Compatibility

[CCHIPSS]

Thanks for the imput. I'll take give it some consideration if I decide to go back online. But for now, definitely taking a break.

Cool! BTW your pictures looks great. But perhaps include some pictures of you doing your favorite activities. Or you going out for dinner with your friends. Show that you are active. etc. I would avoid pictures in your own home if possible. =)

 

[com7fy8]

I think dating is just a weird thing. There are no formulas.

I find that sharing in groups can be good. I know a lady who knew about her husband, but they did not get started until I think more than a year later. He's a fine guy, I would say, very pure and humble and devoted and compassionate and gentle . . . like the kind of guy I think would want you and who you would want. And there are not many like him, possibly; so rest in the LORD and be patient; the one for you is worth taking your time to be prepared by God for him

I would say she needed to get out of her own ways, so she could be spiritually ready to connect with him. A lot of times I have seen how I have done a certain thing spiritually right, including getting correction and then would be when I would make a special connection with someone who is good for me and I am able to help people ministerially. So, I consider . . . from experience . . . seek God for how He wants you to become and what He has you doing, and discover. If He has you marry, there will be other special people, too, whom you help and who become special friends and companions somehow.

So, I would not say to try to make yourself look a certain way in a profile; possibly, a really Christian guy for you won't be only going by how you and your profile look; he'll be praying for how things cook

 

[com7fy8]

I don't know whenever a girl messages me and I'm not interested I tend to think silence is the best method. Anything else might feel awkward.

I was in a free pen pal/dating place on the Net. And I would get things like, I read your profile and I am interested in you. But I had plainly said I was not trying to find anyone; so, possibly, it was a scammer who did not even read anything > often enough, the sender would ask for an e-dress.

So, I would probe back, by asking a question like, what in my profile got your attention? And I would not get an answer. I am told certain people make a living by harvesting e-mails and selling them, and other things.

There were ones who would pen pal, but they wanted to get married. And I would repeat . . . I'm here to pen pal, and I think God is able to have me find someone where I am, if He wants me with someone. But I would keep sharing, at least for some time.

 

[miss-a]

Cool! BTW your pictures looks great. I would avoid pictures in your own home if possible. =)

Thanks for the compliment on the pics. But why avoid pic of me at home. Did my home look yucky in the pics?

 

[blackribbon]

I find that sharing in groups can be good. I know a lady who knew about her husband, but they did not get started until I think more than a year later. He's a fine guy, I would say, very pure and humble and devoted and compassionate and gentle . . . like the kind of guy I think would want you and who you would want. And there are not many like him, possibly; so rest in the LORD and be patient; the one for you is worth taking your time to be prepared by God for him

I would say she needed to get out of her own ways, so she could be spiritually ready to connect with him. A lot of times I have seen how I have done a certain thing spiritually right, including getting correction and then would be when I would make a special connection with someone who is good for me and I am able to help people ministerially. So, I consider . . . from experience . . . seek God for how He wants you to become and what He has you doing, and discover. If He has you marry, there will be other special people, too, whom you help and who become special friends and companions somehow.

So, I would not say to try to make yourself look a certain way in a profile; possibly, a really Christian guy for you won't be only going by how you and your profile look; he'll be praying for how things cook

How do you find these "groups" to meet potential mates? It was easy when I was young but as I get older, my groups are fairly specific such as other parents (not the best place to look for single men) or women's only (lots of church oriented ones) or career based which for me is nursing (kind of heavy on the female presence).

 

[com7fy8]

I find that sharing in groups can be good. I know a lady who knew about her husband, but they did not get started until I think more than a year later. He's a fine guy, I would say, very pure and humble and devoted and compassionate and gentle . . . like the kind of guy I think would want you and who you would want. And there are not many like him, possibly; so rest in the LORD and be patient; the one for you is worth taking your time to be prepared by God for him

How do you find these "groups" to meet potential mates? It was easy when I was young but as I get older, my groups are fairly specific such as other parents (not the best place to look for single men) or women's only (lots of church oriented ones) or career based which for me is nursing (kind of heavy on the female presence).

When I say groups can be good, I do not mean finding a special group where we can select someone we want or it is meant for us to discover who we belong with. But I mean it can be good to get to know people while we are in group situations, including the whole church group we share with during Sunday worship and evening services, and the little conversation groups we might have during our church times, but also small groups during the week.

This is partly because Jesus wants us to be all-loving. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46) So, in order to grow well with someone we belong with, we need to be with and love others while we are sharing with each other.

And, in Christian groups, we can have conversations with people of interest but while others are also sharing with us, and can help us and give us feedback.

This can be so we get to know someone while he or she is relating with others, but also so others can help us grow and learn how to be real with God and relate in love. And see if really growing in Jesus has us still staying with the one we might have gotten attracted to.

