush through it and don’t pay much attention

Mmm. Say you're in a position where you don't think you can say your prayer rule in its entirety with the required attention. Are you more likely to rush and read more quickly than you are to shorten or skip it? And why?

Thanks for the welcome!

 

[Ezana]

Ezana,

Welcome to the site. I hope your time here is edifying.

Right now the biggest challenge is the bubble. My lifestyle and work reinforce remaining within a small cluster. I don't look outside that circle. God brings elements into my life to create more diversity and offset the imbalance. That's one of the reasons I come here. To be exposed to things I won't encounter elsewhere. So I won't be totally out of touch and unrelatable.

Since you asked about the past, I was a serious Type-A hard charging workaholic. I'm still goal-driven. But I move at a different pace and know how relax. That isn't a problem anymore.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Thank you! I'm sure it will be.

That's interesting. At least in terms of my spiritual life, all the COVID-19 restrictions and their effects on social relations have done me far more good than, well, anything else that's ever happened to me. Except for being relegated to one Liturgy per month. That's no fun. But you mention elements being brought into your life to help offset new imbalances. Do you think there's anything important you've learned or gained in your bubble that you'll be able (when things open back up) to bring out with you?

 

[windwhistler]

I guess, simply put it was a roller coaster. Now, being homebound, it's a quieter ride with God still surprising me with unpurified areas (self righteousness recently -ugh!) and moments when he surprises me with touches of his love. Still learning, and hopefully growing, but with less drama. Like some others my age, my deepest regret is not talking more with him, not spending more time in his word and meditating on it, instead of trying to count the number of books read, and reading theology books I can no longer even understand today. I desire to know him in greater depth which comes through prayer and his word.

I wish I'd spent more time visiting shut ins, not for chit chat, but talking about our Lord and maybe studying the bible with them - now that I know how hard it is when that is lacking. But dwelling on it is wasted time, so I try focus on anything God brings to mind that I can do, I've learned that the desires of many young Christians (like me back then) is to do great things for God, while now I realize God is waiting for me to do the "small" things in my own small world, like being a wife like Paul describes, doing what I can for my husband and respecting him. I find myself a little more aware and grateful for what might be called little things. And I enjoy more times of peace than when I was younger. I am much more in tune with Paul when he says, To go to be with Christ is gain (paraphrase), But whatever purpose he has is of value, so I wait, leaving my remaining time in his hands where it belongs

 

[AMM]

Mmm. Say you're in a position where you don't think you can say your prayer rule in its entirety with the required attention. Are you more likely to rush and read more quickly than you are to shorten or skip it? And why?

Thanks for the welcome!

Personally I’m much more likely to just rush through it. (And definitely not do any extra.)

I used to skip it in times like that but eventually got tired of confessing that and wanted to make a serious effort. My prayer rule isn’t that long (I could do it in 15 minutes even if I were praying slowly) so there are few situations where I would “need” to skip it. Although sometimes (thanks be to God, less often than it used to happen) if I have to go somewhere I will say the prayers while I’m driving or walking instead of in my prayer corner

My reasoning is based on something I read in The Way of the Pilgrim (my priest might have also told me something along these lines... can’t remember. Although he is the one who gave me TWOTP to read) — even if we don’t know what we read or what we say, the demons do. And they flee from us when we pray *not* because of who we are or what we do, but because of *who* we are praying to. When we pray, Christ comes down to us, the blessings of the saints and heaven and God are called down on us, and the demons flee from that. So by that reasoning, it is more important that I pray and call on God’s name, even hurriedly.

That being said, I recognize the counter argument. There are plenty of saints who have said that it is far more important to, as St. Paul says, say 5 words with understanding than 1000 words without understanding.

Obviously the goal is to pray attentively even when I “don’t have time” - the Lord of Creation deserves those 10 minutes of my morning even if that means I’ll be a few minutes late to work or something...

 

[bèlla]

That's interesting. At least in terms of my spiritual life, all the COVID-19 restrictions and their effects on social relations have done me far more good than, well, anything else that's ever happened to me. Except for being relegated to one Liturgy per month. That's no fun. But you mention elements being brought into your life to help offset new imbalances. Do you think there's anything important you've learned or gained in your bubble that you'll be able (when things open back up) to bring out with you?

My bubble isn't related to the pandemic. I've been home for a long time. Maybe 14 years now. My interactions are limited to people in my inner circle, business associates and those who share my interests. Its a world unto itself and I'm comfortable. We're a lot alike. There are differences of course. But they pale in comparison to our similarities.

It shields me from a lot. That impacts your worldview. There was a period before I received my calling when I ministered to the homeless, performed street evangelism, and related service. But my activities are limited to my purpose now.

On the one hand, I have a holy collective of Christian women who are sold out for God, pursuing their calling, and helping one another grow and scale. That's priceless. He built that. But He doesn't want me to be oblivious to the sufferings of others because its not in my face or situations my friends are dealing with. That goes back to love.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Ezana]

My bubble isn't related to the pandemic. I've been home for a long time. Maybe 14 years now. My interactions are limited to people in my inner circle, business associates and those who share my interests. Its a world unto itself and I'm comfortable. We're a lot alike. There are differences of course. But they pale in comparison to our similarities.

It shields me from a lot. That impacts your worldview. There was a period before I received my calling when I ministered to the homeless, performed street evangelism, and related service. But my activities are limited to my purpose now.

On the one hand, I have a holy collective of Christian women who are sold out for God, pursuing their calling, and helping one another grow and scale. That's priceless. He built that. But He doesn't want me to be oblivious to the sufferings of others because its not in my face or situations my friends are dealing with. That goes back to love.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Ah, I see. Well, I'm glad to hear that it's not only comfortable and conducive to your pursuit of God, but also seemingly unrestrictive of your ability to notice how it might negatively affect you. I hope you're able to continue manifesting love in a way that fulfills both yourself and your purpose!

And thanks all for your responses here.

 

[Xenophon]

Attendance rotation, roped off pews, masks, no confession available, and the full force acceptance of all the rest of the COVID crap.

 

[Ezana]

Attendance rotation, roped off pews, masks, no confession available, and the full force acceptance of all the rest of the COVID crap.

I've read some of your other comments describing your situation and I agree that it's way too much. I was fortunate enough to have secured the last spot in my parish's scheduled rotation for the one mask-optional service each month, where things are done as they normally are (for the most part). Instead of watching the live-streams for the other three Sundays, I just read the typika (which our priest would rather have us do).

Assuming you take part in your rotation, what do you do on the days where you aren't scheduled? And is there any alternative for those who seek confession?

 

[Xenophon]

I've read some of your other comments describing your situation and I agree that it's way too much. I was fortunate enough to have secured the last spot in my parish's scheduled rotation for the one mask-optional service each month, where things are done as they normally are (for the most part). Instead of watching the live-streams for the other three Sundays, I just read the typika (which our priest would rather have us do).

Assuming you take part in your rotation, what do you do on the days where you aren't scheduled? And is there any alternative for those who seek confession?

Confession is by phone only right now. Absolution then is theoretically given when you approach for communion. I go to a friend's house for the typika if it's not my turn to be at liturgy (although seriously considering not going at all anymore due to how [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off I get seeing all the masks and rope and the camera.) Although I have also 'crashed' the liturgy by showing up outside of my rotation day and refusing to leave the sanctuary.