Confused

[CHRF]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and as far as I can see then I should post my question here...and just to let you know then I had not heard the word Unequally-Yoked before yesterday when my girlfriend mentioned it...and so now you know where my thread goes...

Sorry if it is long, but I feel I have to write this down, even if nobody reads it...

I am 31, my name is actually Christian, I grew up in Denmark where everybody is Lutheran, looking back at my life then it seems now like religion was something that I grew up with in a sense that my parents raised me to be a good person that was very thoughtful/kind/generous/sincere...I was about to add the word humble, which I do believe I am, but then again I don't think I should write that I am humble...that is up to people to find out...but well this is the Internet age nobody has time to get to know each other anymore...so that was a quick intro...

I moved to the states six years ago, and three years ago I met this girl, we both participate in the same sport...and she seemed very nice, I met her several times, and I was about to ask her out, 2 years ago, but then found out she had a boyfriend.

2 months ago, we met again and started dating, I am a little older than her, hey she might be reading on this forum, so I wont be to precise..., so I let her decide the pace, she asked me if we were bf/gf and I was happy to say yes and so on...

We did talk about religion, and I told her what I wrote above, while she told me she went to church etc., I said I wouldn't mind going to church with her, although I could not promise that I would go every Sunday...

Well the next month went fine, she went traveling and came back a couple of days ago and yesterday she told me that 1) this was going a little to fast for her 2) that she was in fact a lot more religious than she had initially told me and that even a remark like "That I could not go to Church every Sunday" had hurt (While I had actually gone to Church with her both Sundays between that and yesterday, and could easily had started to go to church with from then on)...

I started developing feelings for this girl, and to me it sounded like she said that I was not religous "enough" for her, that we were basically unequally-yoked etc.

She also mentioned that she was going to these (and sorry, I am not really sure what the real term/name) is healing-sessions, I looked it up and saw something like Charismatic...and that she did whatever God told her to do...

My problem is that, I feel that I have conversations in my head too, but coming from Denmark and the way I am raised then you do not call it conversations with God...She found God 5 years ago, while I feel that he has always been in my life, but have not felt that I had to do anything special to have these conversations etc., then it is hard for me to explain that???

I came up with two examples: When I was a little kid I was biking to school, and it had rained, all the snails was on the road, I was very careful not to hit any of them as I were thinking they were lifes too...and old man who was out walking and started moving the snails to the side of the road noticed this...and said that I was doing a good deed...this is something I still remember to this day...

The other example is that through my upbringing then I had learned my religion one way, and as I explained earlier then I feel that the way I act/behave etc. is enough to show that I believe that there is a God...this is for me the same as learning one language as a kid...it gets harder to learn a new language the older you get...

I said this to my girlfriend to basically say that I believe too, but this probably showed more in my actions than in my language...

So what do I do now? she seems like she rushed into this and now finds out that she is a different person that she initial pretended to be towards me and now she finds out that maybe she cannot accept me (but I can accept her and the way she believes...well maybe I will still have some trouble with that Charismatic thing)...

I guess I must be interested in her since I register on this forum and write such a long question...

Can anyone relate?

Can anyone relate to my experience that I feel that the way I was brought up makes me feel that my actions etc. can be said to be of a Christian person, but I am having trouble saying that I am a true believer because of the culture that I come from?

Well hope this makes sense,

Sincerely,
Christian

 

[Changed]

Hi,and welcome I first wanted to warn you that there are tons of anti- charasmatic writings out there on the net,much is falsities or preconceived notions! Your g/f sounds like she has a personal relationship w/ Christ and anyone who has one.... will tell you-that we speak to the Lord AND hear(inwardly) from the Lord! Has nothing to do w/ denom but your relationship.

Anyway I'm not in your situation,as I am married to a non-believer! Is she pulling away from the relationship? The bible does say that we are not to be unequally yoked in a marriage,so she is possibly being convicted. She prbly does not want to date around for the sake of dating around,if nothing will come of it! Maybe when you met her she was a lukewarm christian,and is now getting closer to God! I speak for myself...the closer I get to God,the more aware I become of sin,and make changes! Her salvation may be greek to you b/c youv'e never exoerienced it,but I'm sure it's something she values and treasures very much! If she can't share that w/ you,I can see why she would pull away! This is not to say that you are a monster,but sometimes differences such as these need to be worked out and not ignored! Take it slow,communicate, don't tell her you'll change if your not sincere,bc that will just create more deception/problems!
~God bless

 

[CHRF]

Well I don't want to date around for the sake of dating either...so we both agree on that...

I think what I was most in doubt about was that she was sending me two mixed messages...

1. Telling me that this was moving to fast...while she was the one setting the pace...

2. Telling me how strong her beliefs are and I felt as if she was asking me if I could accept that...which for me was if asking a very serious question in the relationship...

Does anyone have an unequally-yoked relationship where what you call a non-believer think/act that he/she is actually a believer but has difficulties calling themselfs a belief because of a different culture?

 

[CHRF]

sorry I meant a believer in the last line...not belief

 

[KleinerApfel]

Hello and welcome Christian,

If you want to learn more about Charismatic Christianity, there's a forum for that here and you'd be very welcome to come and ask questions. I spend a lot of time there myself.

Is your girlfriend questioning your salvation, or just the doctrinal or denominational differences between you?

Could you go along to one of these services yourself?
You might find it helpful in your own personal journey as well as enabling you to understand your girlfriend's point of view.

