Compulsive Bible Reading

[David2019]

I have discovered that reading passages from the bible and theology books for reassurance has become a compulsion. I have the urge to ruminate about one topic (mainly the assurance of one's salvation) all day long. Some days I can feel at peace because there are no relenting thoughts, attitudes or feelings but on other days I can feel like I'm drifting lost in the darkness of doubt. I've been absolutely tormented by this for the last 2 years and earlier this month I finally decided to stop fighting and start agreeing with the intrusive thoughts. But I have only found myself becoming more anxious, cast down and stressed out because of this. I find it hard on most days to relax because I'm constantly being harassed by thoughts like ''you need to repent, you're still lost'' ''Doing this means you're not a real believer'' ''You're an abuser of grace'' ''If you don't do {compulsion} you will go to hell''

If I leave these thoughts for what they are and they turn out to be true, I am lost forever. And I dread the thought of drifting the rest of my life knowing/knowing not I'm save. I sometimes think that it would have been better if I never had existed at all.

 

[angelsaroundme]

"The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me. O LORD, Your loving devotion endures forever--do not abandon the works of Your hands." - Psalms 138:8

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." - Philippians 1:6

 

[dqhall]

I have discovered that reading passages from the bible and theology books for reassurance has become a compulsion. I have the urge to ruminate about one topic (mainly the assurance of one's salvation) all day long. Some days I can feel at peace because there are no relenting thoughts, attitudes or feelings but on other days I can feel like I'm drifting lost in the darkness of doubt. I've been absolutely tormented by this for the last 2 years and earlier this month I finally decided to stop fighting and start agreeing with the intrusive thoughts. But I have only found myself becoming more anxious, cast down and stressed out because of this. I find it hard on most days to relax because I'm constantly being harassed by thoughts like ''you need to repent, you're still lost'' ''Doing this means you're not a real believer'' ''You're an abuser of grace'' ''If you don't do {compulsion} you will go to hell''

If I leave these thoughts for what they are and they turn out to be true, I am lost forever. And I dread the thought of drifting the rest of my life knowing/knowing not I'm save. I sometimes think that it would have been better if I never had existed at all.

Repent of what? Can you be specific? Are the accusatory thoughts vague, or does it know everything you ever did?

I recently bought a new Ford SUV. Some minutes ago I thought, “I owned a Chevy before, but never a Ford before the one I bought this one.” A thought rebuked me. “You had a Ford Pinto.” A photographic image of the brown Pinto my dad owned when I was young came to mind. Dad let me drive it. I realized this thought process might be from God. Over 40 years have passed and I had forgotten about that car long ago. Then I was instructed: “Go to Christian Forums. Some important people go that site.”

If you can find the good parts of the Bible, you might do well. Once I had a night course about the New Testament Bible. I had to drop the course as I had to work more hours, but finished the reading assignments on my own.
I remember the book, “Jerusalem in the Time of Jesus,” by Joachim Jeremias, a Talmudic scholar. I also remember reading a Gospel parallel with similar passages side by side. I kept the book until it fell apart.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have discovered that reading passages from the bible and theology books for reassurance has become a compulsion. I have the urge to ruminate about one topic (mainly the assurance of one's salvation) all day long. Some days I can feel at peace because there are no relenting thoughts, attitudes or feelings but on other days I can feel like I'm drifting lost in the darkness of doubt. I've been absolutely tormented by this for the last 2 years and earlier this month I finally decided to stop fighting and start agreeing with the intrusive thoughts. But I have only found myself becoming more anxious, cast down and stressed out because of this. I find it hard on most days to relax because I'm constantly being harassed by thoughts like ''you need to repent, you're still lost'' ''Doing this means you're not a real believer'' ''You're an abuser of grace'' ''If you don't do {compulsion} you will go to hell''

If I leave these thoughts for what they are and they turn out to be true, I am lost forever. And I dread the thought of drifting the rest of my life knowing/knowing not I'm save. I sometimes think that it would have been better if I never had existed at all.

Those thoughts are not sanctioned by our Father. So just rebuke! Jesus Christ of Nazareth is our Helper. He will not abandon you.
Be blessed.

 

[pescador]

Phillipians 4:6-8, "Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things."

I recommend reading this message very carefully, several times. You aren't the first Christian who has struggled.

 

[Koakku]

I struggle with anxiety and doubt like this too. I believe that they are just attacks from the enemy. What helps is knowing the truth and repeating it to yourself.

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. Philippians 4:6 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Remember where you were before you were saved and where you are now.
Philippians 1:6 - being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

God loves you
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that all who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life.

God bless you, rest in his promise.

 

[Tolworth John]

I finally decided to stop fighting and start agreeing with the intrusive thoughts. But I have only found myself becoming more anxious, cast down and stressed out because of this. I find it hard on most days to relax because I'm constantly being harassed by thoughts like ''you need to repent, you're still lost'' ''Doing this means you're not a real believer'' ''You're an abuser of grace'' ''If you don't do {compulsion} you will go to hell''

Please take a look at :- International OCD Foundation | 25 Tips for Succeeding in Your OCD Treatment
Please read the tips and discuss them with your doctor or therapist.
Point 4 on just agreing with intrusive thoughts is important.
If you find this difficult you may need medication to calm your mind down so you can regain control.

Intrusive thoughts aredistrakting random thoughts that prey on your sub concous fears.

If you are a Christian your faith is not about you holding on to Jesus, but Jesus holding on to you.

Memorise John 10:28+29 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.”