Completely Confused Here!!! Please Help!

[FaithfullyLovingHim]

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend and I are split up for the third time. We have been on two different paths most of our relationship. We were together for 4 years and been apart now for about 5 months now. We still talk every couple of weeks and play catch up on what has been going on in each of our lives...he really is a great guy. He has always treated me good...yet in the past everything else in his life came before our relationship. We went out to dinner last night and talked for hours. He is beginning to see that life is not all about his hobbies and being happy and running 24/7....I really love him and believe that he wants to make changes in his life...not because I want him to, but because he sees that he can't truely be happy living the life he has in the past. I really want to spend the rest of my life with this man, but I don't want to jump to quickly. He still has many things to work out before we could ever truely be in a real relationship, but I don't know what to do. I want so badly to jump back in his life and help him with his transformation. I also know that the time apart from one another is the reason he is seeing where he needs to make changes. I don't know what to do. He said he wants to take 2006 and just use this next year to become a better person. So should I just back off and let him...or try to get closer.??? Oh, and one more problem...When I moved out, I moved in with someone he absolutely hates...and I'm scared if he finds out that he will think I am in a relationship with my roommate; which I am not. I just don't know how honest to be. I don't want to scare him away because I love him...but I want to be honest and truthful as well. Please Help

 

[Hackett]

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend and I are split up for the third time. We have been on two different paths most of our relationship. We were together for 4 years and been apart now for about 5 months now. We still talk every couple of weeks and play catch up on what has been going on in each of our lives...he really is a great guy. He has always treated me good...yet in the past everything else in his life came before our relationship. We went out to dinner last night and talked for hours. He is beginning to see that life is not all about his hobbies and being happy and running 24/7....I really love him and believe that he wants to make changes in his life...not because I want him to, but because he sees that he can't truely be happy living the life he has in the past. I really want to spend the rest of my life with this man, but I don't want to jump to quickly. He still has many things to work out before we could ever truely be in a real relationship, but I don't know what to do. I want so badly to jump back in his life and help him with his transformation. I also know that the time apart from one another is the reason he is seeing where he needs to make changes. I don't know what to do. He said he wants to take 2006 and just use this next year to become a better person. So should I just back off and let him...or try to get closer.??? Oh, and one more problem...When I moved out, I moved in with someone he absolutely hates...and I'm scared if he finds out that he will think I am in a relationship with my roommate; which I am not. I just don't know how honest to be. I don't want to scare him away because I love him...but I want to be honest and truthful as well. Please Help

Honesty is the best policy. Usually if you keep secrets they have a way of coming to the surface at the worst time. Give him the time and space to do what he needs to do. God may be doing a wonderful work in him to prepare him for a happy life with you. Pray constantly for him and for yourself. If it is in God'splan that the two of you share the rest of your lives together it will happen. Give God time to work it out and you will reap the blessings.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i wouldn't completely jump back into his life and try to fix things, but as a friend u can help him with his "tranformation." and if he asks who ur living with don't hide it from him. just be honest and let him know ur not in a relationship

 

[Amy47]

Why did you move in with a person he doesn't like?
I think you should let him find himself. If after that he is ready for a relationship then go for it. But dating before you find yourself is the NOT GOOD, it only confuses you more.

 

[heartnsoul]

Trust and being open and honest is very important in any relationship. So, definitely let your boyfriend know that you are living with someone he doesn't like. Allow that conversation to happen and look at it as another bridge to cross for both of you to somehow reach a mutual understanding as friends.

I didn't read anything in your post about him being a Christian. I think both of you need to take time out and focus your energies on strengthening your walk with God. God must be #1 in your hearts and at the center of your relationship in order for the relationship to be a godly one. Just having a lot of great qualities is not enough. If you check out the marriage forum under "unequally yoked" section, you will read hundreds of people struggling from unequally yoked marriages. Please seriously consider taking time out to develop the spiritual maturity so that you have discernment on choosing the right marriage partner for you.

Splitting up for the third time is red warning flag, in my opinion. I know you are probably emotionally tied to this guy and it will be very difficult to be objective and see the "forest from the trees", so to speak. That's why it is so important to be 100% secure in God so that you have the wisdom to discern better choices in potential marriage partners. I'm sorry you are feeling confused. May God bring wisdom and comfort to you as you go through this difficult period of your life. My prayers and thoughts are with you.