I'm kind of struggling with being a bit angry towards a few family members, who basically kept saying "oh, it's a diagnosis, but don't really believe it because you'll just become it". It's not their fault (partly mania thinking it will be ok) but it helped a lot in my avoiding treatment, which has resulted in this big episode, in which I detroyed a close friendship and had my closest to suicide attempt. The problem is it's really hard to say this to them, and so they just say the same stuff. I WISH it was just a diagosis that isn't true, but it's not.
As if dealing with the illness isn't hard enough---I'm so sorry you have to deal with such belittling comments especially from those who should support you the most.
Are you back in treatment now? Did they're comments influence you to go off your meds and if so, are you back on your meds now or seeking treatment? Btw, have you been recently diagnosed? I mean, is being diagnosed new to you and your family?
Ignorance and stigma about mental illness is one of the most harmful and difficult things to deal with when battling this illness. It's one of my biggest gripes and frustrations in life. The infuriating things i've heard from not just family members, but from close friends and even church leaders have really affected me negatively in so many ways. I can totally relate to those types of comments from family members and close friends. "just a diagnosis?" wow...really?!!! If they went to a Dr. and were diagnosed with cancer, would they have the same rationale? "oh it's a just a diagnosis....what do those doctors know? just ignore cancer treatment...a diagnosis will only cause the symptoms to occur"....what absurd logic ????!!!! What they really are thinking is this: mental disorders do not truly exist as legitimate bio-physical neurological disorders...or maybe believe Psychiatry is not a real medical science. I'm guessing they attribute it solely to environmental factors or simply dismiss it as "psychological problems" due to x, y or z? What do they think your behavior/symptoms are caused by? Have they ever expressed what they think is causing you to have these "problems"?
When people say things of that nature what they're really doing is minimizing what the mentally ill person is experiencing which only compounds the negative feelings they are already battling with internally. Again, as i said elsewhere, it's an invisible disorder and a silent killer....since they cannot SEE the neurotransmitters in your brain, since there's nothing like a blood test and because it's an illness that affects behavior, many people do not buy that BPD is a very serious and real disorder. Unless there's blood shooting out from the side of your head, many people simply cannot accept it for various reasons: either out of ignorance, stigma as well as the inability to relate to it or because it challenges their faith. No one would ever think to say to a person lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg...."oh it's just a diagnosis that your leg is broken, pull yourself together and just walk". Sympathy, support, understanding and empathy is no problem when they can actually "See" the physical condition that is crippling you from functioning normally.
The best thing you need to do is educate yourself as much as you can about the illness and how your particular symptoms manifest themselves. Self-awareness and the ability to learn how to identify triggers, flags and avoid situations, people or things that may either trigger you or exacerbate an already existing episode is very important. Keep a log to track your moods, patterns and cycles. Find a support network, dont be shy to ask for help and pay attention to which meds, or combinations of meds work best...pay attention to sleeping patterns, diet etc. And be informed about the meds as much as you can so you can learn to know your body chemistry and be proactive when talking to your Dr. about medication.
When i was first diagnosed, i was in denial, but once i learned more about the symptoms and observed my behavior i finally accepted it. Even though it really sucked to find out i have bpd, at the same time, it was also a life changing relief to realize that, contrary to what i believed about myself before being diagnosed, these symptoms were NOT the character defects i previously believed them to be, but instead a result of a real biological illness i never knew i had. So all those years when i would sleep for hours on end and never leave my room during crippling depressions, i was criticized and labeled by my mother and others in my family as being a lazy irresponsible person, which of course only made me feel worse. I thought i was a lazy, irresponsible failure--but the professional medical diagnosis did not cause me to develop bipolar disorder, it actually freed me from my mother's misdiagnosis and mislabeling of my behavior and relieved me of that enormous weight of guilt and low self-esteem I carried around with me for all those years and still even struggle with today. Thanks to that medical diagnosis i discovered no, i'm not lazy or incompetent, i'm sick...it wasnt my fault I lost this job during a depressive episode it was because of my illness, not incompetence or laziness. When i was balanced and not symptomatic i was very competent, responsible and exhibited a strong work ethic. And actually, during early manic phases before it got to the out of control part of mania, my level of competence and productivity was through the roof. I was like superwoman and rocked every interview I took and was hired on the spot. Of course, when I swung into the deep depressions I either had to quit or got fired. I even received a college degree, thanks to God and worked hard in my studies. After College, as time went by, my episodes became more severe, frequent and disruptive in my life to the point that i came close to killing myself. After that major break down and near suicide, I was finally urged by a friend to see a Psychiatrist. The diagnosis didn't "turn me into a mentally ill person"---it saved my life-----not only did it lead me to finally seek medical attention via meds and therapy which thereby helped to lessen and manage the symptoms, but it psychologically freed me from the years of false beliefs that i was a failure...that i was a loser....that i was weak-willed, incompetent and at fault.
Steer clear from opinions, influence and advice from those who don't know what the hell they're talking about regarding mental illness especially when you are manic since mania is often the times when people with bipolar go off their meds due to the delusions of grandeur, feelings of invincibility and wellness. It's easy to recognize depression, but mania is seductive and very deceiving since we feel that initial euphoria and that euphoria can lead us to the delusion that we're not really bipolar or that any such disorder even exists.