I suspect we can be too fast to isolate ourselves with someone we are interested in; we might feel "compatible", but maybe so we want to be only with that person. But this can bring isolation and we can get "inbred" with who and what we can want. Instead, I think in Jesus we need to be family . . . so we can readily enjoy and benefit from being together with our different brothers and sisters. This includes being with ones more mature than we are, so we are feeding on their example which is correcting us along with whoever is closer to us and we consider for marriage.

Yes, we might belong with a certain person, but in Jesus we need others to feed us and help us to get real correction. I notice how with my lady friend I can be very into correcting her, but this is limited to how I can see her at my level of maturity. Also, we can "inbreed" with each other > our "honesty" with each other can be limited to helping us get what we can want to use each other for. This sort of "compatibility" needs correction. And in groups with different ages and callings of people, God can use these others while He has us helping them, too . . . as sharing family.

Love works as family, not only by being isolated couples. And I have maybe seen how a "Christian" couple can be agreed with each other, but they mostly share with "friends" who are not Christians. It seems they can't handle evaluation and criticism; so they can fit only with ones who are worldly.

So, yes . . . I think . . . if you are in a group with everyone the same, somehow, this too can isolate and inbreed you . . . with others of the same interests and abilities and resources and level of maturity.

Our Tuesday small group is at risk of this > yes, we do have older people, but they are having deep problems, instead of being mature role models ready to help other people. Ones have been in relationships or married, and broken, and are "leftovers" that you do not want to feed on; and I suspect this is because in the United States there is the idol of independence which has had people seeking what they want and only getting involved with the people they can use; and they have had no or little sharing and answering to others as family; they have not made sure they share with much more mature people and couples, and feed on their example.

And, "of course" . . . if their older family members have also been into independence, they can not be role models for the younger ones.

We need our example leaders >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And I think an example is someone you know personally, in real life, so you can feed on the example of this person. But I find that there are ordained people who do not do well in personal relating and sharing, because they have not developed as family in Jesus. In 1 Timothy 3:1-10 Paul says a pastor needs to be proven in his own home first, so we know if he is qualified to "take care of the church of God". He needs to learn how to rule in his own home, I think this means, with his own family - - - so we know he is able to take care of people in our Father's family caring and sharing way.

So - - - we need pastors who have been proven in their own homes and marriages, first, so we know they can rule (Hebrews 13:17) and care for people in our Father's family way. We need, then, ones whom God trusts to rule and care for us (Hebrews 13:17), and therefore He expects us to trust His approved leaders. But I suspect there are ones who stay in churches with no-show pastors, so they can just criticize their leaders and feel excused from getting real correction, themselves > Hebrews 12:4-11.

So, the groups I mean include mature role model people to feed our relating with someone who is "compatible" with us, and this under God's approved example leaders . . . "not being our own independent do-it-ourselfers" (Luke 9:23). If we have different people who are mature and for real, they can help us get correction and maturing in real loving . . . so we don't only fall in infatuation and gradually fall apart, but grow in love.

 

[blackribbon]

When I say groups can be good, I do not mean finding a special group where we can select someone we want or it is meant for us to discover who we belong with. But I mean it can be good to get to know people while we are in group situations, including the whole church group we share with during Sunday worship and evening services, and the little conversation groups we might have during our church times, but also small groups during the week.

This is partly because Jesus wants us to be all-loving. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46) So, in order to grow well with someone we belong with, we need to be with and love others while we are sharing with each other.

And, in Christian groups, we can have conversations with people of interest but while others are also sharing with us, and can help us and give us feedback.

This can be so we get to know someone while he or she is relating with others, but also so others can help us grow and learn how to be real with God and relate in love. And see if really growing in Jesus has us still staying with the one we might have gotten attracted to.

I suspect we can be too fast to isolate ourselves with someone we are interested in; we might feel "compatible", but maybe so we want to be only with that person. But this can bring isolation and we can get "inbred" with who and what we can want. Instead, I think in Jesus we need to be family . . . so we can readily enjoy and benefit from being together with our different brothers and sisters. This includes being with ones more mature than we are, so we are feeding on their example which is correcting us along with whoever is closer to us and we consider for marriage.

Yes, we might belong with a certain person, but in Jesus we need others to feed us and help us to get real correction. I notice how with my lady friend I can be very into correcting her, but this is limited to how I can see her at my level of maturity. Also, we can "inbreed" with each other > our "honesty" with each other can be limited to helping us get what we can want to use each other for. This sort of "compatibility" needs correction. And in groups with different ages and callings of people, God can use these others while He has us helping them, too . . . as sharing family.

Love works as family, not only by being isolated couples. And I have maybe seen how a "Christian" couple can be agreed with each other, but they mostly share with "friends" who are not Christians. It seems they can't handle evaluation and criticism; so they can fit only with ones who are worldly.

So, yes . . . I think . . . if you are in a group with everyone the same, somehow, this too can isolate and inbreed you . . . with others of the same interests and abilities and resources and level of maturity.

