Come on in, the coffee's hot

[lmarie23]

I was a children's book illustration major in college. I would like to pursue that, but I think of that as more of a long-term goal. Right now I'm looking for a job in a library or bookstore, or as a secretary, something like that.

Linda called a bit ago and said she's in my town but she has a flat tire! she was supposed to get here over an hour ago, I thought. So she called AAA for help. I wish I could help but I don't know how to change a tire. So I guess I'm just waiting... She was surprised that I'm the only one here, guess she didn't get my message. I hope she isn't too disappointed it's just me. And I hope she gets here in time for us to have dinner! I worked so hard on this nice dinner, I want her to be able to enjoy it.

I've read Ayn Rand, the Fountainhead. I thought it was ok; I guess I didn't agree with the philosophy but I thought it was a well-written book.

I took advanced logic in college and absolutely loved it! it was so fun, i thought. i did quite well in the class, which was mostly philosophy majors. i even won an award for top philosophy student because of it. ok, now i sound like i'm bragging. i'm really not that conceited or anything.

I hope that you get to see your fiance those extra hours, April. And Mask, I'm glad that your meeting today went ok.

man, I hope Linda comes soon! i keep jumping up because i think i hear a car door. but of course there's never anything...

Lynne

 

[Soulwings]

Aww, I hope that things worked out with Linda! That's a bummer about the flat tire and also about her not getting the message. I'm sure that she wouldn't be disappointed, though.

I didn't agree with Ayn Rand's philosophy either (objectivism? or am I forgetting?), but I also liked the story, and figured that she wrote well enough for me to get the other two.

I'm having a rough night... per usual? .... and I've not drunk near enough today... supposed to be at 6 cups all this week, and right now I'm pulling 2 1/2 for the entire day. Ughhh.

 

[lmarie23]

1. The ugliest things that happened in your life

being handcuffed and put it in a mental hospital against my will, being forced to drink shots by two men in China

2. The people that you hate the most

i don't really hate anyone, but right now I have issues with this guy who thinks I fake my mental illness, he thinks i just want attention, and that really hurts and upsets me

3. The dark side of you

i don't know if i want to share...

4. The worst depression moments

ditto

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you

were depressed

i don't know, i don't think i'm that crazy

1. The prettiest things that happened in your life

here's a story:
i was studying abroad in China and i had been sick a lot, so i was sleeping weird hours. i was up one morning at 5 am and it was light out, so i decided to take a walk. i went outside my dorm (i lived in a dorm for international students) and i ran into one of the Mexican students from my dorm, i had seen him around though never talked to him. he was back from a run and i asked him if he would like to walk up the mountain with me. he said yes, so we went for a walk. we talked a little as we walked up the mountain. his name was Fuaud, i learned, and his dad was Palestinian and his mom was Mexican but he was raised in Mexico. as we were coming down the other side of the mountain, we watched the sun rise and looked over this pretty garden there. "Piaoliang!" i exclaimed. what does that mean? he asked. "It means beautiful in Chinese." i said. "Piaoliang," he said. "oh, you think it's beautiful too?" "No, I think you are beautiful."

other beautiful things: meeting my good friends, spending time with family, having the opportunity to travel (particularly to China)

2. The people that you love the most

my family, my friends Natalie, Holly, Eric, Bob, Jill, Sarah, Megan, Molly

3. The bright side of you

drawing pictures, playing the piano and viola, painting, writing poetry, having fun with friends

4. The happiest depression moments or funniest

fun times with my roommate Lisa at the halfway house, having her do my hair and dress me up cute

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were happy , not depressed

i don't know, like i said before i'm not that crazy

 

[lmarie23]

Aww, I hope that things worked out with Linda! That's a bummer about the flat tire and also about her not getting the message. I'm sure that she wouldn't be disappointed, though.

I didn't agree with Ayn Rand's philosophy either (objectivism? or am I forgetting?), but I also liked the story, and figured that she wrote well enough for me to get the other two.

I'm having a rough night... per usual? .... and I've not drunk near enough today... supposed to be at 6 cups all this week, and right now I'm pulling 2 1/2 for the entire day. Ughhh.

things ended up working out with Linda, AAA came and replaced her tire with her spare. she got here at 6:20 or so. she really liked the dinner i made, and i took her to the Sears Auto place to get her spare tire checked, to see if there was enough air in it. then we went to the concert, and came back here for dessert.

yes, objectivism is right.

i'm sorry you're having a rough night.

i can understand nights being rough, i keep going to bed early so i can avoid the struggles...

