Confused

[Metroidroxs2]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in Non-Christian struggles or Christian struggles, but I think this'll do either way.

Anyways, for the past few months, and maybe a little longer, I'm not really sure if I've believe in God. I wanted to believe...to believe that there was some higher power watching over me that I could turn to and pray to in times of distress, but a part of me kept doubting it. I guess at the moment the best description of myself would be Agnostic...kind of between Christianity and Atheism. In fact, I sometimes find myself switching between the two, a sort of religious Bipolar disease, if you will. I year ago, if you had asked, I would have said there was a God and that Jesus had died for our sins, but now I'm not so sure. Then again, I used to just go with what everyone told me, which was the God did exist, and I didn't sit down and try to figure out the whole mess myself, which is as close to brain washing as you can get, really. But lately, having noticed that, I've tried to decide for myself, because I know that if I decide for myself, then I'll know it's the right decision, instead of having other people decide for me. I don't think it's that I outright don't believe in God, but some part of me has a doubt about it. I haven't had any sudden revelation that's caused me to doubt God, but it's more of a slow withdrawal. Lately my life has certainly been worse than a few years ago, but I don't think that has anything to do with it, although it may. Personally, I don't think I know any atheists. I haven't been to church in 6 months or more, but most of my friends are Christian, with others ranging from Jewish to Islamic to Hindu. Before a year ago I hadn't been to church in about 6 years (I went for about 6 months and then stopped).

Lately I've went through times when I was very depressed, seemingly for no reason at all, but it hurts. I know a lot of people have had it worse than me, and I'm not trying to get everyone to sympathize with me or anything, but I've went through a lot lately. My parents were divorced about 2 years ago, then my dad married another woman who I disliked a lot, and they're getting divorced soon (tomorrow, actually, I think). All the while, my sister has been to college and it's almost like she's a different person. Before she left, me and her were best friends, but now she feels more distant from me, and spends more time with her college friend. About half of the holidays she doesn't even come home (such as last summer). Sometimes I feel like she's abandoned me, and the rest of the family.

That's all I can think to say right now. Although I make good grades in English, I was never really good at making something long without some time to think. Then again, quantity isn't important, it's all about quality. As for how this will affect my future, I'm not sure. I'd always hoped I'd be able to settle down someday with a wife and kids, but I don't realistically see that ever happening. I guess I'll go ahead and post this, seeing as I can't think of anything else, and check back later for replies.

(edited in)
I just thought of some more to say, so:

This might not be random, but I'd like to say that I've seen a lot of Christian that just disgusted me. Whether they're too much into it (if any of you believe that to be possible) or if they're just saying they're a Christian, when they so obviously act the opposite. As to the first part, I'd like to say (this was mentioned somewhere in 'To Kill A Mockingbird', which is a very good book) that religion is okay, but when people are so absorbed in it that they can't act appropriately in their current life, then it's gone too far. As to the other part, I once saw a post on a separate forum where someone had posted that his computer was messing up, and other people prayed that God would fix it. I'm not sure what emotion would best describe my reaction to it, but it wasn't good. On this same forum, I saw posts everywhere where the people were bashing anything other than Christianity thoughtlessly. I even tried to make an account so I could confront them on why they acted this way, but I was banned before I could sign in, which I thought was uncalled for.

 

[RayJr]

Metroidroxs2 I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and that what you are going through is no different than what a lot of men and women go through in life, the Devil is so string today his workers are working overtime every where we turn there is evil. I would like to say that I understand the hard times I myself have been going through trial over and over during the last 2 yrs or so, God has gotten me through all of it though I was involved in accident at work that a child of 5 yrs was killed through no fault of my own what happened was completely out of my control, but the sencelessness of this rocked my world. i never lost my faith though and it has taken me several months to get where I can function at work without letting that get in my way, but without God I would be elsewhere today I would nolonger be able to do the job that I now continue to do. I cannot convince you that there is a God I do believe there is, It is all by faith I do not know wheather you are saved or not. Are you have you ever accepted the Lord Jesus as your saviour if not i would like for you to contemplate what He did on the cross for you and I. If you are go talk to your preacher. If you don't know one let me know where u live and I will find you a good man of God to speak with. A true man of god will not put you down for what you are dealing with he will help you in your search. As for your sis that unfortunately is just a part of growing up sometimes at first you grow apart, but family is always family. god Bless you and I hope and pray that you find your way back to God and his ways.