This actually happened to me twice back in the earlier years after being diagnosed. The first time occurred during a particularly euphoric mania and i got it into my mind that the meds were harming me and became leery about what i was putting into my body and worried how that would affect me long term. I think i got this from some stupid anti-medication conspiracy site i came across online. Since i felt so great and "together"/"invincible", i began thinking that maybe i really wasn't bipolar so i ended up going off my meds. Well, a month went by....the meds left my system and after an initial mixed episode, i crashed hard into a severe depression. I went back on my meds and eventually felt better. Once sober-minded I realized, yea
meds do help and yes, I have BPD. The second time this happened was during another manic episode when i had just started going to this christian therapist who didn't believe bipolar was real...or rather, didn't believe the behavioral symptoms had anything to do with chemical imbalances...i.e she didn't believe that this was a biological, organic, neurological disorder. (Dont get me wrong, I do believe theres an environmental component as well, but the organic nature of this disorder is definitely a prime factor imo.) Anyway, during that time, I was trying a new mood stabilizer which was a low dosage or something and since i was already heading into a manic state which i delusion-ally misinterpreted as feeling "together" and normal, she (this therapist) encouraged me to go off my meds and i, like an idiot, allowed her theories to influence my decision. One month later.....the meds left my system and i crashed into another severe depression that almost caused me to commit suicide. After those 2 mania-induced incidents where i foolishly decided to experiment on myself and test the accuracy of the diagnosis, i learned my lesson and never again doubted that i did indeed have this disorder and never went off my meds again.
What i did learn from all this, was to educate myself as much as i could not only about the illness itself, but about the meds, about how the brain works, new studies/break-throughs, differing approaches to therapy and self-advocacy. It also led me to seek peer support from places like these. I learned that interacting with others with BPD who were wise, ironically, were often more helpful than a lot of the therapy sessions i've received in the past. I guess there's something really powerful about supporting and receiving support from those who TRULY know what it's like to feel what i feel first hand. Ironically, as difficult as some of their symptoms were (some even 10x worse than mine), i have come to find that these so called insane people were often some of the wisest, and sanest "crazy" people i have known if you get my meaning. I found them to be wiser, kinder, more compassionate and understanding than the so called "normal" people in my life despite their incredible challenges and mood instabilities. They were sometimes even more efficacious and informative than what I got from the mental health world professionals. Those who i've gotten to know here online who struggle with what i struggle with helped me, not only by the mere fact that it made me feel i wasn't alone in these struggles, but it was such a relief to not be subjected to the annoying pat answers, judgment, stigma, condescension and phony positive thinking nonsense i often got from some "neuro-typicals" and even from those in the mental health system itself.
As a side note, what you mentioned regarding the its just a diagnosis comments you got made me think about where that thinking came about. I dont know about how it was were youre from, but during the whole "PC" zeitgeist in the U.S., there was this popular thinking that surfaced during the 90's that trickled into pop culture which is still with us today....its this "anti-labeling" reaction to anything to do with mental illnesses and developmental illnesses which i believe did such harm to those with any kinds of mental illnesses since it caused people to avoid seeking treatment and avoid or dismiss diagnosis lest the taboo "label" would then cause the individual to lose their individuality, feel stigmatized and become defined by the illness itself. This was a societal reaction to the other extreme that i won't go into now, but this anti-labeling movement not only worsened the lack of awareness and education of the reality of mental illnesses, but it reinforced denial-thinking for those who suffered from mental illnesses and it particularly did a lot of harm to children who suffered from certain developmental disorders such as Asperger's syndrome whose parents ignored professionals that recognized such disorders just so their kids wouldn't feel "labeled". What was the result? For one, it prevented early diagnosis and early intervention and not only did it keep them in the dark about their condition, which, ironically, worsened their condition since it made them feel even more "abnormal/weird" due to the simple fact that they couldn't understand why they were having such difficulty identifying and being accepted by their peers. But, worst of all, this sort of "cloaked" reverse form of stigma robbed the individual who suffered from such disorders, from having a real say about what they were really going through. In essence, however well-meaning or "PC" it was in its intention to protect their kids from stigma, what it actually did was perpetuate ignorance and dis-empower the individual from, not only finding out about their disorder, but robbed them of the opportunity to seek knowledge, treatment, coping skills and peer-support for their condition. All it did was worsen their quality of life as they grew up since they had to live with the: "what's wrong with me?" burden that made their a-typical life so hard to maneuver through in a predominantly "neuro-typical" world.
Self-awareness and yes, getting the "label" of bpd via diagnosis which i shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of due to societal stigma, was life-changing and key to helping me to better cope and improve my quality of life. Had it not been for that diagnosis, i'd probably be dead by now. I certainly have a long way to go and a lot more to learn, but be comforted in the knowledge that you're not alone, that you're not a loser and at fault for some of the difficult struggles and losses you've experienced. I wish i could post pics here...i have a pic of a PET scan showing the difference between a clinically depressed brain and a normal brain.
I'm considering of even laminating it and carrying it around with me just so i can whip it out to the next skeptic of mental illness who tells me: "oh pull yourself together, everyone has problems..just be positive...or take a long walk, that always helps me to shake off the blues."
My prayers are with you. Dont give up brother or be too hard on yourself. Theres no quick fix, magic pill or easy solution, but things can help us significantly to manage our symptoms and have a better quality of life
with a combo of many things like a good doc, finding the right cocktail of meds, good therapy, a solid support network, knowledge/self-awareness, self-advocacy and spiritual reliance, theres hope that things can get better.
better than we can even imagine. I know we all know each other here virtually and its not really the same as in person, but know that youre not alone in your suffering and that you have a friend in me and a listening ear should you need to vent or share or just be you.