Lynne

 

[Soulwings]

I'm glad it all turned out well in the end.

Yeah. Nights are always bad. Bipolar swings, sometimes manic, sometimes depressive. And I'm an insomniac, so going to bed only increases the speed of the thoughts, and then I get really frustrated because I'm lying there and am not asleep. So.... that's why I'm up right now. I miss sleep.

Bleh. I could really use a chai latte right about now...

 

[Soulwings]

1. The ugliest things that happened in your life

Umm... probably me going homicidal. Thankfully I didn't tell anyone but my fiance at the time, so nothing was done about that. And of course, I didn't act on it... thankfully.

2. The people that you hate the most

Oh kerfuffle... I try not to hate anyone. The people that get on my nerves though, are usually tailgaters and pushy/unthoughtful people. Or those who take religion lightly ("Oh yeah, God is cool").

3. The dark side of you

Ummm... probably when I get into funks and daydream about what it would be like to cut. (As of today, I'm at day 301 of no cutting, but the urges are still there, and if I knew that it wouldn't hurt anyone around me, heck, I'd still be cutting.) Or daydream about committing suicide. Like I said.... dark.

4. The worst depression moments

*thinks* What are they like? Or when are they? Well, they're always at night. And what are they like... hmm... I don't know, I get into a funk and can't stop telling myself how much I hate myself, my life, the world, and how fat I am and how that's never going to go away, and how I don't believe in recovery at all. (This is where I currently am at the moment. It's nighttime, after all.)

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were depressed

Probably.... hmm. Causing soft tissue damage to my right hand. That was in November 2005. I was intending to break it, and was actually pretty sure that I had fractured it. That's what really led to my first psych ward stay; we went to the ER to get x-rays, and I had a psych eval once they found out that it was self-inflicted. I had to sign papers that night and my hand was so swollen I could barely hold the pen.


Then for a positive view switch the above into positive points:

1. The prettiest things that happened in your life

Umm, prettiest thing.... *thinks some more* Um, singing a goodbye song at camp with my crush and good friend (this was back when I was ... oh heck, 14?) .... it was dark except for candlelight and we were outside by the lake.... it was so calm and peaceful, and the song was lovely (damned but I can't remember it anymore, wish I could). And after accompanying an elementary school chorus at their spring concert, getting recognised and receiving a HUGE bouquet of flowers. That was the first time that that ever happened to me. And the last, actually.

2. The people that you love the most

My fiance ranks up at the very top. I would do anything for him that I know is what God wants. I love my online family, my real family, my best friends, and my uni friends. Basically everyone who is close to me and whom I trust. Hehe.

3. The bright side of you

Teehee. I don't know much about this one. I don't know, I've got a weird sense of humor (sometimes rather morbid, since I'm a psych major + corny sense of humor + bad mental illnesses). I like anything that has to do with music - I play three instruments well, and can play around with seven more. The best part of playing music is that it makes the people around me relax. And I love to do wedding gigs - I guess just serving people in general makes up the bright side of who I am. I don't know. Does that make any sense?

4. The happiest depression moments or funniest

Happiest depression moments? Hmmm. Isn't that like an oxymoron? I don't really know for this one. I know that there have been times that I've been crying over something and then somehow I managed to look at it objectively and see how ridiculous I was being... and then I laughed myself out of it (while crying at the same time). So... maybe not an oxymoron after all.

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were happy , not depressed

Oh goodness.... probably going shirtless at my friend's creek... that was hilarious. We were alone and it was hot (and in an isolated area), and it was rather a dare that I made myself. So I did it, and boy did it feel good! (Don't worry, I had a sports bra on underneath. Haha.) But talk about freedom... I've always complained about how guys can go around shirtless in their backyards and no one seems to mind... well, finally I got to see just why they do it. And it felt so good. And then we did each other's hair up really high and weird, thanks to the use of plenty of creek water. And then we dried off with my shirt, I put it back on, and we went up to her house where her mum was going to take me home. We stopped by a bookstore/antique/flea market on the way home, and with our crazy 'do's we went inside and attracted plenty of stares! (This, btw, was three years ago.)

Okay... I think you all know that I'm not really as mature as I seem.... But that's okay. Being immature sometimes keeps you young, as I've found out. And it's usually worth it, as long as you don't do anything stupid stupid. Stupid silly is okay. But stupid stupid isn't.

And it's late, and I'm definitely in a weird mood. So... that explains all.

