Come on in, the coffee's hot

[Soulwings]

Tracey, the photos are gorgeous!! Wow, that house/mansion/hall is really amazing... it looks somewhat like an old house that my uncle and aunt bought... beautiful. The ceremony must've been gorgeous as well, wow. And you're right, your nephew is adorable!

And yes, it was quite warm when we went swimming - 75'F here (23.8'C) - and during the day it had been 88'F (31'C). Yesterday was a beast, though, at 95'F (35'C). This summer is a killer.

Hannah, I'm so glad that you get the chance to get out and be around people your age-ish. That's something that I'd like to be able to do... my church does have YA groups, but I don't have transportation there, and anyway, I wouldn't want to go alone. Maybe when Jarrod gets here, we'll get more involved... but kudos to you for getting involved, especially when you're feeling so crappy!!

I hope all goes well when you speak with your therapist... sometimes their expectations are way too high, but maybe she'll realise that you've been applying a lot and just can't do any more than what you're already doing. (Have you tried telling her this??) *snuggles* Thinking of and praying for you, beautiful. Just keep hanging in there. And yes, do please tell someone about the suicidal thoughts if you feel as though there is any likelihood at all of you acting on them. SU stuff is nothing to play around with. Trust me *hands on experience* :-S


I'm doing okay. I guess y'all are right, it never is too early to start planning a wedding. See, I know that I'm going to have 3 bridesmaids, and Jarrod can definitely come up with 3 groomsmen. The fourth bridesmaid that I'd ask is only 13 right now, but by the time we get married she'd be 14 - 16, so that's okay. And I think that Jarrod could probably easily think of a fourth, and plus, he'll be meeting people out here and making friends and all of that. We put our heads together and worked on a guest list - I came up with about 30 people, and he thinks that he'll be inviting 30 - 40 people. Ack. I guess it'll still be a small wedding, though, cos of course some people won't (be able to) come. Hehe.

Today is going to be busy... I've got a nutritionist appointment, and I need to get my lithium level taken at the hospital afterwards... and we're running errands before all of that. I think I'm going to get some soy ice cream from the store... I heard from a good friend of mine that it's delicious, so I'll give it a go. Soy products rock my world. I don't mind dairy so much, but soy keeps me from eating meat. Whew!!

Other than that, not much is new really. I'm planning on going biking in a few minutes - stationary biking, so I can read while I do so. Sounds cheating, yes, but it's a lovely way to get mad exercise while enjoying yourself.

My life is so completely and utterly boring.

 

[dnihila]

And here is the blouse Yahoooooooo ready with the necklace..... We really need shoes people!
Do you think that we need to change the bag ????LOL

 

[dnihila]

How are you all ?I have found some really nice pictures
Congratulations for the ones who are getting married TLB and Imarie the first picture of the birds look amazing how every bird stays in its place but they are not on the same level. And Mask how are you my friend?That they are ranked. May Allah be Praised. Play with us all of you some games!!!!Like hide and seek LOL

 

[lmarie23]

hi everyone!!

i got a job i got a job i got a job i got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm soooo excited! i interviewed at this place Monday morning, to work at a group home with people with mental handicaps and developmental disabilities. i think the interview went ok. they said they had one full time position open and a number of part time positions. i was hoping for full time but i didn't know if i would get it. then today i interviewed at a different place working with more independent mentally-handicapped adults. but it was just part-time. anyways, while i was at the interview today, i got a phone call saying that the first place was offering me a job!!!!!!!!! so i called them back and they said they were offering me a part-time second shift job, but that there was a possibility of a full-time job being open, they just weren't sure (I guess the first full-time job was taken, but there might be a second full-time job). then they called me back an hour later and offered me a full-time job!!!! i was so excited. it'd be working in a group home with severely disturbed or handicapped men, second shift (2:30-10:30 or something). i think it would be challenging but maybe i could really make a positive impact on these men, what a great opportunity! and it would be more fulfilling than my current part-time job in retail. i'm just so psyched! i've been calling everyone i know to tell them but most people are not there.

in other news, one of my good friends is now in jail. she was just sentenced to a year in prison for stealing someone's check. we were best friends in high school, it hurts me so much to see how she's changed and all that she's been through as a result of her bad choices. she sounded so scared on the phone today when she called me collect from jail. i just talked to a few weeks ago, when she was visiting me, and she seemed to be doing so well, really getting her life turned around. it's sad.

sorry, i'm very talkative. i've been reading all your entries as well, sorry i haven't responded to them.

