Confessions of a Paranoid Hypochondriac

[LandonME]

i'm a 24 year old guy and i'm worried about turning gay due to my voice doing something weird. Lately whenever i speak normally, it feels like im masking my real voice which is normal. but then when i dont force it, I hear myself sounding gay.

So a little bit more about me to better understand my situation; again, im 24, I have aspergers so im a paranoid hypochondriac with ADD and OCD (its not too serious though), and I've been single my whole life. I've also been interested in women at the same time. I've never had any homosexual tendencies or thoughts until maybe a few years ago when i started seeing it in media and the world around me. Now, lately, i've had occasional gay thoughts (which i dismiss immediately) and it just frustrates me to the core that i keep thinking these things when i know it'd be an "abomination" (Lev. 18:22) and I do not intend on being an abomination.

So the frustration started when I just kept breaking down in depression because ive been single my whole life. never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, never had that feeling of a beautiful woman always wanting to be there for me whos always nice to me and would always love me no matter what. At that point Satan was at the back of head like, "Well guess what, man, youre homo!", and i was like 'SHUT UP!' and since then it's just been a constant struggle that i just cant shake off. Some evidence may come from 10 years ago when me and my brother used to "experiment" with eachother. Memories i've long since have been trying to repress.

To clarify, though, gun to my face, I will NEVER under any circumstances have any sexual/romantic relations with a man as long as i live. Again, its just not right and its also unrighteous. and we all know what happens to the unrighteous (1 Cor. 6:9). Now i dont neccesarily hate homosexuals, i try not to be a homophobic and there are a few guys at this theater im volunteering at who are seriously flamin' and theyre ok i guess, but it just comes off as gross to me. like i wanna puke but cant gross.

I have been praying to God since then to wipe my brain of these thoughts and worries, but so far, zip. Alotta times i dont think He listens, and other times i dont even acknowledge his presence.

In short, i dont wanna be gay, but im afraid it may be inevitable. if anyone has any answers (Straight answers not riddles. like i said i have aspergers everythings black n white to me.) i'd greatly appreciate it.

 

[joey_downunder]

I don't think voice inflections or changes in any way would mean you were becoming gay! I always thought it was put on i.e. not genuine!

Can you identify if there are any times your voice changes? When one of my relatives gets excited (including happy) or angry his voice actually goes up much higher than normal. It is normally fairly deep too.

P.S. my husband was sometimes asked if he was gay because he hadn't had any long-term relationships. He is as straight as straight can be and so he found that pretty insulting. No, he just hadn't met ME yet (he was early 20s when he met me).

 

[LandonME]

I don't think voice inflections or changes in any way would mean you were becoming gay! I always thought it was put on i.e. not genuine!

Can you identify if there are any times your voice changes? When one of my relatives gets excited (including happy) or angry his voice actually goes up much higher than normal. It is normally fairly deep too.

P.S. my husband was sometimes asked if he was gay because he hadn't had any long-term relationships. He is as straight as straight can be and so he found that pretty insulting. No, he just hadn't met ME yet (he was early 20s when he met me).

Thanks alot! that makes me feel a little better! and yeah my voice kinda changes in the same instance as his. Mostly though whenever i speak while smiling really big.

 

[LandonME]

Ok the worrywarts are back. So theres this girl that apparently really likes me, but i dont feel the same about her. and ive felt this neutral about every girl ive gone out with (except one but she stood me up and was never heard from again). Now once again, I NEVER want to be gay, but is this a sign of becoming gay wether i like it or not? Because honestly, i'd rather die than be gay. I'm not THAT big a homophobic, but i do know homosexuality is against God so thats why i'd rather not be gay. Someone please respond to this quickly? i will not be able to sleep without some peace of mind on this.

 

[Contrar]

You're fears are paralyzing you. There isn't a solid basis for them, you are under the assault of the culture and Satan's accusations. He is using your singleness and exasperating your worries to incapacitate you. Not liking this one girl in no way makes you gay. God has a plan for you, and would never turn you over to evil. Just as joey_downunder said that her husband just hadn't met her, you just haven't found the right gal yet. You are not becoming gay. The only way that is going to happen is if you let your fears rule over your life until you lose sight of god completely and create craven desires to validate your fears. Furthermore you have expressed such a strong stance against homosexuality in accordance with gods word. Does that really sound like something a gay guy would do. What good will worry do you? Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Do this and let your heart be at peace. You are fine, just be patient and wait for God's plan to unfold.

 

[tunnelhckrat]

Being gay is a choice, having a voice that may "sound gay" doesnt mean that you are or are not. That being said, Satan uses gay thoughts and then follows up with guilt as a way to attack our personall faith. Im glad to hear that when u get these thoughts you send them on thier way, keep doing that, but dont feel bad when the thoughts come; I have a feeling that most people have the thoughts, its what you do with them thats important. As for the lack of women companionship, it doesnt sound like you have any interest in women, is this true? or have you just not found any that you really fel like getting more intimate (not sexual!) with?
If you have no interest then do not fear, Somewhere in the Bible (cant say exactly where) Paul mentions something along these lines, does anyone know where that passage is? I have a friend who him and his sister have what seems to be no interest in relationships, thats ok. Dont let people make you think (as if they could) that you are wierd because there is no intrest there.

 

[LandonME]

Being gay is a choice, having a voice that may "sound gay" doesnt mean that you are or are not. That being said, Satan uses gay thoughts and then follows up with guilt as a way to attack our personall faith. Im glad to hear that when u get these thoughts you send them on thier way, keep doing that, but dont feel bad when the thoughts come; I have a feeling that most people have the thoughts, its what you do with them thats important. As for the lack of women companionship, it doesnt sound like you have any interest in women, is this true? or have you just not found any that you really fel like getting more intimate (not sexual!) with?
If you have no interest then do not fear, Somewhere in the Bible (cant say exactly where) Paul mentions something along these lines, does anyone know where that passage is? I have a friend who him and his sister have what seems to be no interest in relationships, thats ok. Dont let people make you think (as if they could) that you are wierd because there is no intrest there.

Yes i am interested in women and finding an intimate relationship.

 

[RuthD]

I have met plenty of men I am not interested in. I think it is just because the right one hasn't come along yet. It takes time to find and form a relationship that is a good one. It's good that you know when you are not interested because then you will not cling to someone for the sake of having someone and not really like them. You are honest with yourself. You have very good qualities. I have had homosexual thoughts at times followed by thinking that is gross, like you, so we are not gay. There are all sorts of reasons thoughts come into our head and we can't really stop them but when we know ourselves well, like you do, we can just not give those thoughts any mind or importance. Merry Christmas.