 

[dnihila]

being handcuffed and put it in a mental hospital against my will, being forced to drink shots by two men in China



i don't really hate anyone, but right now I have issues with this guy who thinks I fake my mental illness, he thinks i just want attention, and that really hurts and upsets me



i don't know if i want to share...



ditto



i don't know, i don't think i'm that crazy



here's a story:
i was studying abroad in China and i had been sick a lot, so i was sleeping weird hours. i was up one morning at 5 am and it was light out, so i decided to take a walk. i went outside my dorm (i lived in a dorm for international students) and i ran into one of the Mexican students from my dorm, i had seen him around though never talked to him. he was back from a run and i asked him if he would like to walk up the mountain with me. he said yes, so we went for a walk. we talked a little as we walked up the mountain. his name was Fuaud, i learned, and his dad was Palestinian and his mom was Mexican but he was raised in Mexico. as we were coming down the other side of the mountain, we watched the sun rise and looked over this pretty garden there. "Piaoliang!" i exclaimed. what does that mean? he asked. "It means beautiful in Chinese." i said. "Piaoliang," he said. "oh, you think it's beautiful too?" "No, I think you are beautiful."

other beautiful things: meeting my good friends, spending time with family, having the opportunity to travel (particularly to China)



my family, my friends Natalie, Holly, Eric, Bob, Jill, Sarah, Megan, Molly



drawing pictures, playing the piano and viola, painting, writing poetry, having fun with friends



fun times with my roommate Lisa at the halfway house, having her do my hair and dress me up cute



i don't know, like i said before i'm not that crazy

Now read your answers again and try to figure out how many beautiful things in your life and put new words instead of the hidden ones.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

lmarie - that's a really nice major, you must be really talented. Working in a book store would be nice, and maybe you'd get a discount on books too.
I'm glad everything worked out with Linda.

April - I wish there was something that could be done so your nights aren't so bad. What are the days like?
You must feel so free now that summer's here.
Have you been doing anything interesting?

 

[dnihila]

1. The ugliest things that happened in your life

Umm... probably me going homicidal. Thankfully I didn't tell anyone but my fiance at the time, so nothing was done about that. And of course, I didn't act on it... thankfully.

2. The people that you hate the most

Oh kerfuffle... I try not to hate anyone. The people that get on my nerves though, are usually tailgaters and pushy/unthoughtful people. Or those who take religion lightly ("Oh yeah, God is cool").

3. The dark side of you

Ummm... probably when I get into funks and daydream about what it would be like to cut. (As of today, I'm at day 301 of no cutting, but the urges are still there, and if I knew that it wouldn't hurt anyone around me, heck, I'd still be cutting.) Or daydream about committing suicide. Like I said.... dark.

4. The worst depression moments

*thinks* What are they like? Or when are they? Well, they're always at night. And what are they like... hmm... I don't know, I get into a funk and can't stop telling myself how much I hate myself, my life, the world, and how fat I am and how that's never going to go away, and how I don't believe in recovery at all. (This is where I currently am at the moment. It's nighttime, after all.)

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were depressed

Probably.... hmm. Causing soft tissue damage to my right hand. That was in November 2005. I was intending to break it, and was actually pretty sure that I had fractured it. That's what really led to my first psych ward stay; we went to the ER to get x-rays, and I had a psych eval once they found out that it was self-inflicted. I had to sign papers that night and my hand was so swollen I could barely hold the pen.


Then for a positive view switch the above into positive points:

1. The prettiest things that happened in your life

Umm, prettiest thing.... *thinks some more* Um, singing a goodbye song at camp with my crush and good friend (this was back when I was ... oh heck, 14?) .... it was dark except for candlelight and we were outside by the lake.... it was so calm and peaceful, and the song was lovely (damned but I can't remember it anymore, wish I could). And after accompanying an elementary school chorus at their spring concert, getting recognised and receiving a HUGE bouquet of flowers. That was the first time that that ever happened to me. And the last, actually.


2. The people that you love the most

My fiance ranks up at the very top. I would do anything for him that I know is what God wants. I love my online family, my real family, my best friends, and my uni friends. Basically everyone who is close to me and whom I trust. Hehe.

3. The bright side of you

Teehee. I don't know much about this one. I don't know, I've got a weird sense of humor (sometimes rather morbid, since I'm a psych major + corny sense of humor + bad mental illnesses). I like anything that has to do with music - I play three instruments well, and can play around with seven more. The best part of playing music is that it makes the people around me relax. And I love to do wedding gigs - I guess just serving people in general makes up the bright side of who I am. I don't know. Does that make any sense?