 

[Metroidroxs2]

Are you have you ever accepted the Lord Jesus as your saviour

If you're asking if I've been baptised (or the equivalent of that, in other denominations), then no, I have never been baptised.

Another random thing I just though of, is that I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. My sister has it (my parents don't, although my sister, my dad, and I are sometimes depressed, although I never really tell anyone when I am) although I'm not sure if it's hereditary. In terms of symptoms, I'm afraid of meeting new people and although I sometimes eventually warm up to them, I'm always very nervous when I first meet someone and I try to avoid them and those circumstances if possible. Also, it's almost impossible for me to talk to a girl if I'm attracted to her, (not just physically, but kind of like a crush, I guess) but I can talk to any other girl easily (assuming I know them well enough, otherwise it would go under the first symptom I listed). When I say 'almost impossible', I mean that I consciously avoid talking to them, and if I am talking to them, then I'm nervous, shaking, my heart is beating faster, and possibly some other things. I try to avoid large amounts of people, although I sometimes go do stuff for a while with a few friends, which is different. I don't think it's just a case of shyness, because although sometimes it goes away if I meet new people (that's usually only if I warm up to their personality) it's always there for the second symptom unless I lose feelings for the person. There are probably other symptoms of it that I have, but I'm not exactly sure what the entire list of them is to be able to notice them.

 

[texastig]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in Non-Christian struggles or Christian struggles, but I think this'll do either way.

Anyways, for the past few months, and maybe a little longer, I'm not really sure if I've believe in God. I wanted to believe...to believe that there was some higher power watching over me that I could turn to and pray to in times of distress, but a part of me kept doubting it. I guess at the moment the best description of myself would be Agnostic...kind of between Christianity and Atheism. In fact, I sometimes find myself switching between the two, a sort of religious Bipolar disease, if you will. I year ago, if you had asked, I would have said there was a God and that Jesus had died for our sins, but now I'm not so sure. Then again, I used to just go with what everyone told me, which was the God did exist, and I didn't sit down and try to figure out the whole mess myself, which is as close to brain washing as you can get, really. But lately, having noticed that, I've tried to decide for myself, because I know that if I decide for myself, then I'll know it's the right decision, instead of having other people decide for me. I don't think it's that I outright don't believe in God, but some part of me has a doubt about it. I haven't had any sudden revelation that's caused me to doubt God, but it's more of a slow withdrawal. Lately my life has certainly been worse than a few years ago, but I don't think that has anything to do with it, although it may. Personally, I don't think I know any atheists. I haven't been to church in 6 months or more, but most of my friends are Christian, with others ranging from Jewish to Islamic to Hindu. Before a year ago I hadn't been to church in about 6 years (I went for about 6 months and then stopped).

Lately I've went through times when I was very depressed, seemingly for no reason at all, but it hurts. I know a lot of people have had it worse than me, and I'm not trying to get everyone to sympathize with me or anything, but I've went through a lot lately. My parents were divorced about 2 years ago, then my dad married another woman who I disliked a lot, and they're getting divorced soon (tomorrow, actually, I think). All the while, my sister has been to college and it's almost like she's a different person. Before she left, me and her were best friends, but now she feels more distant from me, and spends more time with her college friend. About half of the holidays she doesn't even come home (such as last summer). Sometimes I feel like she's abandoned me, and the rest of the family.

That's all I can think to say right now. Although I make good grades in English, I was never really good at making something long without some time to think. Then again, quantity isn't important, it's all about quality. As for how this will affect my future, I'm not sure. I'd always hoped I'd be able to settle down someday with a wife and kids, but I don't realistically see that ever happening. I guess I'll go ahead and post this, seeing as I can't think of anything else, and check back later for replies.