April, i don't think your life is boring! it sounds like you are always up to interesting things and have interesting things to say. plus planning a wedding and such is so exciting!

TLB, loved the pictures from the wedding! thanks for sharing them! your nephew is so cute! I love weddings!

Hannah, i'm so glad you have that group of friends to support you. i can definitely understand being frustrated with not finding a job, i've been looking for once since December, when i graduated college, and it's been quite frustrating. i finally found one, but it was a really hard search, especially since i dont' have much self-confidence and don't interview well. I hope that you start feeling better.

Judy, hope the results are good! i'm glad your parents are understanding...

Dnhila, nice shirt! I'll have to work on finding shoes.... I hope you are doing well.

Mask, how are you doing?

sorry about this long post, talk to you all later!

Lynne

 

[HannahBanana]

Tracey ~ Those photos are great. Whose wedding are they from? Oh, and your nephew is too cute! I love the faces he's making in both pictures.

Thanks for the well-wishes, by the way. Glad you're doing well.

April ~ Good luck on planning the wedding! And I hope everything is going (or went) well today. Oh, and I enjoy stationary biking as well, only for me it's because I have balance issues (due to my Asperger's Syndrome) and with a stationary bike, I don't have to worry about falling off the bike as a result of those issues. I myself don't own a stationary bike (since there's no room for it in my bedroom or in any other part of the house), but my grandparents do, and I always enjoy using it when I visit them. And don't worry, your life doesn't sound boring. It just sounds normal, like the life of any other college student.

As for me, I promise (pinky swear!) that I won't let myself commit suicide. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for 11 years now and have yet to act on them. They're more just a form of release for me than anything else. They help me deal with my pain, rather than making it worse.

And I'll try to let my therapist know how I feel, but that sort of thing is hard for a people-pleaser like me. I'd rather not make her angry at me, which I'm guessing she will be after I criticize her like that. Though I guess since she'll already be disappointed in me, it'll be okay to add a bit of anger to the mix.

Lynne ~ Congrats on getting a job! I'm so happy for you! I really hope this job lasts for a good, long time, and that you enjoy working there. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, though. I hope she learns a lesson from being in jail, and I hope she never even tries to steal (checks or otherwise) again. She'll be in my prayers.

 

[gracechick]

Hi to all

I have been following, but it has been crazy here. Dh went on to his seminar & then we he got back we found out that a man he knows was diagnosed with cancer. So he had plans to go visit, but shortly found out the man was not well at all. He went home rather quickly & I'll leave it at that.

Happier note:Tracey loved your pics...they cheered me up. I love seagulls I actually have family that live in suburband Houston. Would like to go back again & enjoy more of it like you did. What a cute baby...

You 2 all the best in your wedding plans. The planning will make you crazy at times, but it will all be worth it. Try to absorb all you can of this time in your life. Great advice.
Thanks for the invite April & Dhnhila

Yes Lynn hope the first bit on the job goes well.

Mask how are things for you?

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Lynne - congrats on getting a job, it sounds like such a great challenge! I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

April - how did the nutritionist appointment go?

Hannah - I really do hope things start getting better for you. It was my cousin's wedding.

Dnihila - hi, how are you doing?

Gracechick - hi, its nice to hear from you again.

I'm doing fine still, work's going well.

 

[Soulwings]

Lynne, I'm so glad to hear that you got the job that you wanted! That's fantastic. I hope that it works out and is all that you've hoped it is. When do you start? and what exactly will you be doing? Let us know all the details!!

I'm sorry to hear about your friend as well. I hope that she learns from her mistakes, though - that's really the most positive thing that can be said about the situation. Hopefully the year will pass swiftly. Is she a Christian?

Hannah, *snuggles* Suicidal feelings are no good, even if they're not going to be acted on. They were really bad for me about a year and a half ago... I actually attempted twice, got in the psych ward once for an attempt, and then got in twice again for not being able to promise my counselor that I would be safe. Heh. So yes.... please don't let it get any further than thoughts. Have you mentioned the suicidal thoughts to your therapist? And btw, are you on any meds? (Sorry I'm so nosy )

Tracey, anything exciting going on at work? How did those two assignments go, that you had to do awhile back? And do you have any plans for this weekend?

Gracechick, good to see you again! I'm sorry to hear about your husband's friend... :-( Cancer is such a horrible thing. I hope everything turns out okay... I'll be praying for y'all. *hugs*

Mask, how are you doing? how's your family? and how are you managing with your kids being back at home?


