Confidence vs Conceited

[BoarderDave]

So I got to thinking yesterday (and wanted to post this, but CF was lagging up a storm and wouldn't let me perform the easiest of tasks).. I personally would like to be a little more of a confident guy. I've always noticed that those guys that are real confident can easily spark up conversation with anyone and everyone.

But to me I've noticed that there is a line when your "confidence" can cross into being conceited. Confidence in my opinion is being secure with the way you are. To feel that people will accept you just as you are, because the way you are is good. Well if you take that to the next step, you basically think you are awesome.

So my discussion with all of you is how can one find confidence, without going overboard? Have you had any experience with confident or conceited people?

General discussion in.. 3... 2... 1... and, go.

 

[latteda]

I think it's the difference between seeing your own worth (primarily in God's eyes, also in other people's lives) and seeing yourself as better than the people around you.

I've struggled with confidence issues a lot. I finally came to the realization that my validation had to come from who I am before God...I'm His creation and I'm unconditionally loved forever by grace. Also I've had to remind myself that, even when I feel insecure about something, I am a worthwhile person and do have things to offer others that either help them or make their world a happier place somehow. I think the sad thing about people who live lives without any confidence is that they hold themselves back from offering things to other people. Because they can't see that they have anything to give, they don't give anything out of fear that what they offer will either be rejected or meaningless. In my personal experiences, the times when I was most insecure are the times when I hurt others the most. It affected others more than it did myself.

Conceit becomes an issue when you exalt yourself above other people. You don't just see yourself as a worthwhile person, but you see yourself as having more worth than others. Not good. I have struggled with that a bit at times, too...and if I see myself getting an arrogant attitude toward anyone for whatever reason, I try to remember this:

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

So yeah, long answer, I know. But I am just saying I guess that I think the key is living a life that's centered around God and others. Even the motivation for our confidence should stem from that.

My measly two pennies.

 

[BoarderDave]

Wow.. some of the shiniest two pennies I've seen in a long time.

Awesome reply! Thanks.

 

[BoarderDave]

Ooops.. double.

 

[Luther073082]

I don't know, I gained confidence from just doing it and talking to people.

I'm sure business presentations during classes and randomly dancing with people you don't know when working on ballroom dance helped a little bit too.

I just like to get to know people, and I think its helpful to me as a person. I also think that a lot of people admire that quality of me.

I hold that though in complete and seperate category from my arrogence. I don't think of them together.

My confidence says that everyone is a person, there is no reason we can't talk. My confidence tells me that the whole "keep to yourself" philosophy is the most dehumanizing philosophy in history. Thats why I'd rather walk into a bank or a fast food resteraunt rather then use the drive thru.

My arrogence is different. My arrogence allows me to belive that I am always right and that everyone should know that. My arrogence leads me to belive that I make mistakes, but other people are just stupid. And yes my arrogence leads me to belive in my head that those people who are on the wrong track in life and have no desire to change are somehow "lower life forms"

In some ways my arrogence contends with my confidence.

 

[unkalledfor]

I'm still learning how to be confident without becoming conceited.. I have a tendency of getting a big head sometimes which is something I have been working on lately... Right now I'm trying to humble myself a bit by getting more involved in ministries and volunteering for things.. This removes my focus from myself and puts it in serving God... I've also been praying that God help me not be full of myself.. It's been working so far, and I'm still the same confident person, with less arrogance attached... I know it sounds stupid, but it's one of my daily struggles

 

[Thomas1984]

For me, my confidence stems from knowing what I'm good at, and emphasising it, like my ability to be polite and helpful, or to show compassion, for instance.

That goes hand in hand with the fact that I know there are some things I'd like to change about myself, and some things that I shouldn't change, even if I'm persecuted for certain character traits, like being polite and compassionate.

Confidence is knowing that you're good in some ways, bad in others, and still choosing to take the next step foward regardless.

Conceitedness is just thinking that you're flawless, or at least, putting that image/impression across.

Just my thoughts, in a nutshell.

 

[radhead]

I don't think confidence is necessarily a good thing.

 

[Thomas1984]

I don't think confidence is necessarily a good thing.

Now that you've picqued my interest, are you going to explain why?

 

[latteda]

I'm not so sure that being conceited means that you are too confident. Some of the most conceited people I know have actually been very insecure. I think conceit is often a cover up.

 

[radhead]

Now that you've picqued my interest, are you going to explain why?

I don't find confidence to be an attractive quality most of the time. Maybe I'm just weird, though.

 

[Niels]

I think people just need enough confidence to get out of bed, get things done, and not put themselves down.

Most people seem to confuse confidence with charisma. It's possible to be confident without giving off attractive vibes. It's also possible to be charismatic without being truly confident.

 

[ido]

Confidence is believing that God has blessed us with ability and that no matter what we are faced with, He will equip us to handle it (if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it). Humility is remembering that I didn't gain the ability to do the things I can do all on my own. They are gifts from God.

I think conceitedness is confidence with the absence of humility.

 

[PrincessFromOz]

I heard it said once that humility is not about putting yourself down, but lifting others up

Does that relate? I don't know. Brain is dead.. I need coffee

 

[alfrodull]

I think people just need enough confidence to get out of bed, get things done, and not put themselves down.

Most people seem to confuse confidence with charisma. It's possible to be confident without giving off attractive vibes. It's also possible to be charismatic without being truly confident.

True. And for some reason, a lot of people seem to equate both with extroversion. Confidence does not make it more desirable to talk to people you didn't really care to in the first place, nor does it necessarily give you the charisma necessary to make people want to talk to you.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I am the most humble person I know!!!!!

 

[Balugon]

i would have to say that God has been working confidence in me for a while, so i didnt have to pray for it. But if u ask the Lord for help with it, he is able.

As for a definition of confidence, i wouldnt say its that people like u because ur generally good in personality, etc. I would say its choosing to not care in the situation what people would think of u or the results that may happen (i dont mean like u accidently getting drunk, i mean the fears that pop up like "oh no, what if she thinks im..."). U may even feel a little scared when stepping out in the beginning, but choosing to step out is what matters. People see the stepping out, its sometimes very or impossible to see that a person may be scared when going to do it.

And as for situations, if there is someone u want to talk to, then just do it. If u want to go on a roller coaster (unless u have a pace maker, heheh), then pray if u have to and suck up ur fears and do it. Its just a matter of choice. And over time it gets a bit easier.

 

[BoarderDave]

Confidence is believing that God has blessed us with ability and that no matter what we are faced with, He will equip us to handle it (if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it). Humility is remembering that I didn't gain the ability to do the things I can do all on my own. They are gifts from God.

I think conceitedness is confidence with the absence of humility.

Wow.. that actually makes a great amount of sense to me. Awesome.

Great input everyone.. keep it coming!

 

[KarrieTex]

Confidence and conceit are not the same thing.

Conceit's root is insecurity which is the direct opposite of confidence.

Those who constantly sing their own praises have to prove to themselves and others that they are "worthy" enough to be listened to i.e. conceit.

 

[BoarderDave]

I see.. good point.