Completely hopeless

[ColdTurkey]

Life is hard for me. I don't embrace it as naturally as some might. I'm always skeptical, doubting, questioning what really matters in life. So I've come to realize that nothing in this life is very valuable at all. I realize that it is pointless to live for myself, others, or material goods. I once thought that I could live for God... but that didn't work out.

I had a relationship with him, but whatever it was, it didn't give me the peace that I needed. Because all else fails, I needed a foundation, a place of refuge about which I could say, "This is 100% true and I will never believe otherwise." You could say that I just didn't "click" with God. My relationship with him was as much a worry as it was a comfort.

So now I've turned away. For a year, my faith has been anywhere between troubled and non-existent. It's easier not trying to believe something that doesn't "click" with me, but that doesn't mean that I enjoy life this way. Remember when I said I don't embrace life very well? Well, without something to give me purpose, I have no motivation to do much at all. I'm not a passionate person. I don't have dreams to follow because I don't believe that I can find purpose within this life. So I really am empty. I have nowhere to run to in this life and I don't want to run back to an unfulfilling relationship with God.

Bottom line: I can find no reason for living, but am scared enough that I don't consider dying an option.

 

[drich0150]

Why do you think it is so hard for things to "click" for you?
Why is it so hard for you to find hope or faith?
What do you want from life?

 

[ColdTurkey]

I don't know why these things are hard for me. I wish I did.

I don't know what I want from life. Not having any purpose or passion in life kinda kills the hope that would make me want anything.

 

[woobadooba]

What makes you so sure your relationship with God didn't click? How do you know it wasn't something else?

Were you expecting something more than what Jesus had received from this world?

Indeed, if anyone had any reason to think things weren't working out, surely He did! Yet, He knew what was going on, and did not allow this world to deceive Him into believing that the Father didn't care about Him. The devil worked hard to get Him to turn to him, but Jesus resisted the devil and overcame the world!

Look, it's not that you didn't click with God. You just didn't click with the world...

I'm sure you've heard the saying that Christians are not of this world, but they must live in it, right? Well, it is true! And because we are not of this world we are going to go through some stuff that just isn't going to sit right with us.

What you need to do at this point is take the focus off of yourself, and try to see the big picture here. If God didn't want to have a relationship with you, then you wouldn't even exist. It is because God loves you that you are alive...

 

[woobadooba]

What makes you so sure your relationship with God didn't click? How do you know it wasn't something else?

Were you expecting something more than what Jesus had received from this world?

Indeed, if anyone had any reason to think things weren't working out, surely He did! Yet, He knew what was going on, and did not allow this world to deceive Him into believing that the Father didn't care about Him. The devil worked hard to get Him to turn to him, but Jesus resisted the devil and overcame the world!

Look, it's not that you didn't click with God. You just didn't click with the world...

I'm sure you've heard the saying that Christians are not of this world, but they must live in it, right? Well, it is true! And because we are not of this world we are going to go through some stuff that just isn't going to sit right with us.

What you need to do at this point is take the focus off of yourself, and try to see the big picture here. If God didn't want to have a relationship with you, then you wouldn't even exist. It is because God loves you that you are alive...

So you want to find purpose? You want to know what you should do with your life?

Follow Jesus...

And tell people about Him.

Time is short!

We are living in the last generation of history.

There are only a few years left. The signs of the times are here!

Jesus is coming soon!

Believe it!

And hold on to that belief...

 

[ColdTurkey]

hmmm i'm not so sure about that. When this slump started, I was not going through tough times in life. I had no complaints about the world. It's my spiritual life that fell apart. I began to feel as much a stranger to God as I did to the world.

I know all the things you've said to be true. My problem is making those truths personal.

 

[woobadooba]

hmmm i'm not so sure about that. When this slump started, I was not going through tough times in life. I had no complaints about the world. It's my spiritual life that fell apart. I began to feel as much a stranger to God as I did to the world.

I know all the things you've said to be true. My problem is making those truths personal.

Why did your spiritual life fall apart?

You had said that you and God didn't click.

How did you arrive that that conclusion?

 

[ColdTurkey]

My heart just didn't love him as it should've. It became impossible to treat him as a father or a close friend. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Keeping him in my life was a strain. I felt no natural love or appreciation for him.

 

[woobadooba]

Was it that you didn't feel that you measured up to His expectations, or that you didn't have any desire to follow Him?

 

[ColdTurkey]

didn't have any desire to follow him.

 

[BrokenWing]

It sounds like you're just disinterested in everything.

No need to rush. Just do things one at a time. You don't need to be totally enthralled by anything right now. Pick something to do that you just don't hate and go with it.

 

[woobadooba]

didn't have any desire to follow him.

Why?

Unless you answer this question honestly you won't understand why things didn't click.

 

[Angeldove97]

I think that perhaps with you losing your relationship with God, maybe that's why you're feeling so negative. Trust me, every Christian goes through trials in their lives where they turn away from God--- God even mentions it in the Bible. You've turned from God for this period of your life--- doesn't mean He won't find a way to call you back. I hope and pray that one day you'll be back in the flock with your Brothers and Sisters in Christ's name. Until then, I'm very sure our beloved Shepherd, Jesus, won't stop searching for you every day.

I know you can often times get ridiculed by Christians for thinking negatively towards Christ--- but I think the first step in finding Him again is to realize that something is very drastically wrong with your life and find a way to fix it. I wish you the best, I want you to find a loving relationship with Jesus--- but please know that that's something you and Him have to do together. Don't let anybody pressure you, don't let anybody say mean things to you that might have you turn farther away from Christ.

Listen to what Jesus has to tell you--- and heal.

 

[ColdTurkey]

Why?

Unless you answer this question honestly you won't understand why things didn't click.

I don't know why... I used to think it was because God wouldn't let me (after all, if I am sinful by nature, then I need God to to give me the power to want him).

But I just don't know anymore. The thought has also crossed my mind that my faith was mostly a show the whole time. Maybe the fact that he saved me from damnation never really hit home. Maybe it's never truly been personal.

Either way, I don't see a solution.