Could this be the Reason I am Suffering so Miserably?

[Follower Untainted]

I have been sitting on my family couch pondering the question why I am suffering from mental illness so miserably. I suffer from crippling depression, anxiety and stress.

I'm alone most of the time. The only people I have are my parents, my aunt and my fiance. I've had friends (for up to five years) to block me without a reason, just throw me away like I'm garbage. I'm always ignored and people seem to not be able to care any less about me than they already do.

If it wasn't for God, I would have ended my life long, long ago.

But I'm beginning to think that the reason for my suffering is that, maybe, I'm not spiritually mature enough for Heaven yet. I feel I have more of a spiritual depression than a mental depression. Maybe God wants me to feel part of the depression He felt when He was in the flesh, so I can mature greatly for Him.

Could this be it? Because I can't think of any other reason for my suffering. I don't feel like I have a brain chemical imbalance, because when I repeat affirmations, my depression goes completely away, but then sadly, it comes back. So that's one reason I feel it's more spiritual.

 

[Halbhh]

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Listen to Him, hear His words to you
(you could start at the Sermon on the Mount, chapter 5 in Matthew, but I love this starting place:
https://biblehub.com/niv/matthew/4.htm
You are hearing words that will be forever, words of Life --
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
Soak each one in, and keep each word in your heart.

.

 

[mukk_in]

Saints aren't mature when they're saved, but grow into the fullness of Christ. They could, however, be spiritually attacked when Satan tries to exploit their spiritual immaturity (Matthew 13:19). It's essential to be in fellowship and surround yourself with prayer warriors, and put on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 10:6-18). Please find a spiritual mentor here or at your church, they can help you a lot with your struggles as you mature. God bless .

 

[Follower Untainted]

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Listen to Him, hear His words to you
(you could start at the Sermon on the Mount, chapter 5 in Matthew, but I love this starting place:
https://biblehub.com/niv/matthew/4.htm
You are hearing words that will be forever, words of Life --
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
Soak each one in, and keep each word in your heart.

.

Please tell me more. I'm so desperate to turn completely to God, because I can't handle this depression anymore. I promised myself I wouldn't fall apart on this site, but I don't have anywhere else to turn. My parents don't understand, my aunt and fiance don't either and no therapy or psychiatry helps at all. I'm hanging by a thread here. I need God, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm clearly not turning to Him correctly or anything. I feel absolutely hopeless and helpless and I don't know what to do. Nothing makes me happy no matter how much I seek. Nothing ever takes the pain away. Please help. I love God with all my damaged heart, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

[FireDragon76]

I would not discount something physical going on, such as nutritional problems. Vitamin D deficiencies are very common and will result in depression.

It's possible to develop a very inwardly focused, intense spirituality, that could mask other problems going on and contribute to stress. It is called religious obsession or scrupulosity. And it's possible that could drive people away from you if it becomes an unhealthy obsession.

Maybe a spiritual director could help you to discern whether you are dealing with something spiritual or something that is mental health related. It's unclear to me which it is.

 

[Halbhh]

Please tell me more. I'm so desperate to turn completely to God, because I can't handle this depression anymore. I promised myself I wouldn't fall apart on this site, but I don't have anywhere else to turn. My parents don't understand, my aunt and fiance don't either and no therapy or psychiatry helps at all. I'm hanging by a thread here. I need God, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm clearly not turning to Him correctly or anything. I feel absolutely hopeless and helpless and I don't know what to do. Nothing makes me happy no matter how much I seek. Nothing ever takes the pain away. Please help. I love God with all my damaged heart, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

There can be both physical and emotional sides to how people feel. For the spiritual side, you can find help here.

But, for the physical sides we can only guess and offer suggestions of course, like for me it's important to take time to get outdoors some (even just 5 minutes) and enjoy the simple beauty of nature, breath in fresh air, have sunlight hit me. A person can go a long time without these, but they are beneficial. I need some physical activity, though usually just the ordinary day has plenty for me, but if I'm at the computer too long, I really need a break and activity. Of course, nutrition is so key for how a person feels. What we eat matters, and sometimes a missing nutrient can matter a lot.

