Continued depression about being single.

[Alienated]

I'm in Arkansas, imagine a 24/7 365 Jerry Springer marathon. I just went out on the first date in 13 years last week, not going there again.

They all have more ex husbands here, than I have had girl friends.

 

[artqween]

I'm in Arkansas, imagine a 24/7 365 Jerry Springer marathon. I just went out on the first date in 13 years last week, not going there again.

They all have more ex husbands here, than I have had girl friends.

There got to be meet ups in ur paper? Check out ur local hospital for workout
For ur age possibly for free.. consider
U still go to church right??

Ask ur Pastor before church to create a meetup for ur age?

 

[Alienated]

Not interested anymore..

 

[weedygarden]

I'm very sorry you're feeling down.

I am between the ages of 40 - 45, wanted to get married, but I never met "Mr. Right." (I am a female)

The only Christians who will understand what you are going through with this are other Chritsians over the age of 30 who have never married.

Most Christians (ie, ones in their 50s or older who got married while in their 20s) are completely clueless about what it's like to be a single Christian page age 30.

Christians in the United States, and the churches, are appalling at how they treat singles over the age of 30, especially the ones who are still celibate.

The insulting assumption is that all of us older singles are randy old pervs who cannot or do not control our sexual urges (not true, I've not had sex yet).

American Christian culture worships the 1950s nuclear family idea (married couple with kids) and usually ignore anyone who falls outside that demographic.

If you've read any books, blogs, or stats about recent census data and related topics, such information conveys that about 50% of Americans are not married. Churches continue to ignore this or refuse to adapt to it - they continue to fantasize that we're all still living in 1953, where every one marries by 22 and has three children by the age of 27.

If it cheers you up any, the worst years of your, "I'm single, I'm lonely, where's my Mr/Ms Right?!?" phase will be your mid 30s.

Somewhere around your very late 30s and early 40s, you grieve the loss that you did not marry, and you kind of learn to move on. You adjust to the reality.

There are days where you still feel sad that you're not married, but the older you get, the more it doesn't bother you as much or as often.

There will also be occasions (as you get to your early 40s) where you see all the crud married people put up with (e.g., married Christian men who cheat on their wives, have X-rated site addictions, Christian husbands who abuse their wives) and you actually think, "Thank the good Lord I never did get married. I was spared all that garbage."

 

[weedygarden]

Then go during day.. Ur mall, if u go to church.. There has to be a get together That meets there for ur age? Go for a morning walk,...

Age 47 is not the same as age 87.

It's typically retired people, age 65 or older who have "free time" during the day, who like to walk around malls or the hood in the morning.

47 is not ancient or old. It's not "Grandpa" or "Grandma" old. Your reply seems to imply 40s is "granny old" (as in, having white hair, wearing dentures, etc.) - it is not.

And no, there aren't too many singles at age 40+ who are easily available. Especially not in churches.

You're more apt to meet singles age 35+ on dating sites. (But I am not saying dating sites are a magical fix. You can try dating sites and still wind up empty or meeting a lot of losers or creeps.)

 

[Alienated]

First I want to say good for you for holding out. You are rare !

I have never married, I never met the one either. What discouraged me was watching all the pain others went through, including my folks. I agree with most of views and statistics you stated, and your right. The 30's were horrible, especially since my mom laid a guilt trip on me big time. I had some big obstacles in my life, to contend with.

But there a couple of things you left out of your observations.....

1. Just like I don't know what you have been through, you don't know my past. I haven't had a good past, and all of my family is dead now. And actual age doesn't determine attitudes, I am vary old fashioned compared to how people think today. I would loved to be married, but I want a marriage like the Bible say's. YES really !!

There lies the problem......point 2.

We are living in the last days ! It's not just scary for women any more out there ! And women today are completely hostile to the Biblical idea of what a marriage is. I have tried the dating sites, and have answered 2 women ministers ads.

The first one I was talking to via IM, was married 5 times and looking for number 6, she is the minister of a local church, and within 1 hr. of messaging back and forth. Said she was looking for a lover, and wanted me to come over... I never got back to her.

The second was looking for her 4th husband, was 2 years older than me. Was a minister before the war, and had gone on 2 missions to Africa. We text back and forth for about three days, before she invited me out to dinner. Now she had already told me she was a recovered drug addict, and I didn't have a problem with that. I'm a recovered alcoholic got 6 1/2 years sober, last job was working in a treatment center. At dinner she told me she served 8 years in the Marines, and replaced her drug addiction with over eating and gambling. And proceeded to tell me how she was going to change me..... I haven't seen her again.

So I don't believe in divorce, and want a woman I can grow old with. If I'm going to give my heart to someone, it's not going to be to a abusive heathen. Posing as a Christian. I have gone to 29 churches in the area and find their teachings as bizarre as television, and that sucks !! And where there is bad teaching there will be bad morals !!

