I am new here, but I would love some insight from a Christian perspective.
My husband and I are currently separated(my choice), have been for about 2 weeks now. My husband and I both want a large family, through us and also adoption. We have been married almost a year. Well, a couple weeks ago he tells me he has realized that he has a lot of regrets about wasted time in his past, things like college, etc....but that he has also realized a way that he could accomplish having the most amount of kids possible....polygamy. :o
I was devastated and still am frankly. We've talked and cried for hours about it. I asked him what he wants to happen and he says there is no solution to this problem, we're either going to stay together and continue trying to talk each other into the life we each want (him=polygamy....me=the life we originally planned) or we separate and are lonely and miserable with no children at all.
He strongly believes that divorce is a sin unless someone commits adultery, so in his mind, we can't divorce. We're either together and he will never be happy because he can't have what he "wants" or we live separate lives but are still married.
I asked him if he loves me and wants to be with me as a wife and he says "yes, but not fully I guess, because we want different things now."
How am I suppose to feel about that? He is waiting on me to make the decision on what to do. But with him constantly saying how miserable he is and he will never truly be happy with our life and that he regrets we ever got married, very much makes me feel tossed aside. I am willing to do everything possible to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do. He just keeps saying there is no way to fix it and then he turns it on me and says "well, you love and want me as much as I love and want you at this moment because we want different things."
I have googled this to death, but haven't come across anything about polygamy being a deal breaker for any marriage and no advice to help me through this.
I really do love him. I've thought about maybe going back to him for a week, tell him, ok, we're not going to discuss this anymore because we just keep going around and around the same mountain with no progress whatsoever, so let's see how we feel having a week with all of that put on the back burner and see if we can bring a little light into this dark situation. I told him I wonder if it wouldn't be so miserable for him and for us if we could stop dwelling on it right now, but that's all we've been doing of course because that's what's been going on.
Any advice would be wonderful. I really want this to work. I mentioned going to counseling, he says he will, but nothing is going to change his mind, he will always want a polygamous lifestyle so he can have God knows how many kids. Because apparently the 20 or so we would've had he said just wouldn't be enough.
Do you think if I just completely separate, go get all my stuff and stop talking that maybe that'll give him time and space and maybe he'll come out of this some and miss me and want to make us work?
My husband and I are currently separated(my choice), have been for about 2 weeks now. My husband and I both want a large family, through us and also adoption. We have been married almost a year. Well, a couple weeks ago he tells me he has realized that he has a lot of regrets about wasted time in his past, things like college, etc....but that he has also realized a way that he could accomplish having the most amount of kids possible....polygamy. :o
I was devastated and still am frankly. We've talked and cried for hours about it. I asked him what he wants to happen and he says there is no solution to this problem, we're either going to stay together and continue trying to talk each other into the life we each want (him=polygamy....me=the life we originally planned) or we separate and are lonely and miserable with no children at all.
He strongly believes that divorce is a sin unless someone commits adultery, so in his mind, we can't divorce. We're either together and he will never be happy because he can't have what he "wants" or we live separate lives but are still married.
I asked him if he loves me and wants to be with me as a wife and he says "yes, but not fully I guess, because we want different things now."
How am I suppose to feel about that? He is waiting on me to make the decision on what to do. But with him constantly saying how miserable he is and he will never truly be happy with our life and that he regrets we ever got married, very much makes me feel tossed aside. I am willing to do everything possible to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do. He just keeps saying there is no way to fix it and then he turns it on me and says "well, you love and want me as much as I love and want you at this moment because we want different things."
I have googled this to death, but haven't come across anything about polygamy being a deal breaker for any marriage and no advice to help me through this.
I really do love him. I've thought about maybe going back to him for a week, tell him, ok, we're not going to discuss this anymore because we just keep going around and around the same mountain with no progress whatsoever, so let's see how we feel having a week with all of that put on the back burner and see if we can bring a little light into this dark situation. I told him I wonder if it wouldn't be so miserable for him and for us if we could stop dwelling on it right now, but that's all we've been doing of course because that's what's been going on.
Any advice would be wonderful. I really want this to work. I mentioned going to counseling, he says he will, but nothing is going to change his mind, he will always want a polygamous lifestyle so he can have God knows how many kids. Because apparently the 20 or so we would've had he said just wouldn't be enough.
Do you think if I just completely separate, go get all my stuff and stop talking that maybe that'll give him time and space and maybe he'll come out of this some and miss me and want to make us work?