For the non-physical, just for the spiritual side alone (so important) -- in addition to the reading and listening to Christ's words as above, which should reassure you, and is essential (and you should begin doing that, trust me).

You can and should also pray the perfect prayer Christ gave you and me and all of us, to pray, here:
https://biblehub.com/niv/matthew/6.htm
You can pray this with complete faith what is in this prayer will be given to you, because it's from Christ, and so it's perfectly aligned to God's will. We pray believing it will be given, as Christ said is the way, in Mark chapter 11, and then it will be. Do these, as the most essential foundation and to meet basic spiritual needs -- listening to Christ's words, fully, continuing, and also praying the prayer He gave you to pray. There is great power in His words. You can also post on the Prayer Wall forum here to ask for prayer. You can with faith have even healing of old emotional wounds I found.

 

[Jeshu]

You have not convinced me that you don't suffer from a mental illness that turns spiritual as you become unwell. i have a mental illness and for years i didn't believe the doctors about that and thought it was spiritual and i needed to do something more to please God.

However such thinking turned out to be a real trap and for years i suffered on my own without God aiding me through me pain because i was focussed on me. You seem to be doing the same. You love God but you look at yourself when it comes to your spiritual well being. However scripture warns us to keep our eyes on Jesus and that only then will we find help in our times of distress.

Now i found some things that helped with the severity of the depression. vitamin D, B6 and C with zinc and 5-htp and i have become much more convinced that my spiritual battles are directly related to my depression.

What is more i have found Jesus in the darkness of my suffering. Jesus has suffered more than all of us yet He stayed firm in His love and faith for God, that is the best thing to receive to overcome the times of depression because His love is that strong that He pulls you through it.

So i advise you to confirm your faith in Jesus when you feel that you are at fault and to ask Jesus to make things right rather than demand that from yourself. i also advise you accept the possibility that your depression is an illness and not just cast upon you because you do something wrong in God's eyes. He doesn't work that way usually but convicts us with the truth and sets us free through the truth from the lies we are stuck with.

Faith in God's love will bring you hope and will show you the answers you are looking for. Be of good courage, for keeping your eyes peeled on Jesus is a wonderful experience for someone who always thought they were in the wrong.

Peace.

Lies Bring Misery
If i search for my Lord
but cannot find Him.
Then i know for sure
i'm overcome by lies.
And i need to find
His loving truth back.
Underneath my misery
hurting hell out of me.

Best not run of now
with despair or hopelessness.
Getting my eyes of whatever
it is that captivates me.
Looking at Christ instead!
What price did He pay
me walking around
with all those lies
hurting His good life?

He is the truth
there are no lies in Him.
Purest Goodness
is what He looks like.
Truly faithful love
is what He is all about.
Unlike anything i've seen
anywhere else in this world.

Jesus is who i want as King
not those lies bringing agony.
So giving my misery to Him
letting Him bring my good life back.
Putting my trust in His Word
and letting the lies die out of me.
While His truth grows back in return.
His love setting me free again.

 

[Svonaly]

I am not an expert on faith, nor am I a therapist. But I can tell you one thing:
Your depression is not caused by you being a bad Christian or not having enough faith. God does love you no matter what and he sees what you are going through. He does not punish us like this for not being obeying him enough - think of all the atheist. They were all to deal with depression, if depression would be caused by a lack of faith.
Now the thing with depression is that it is an illness, that makes you believe that it is non. It takes away your hope and makes you believe that there is nothing you can do. Yet there is. Talk to people openly and always keep in mind, that depression is a nasty lying voice in your head - trying to make you believe that you are alone, that there is no hope and that it's all your fault. Check thoses things with reality and start calling that voice out on its lies.
I hope this will help you ...

 

[JEBofChristTheLord]

From age four through mid-twenties, I suffered terrible depression. I witness that the Lord placed that cloud upon me to drive me away from my entire first life, towards and now within life in Him. He has not been willing to remove that cloud, I think He will keep it around until He takes me out of my flesh, in order that I be humbled as continually needed. But it is factual that the more He has taught me to walk in His will and His way and doing His things and preferring them over all else, the more He has weakened that cloud.