I'm .... ehh, I've been better. I had my nutritionist appointment yesterday, and I've lost another pound (not really a big deal to y'all, I suppose, but it is to me as I've been at this weight for a long time, and maybe this is time for me to start losing, like I was supposed to do a year ago!!). However, on a related note, I'm just getting so SICK of eating. I'm a vegetarian, so sometimes it seems like I've got a limited variety of food I can eat, but I really don't. The thing is, I have to be careful of how many calories that I eat, so it gets really restrictive, and that's frustrating. I'm tired of having to keep count of calories, of having my life ruled by when I have to eat (5x a day), of the whole crappy recovery process. EDs are hell on earth, and I've been dealing with this hell for 2 years now. Isn't it ever going to end? How many years is it going to take for me to be able to feel hungry again? for me to be able to eat a slice of bread without feeling guilty? for me to have dessert and not feeling like a freaking pig, no matter what dessert, no matter what portion size? ARGHHHH!

And I got my lithium level taken yesterday. Hehe, that's the 5th time I've been to that hos in the past year. Four times for bloodwork, and once for the ER.

In other news... today I made a stunning maple walnut cream fudge, most of which I will be mailing to Jarrod... my mum and I went strawberry picking, for strawberry jam... I printed off the first movement of another sonata, by Bach... and I've gotten loads of exercise in, and reading as well. I'm almost done with The Testament by John Grisham. Tomorrow I'm planning on skirting the wool (it has GOT to be done, procrastinator that I am), and doing who knows what else. Exercising, probably.

 

[Soulwings]

Umm wow.... where is everyone??

**BUMP**

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Hi everybody, I didn't have a internet connection at home this whole weekend so I had to wait until I got to work today. I don't know where everybody else is though.

Mask - how are you doing? You haven't been around for quite a while.

April - I did eventually get those assignments done. I handed in two more yesterday and I've got another one to work one that's a bit overdue but I do get an extension. I didn't do any exciting over the weekend.
Did you get that wool skirted? I really don't know what that means but it sounds interesting.

I'm doing okay, nothing interesting at all to report. My nephew is getting his two front teeth at the bottom, he's so cute. Varsity is going okay, I should be working harder but its so difficult to focus sometimes especially if the work's difficult.

 

[Mask]

Hello everyone! Sorry I haven't been around for quite a few days ( I have peeked in a few times but just didn't bother to say anything). Don't really have an excuse...just didn't feel like it, I guess . Well actually I've been spending my computer time focusing on debt management and frugal living . Not very exciting really. I'm just trying to put all my focus on learning how to save money and become debt free....some day .

Everything's fine with me. Nothing very exciting to comment on. Hubby and kids are good. My son is on his year end field trip today. He has a half day tomorrow at school but I think he is going to just skip that, so today is his last day of school. From how they (both kids) have been acting (especially towards each other), I think it might be a loooong summer . My son has been quite hyper for some reason and talking constaintly lately. I'm so used to be alone now, it's so quiet in the house, I hate all the noise of the t.v, video game and them yacking . Oh well, I'll get through it o.k.

I have an worship gig/thingy I have to do on friday night. It's for a Living Waters conference (inner healing stuff). I promised the couple running it (older friends of ours) that I would lead the worship because I really felt like I needed to do something to minister to hurting people (I feel anointed to lead worship at those sort of things) but the closer it gets the more I wish I wasn't doing it! I'm getting nervous about the unknowns of the whole thing! It's at a church that I've never sung at before so I don't know who the sound people, etc are or the layout of the stage, etc. I don't like not knowing what to expect! I'm getting anxious about it all now and would just like to run and hide. I won't do that to them, because I promised and they need me, but I'd sure like to back out now. I hate when I get like that! It sucks!

Lynne, I'm really glad you got a job you like!

Congrats April on the weight loss...every pounds counts...just look at a pound of butter...that adds up to a lot!

What seminar was your husband attending gracechick?

Hello to everybody else!

dnihila, I tried to play your game but I'm a computer dummy and don't know how to put pictures on here...sorry, I tried!

 

[dnihila]

Mask Those Cookies Are For You

If you want to post pictures just open any page of the net and copy an image then paste in here

 

[dnihila]

 

[Soulwings]

Tracey, skirting the wool means trimming around the edges to get the lanolin/manure caked wool clumps off the fleece, so the fleece is relatively clean and ready for washing. Trimming can also be done on the belly wool, which gets pretty snarly and dirty as well. (Oh, and lanolin is the oil that sheep give off in order to keep themselves waterproofed. That's why sheep can survive outdoors without much shelter, and goats can't. The lanolin is produced under the front and back legs and behind the ears.) And yep, I got one fleece skirted - it's now filled up a feed bag, which is as tall as my waist!

