Hi,
Well I decided it was time to go ahead with divorce, we've been separated for almost two years...child custody battle on going, equalization of debts etc. it's been so stressful st I feel like giving up...but my hope is in the Lord and He keeps me going. He is faithful and He is my source. He has shown me time and time again that He will take care of me and my little ones.
My question is...is it normal to have doubts when you get to this point? I feel that someone is praying for this divorce to stop, but I feel that I have no choice at this point. I still care for him, but the anger and bitterness is still there (working on it) I know I could never feel safe living with him, there are too many factors to consider...I don't want to go back to that same struggle with underage porn addiction, mental health issues, no love respect for me. We both come from dysfuntional backgrounds and I am sure this contributed to our demise.
However I feel this guilt in me for heading towards divorce. Maybe it's regret or part of the grief process. At one point I was just so angry espcially when I found out he was on Christian dating websites immediately after he left. He has also made every opportunity to provoke me by telling me about women he is interested in. I try to avoid any form of conversation with him unless it's about legal matters. Why does he want to tell me about who he is interested in? It's like he wants to see me fly into a rage, so he can say I'm the crazy one. The thing is that I don't react, I'm saddened that he wants to hurt me more than he already has, take the knife and twist it. If I was dating I would not tell him...I would not want to hurt him, and I would want to keep it private.
Well I am trusting God, but I do feel this sadness and regret that really hurts the core of me. I am at a point where I must face and acknowledge my failures and shortcomings that contributed to this mess. It's very painful.
That's all for now.
Thanks for listening and letting me rant.
Well I decided it was time to go ahead with divorce, we've been separated for almost two years...child custody battle on going, equalization of debts etc. it's been so stressful st I feel like giving up...but my hope is in the Lord and He keeps me going. He is faithful and He is my source. He has shown me time and time again that He will take care of me and my little ones.
My question is...is it normal to have doubts when you get to this point? I feel that someone is praying for this divorce to stop, but I feel that I have no choice at this point. I still care for him, but the anger and bitterness is still there (working on it) I know I could never feel safe living with him, there are too many factors to consider...I don't want to go back to that same struggle with underage porn addiction, mental health issues, no love respect for me. We both come from dysfuntional backgrounds and I am sure this contributed to our demise.
However I feel this guilt in me for heading towards divorce. Maybe it's regret or part of the grief process. At one point I was just so angry espcially when I found out he was on Christian dating websites immediately after he left. He has also made every opportunity to provoke me by telling me about women he is interested in. I try to avoid any form of conversation with him unless it's about legal matters. Why does he want to tell me about who he is interested in? It's like he wants to see me fly into a rage, so he can say I'm the crazy one. The thing is that I don't react, I'm saddened that he wants to hurt me more than he already has, take the knife and twist it. If I was dating I would not tell him...I would not want to hurt him, and I would want to keep it private.
Well I am trusting God, but I do feel this sadness and regret that really hurts the core of me. I am at a point where I must face and acknowledge my failures and shortcomings that contributed to this mess. It's very painful.
That's all for now.
Thanks for listening and letting me rant.
