Confession And Prayer

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

I honestly didn't know where to put this, so I decided to release this here.

Years ago, I was engaged to be married to an abusive man. We were both young and I made a mistake of losing my virginity to him. We later moved in together, the emotional, mental, verbal abuse eventually became physical and sexual abuse. I broke it off with him after he cheated on me with his step sister. I for some reason briefly dated him shortly after that, then ended up breaking it off again for someone else. I jumped right into a relationship afterward, which I really shouldn't have. That relationship was short lived and shortly after I was talking to my abusive ex-fiancee again. We started having sex again and the abuse grew worse. I eventually started dating an old high school friend. I didn't really know how I truly felt about this new relationship as I continued to sleep with my abusive ex. I was so blinded by my first...I also didn't know what he would do if I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. I eventually took matters into my own hands instead of giving it to God. I soon told my abusive ex that I no longer wanted to have sex with him though I was afraid and we were alone when I told him. I thanked God that he didn't hurt me when I told him that it was time to let go. I still hung around him for a time afterward without having sex with him. After he did an assault on my sister and I it faded. I haven't spoken to him in years and for that I am grateful. I eventually told my former boyfriend that I had cheated on him. I carried all of the guilt, shame, pain , and regret and I still do years after I broke it off with him. I told him what happened and when. I also told him how sorry I was and that I understood if he didn't want to be with me anymore. He forgave me though, he stayed angry for awhile, which I don't blame him at all. We stayed together for about a year after that. I eventually broke it off with him, since I felt God call me out of the relationship and I saw that as a whole we didn't meet each other's needs. Years later, I still harbor this guilt, shame, pain, and regret as much as I tell God that I'm sorry and as much as I have tried to forgive myself it is still there. I cried so hard when I told him and I still do to this day at times.

I'm also afraid that when I go out with a new guy and I honestly open up and tell him about this that he won't want to stay. My family has told me not to tell anyone, but to me that is wrong. I'm also afraid of the guy knowing that I have abusive parents. I also fear since my abusive mom is friends with my abusive ex-fiancee. I'm also talking to a new guy right now who isn't my race and my dad only wants me to date our race which I totally don't agree with. This guy and I also have disabilities which includes anxiety disorders. I have been so afraid to confess this to anyone and only a few people know about it. I have run away from this opportunity to confess this on here many times, though deep down I really wanted to release this and tell someone with new perspective. I wouldn't want to risk anyone telling a guy I am dating about this I would want him to know when I'm ready to tell him. With Jesus, I have been working on being in a pure God honoring relationship, marriage, and raising a family that will glorify God someday.

Prayers and encouragement are definitely appreciated. God bless you all.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Heartofsilver]

I'm 27 now and I came to Christ at 19. For some reason, after I gave my life to Christ I allowed for all of this to happen...
Thank you for your prayers, honesty, and encouragement. Though this all hurts, it help. He is healing and transforming me day by day.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I'm 27 now and I came to Christ at 19. For some reason, after I gave my life to Christ I allowed for all of this to happen...
Thank you for your prayers, honesty, and encouragement. Though this all hurts, it help. He is healing and transforming me day by day.

I'm not at all judging you, but it really sounds you need some solid advice to go along with people's prayers, so I'm going to do both.

Anyone your with in the future doesn't need details, but they need enough information to make an honest evaluation of you.

Of course there is a difference between someone who had a weak moment and had sex all of one time and someone who had multiple sexual relationships over the course of a short time.

There is a difference in character overall between the two that needs revealed to a potential spouse because the issues which caused the multiple sexual relationships over a short time will continue to be serious issues in any relationship until you go to God with those issues and they are completely overcome.

Apart from the above advice, it sounds like you have sexual issues of some kind. First, you like it (we all do, that's not a judgement) second, you might be confusing all the feelings and emotions that are part and parcel to sex and allowing them to cloud your judgement in choosing the right husband for you.

The main thing you need to do is to learn how to deny your sexual urges. Period. No sex. Depending on how high your sex drive is, it may seem impossible but nothing is impossible with God so go to God with that and He will help you through. Until you can train yourself to control your sexual urges and impulses you can't even begin to make a judgement call in a potential husband, because you won't be able to date a man long enough to get to know who they are as a person without either having sex with them or letting the desire for sex cloud how you see them/judge their character as a potential husband.

During the time period your learning self control (that time period will likely last two or three years or so) you need to do some self evaluation. What is it about your personality that keeps choosing the wrong thing, the wrong guy, and so forth. See if you and God can't figure that out together. Really develop that relationship with God and get to know yourself. Right now your reactionary to everything around you. With an honest evaluation of yourself you can change that and it will help you a lot in life.

During the time your doing self evaluation and learning self control, make a list of things you need in a husband, you need someone to compliment you, not necessarily be identical.