There, more than you probably ever wanted to know about sheep!! I'll keep you guys 'updated' on how the project is coming. I'm pretty excited about the whole deal, actually.

Mask, sounds like you've got a lot going on, what with the kids being home and being a handful ;-) and the worship gig to prep for! I hope that it all goes well for you - I understand what you mean about feeling as though God is leading you to help hurting people like that - He's prompted me to do things like that as well, except mine took the form of forming an ED support group at my uni and sharing my testimony at other places, rather than leading worship. But any way that we can provide peace and strength and encouragement to those who need it ... is a good thing!! I think you'll do fine - although I understand your trepidation! Doing gigs at unknown locations can be pretty freaky. Will you get a prep night for it??

Dnihila, how're you doing??


I'm doing alright. I'm taking my road test on 18 July, so prayers about that would be appreciated! Counseling is going really tough right now - we're talking about things that I really don't want to be talking about (but isn't there a saying that "healing is a painful process"??). And ... other than that, things are fine. Lots of exercising, lots of reading, not too much sleeping. Some worries about Jarrod - hell, I hate miscommunication! We're both going to be so wicked glad once he's living here. Just 2 1/2 months left......... God willing, that is.

*hugs for all, to go along with dnihila's cookies!*

 

[Mask]

Yum...yum...yum...delicious! I really shouldn't eat cookies though, I need to lose weight . Thanks dnihila! Does the school you teach at let out for the summer? If so, what are you doing to keep yourself busy?

April...actually my sons is quiet as a mouse today figures!

I won't get a prep night, we will just have to go a few hours before the meeting and set up and practise. I'm sure it will go fine, this always happens to me, anxiety starts to set in and I want to run! It always turn out good in the end.

I'll pray for your road test ! Did you clear things up with Jarrod yet? Better to get it straightened out instead of letting things fester!

Well, gotta go, my son is bugging me about what's for supper ...I get sick of coming up with ideas about what to cook! I'd like to go on strike !

Have a great evening all!

 

[Jo1]

Hi everyone hope all ok. sorry havent been round much of late. been poorly last five days.
http://www.christianforums.com/t5586268-please-pray-for-my-healing.html
we are getting there i hope! god bless got to go now. im tired and back to bed again. love Jo

 

[Soulwings]

Mask, I've gotten things sort of straightened out with Jarrod. I'm still worried about him, though.... he's really stressed with work and all, and I mentioned the idea of his moving here sooner. He's actually considering it () but I'm not going to let myself get too excited about it. It would mean his forsaking 2 1/2 months of pay........ but at the same time, it would mean relief of stress, more likelihood of finding a job and an apartment, and more time to spend with me before I get swallowed up in uni (which would be going on when he gets here if he were to come in the middle of September). So... I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see what he decides. Pros and cons either way, but in my mind, more pros my way! And it's not just cos I want to see him sooner, either... and I've made that clear to him as well... although I do, it's more for his own good that I think that he should get out of that job ASAP. Rotating shifts and putting up with the people there are both putting him on the edge. :-/

Anywayy. Best of luck on the gig - deep breaths, m'dear! Anxiety sucks and it's hard not to let it get to you, but you've done this before, so you'll be able to do it again, and pull it off wonderfully per usual. Hey, if I've got confidence in you, then imagine how much more confidence people around you must have in you! Plus, if this is where God is leading you to serve, then He must place wicked amounts of confidence in your ability to do what He asks of you.


The rest of my life is going okay, nothing spectacular has gone on since yesterday. It reached a record 97'F (36'C, I think) in the sun this afternoon..... definitely a day to stay inside with the AC on (thank God for AC!!). My mum and I went for a walk early this morning before we ran errands, and it was nice to be able to just relax and get some exercise and chat with her about anything and everything. Wedding stuff came up quite a bit, though, I've got to admit. ;-) I've also been working on quite a lot of piano music - I love classical music, and am just getting into the third movement of the Sonata Pathetique, by Beethoven. I've done the second, and I daren't do the first yet since it is so difficult!!

Anyway... I hope that you all are doing well. Jo, you're in my prayers. *big hugs*

 

[lmarie23]

hi everyone.

i hope you all are well. Mask, I hope that worship thing goes well, though I'm sure it will. I have confidence in you .