Our Tuesday small group is at risk of this > yes, we do have older people, but they are having deep problems, instead of being mature role models ready to help other people. Ones have been in relationships or married, and broken, and are "leftovers" that you do not want to feed on; and I suspect this is because in the United States there is the idol of independence which has had people seeking what they want and only getting involved with the people they can use; and they have had no or little sharing and answering to others as family; they have not made sure they share with much more mature people and couples, and feed on their example.

And, "of course" . . . if their older family members have also been into independence, they can not be role models for the younger ones.

We need our example leaders >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And I think an example is someone you know personally, in real life, so you can feed on the example of this person. But I find that there are ordained people who do not do well in personal relating and sharing, because they have not developed as family in Jesus. In 1 Timothy 3:1-10 Paul says a pastor needs to be proven in his own home first, so we know if he is qualified to "take care of the church of God". He needs to learn how to rule in his own home, I think this means, with his own family - - - so we know he is able to take care of people in our Father's family caring and sharing way.

So - - - we need pastors who have been proven in their own homes and marriages, first, so we know they can rule (Hebrews 13:17) and care for people in our Father's family way. We need, then, ones whom God trusts to rule and care for us (Hebrews 13:17), and therefore He expects us to trust His approved leaders. But I suspect there are ones who stay in churches with no-show pastors, so they can just criticize their leaders and feel excused from getting real correction, themselves > Hebrews 12:4-11.

So, the groups I mean include mature role model people to feed our relating with someone who is "compatible" with us, and this under God's approved example leaders . . . "not being our own independent do-it-ourselfers" (Luke 9:23). If we have different people who are mature and for real, they can help us get correction and maturing in real loving . . . so we don't only fall in infatuation and gradually fall apart, but grow in love.

I understood exactly what you meant...but the day-to-day people I interact with are "parent" groups (who I assume are married unless I have reason to believe otherwise and if they are single, then usually they are female), women only (most Bible study/church groups for my age group that aren't aimed at married couples), and career oriented (again, a very female). I don't know where to even begin to look for "co-ed" groups that have singles to socialize with.

 

[com7fy8]

I understood exactly what you meant...

Thank you (c:

I don't know where to even begin to look for "co-ed" groups that have singles to socialize with.

For a while, I was offering in prayer about if God wanted me to share with someone in a close companionship, even if not marriage . . . perhaps a celibate covenant companionship. And there was no one in church or groups who shared much with me. But I would appreciate each moment with any person. Hebrews 13:5 says, "be content with such things as you have", in this verse.

So, I applied this to how much time and sharing I had with each person > be content. And a little at a time . . . with me growing, I would say . . . my relating has increased and I have my lady friend now. But this means I need plenty of correction so I do well with her and others we are involved with. With having her I have all her people she cares for and helps and shares with. So, loving them all dearly is included in the package deal of being in all-loving love with each other (c:

 

[Sir Robbins]

See, relationships are complicated because people change. Some change drastically, some change over decades, but so many marriages fail because a spouse is like, "you're not the man/woman I married."

sometimes the problem is that they are STILL the person they married. I can't tell you the number of divorces I have seen because the women could not change their husbands. They desired them to be different or change after marrying and oddly enough, it was the woman who changed and became bitter about the lack of change in their husbands and began resentment and withholding which lead the guy to other things. Ultimately, this behavior leaves the guy confused.

ATTENTION women:
When you get with a guy, if you don't accept him the way he his before marriage, DON'T marry him!

 

[com7fy8]

so many marriages fail because a spouse is like, "you're not the man/woman I married."

sometimes the problem is that they are STILL the person they married.

And possibly one spouse did not see how the other was, but married who the spouse supposed the other was. And after we have been doing more of different things of our lives with each other, things can be drawn out of us into the open.

So . . . I understood that if I got in love with my lady friend, it was quite possible that I would not really know her, though I was "in love" with her. So, I trusted God to decide and guide if He wanted us together; and I would need to have "longsuffering" (Ephesians 4:2), and refuse to accept any excuse to get bitter at her > Colossians 3:19. And, yes, things have turned out very differently than they were, at first. And I think of how Jesus sent disciples out in pairs; do you suppose the guys Jesus assigned to each other were compatible with each other?

 

[Gnarwhal]

sometimes the problem is that they are STILL the person they married. I can't tell you the number of divorces I have seen because the women could not change their husbands. They desired them to be different or change after marrying and oddly enough, it was the woman who changed and became bitter about the lack of change in their husbands and began resentment and withholding which lead the guy to other things. Ultimately, this behavior leaves the guy confused.

ATTENTION women:
When you get with a guy, if you don't accept him the way he his before marriage, DON'T marry him!

Whoa. Have we met before? Because you just described my situation.

 

[Sir Robbins]

haha I don't believe so. I have seen that scenario so many times, it's rather sad.