4. The happiest depression moments or funniest

Happiest depression moments? Hmmm. Isn't that like an oxymoron? I don't really know for this one. I know that there have been times that I've been crying over something and then somehow I managed to look at it objectively and see how ridiculous I was being... and then I laughed myself out of it (while crying at the same time). So... maybe not an oxymoron after all.

5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were happy , not depressed

Oh goodness.... probably going shirtless at my friend's creek... that was hilarious. We were alone and it was hot (and in an isolated area), and it was rather a dare that I made myself. So I did it, and boy did it feel good! (Don't worry, I had a sports bra on underneath. Haha.) But talk about freedom... I've always complained about how guys can go around shirtless in their backyards and no one seems to mind... well, finally I got to see just why they do it. And it felt so good. And then we did each other's hair up really high and weird, thanks to the use of plenty of creek water. And then we dried off with my shirt, I put it back on, and we went up to her house where her mum was going to take me home. We stopped by a bookstore/antique/flea market on the way home, and with our crazy 'do's we went inside and attracted plenty of stares! (This, btw, was three years ago.)

Okay... I think you all know that I'm not really as mature as I seem.... But that's okay. Being immature sometimes keeps you young, as I've found out. And it's usually worth it, as long as you don't do anything stupid stupid. Stupid silly is okay. But stupid stupid isn't.

And it's late, and I'm definitely in a weird mood. So... that explains all.

Now read your answers again and try to figure out how many beautiful things in your life and put new words instead of the hidden ones.

 

[Mask]

Hi everyone! What's up today?? How you all doing? I'm fine. Spending way to much time on the computer this morning though ! Gotta get off of here soon and focus on something else...stop wasting time. Not that I have so much else to focus on today....very quiet and kinda boring !

Glad things worked out with Linda, Lynne! Is she gone now?

Funny when things that so concerned us, work out so good!! I read in a devotional yesterday about a Priest who created a "Worry Table" based on the problems people had brought to him over the years. This was what he found:

Worries about things that never happened--40%

Worries about past, unchangeable decisions--30%

Worries about illness that never happened--12%

Worries about adult children and friends (who were able to take care of themselves)--10%

Worries about real problems--8%

"According to his chart, 92% of all worries are about things we can't control, concerns which are better left to God"

Can you imagine that....92% of our worrying is in vain....we can do nothing about it or it never happens anyway so we just wasted all that time and energy for nothing!! Pretty stupid isn't it ? Just some food for thought!!

Have a good one! Chat at ya all later.

 

[Soulwings]

Tracey - I wish that something could be figured out, too. I'm on a mood stabilizer, but it's not helping as much as it should (although it's helped quite a bit - I'm not suicidal every night now, hehe), even at its highest dose of 400mg. I'm supposed to be switching soon to lithium, but I can't until I get my fluid intake up higher, and that is so hard for someone with an ED and who is scared of water weight. (Especially since I've retained nearly a litre in the past [i.e., last week ].) But anyway....

Days are usually okay. Sometimes the icky night thoughts carry over into the mornings and I feel like shyte still, but for the most part I can manage and not think about the bad stuff. I'm never really happy happy, but I can be contented and looking forward to stuff and all. And I can see the brighter side of things, and my blessings, etc. If only I could make nights like days... maybe lithium would help, maybe not. Maybe this is just how I'm going to have to live. I just really hope not. The mood swings are exhausting.

How are you doing this morning? Up to anything exciting?

It is lovely that summer is here.... I've mostly been sitting around and relaxing and resting - getting over the insomnia (even though it's come back, haha) - and reading quite a bit. I love being able to read and not feel guilty because I'm delaying studying or coursework assignments.


Mask - That is amazing, 92% of our worrying being in vain ..... a little scary, too, how easy it is to waste our lives like that, so to speak. I worry way too much about everything and anything, and I'm a control freak, so I guess that makes sense. :o But I'm trying not to freak out over stuff that I can't control..... talk about challenging! But thank you for sharing... I will tuck that away in my brain for future reference.

I hope you'll have a lovely day. What are you up to? Have any plans for the next few days? How are your kids doing?


I did make a chai latte last night, and it was fantabulous. Light vanilla soymilk boiled with a green chai teabag. I drank it while I was reading.... talk about relaxing. I was ready for sleep after that, since I'd already been up for two hours. Bleh.

*snuggles everyone* I hope you're all doing okay and feeling okay this morning.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Mask - thanks for that, its good to remember that worrying does us no good at all.

