Confusing Guy

[beetlequeendiva]

Hey Everyone!!
So a few months ago this guy I know told me he was in love with me, and I told him I really didn't know what I wanted right now and that I would think about it. Anyway now I've decided I really like him, so I told him this 2 nights ago and now he said he's happy to just be friends.
How can someone go from being in love with you to wanting to be just friends? He seems to be sending out very mixed signals and I'm even more confused now.....

 

[Apollonian]

Perhaps the fellow, after thinking about the incident, decided that he values your friendship more than he is willing to risk on romantic endeavors. In other words, he'd rather be friends than risk an awkward rift after romantic attempts. If this is the case, you might try giving it a little while and asking him again.

In either case, I don't think he handled it very well. It seems too common that young men express love not realizing that the kind of 'love' that men have is not as deep as women (but I'm not saying it's shallow either!). It's just that, men seem to make up their minds about love faster than women, hence, they should be cautious about expressing the issue such that the women have a chance to think before answering. Otherwise, things end up like this where there are awkward periods of time where the possibility of rejection hangs too heavily in the air and many men lose their gumption.

Beware, however, if he is just expressing some momentary infatuation. A good indication of this would be to look for ways in which he is aware of other emotions that he has, such as anger or fear. Then, if he is aware of these things, he is likely mature enough to know what he is doing and you might ask him about love again. If he doesn't know when he is angry or afraid, remain friends.

$0.02
-Apollonian

Disclaimer: I do not pretend to be the authority on such issues, but my recent studies on social-psychology have given me some wisdom on these matters.

 

[klewlis]

I'm guessing that he thinks YOU are the confusing one! He told you his feelings and you sounded uninterested and left him hanging for a few months, and now you suddenly want to start a relationship. What's a guy to think?

I'm not trying to put you down, just pointing out that he's probably confused too. The fact that several months elapsed in between also gave him lots of time to try to get over you if he thought there was no hope. It may be worth a shot to try again, but I hate to say that you may have missed your chance on that one--be sure to pray about it and try to find God's guidance on the issue. If it's meant to be, God will work it out.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I am praying about the situation, the difficult thing is he's my housemates brother and he's from the Phillippines - and apparently guys from there dont' appreciate woman asking them out, it's the guy thing!! So I really don't think I have helped the situation any in that sense. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Beware, however, if he is just expressing some momentary infatuation.

I second that. Third and forth that. I'm not saying that he's not actually in love with you, but it seems that many people confuse love with infatuation, lust and intrigue. Now that the first intense rush of feelings dissipated, he's now wanting to just be friends. He may be confused, or that rush that he experienced has simmered quite a bit.

I told myself the next guy who tells me he loves me will be slugged in the gut. If he still loves me after that, we may have a keeper.

 

[bubblegirl23]

If you've known this man less than six months, I'd be wary. Love isn't something that just happens very often.

I hope he's a nice man who just rethought things, but if he's like a lot of men these days, being friends could mean,

"I'm interested in someone else now."

"I'm getting you back for revoking me."

"What I was going to use you for is no longer needed from you."

"I'm going to keep you for when I have nobody else to play with."

Whether he is genuine or thinking one of the above, only you can tell by other signs he displays.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree that "you are the confusing one." You were honest, that's good. If a man rebuffs you because you didn't give a yes straight away, I'd suggest he's not genuine. IF you love someone, you're willing to wait for them as long as possible!

 

[klewlis]

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree that "you are the confusing one." You were honest, that's good. If a man rebuffs you because you didn't give a yes straight away, I'd suggest he's not genuine. IF you love someone, you're willing to wait for them as long as possible!

I didn't say that *I* thought she was the confusing one. I simply said that *he* may see it that way. It's just a thought.

 

[Buskanaka]

I definitely agree that he might think you are the confusing one, if I told a girl I liked her and it took a few months for her to respond I would assume that the answer was no and would move on. Maybe you were sending signals that he interpreted as meaning there was no hope for him. He probably shouldn't have said he was in love with you though...I don't understand how you can suddenly decide that you really like him but then I think guys are more emotional about relationships whereas girls are more analytical.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Klewis: I misread what you wrote. It was early morning & I was wrong. I will now go sit in the corner and wear the "dunce" hat. I'm sorry if you felt a second of ill-will.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I definitely agree that he might think you are the confusing one, if I told a girl I liked her and it took a few months for her to respond I would assume that the answer was no and would move on. Maybe you were sending signals that he interpreted as meaning there was no hope for him. He probably shouldn't have said he was in love with you though...I don't understand how you can suddenly decide that you really like him but then I think guys are more emotional about relationships whereas girls are more analytical.

Okay it wasn't a sudden decision, when he told me he was in love with me, I told him I really liked him but i needed to think about things - I have had alot of stuff to deal with over the past 7 months and I was scared to get into a relationship - now I really want to, he understands all of my problems and I just really like him. I can see that maybe I confused him, however his sister thinks that he was put out because I told him how i felt - apparently in the phillippines it's always the guy who makes the first move. So I guess I need to wait and see what happens.

 

[fishstix]

How long had he known you when he first professed his love?

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Um since September last year.....

 

[JPPT1974]

Well, take it easy on the relationship and go slowly but carefully and cautiously because you and the man you like don't want to end the friend/relationship on a sour note and that would be not good. Take it to the Lord in prayer.

 

[fishstix]

Um since September last year.....

So he fell in love with you in a matter of a few months after meeting you? Unless he was spending a whole lot of time with you during those few months, that sounds rather fast. More like infatuation than love, which might have worn off in the few months since.