Coping with aloneness

[RileyG]

How do you deal with it? I am nearly 27 and spend a majority of my time alone. Since moving to a new city 3 years ago, I have not met anyone or have much friends.

Any suggestions?

(I need to spend more time in prayer and devotion).

 

[Sketcher]

With COVID, have things at local churches resumed to somewhat normal? Is there any kind of fellowship group that you could join?

Consider Zoom or Discord if you can't meet physically together. (Also, Discord is much better than Zoom, IMO.)

 

[returntosender]

How do you deal with it? I am nearly 27 and spend a majority of my time alone. Since moving to a new city 3 years ago, I have not met anyone or have much friends.

Any suggestions?

(I need to spend more time in prayer and devotion).

Most people fear being rejected but you get nowhere unless you step out there. If you find someone you like on the forum and you know they are single, pm them. What's the worse that could happen?

 

[Sophrosyne]

I'm not one to but tell you what sort of works for me but not all the time. I find several things to do and constantly ping pong between them keeping focused on everything but my feelings and thoughts. I've also taken up using my phone recorder app and just talking about stuff like someone would some day here it other than myself and God. I was doing videos of things I'm doing but found that they slowly filled up my 200GB SD card on my phone as I already have about 140GB of movies and music and pictures on there.

Being single and living by yourself and nobody visits you forces you to go out and about sometimes I go window shopping just to be around people even though I know almost nobody still it is not good to not socialize at all even if nobody wants to be a good friend or hang out with you, you can still share experiences and thoughts with strangers that aren't too personal. I'm less worried about being rejected than I am about being ignored so I can be rather silly in public because I know nobody is going to care the next day who I was and some of them may crack a giggle or at least a smirk.

 

[Joined2krist]

Have you tried dating apps?, if you have an extroverted relative you can ask them to introduce you to someone nice

 

[Juan777]

Have you tried dating apps?, if you have an extroverted relative you can ask them to introduce you to someone nice

I found the suggestion of dating apps to be comical. What makes you think they would work? They only work with women and maybe very attractive guys but for the vast majority of guys its simply a waste of time, which if the OP was in either category, then he wouldn't be making such a thread in the first place.

 

[Niels]

Alone time in my "fortress of solitude" is pretty great. I get to focus on hobbies, health, career, home, and much needed rest before facing the world again, but it's also nice to have people I can hang out with in the event that I'm feeling sociable. Even for an introvert like me.

My social network mostly revolves around shared interests and hobbies. If you can find local clubs or meetup groups for things that you're into, that's a good place to start.

 

[Juan777]

Want to congrats the OP on making the first step! He is no longer in denial and is seeing his loneliness or lack of friends as something that's involuntary and imposed upon him rather than one of his volition and free will. Getting past the denial is the most difficult step.

 

[Strider1002]

If you can find a good church, they may be nice enough to include you in their activities and even get-togethers outside of church. It's possible; it happened to me. Some of the families have treated me almost as if I'm related to them. So, not to brag, but it can happen if you find the right church.

 

[RileyG]

Have you tried dating apps?, if you have an extroverted relative you can ask them to introduce you to someone nice

I'm single and celibate. I choose not to date.

 

[RileyG]

With COVID, have things at local churches resumed to somewhat normal? Is there any kind of fellowship group that you could join?

Consider Zoom or Discord if you can't meet physically together. (Also, Discord is much better than Zoom, IMO.)

Yes. I attend Church weekly, and sometimes make it during the week!

 

[RileyG]

Want to congrats the OP on making the first step! He is no longer in denial and is seeing his loneliness or lack of friends as something that's involuntary and imposed upon him rather than one of his volition and free will. Getting past the denial is the most difficult step.

I agree to a certain extent, but I think I have very poor social skills so friendships are very difficult for me to make.

 

[Juan777]

I'm single and celibate. I choose not to date.

Don't get hung-up on the definition of "dating" because that creates more mental blocks. The issue is you said you have poor social skills and friendships are difficult to make. If you are not able to form friendships then you are not able to date anyway since friendships are foundational while dating is more of what you are building on top.

 

[RileyG]

Don't get hung-up on the definition of "dating" because that creates more mental blocks. The issue is you said you have poor social skills and friendships are difficult to make. If you are not able to form friendships then you are not able to date anyway since friendships are foundational while dating is more of what you are building on top.

I think you misunderstood? I choose not to date. Period. But I agree friendships are important.

 

[Juan777]

I think you misunderstood? I choose not to date. Period. But I agree friendships are important.