April - its good that you can be contented and look forward to things.

I'm doing okay, just been reading the hardest chapter in my whole Theory of Computer Science textbook. But I'm taking it slowly and its making sense and I'm understanding it which is good. It does help that I took the subject last year. Unfortunately I failed it last year which is why I'm redoing this year. April, I wish I could get good marks like you do.

I have been very focused tonight which is quite unusual. Sometimes I find it difficult to concentrate on a difficult subject for long lengths of time.

 

[jesusfreak220]

I love taking surveys and such so I'm glad to do it. lol

1. The ugliest things that happened in your life
The ugliest things... fighting with my family, hurting my parents/myself/my friends, the two years that I spent SIing on a regular basis
2. The people that you hate the most
I don't hate people but I do strongly dislike them! lol
3. The dark side of you
Mean, bossy, obnoxious, "rhymes with richy" if you know what i mean, depressed, inconsolable, isolated
4. The worst depression moments
When I sit on the couch curled up in a blanket not moving or doing anything
5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were depressed
I don't even know. I typically just get snippy

Then for a positive view switch the above into negative points:
1. The prettiest things that happened in your life
My baby sister, accepting Christ, living for Christ and all the blessings that's brought me even when it brings struggles too
2. The people that you love the most
my future husband (yes I love him already even though I don't know him yet), Christ, my family, my friends, my baby sister and my mum
3. The bright side of you
Happy, accomplished, decent singer/actress/student/sister, sarcastically funny, sharing G-d, loving
4. The happiest depression moments or funniest
ummm idk if there are any that i can think of.
5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were happy , not depressed
oh HAHAHA!!!! one thing, hun? let's go with singing Christmas carols at an amusement park in August while on a blind date. that guy didn't like me too much...

 

[Mask]

Good evening gals!

Glad to hear your concentration is good today Tracey! Sure helps when you can focus on the task at hand!

April--join the club...I worry way to much too!! I'm a lot better than I used to be but I've got a long way to go. I find it very hard not to dwell on things that are worrying me. I try to put them out of my head but they don't stay out for very long! I like to be in control too! I'm slowly working on that too. Thank God we see our issues and are working towards making them better .

I just finished a conversation with my daughter about not eating her lunch in school!!! I guess she hasn't been eating it for 4 YEARS now (she does eat some of it...rarely)!!! She just lied about it so I wouldn't get upset with her. I'm not concerned about an ED though, because she is a healthy weight and eats a hearty amount at home or when we go out. It's just a thing about eating in front of her peers (I had that too) at school. Boy it sure is hard, but I have to give up the control over her and what she eats...well when she isn't with me anyways . I can't growl at her to much about not eating in school because I think all I ate for lunch in high school most days was a bag of chips !! Very nutritious!!! I was so self-conscience that someone might look at me....I couldn't stand it or I would get in a panic about talking to the lunch lady....and what if they suddenly changed the price (that had been the same for the last three years ) and I didn't have enough money...how embarassing would that be! Nutso!! I did bring my lunch in junior high but I was terrified to buy my lunch. Really weird! She is so much like me in so many ways....I hate that!! Though there are many ways that she is like her dad, thank goodness (he is so free to just be himself). I just don't want her to have insecurities!! I don't understand where they came from? I certainly know where they came from in my life but she has had a totally different childhood experience than I did (mine sucked)...so why does she have some of the same crazy, stupid things that I did?? It's hard being a mom some times !! Well that certainly was a long rant..teh heh!

April, other than all that...my kids are doing great.

I'm doing next to nothing lately, except housework and playing around on the computer! If I stay home, they I won't spend money! How long that will last I don't know..ha..ha..!

Have a good evening!

 

[Mask]

oops...doubled the post by mistake...I'll just erase that...teh heh!

 

[Soulwings]

You know what really, really frustrates me?

When people tell me that things will be better in a few years. Once I'm out of adolescence. Once I'm more stable. Once I get a good cocktail of meds. Once once once once................

I don't know how much truth there is in that. Bipolar is an illness. It's not going to get better once I'm "mature" - whatever that means!! No one really explains this to me when they say that it'll be better once I'm matured more. If they would only explain and make sense then I would be more okay with it.

It's nighttime again........ and insomnia continues to rule my world.

:o

 

[lmarie23]

You know what really, really frustrates me?

When people tell me that things will be better in a few years. Once I'm out of adolescence. Once I'm more stable. Once I get a good cocktail of meds. Once once once once................