(edited in)
I just thought of some more to say, so:

This might not be random, but I'd like to say that I've seen a lot of Christian that just disgusted me. Whether they're too much into it (if any of you believe that to be possible) or if they're just saying they're a Christian, when they so obviously act the opposite. As to the first part, I'd like to say (this was mentioned somewhere in 'To Kill A Mockingbird', which is a very good book) that religion is okay, but when people are so absorbed in it that they can't act appropriately in their current life, then it's gone too far. As to the other part, I once saw a post on a separate forum where someone had posted that his computer was messing up, and other people prayed that God would fix it. I'm not sure what emotion would best describe my reaction to it, but it wasn't good. On this same forum, I saw posts everywhere where the people were bashing anything other than Christianity thoughtlessly. I even tried to make an account so I could confront them on why they acted this way, but I was banned before I could sign in, which I thought was uncalled for.

This website will get the doubt out of you if there is a God or not:
http://garyhabermas.com/
In one of his videos he talks about 17 secular sources for proof for Jesus, he didn't even need to use the Bible to prove who Jesus existed.

This website will tell you what God thinks about you:
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/flltext.html

If you just hang out with Jesus, all of your doubts, anxiety's, problems will be a thing of the past. It is a journey though. A road that is
gets sweeter day by day.

Here's some info on the Bible:
THE BIBLE contains the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, the doom of sinners, and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts are binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy. It contains light to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you. It is the traveler’s map, the pilgrim’s staff, the pilot’s compass, the soldier’s sword, and the Christian’s charter. Here Paradise is restored, Heaven opened, and the gates of hell disclosed. CHRIST is its grand subject, our good the design, and the glory of God its end. It should fill the memory, rule the heart, and guide the feet. Read it slowly, frequently, and prayerfully. It is a mine of wealth, a paradise of glory, and river of pleasure. It is given you in life, will be opened at the judgment, and be remembered forever. It involves the highest responsibility, will reward the greatest labor, and will condemn all who trifle with its sacred contents.

Thanks,
TexasTig

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Sounds like you are going through a rough time. Social anxiety, drastic family changes, unfortunate encounters with "the wrong people." Well, no wonder you might start feeling disconnected with everything!

Don't let people represent God. The Christians you have encountered are humans, like you and me. Some might be bashful at the moment, but they need time to grow and change like we all do, and hopefully one day they will be more tolerant and understanding. I suffer from social anxiety as well. Something happened recently that has urged me to seek help for it. It's quite common it seems, nothing to be ashamed of. I urge you to seek help as well, the sooner the better.

When it comes to believing in God, it's not about going to church every Sunday and following some sort of rules that forbid you from doing everything fun. It's about a personal relationship with your Creator. I know it's a term that's often used, but it's true. Faith isn't closing your eyes and pretending, it's real and brings with it a purpose for life. God understands everything you are going through right now, He's not some strange entity only present at church. Asking questions and seeking answers isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'd suggest talking to a pastor at your church. I know you don't go to church anymore, but I'm sure a pastor would be more than happy to discuss these things.

 

[pwsoldier]

Wow, I do NOT miss being 15. Not trying to be rude, just making the point that you're entering a very difficult period of your life. You're starting to mature into a young adult and it's perfectly natural for you to feel confused about who you are and what kind of a world your living in. The best thing you can do is think objectively and find out for yourself what you believe. Don't let anyone try to bully or sweet-talk you one way or the other. Now is the time to start asking difficult questions, the kind that may have intimidating answers. I can tell you this from experience though, regardless of what your conclusion is regarding the existence of God, you'll be a better person for it. By that I mean that you'll either realize that he doesn't exist and create a new worldview for yourself without him in it, or you'll continue believing and your faith will be ten times stronger as a result from your questioning and doubt. It's a win-win situation. I realize that such heavy questioning is generally frowned upon among Christians, but you'll never really be content unless you find out for yourself what's right. Just remember to keep an open mind.

Quick question: does your sister know how you feel about her being away? Have you talked to her about it? I'm the oldest of five. Three of my siblings still live at home and I sometimes take the fact that they look up to me for granted. Talk to her about it if you haven't done so already. She may be completely unaware that you feel the way you do.

You mentioned uncertainty about the future. Trust me, that's something you needn't worry yourself over too much at your age. Thinking ahead is great, but keep in mind that you still have some growing up to do and a lot of things are going to change once you're out of high school. I hope you don't think I'm condescending to you because I'm older, because I'm not. I was 15 once too. It was a very difficult time for me. I know how it feels to be confused and scared. All I can tell you is to try not to grow up too fast. Adulthood is quite overrated.