My impression from your original post is that you feel you have a good character and behave well, and that this, along with your background are what makes you a Christian. Is that what you mean or have I misunderstood?

I know what you mean about learning a new language when you're not as young as you used to be, (I'm trying to learn the piano in my forties, and the music is like a foreign language to me!)
But if you are serious about your relationship with God and with this girl, it has to be worth a try doesn't it?

Look forward to your reply, God bless Susana

(Might disappear for a while over the W/E due to my husband stting up a new PC and swapping bits round, but I'll be back, God willing!)

 

[CHRF]

Hi Susana,

Thanks for your reply...
To answer your question, yes I did go to service with her, both to learn for myself, to be spend the time with her, and to learn about her.

And yes you are right about what I feel about my beliefs...and maybe that is where the majority of my question lies:

This girl now says that when we are unequally-yoked then it might not work...does that mean the way I believe in God is wrong?
I feel I have been a Christian, both by name and religion my whole life...now it seems like I am wrong?

Are anyone open to understand that when you come from a different culture then there are different ways on how to approach your beliefs (and you might say that then it is a totally different religion?)...Susana you are from England so you must have a European viewpoint on this? and maybe understand that this is totally new to me as I have never experienced anything like this in Denmark...

I do believe that I am serious about my beliefs and also about the girl...but when she is telling me that we are unequally-yoked then I guess she means I have to change???

 

[WashedClean]

Hi CHRF!

Welcome to CF and these forums. I hope you will find some of the answers you're looking for...

I have one question for you that I want you to consider carefully before you answer. Who is Jesus to you?

I think one thing you need to keep in mind is that Christianity is not about a religion. It's a relationship with God THROUGH His Son Jesus Christ. You cannot have a relationship with God if you don't have Jesus IN your heart. Being a good person does not make one a Christian.

I cannot tell you if you are a Christian or not, that's between you and God. I can only tell you that I was raised in a Christian home (Methodist) and was baptised as an infant. I even went to church for 18 years every Sunday. Yet, it wasn't until I was 34 years old that I realized I didn't have Christ in my heart. I hadn't been "born again". I used to think that born againers were a cult LOL. I was very ignorant.

I am married to a non-believer who is a very "good" man. You don't get too many men more moral than my wonderful husband. BUT he doesn't have a personal relationship with God. He hasn't made peace with God. It breaks my heart, but we are unequally yoked. The Lord has given me a lot of hope for the future and I pray for his salvation every day.
Sorry, I'm probably not making any sense. I don't want to overwhelm you. Do you have any more questions we can help you with?

 

[Racheal]

I feel that the way I was brought up makes me feel that my actions etc. can be said to be of a Christian person, but I am having trouble saying that I am a true believer because of the culture that I come from?

Christianity is not about a religion. It's a relationship with God THROUGH His Son Jesus Christ. You cannot have a relationship with God if you don't have Jesus IN your heart. Being a good person does not make one a Christian.

Hi Christian
I think what your girlfriend is trying to say when she says that you two will be un-equally yoked as a couple is: that you are not a Christian by the above description.... and she is.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Dear Christian, hello again,

You've had several replies, and I do hope we have all helped a little.

I understand what you say about different cultures having different ways of celebrating their faith. Yet if we are "in Christ" we can share a great deal that transcends these man-made boundaries.

The Lord Jesus was not Danish, American or English. There is no boundary on earth which matters to Him, and no language or culture which is foreign to Him.

We may all differ in certain ways of expressing our faith, but there are just a handful of really essential things which all hold in common when we belong to the Lord.

You are trying so hard to live a good life. Do you believe you have achieved the level of perfection which will please Him?
I am concerned that you may be wearying yourself, uncertain whether you have done enough to please God.
Do you know whether your sins are forgiven?
Do you want to be sure of your personal relationship with God, and have His peace?

If you have been going to church all your life, and have prayed and tried to live well, it can be hard to stop and ask yourself these things.
I am not questioning your commitment to follow God, but am asking if you need more help to know the God you seek?

As WashedClean says: "who is Jesus to you?" This is the most important question in the world.

God bless you, write soon,
Susana

 

[charligirl]

Hello Christian, sounds like a difficult place to be. I have been in your Gf's shoes in the past and have some understanding for what she might be feeling.. I will try and explain if it helps.

I was brought up in a christian home, but like WashedClean I came to a point when I realised that believeing God and being raised a christian doesn't actually make you one. You have to accept Jesus as the Son of God who died for your sins and rose again and who will come again. You have to ask Him into your life as your Lord and Saviour and have a personal relationship with Him, the bible says that noone can come to the Father except through Jesus and what He did on the cross. His blood purchased us the right to become Christians and follow Him.

Like your girlfriend I got into relationships too fast sometimes, because I so wanted them to work out, I would get all involved emotionally and then start to panic because I didn't want to disobey God and be with someone who didn't believe the same as me.... so I would pull away.

I knew I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't have the same relationship with Jesus that I had... even if they did believe in God. To give you an example, if I was to be offered a new job which involved me moving I would pray about it, or if I felt that God was telling me to move across the country to a new job or church or whatever I would also pray alot about it and seek him for guidance to be sure I was obedient in following his path for my life.... I couldn't be with a man who didn't understand that or embrace that type of decision making.

I think you have to examine your heart as to your relationship with Jesus and work out where you stand with regards to that. Do you know Him as your friend, your Lord, your saviour? do you rely on him for your all? Then talk to your gf and tell her where you are at, I suspect it's this aspect of your faith that she is unsure of where you stand.