I don't know how much truth there is in that. Bipolar is an illness. It's not going to get better once I'm "mature" - whatever that means!! No one really explains this to me when they say that it'll be better once I'm matured more. If they would only explain and make sense then I would be more okay with it.

It's nighttime again........ and insomnia continues to rule my world.

:o

hope you get some sleep soon!

 

[Mask]

Good morning people!

I hear ya April! That is very frustrating when people just say...oh it will get better! When to you, it doesn't look like it will ever get better, and there are no signs of things changing ! What do they think, all of a sudden is going to change? I know they are just trying to be encouraging and give hope that things will get better! When they say, to you, that things will get better whenever you mature more, get older, I think what they are referring to is that, once your hormones settle down, once the crazy years (teens) of trying to sort your life out and find out who you are, becoming your own person, seperating from your parents (that kind of stuff), that your emotions will level out and things that seemed so big, as a teen, won't be so big as an adult. Does this make any sense to you?? I agree somewhat with that but not fully. I am far from being a teen and I still struggle with my stuff but I must say that I can understand "me " better now that I'm older and hopefully wiser . . Things will get better ...just joking with you!!! Smile, take a few deep breaths and have a great day!!!

Well I didn't MAKE my daughter take any lunch to school today ! This is so hard!! It's so hard as a mom, not to worry about your child's health. I'm sure she is fine (I live without eating lunch at school) but I'm sure she would feel so much better at school if she had some nutrition in her! I made her a big fruit smoothie for breakfast so that was good! Girls...I can't understand us, and I am one of us!!

Blessings to you all today!

 

[dnihila]

I love taking surveys and such so I'm glad to do it. lol

1. The ugliest things that happened in your life
The ugliest things... fighting with my family, hurting my parents/myself/my friends, the two years that I spent SIing on a regular basis
2. The people that you hate the most
I don't hate people but I do strongly dislike them! lol
3. The dark side of you
Mean, bossy, obnoxious, "rhymes with richy" if you know what i mean, depressed, inconsolable, isolated
4. The worst depression moments
When I sit on the couch curled up in a blanket not moving or doing anything
5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were depressed
I don't even know. I typically just get snippy

Then for a positive view switch the above into negative points:
1. The prettiest things that happened in your life
My baby sister, accepting Christ, living for Christ and all the blessings that's brought me even when it brings struggles too
2. The people that you love the most
my future husband (yes I love him already even though I don't know him yet), Christ, my family, my friends, my baby sister and my mum
3. The bright side of you
Happy, accomplished, decent singer/actress/student/sister, sarcastically funny, sharing G-d, loving
4. The happiest depression moments or funniest
ummm idk if there are any that i can think of.
5. The craziest thing you have ever done when you were happy , not depressed
oh HAHAHA!!!! one thing, hun? let's go with singing Christmas carols at an amusement park in August while on a blind date. that guy didn't like me too much...

Now re-read it again and you will find it better and if you want to replace the hissen words with new one that will be even better.

 

[Soulwings]

Mask. That is hard, worrying about the health of someone you love. But it sounds like you're handling it pretty well (kudos to you!!), and it's good that she's eating healthily at home.

I know that things will probably be easier once I get some stuff sorted out about who I am - but the whole "who I am" thing is tied so much to my diagnoses that I don't know if I'll ever get it completely sorted out, if that makes any sense. I define myself by medical terms. I can tell you what I'm like other than being depressed etc., etc., so I suppose that's a start, ey? ;-) And I've sorted out who I want to be and what I want to do - kind of had to do that since I'll be a college junior in the fall! The hormone part is most likely what they are referring to, but then, when do they settle down? It's not as though I'm going to turn 20 and things will be better, you know? And most of the stuff that seems big right now is completely related to the bipolar and ED and SI stuff. I don't really have any worries as far as socialization goes (except for the social anxiety, which gets in the way), and the only other big worry is when Jarrod and I will get married. And even that is a pleasant worry.

Anyway. That's just a few thoughts. But thank you for your input there! It's much appreciated. The whole concept is still a little foggy to me, though.... I wish that people could actually apply what they mean to my life specifically, because that would help me understand it much better. But I think that only I can do that, since I know my life better than anyone else. Why do things have to be so confusing, especially when related to recovery??

And plus (haha, another whiny point), people have been telling me that things will get better for two and a half years. And I know some adults that struggle with ED and SI stuff ... so age doesn't have anything really to do with that. I don't know. Like I said.... it still seems foggy.

Sorry for all that! It got longer than I intended.... :o