So if only 50 % of marriages succeed, and only 50 % of Americans aren't married.... I'm pretty good at math, and that's allot of swapping !!! Now add to that we live in the most sinful country in the world, where fraud and theft are the new past time and American way !! Well I could go on all day !!

I just want a woman that isn't in such a delusional sense of self-entitlement, and fairytale expectations. That I could sit down and actually trust what she says, and get to know the real her, without having to do a back-round check. And wonder how long it will take for her mask to come off, and get the real story, without getting on a TV show to do a lie detector test.

No I'm not a grandpa, just someone that takes God's advice when He says to learn from others mistakes. But I'm to old to play their childish games, and end up a statistic. I am alone because I refuse to be lied to, most women today are alone because they refuse to hear the truth !

 

[artqween]

Age 47 is not the same as age 87.

It's typically retired people, age 65 or older who have "free time" during the day, who like to walk around malls or the hood in the morning.

47 is not ancient or old. It's not "Grandpa" or "Grandma" old. Your reply seems to imply 40s is "granny old" (as in, having white hair, wearing dentures, etc.) - it is not.

And no, there aren't too many singles at age 40+ who are easily available. Especially not in churches.

You're more apt to meet singles age 35+ on dating sites. (But I am not saying dating sites are a magical fix. You can try dating sites and still wind up empty or meeting a lot of losers or creeps.)

:-/ ummmmm

 

[artqween]

Not interested anymore..

If u say so......

 

[artqween]

First I want to say good for you for holding out. You are rare !

I have never married, I never met the one either. What discouraged me was watching all the pain others went through, including my folks. I agree with most of views and statistics you stated, and your right. The 30's were horrible, especially since my mom laid a guilt trip on me big time. I had some big obstacles in my life, to contend with.

But there a couple of things you left out of your observations.....

1. Just like I don't know what you have been through, you don't know my past. I haven't had a good past, and all of my family is dead now. And actual age doesn't determine attitudes, I am vary old fashioned compared to how people think today. I would loved to be married, but I want a marriage like the Bible say's. YES really !!

There lies the problem......point 2.

We are living in the last days ! It's not just scary for women any more out there ! And women today are completely hostile to the Biblical idea of what a marriage is. I have tried the dating sites, and have answered 2 women ministers ads.

The first one I was talking to via IM, was married 5 times and looking for number 6, she is the minister of a local church, and within 1 hr. of messaging back and forth. Said she was looking for a lover, and wanted me to come over... I never got back to her.

The second was looking for her 4th husband, was 2 years older than me. Was a minister before the war, and had gone on 2 missions to Africa. We text back and forth for about three days, before she invited me out to dinner. Now she had already told me she was a recovered drug addict, and I didn't have a problem with that. I'm a recovered alcoholic got 6 1/2 years sober, last job was working in a treatment center. At dinner she told me she served 8 years in the Marines, and replaced her drug addiction with over eating and gambling. And proceeded to tell me how she was going to change me..... I haven't seen her again.

So I don't believe in divorce, and want a woman I can grow old with. If I'm going to give my heart to someone, it's not going to be to a abusive heathen. Posing as a Christian. I have gone to 29 churches in the area and find their teachings as bizarre as television, and that sucks !! And where there is bad teaching there will be bad morals !!

So if only 50 % of marriages succeed, and only 50 % of Americans aren't married.... I'm pretty good at math, and that's allot of swapping !!! Now add to that we live in the most sinful country in the world, where fraud and theft are the new past time and American way !! Well I could go on all day !!

I just want a woman that isn't in such a delusional sense of self-entitlement, and fairytale expectations. That I could sit down and actually trust what she says, and get to know the real her, without having to do a back-round check. And wonder how long it will take for her mask to come off, and get the real story, without getting on a TV show to do a lie detector test.

No I'm not a grandpa, just someone that takes God's advice when He says to learn from others mistakes. But I'm to old to play their childish games, and end up a statistic. I am alone because I refuse to be lied to, most women today are alone because they refuse to hear the truth !

Awww thanx for sharing. Its a shame about ur folks. relationships is a serious
Commitment. Not they werent serious
Possibly a break down in communication. To what ever.. U askd them what happend? for ur sake? What did they say??? may u never go through what they went through..

God plez help these guys meet their hunnies.. And a perm. Relationship?
Never give up.. Just dont look desperate
Or etc.. make sure ur inner awesomeness is always out
Hey btw to both..

 

[redblue22]

alienated and weedy, I feel so bad being in the depression forum being comforted by your post. but you both hit it right on. I have those experiences. And I have nothing to add. I just remember girls in seminary. or dating some daughter of a christian publisher. or whoever. heck, I once went to church where the pastor gave a lecture on how all the world's sins today are caused by the singles. I got a laugh out of that because I had went there with a bunch of single missionaries--who weren't the nicest people in the world.' I think I'm off this thread leaving with the gem word picture in mind, "randy old pervs."