As you get to know yourself and your weaknesses, make a list of attributes that will turn those weaknesses in a marriage into strengths, and in knowing your strengths, you can also see what weaknesses any potential husband can have without there being any harm in life. e.g., if your good with money your future husband won't have to be.. but if your bad with money then someone who is good with it is absolutely necessary for you..

As you proceed with this list you'll get a better view of what to look for in a potential husband, and the kind of character traits that you absolutely must have in a husband for a relationship to succeed. (What your trying to do with marriage is make a complete person out of two imperfect parts that can get along well and enjoy one another's company)

Then, by the time self control is your freind, you will have a solid direction to go in and dating will be beneficial in finding that spouse!

I'll keep you in my prayers! it's a long road but it'll be well worth it if you travel it...

 

[Southernscotty]

Repent of the sins and go forth sinning no more.
Do not let the past keep you from your future.

 

[Greg Merrill]

Father, I would pray for this one and others like her that You would enlighten them in how to share and communicate their past life of sin, and to work on living in the present in righteousness. May they not glorify sin, or do the bidding of the evil one, but simply say (possibly all in one sentence) that they had lived a life of sexual sin, have repented, been forgiven, and now are striving to live to obey and please the Lord. God will never bring those sins up against them in any judgment, so why should they share any details with anyone else. The awful sins are paid for, and no longer need to be aired in any details to anyone else. Philippians 4:8. We have sinned, and repented. That is basically all anyone needs to know; not all the sordid details. We should not even think on the details of these past sins ourselves, let alone share them with others. Let's talk about righteousness and praise of God, not sordid sinful details. Speak of them in general and briefly, with thanksgiving to God for their forgiveness and His promise not to mention them. Jeremiah 31:34; The Acts of the Apostles 8:12; Colossians 2:13-14. Amen.

 

[Greg Merrill]

Just came across Ezekiel 33:16, and remembered this thread, so add it now.

 

[Greg Merrill]

As I continue to read through the Bible I come across more verses that remind me of this post. Namely Micah 7:19 and Psalms 103:12.

 

[Seun]

Hello everyone,

I honestly didn't know where to put this, so I decided to release this here.

Years ago, I was engaged to be married to an abusive man. We were both young and I made a mistake of losing my virginity to him. We later moved in together, the emotional, mental, verbal abuse eventually became physical and sexual abuse. I broke it off with him after he cheated on me with his step sister. I for some reason briefly dated him shortly after that, then ended up breaking it off again for someone else. I jumped right into a relationship afterward, which I really shouldn't have. That relationship was short lived and shortly after I was talking to my abusive ex-fiancee again. We started having sex again and the abuse grew worse. I eventually started dating an old high school friend. I didn't really know how I truly felt about this new relationship as I continued to sleep with my abusive ex. I was so blinded by my first...I also didn't know what he would do if I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. I eventually took matters into my own hands instead of giving it to God. I took my former boyfriend's virginity and slept with him in hopes that I would stop having sex with my abusive ex. I soon told my abusive ex that I no longer wanted to have sex with him though I was afraid and we were alone when I told him. I thanked God that he didn't hurt me when I told him that it was time to let go. I still hung around him for a time afterward without having sex with him. After he did an assault on my sister and I it faded. I haven't spoken to him in years and for that I am grateful. I didn't tell my former boyfriend that I had cheated on him until years later. I carried all of the guilt, shame, pain , and regret and I still do years after I broke it off with him. I told him what happened and when. I also told him how sorry I was and that I understood if he didn't want to be with me anymore. He forgave me though, he stayed angry for awhile, which I don't blame him at all. We stayed together for about a year after that. I eventually broke it off with him, since I felt God call me out of the relationship and I saw that as a whole we didn't meet each other's needs. Years later, I still harbor this guilt, shame, pain, and regret as much as I tell God that I'm sorry and as much as I have tried to forgive myself it is still there. I cried so hard when I told him and I still do to this day at times.

I'm also afraid that when I go out with a new guy and I honestly open up and tell him about this that he won't want to stay. My family has told me not to tell anyone, but to me that is wrong. I'm also afraid of the guy knowing that I have abusive parents. I also fear since my abusive mom is friends with my abusive ex-fiancee. I'm also talking to a new guy right now who isn't my race and my dad only wants me to date our race which I totally don't agree with. This guy and I also have disabilities which includes anxiety disorders. I have been so afraid to confess this to anyone and only a few people know about it. I have run away from this opportunity to confess this on here many times, though deep down I really wanted to release this and tell someone with new perspective. I wouldn't want to risk anyone telling a guy I am dating about this I would want him to know when I'm ready to tell him. With Jesus, I have been working on being in a pure God honoring relationship, marriage, and raising a family that will glorify God someday.

Prayers and encouragement are definitely appreciated. God bless you all.

If you asked forgiveness from God for these things and repent, God forgives you (1 John 1:9, 2 Corinthians 5:17). Old things pass away and we are made new. Even if it doesn't feel right to not tell them, its something God has forgiven you for.