Could this make sense?

[.Mikha'el.]

So I've long considered my depression as a product of two factors. The first is an unhappiness with where my life is relative to where I'd like it to be, and the second is the lack of a significant other. And until fairly recently, I had always assigned start dates that prompted this unhappiness. I had said that it was in the spring of 2009 when I realized how unhappy I was over where I was in life, and had always attributed my desire for a significant other as starting in 2008, after being led on by a CF troll into thinking I had something that never existed at all.

But lately I've been wondering if those dates are wrong. I'm starting to realize the desire for a relationship was much earlier, begin some time between 2005-2006. But even still, there is no ahah! moment where I went from being ok with singlehood to being miserable. After all, I graduated high school in 2003 completely unbothered by the lack of romance in my life.

I now wonder that although the collapse in mental health regarding my place in life really was the spring of 2009, whether it could be possible if the seeds of that collapse weren't planted years earlier, at around the time the need for a girlfriend became so prevalent in my life. Thus, the desire for a girlfriend could be a direct product of that unhappiness. I'm not saying that having a mate could make all that misery and depression instantly vanish, but that a girlfriend would give me that guaranteed motive and ray of happiness that would make things more bearable and give me reason to keep going no matter how difficult things may otherwise be.

Any thoughts?

 

[jamesup7777]

I really don't have many thoughts Mikha'el, but I feel absolutely the same way you do. I will say that I had 2 failed marriages and as I look back at them, the ray of happiness in those relationships were few and far between after a few months, etc. Even with that said, it would be great just to have a companion to do things with. It would definitely be worth the initial ray of happiness.

I pray that you would know and me as well that God is the only One who can truly love you/us unconditionally. If He becomes your true passion, that is all we need. We still have the flesh pushing against us though. The flesh wants instant gratification and that is where we get into trouble. I pray if and when it is God's will that He would send you someone to share your life with.