 

[artqween]

alienated and weedy, I feel so bad being in the depression forum being comforted by your post. but you both hit it right on. I have those experiences. And I have nothing to add. I just remember girls in seminary. or dating some daughter of a christian publisher. or whoever. heck, I once went to church where the pastor gave a lecture on how all the world's sins today are caused by the singles. I got a laugh out of that because I had went there with a bunch of single missionaries--who weren't the nicest people in the world.' I think I'm off this thread leaving with the gem word picture in mind, "randy old pervs."

meaning "randy old pervs" what does
That mean? Shame on that desturbing
Pastor one what he said against singles. He had no business saying that .
again.. Never give up. Also u mentiond u felt u didnt have anything to add..
Not true.. Ur feelings.. U've had a bad
Exper. God will never give up helping u find ur true love. Consider not looking
For her. And let fate find her? just always be as awesome as u can every day.. And know the kind of code u look for in ur hunny.. Good luck to u alll

 

[Alienated]

Hey RB glad I could bring a grin in these troubled days... If you heard a minister say singles are a problem, OHH, I got some stories to tell you. I've seen things happen in churches, that would make you sick. I grew up in Salt Lake City Utah in 70's and 80's and I'm not Mormon, can you guess why I didn't get a date for the prom. Oh wait... I went to 4 middle schools and 7 high schools because nobody wanted me, and found out everybody thought I had a tail !!!

Now I live in the belt buckle of the Bible belt, and the Meth lab capital of the WORLD ! They actually busted a guy walking around in a Wal-Mart with a shake-n-bake lab in his coat !! What people pray for here is welfare, and another drug lab Haz-Mat clean-up truck. And let's just say you DON"T want to take a dip in the local gene pool !!! The crimes against kids here are just to sick to mention, because 35 % aren't even being fed. I tried to start a pressure washing business, but couldn't find anyone that knew how to turn on a garden hose !! And they are all pathological liars.. With the pride of Satan, and the skills of Dopey...

So right now my best perspective mate is Neytiri from the movie Avatar. She's more real than the women here. And I still haven't found one with TEETH !!

 

[LenorPennyp]

What I would say that you should never give up.

God is helping and he would help for ever, but there is a lot of things which depend on you too. If you are not doing anything to find your mate and you hope that you would find a true one, it is really difficult to find.

Try to come into the real world from hope.

Try to think, why you are not liked by others, what are the reasons, what personality girls look for in a man.

Dating, love related sites would also help you a lot.

 

[Alienated]

I'm trying to be a man of God in a VILE sewer, that's what they don't like.

 

[Alienated]

Just because I want a wife, doesn't mean God want's me to have one. And if you go against God's will, it never turns out good. Maybe that's why marriage is 50/50 crap shoot,. The biggest problem is society has NO idea of the definition of LOVE, You can't love a profile, a mask, persona, made up character, or image.

 

[artqween]

Just because I want a wife, doesn't mean God want's me to have one. And if you go against God's will, it never turns out good. Maybe that's why marriage is 50/50 crap shoot,. The biggest problem is society has NO idea of the definition of LOVE, You can't love a profile, a mask, persona, made up character, or image.

Well keep in mind God wants u to find
A nice lady. U just need to know what u r looking for and not a have looking
Look. I also agree some profiles can be wrong. Facebook profiles for example..
A man had a womans avatar on it..
And he got bustd for planing to have sex with a kid a few yrs ago.
How horrible.

 

[Purge187]

Just because I want a wife, doesn't mean God want's me to have one.

As a single, virginal 34-year-old Christian, this has crossed my mind more than once. But my junior pastor said that God put the urge for marriage on my heart for a reason, and I hope he's right. I know we can't earn ourselves blessings from God, but even so, I'd like to think that I haven't held out this long for nothing.

 

[Alienated]

Urges don't come from God, urges come from mans flesh. It' good that your have remained pure, but ask yourself this after observing others.

Is it better to not have what you wanted, or to have what you Never wanted ??

Make sure you find that everything your junior pasture says is true to Gods word, don't make what could be a foolish decision based on lust, or what another tells you.
EVEN a pasture.

Is he saying if you want it, it must be right ?

What does God say about waiting on Him, to fill the desires of your heart. Do your homework.....

 

[Purge187]

Urges don't come from God, urges come from mans flesh.

That's not necessarily true. It says that God will give us the desires of our heart when we make Him the priority in life. The urge for godly companionship and lust are two separate things. When I was a teen, it was mostly lust, whereas now it's an urge for a thoughtful, intelligent and hopefully attractive Christian lady.

 

[Alienated]

It's your call man.. Just don't get unequally yoked, cause you had a itch. Lust never goes away....It will always be there... read what even Abraham had to tell his wife.