April, I hope that you and Jarrod figure out whether he should come earlier or not, and that the best conclusion is reached. I'm sorry to hear that his work is hard for him now, and I hope he finds a good new job near you once he moves there. I'm glad you're playing the piano, I need to do that, haven't in a while.

Jo, hugs for you. I hope you start doing better soon!

Dnhila, thanks for the cookies! I hope you are well.

TLB, Judy, Gracechick, Hannah, and anyone I forgot, I hope you are all well!

So I go in tomorrow to my new job to fill out paperwork and do some computer training, and then I start orientation Monday. I'm getting really nervous about it. I just want to do well at this job so badly, and I want to like it and be able to stay there for a while. It seems a bit silly that I'll be teaching life skills to men mostly older than me, when I've never lived on my own except if you count dorms and a few months in a halfway house. I'm not the best cook, I just know how to follow a recipe, and I don't have much experience with cleaning, my mom doesn't have me do much around the house. that's what i'm nervous about, whether i'm knowledgeable enough to teach things and not look like i don't know what i'm talking about. i don't mind asking for help from the other staff, but i don't want them to think i'm incompetent...

i'm not as nervous about the part people expect me to be nervous about, about dealing with mentally handicapped people and trying to handle some difficult personalities. i think i'm a pretty patient person and i really like getting to know people and i love the opportunity to help people and teach them things. i've loved my experiences tutoring/teaching things to people. and when things bother me i usually don't let it show, so i think that is good too.

well anyways, i just really want it to go well. i need to keep praying about it. i think with God's help i could do a lot of good in this place, but i definitely can't do it on my own!

sorry this is so long, i'm very talkative. it's been kind of a rough week, i'm struggling a bit with depression, but i haven't fallen into any tempation because i keep telling myself i have to keep myself healthy if i'm going to be an example for others in this new job. so that has been good motivation. ok, that's all for now... hopefully tomorrow goes well!

Lynne

 

[Soulwings]

Lynne, how did the paperwork and training go yesterday? I hope it went well; sounds like you're really "gung-ho" about this job and that is a wonderful thing for employers to see in a new hiree! I think you will do quite well; patience is one of the most important skills/qualities needed in someone dealing with those who have mental issues of any sort, so I have confidence in you that you will be wonderful there. It'll take a bit to orient yourself, but that's the same with every job. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!!

And I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling a bit with depression - it never seems to go away, and that is probably the most frustrating thing about it! Just when you think you've got it licked, it comes back again.... oh well. We'll overcome someday, I suppose.


And yep, I'm talkative too. It's 3am here and I'm wicked tired, so technically I probably shouldn't be posting, but oh well. Things on my end aren't really going great... I've been lying in bed fantasizing about cutting and hurting things/people, so I figured I'd better get up and distract myself til I can get sleepy again. I had my nutritionist appointment yesterday, and found out that I've retained over a litre of fluid (2.2lbs+), which puts me at the same weight I was last year at this time. And that is INCREDIBLY depressing, because I've been meant to lose weight..... it's so frustrating, because if I don't drink enough (8 cups/day now) then I retain fluid, and if I don't eat enough (~1200 cals/day) then I gain weight. So I've been trying to drink enough, eat enough, AND get enough exercise (I wear a pedometer, and he wants in between 7000 and 10000 steps/day, which for me is a little over two and a little over three miles, respectively, PLUS any extra activity, like racquetball/biking/swimming). So it's all balancing on a fine line between perfection and weight loss, and imperfection and weight gain. There is no grey. And that is driving me insane.

I'm also going out to lunch tomorrow with my old violin/viola teacher. We haven't talked in a year and a half, so it'll be lovely to catch up on all of her news/share all of mine.... except she hasn't seen my scars (over a hundred on both arms combined) and I've gained 35lbs since the last time she saw me. AND I have no idea what we'll be eating, which terrifies me. If it's meat, I'm just going to have to grin and bear it and get it down without gagging (I'm a vegetarian). Soo... ugh.

And that's about all that's really new, other than the fact that Jarrod can't come here earlier. Which is ALSO depressing and frustrating, because if he DID come earlier, I'd be able to spend more time with him. As it is, he'll be coming in the middle of a semester and I'm going to be freaking busy.

Oh well. Life goes on, I guess, right? and I'd better get back to bed...

*snuggles*

 

[Jeshu]

G'day haven't been for ages and I see a lot of new faces peering at me over their cuppa coffee. Hope I'm still welcome.
Haven't got much to say though, been going really good, had a wonderful holiday but now I'm back home and depression is knocking back on my door. Anyway I hope you good people stay well.