You dont choose and I choose to but we both have the same outcome. No friends or someone showing an interest in us beyond duty. Does our choice matter? It is the same problem.

 

[Jonaitis]

How do you deal with it? I am nearly 27 and spend a majority of my time alone. Since moving to a new city 3 years ago, I have not met anyone or have much friends.

Any suggestions?

(I need to spend more time in prayer and devotion).

I gave up on it. I am also 27, and have not been involved in anything close to a relationship since 2016. I finally have decided to give up on the idea, and accept that I will never find anyone in life. It is in God's hands, and if He does not want me to join hands with a companion in life, so be it, for His glory alone. It may seem bitter at first, but when you become indifferent to it, you are free of such a burdensome pain in your heart.

 

[Juan777]

I gave up on it. I am also 27, and have not been involved in anything close to a relationship since 2016. I finally have decided to give up on the idea, and accept that I will never find anyone in life. It is in God's hands, and if He does not want me to join hands with a companion in life, so be it, for His glory alone. It may seem bitter at first, but when you become indifferent to it, you are free of such a burdensome pain in your heart.

That is an interesting point of view to have at that age. You sounded like someone who was in their middle-ages, got jaded by a bad relationship and just lost interest after a while, but you are only 27 y/o?I'm thinking that the new generation must be growing up faster than the old ones.

I think allot of people, got burned in a bad relationship or got their heart-broken and feel the same way that you do. However you are so young and have plenty of time. I'm 46 years old, or about 19 years older than you are, so when I hear a young person talking like that, I sort of scratch my head. How would you come to a conclusion, at that age, that you will never find anyone in life? If I came to that conclusion, it would sound more serious because I'm actually older than you are.

What happened in your previous relationship that you'd say it's a "burdensome pain in your heart"?

 

[Nettle]

The more sociable times of my 20s were when I volunteered at a second hand store. You can meet a lot of hobbyists there (both volunteers and customers) and the pace tends to be unhurried which can lead to "clicking" with someone who has similar interests.

I also used to spend a lot of time at the public library. Depending on the library/space it might not be a place to talk but it's a way to have company/happenings around you with no pressure.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Alone time in my "fortress of solitude" is pretty great. I get to focus on hobbies, health, career, home, and much needed rest before facing the world again, but it's also nice to have people I can hang out with in the event that I'm feeling sociable. Even for an introvert like me.

My social network mostly revolves around shared interests and hobbies. If you can find local clubs or meetup groups for things that you're into, that's a good place to start.

I'd say that's where 95% of my friends have been amassed - and I say that without any doubt.

Friendships are just as much a part of the experience as the experience themselves. I've made a LOT of friends traveling, and even more within my chosen fields of interest. And because I move through life so fast, I've made friends in just about every area, from grass root country bumpkins, to metropolitan artsy folk who wander the streets of Mayfair and St James' (spending who knows what on boutique teabags.)

Technically, I'm always the odd one out in these groups, but my passion, attention to detail, sense of humour and high standards shine through and serve to unify me in harmony regardless. I've found that those four elements are universal and interchangeable.

Live with an exploring mind, be passionate, reach out, and watch everything else just slot into place as a result. I'd be keen to arrange a OBOB forum meet if I were in your situation. That might just trigger the spark you need to get moving elsewhere. It might not necessarily be local, but it's a start.

Failing that, square one it. Establish that passion and build on it alone.

 

[Jonaitis]

That is an interesting point of view to have at that age. You sounded like someone who was in their middle-ages, got jaded by a bad relationship and just lost interest after a while, but you are only 27 y/o?I'm thinking that the new generation must be growing up faster than the old ones.

I think allot of people, got burned in a bad relationship or got their heart-broken and feel the same way that you do. However you are so young and have plenty of time. I'm 46 years old, or about 19 years older than you are, so when I hear a young person talking like that, I sort of scratch my head. How would you come to a conclusion, at that age, that you will never find anyone in life? If I came to that conclusion, it would sound more serious because I'm actually older than you are.

What happened in your previous relationship that you'd say it's a "burdensome pain in your heart"?

My previous relationship taught me that there is more to life than finding a partner. Society has conditioned us to think that finding Disney romance delivers self-fulfillment, personal freedom, and status stability only to be lead down the path of disappointment and personal suffering. It is truly shaping the mindset of the collective, as most people that are aware can see, influencing our behavior and the way we deal with everyday problems. We aren't growing up faster, as you may think, we are actually regressing.