rosiecotton
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How's Your Love Life?, Part 9
When we boast about our possessions or accomplishments, we are not showing love.
Scripture says that love does not boast or it does not parade itself. It does not brag. And that love is not proud. It is not arrogant.
First of all, (let's look at) this matter of bragging or boasting. Scripture is saying here that love does not sound its own praises. It doesn't trumpet its own accomplishments for others to see.
Now, I don't know about you; but I have discovered that there are some subtle ways that I can boast without appearing to be boasting. And (I can) use my mouth to spiritualize things that God is doing through my life; things that are happening in the ministry, and only God knows if my heart and motive is to boast about my accomplishments.
That is why Paul says in the New Testament, "I will not boast about anything that God has not done through me." He is the one doing the work. I have nothing to boast about. Anything I have is a gift from God. So how can I boast?"
This quality is really the other side of the one we talked about in the last session; the other side of jealousy. You see, jealousy is wanting what someone else has; and bragging, boasting is trying to make others jealous of what we have.
Jealousy puts others down. Bragging puts us up; builds us up. You know, the interesting thing that I think about this matter of bragging: It is something that I really don't like to see in other people. And I am quick to identify when other people are boasting.
You know, every one (from little children) does it; but sometimes grown-up people do it. I really dislike it when I hear it in others. But why is it that I am so slow to see it in me?
Sometimes it is even in what we don't say that a boastful or bragging heart can be revealed. What about when we accept credit for things that we don't deserve credit for? Or when we leave a better impression of ourselves with others than is honestly true?
You see, if someone says something about us that is negative, and we didn't do it--we are quick to defend ourselves. What if somebody says that we did something good, and we are not the one who did it? We are not the one who deserves the credit. Are we as quick to say, "Here is where the credit really belongs?"
Boasting and bragging come naturally to us; but, you know, the Lord Jesus is an example of genuine love. He knew nothing of a bragging, boastful spirit. In fact, Philippians 2 tells us that when Jesus came to this earth, He made Himself of no reputation. He wasn't trying to lift up His reputation.
He was God.
But He didn't regard equality with God as something to be boasted of or held onto; He didn't cling to His rights as God. He didn't boast of who He was. In fact, I think of all the times in the Gospels when Jesus could have made a speech about "Don't you know who I am?"--when others didn't understand Him, didn't recognize Him, mistreated Him. But He never boasted or bragged about the fact that He was God because He came here to love. And boasting and love are mutually exclusive.
Do you boast about your abilities, your gifts, your accomplishments, what you have? Do you enjoy telling others about your achievements more than listening to the accomplishments of others?
My dad used to tell us, as we were growing up, "When you are in conversation with people, ask them questions about themselves because people don't like to hear you talk about yourself. They like to talk about themselves."
And I have noticed in people that I really respect, people that are highly relational--that is a characteristic that they have. They ask you questions about you. They are not guilty of always talking about themselves.
Paul goes on to say, "Not only is love not boastful, it doesn't brag; but, also, love is not arrogant. One translation says it in a way that is really a good translation. Literally, the word is love is not puffed up. Love doesn't have an inflated view of itself. The word has to do with, like a bellows, that you use for fanning the fire in the fireplace. You push those bellows and the air comes out and blows on the fire and makes the fire larger.
That is the picture here of someone who is not a loving person. He is like a bellows; he is boasting; he is proud; he is puffed up; he is self-inflated. You see, bragging is the verbalizing of pride. But arrogance--this puffed up appearance--is the attitude of a proud heart that is overly impressed with itself.
And again, we can all think of people that we know who are arrogant people; they just have a manner about them. We don't like to be around those people, do we? We want to keep at a distance from them. And, you know that when my spirit is arrogant, it causes people to want to keep me at arm's length.
People are drawn toward humble people even as God is drawn toward those who are humble, but (He) resists or stiff arms the proud. So many of us have inflated egos. And that often comes out in the way that we belittle others. We put them down because we are trying to inflate ourselves.
The Proverbs tells us that only by pride comes contention. If there is contention in a relationship that you have with your parents or your in-laws or your children or someone in your church or someone in your workplace, always, always, always, the root of that contention is pride--arrogance.
You say, "Yes, that other person is sure arrogant." It is not the other person's arrogance. It is my arrogance that causes that contention--having to have my way. That is how it was in the Corinthian church. They were proud of what they knew, proud of their past teachers, proud of their intellectual knowledge, proud of their spiritual knowledge.
And because of that pride, there was contention. Their business meetings were war zones. They fought with each other. They could not get along with each other. And it's not just true in the Corinthian church.
Sadly, it is true in so many of our churches, so many of our homes because we are arrogant--we're puffed up.
Arrogance builds me up. Love builds you up. It builds others up.
John the Baptist was a wonderful example of a humble spirit. He said, "The one who is coming after me, Christ the Messiah, I am not worthy to untie His sandals. He must increase and I must decrease" (John 3:30).
Is that your heart attitude? Do you want Jesus to be exalted? Do you want Him to be increased? And the people that you are around--do you want them to increase? Do you want them to be lifted up? Do you work at making others think well of them?
Or do you have the heart attitude that says, "I must increase. It's my reputation. I want others to see me, to recognize me." Do you have an accurate assessment of your strengths and your weaknesses? Or are you arrogant? Do you communicate toward others in your church or worse yet in your home--do you communicate an attitude of spiritual superiority?
Ladies, this is an issue for so many wives. What a great damage this does in marriage relationships. Now, I am not saying that men can't be arrogant and sometimes certainly are. But for a wife to communicate toward her husband an attitude that I know more than you, though she might never say those words, "I'm smarter than you. Like Ford, I always have a better idea."
(If she is) always correcting, always improving on his statement, always improving on his way--why?--because she is arrogant. She is puffed up. Do you want love in your home? Do you want your marriage to work? Do you want God to be glorified in your marriage?
You say, "Yes, it would all happen if my husband would get--if he wouldn't be so arrogant." Listen, you can't change your husband. But by God's grace, you can let God's love fill your heart and make you a humble woman.
Series: How's Your Love Life?
Scripture says that love does not boast or it does not parade itself. It does not brag. And that love is not proud. It is not arrogant.
First of all, (let's look at) this matter of bragging or boasting. Scripture is saying here that love does not sound its own praises. It doesn't trumpet its own accomplishments for others to see.
Now, I don't know about you; but I have discovered that there are some subtle ways that I can boast without appearing to be boasting. And (I can) use my mouth to spiritualize things that God is doing through my life; things that are happening in the ministry, and only God knows if my heart and motive is to boast about my accomplishments.
That is why Paul says in the New Testament, "I will not boast about anything that God has not done through me." He is the one doing the work. I have nothing to boast about. Anything I have is a gift from God. So how can I boast?"
This quality is really the other side of the one we talked about in the last session; the other side of jealousy. You see, jealousy is wanting what someone else has; and bragging, boasting is trying to make others jealous of what we have.
Jealousy puts others down. Bragging puts us up; builds us up. You know, the interesting thing that I think about this matter of bragging: It is something that I really don't like to see in other people. And I am quick to identify when other people are boasting.
You know, every one (from little children) does it; but sometimes grown-up people do it. I really dislike it when I hear it in others. But why is it that I am so slow to see it in me?
Sometimes it is even in what we don't say that a boastful or bragging heart can be revealed. What about when we accept credit for things that we don't deserve credit for? Or when we leave a better impression of ourselves with others than is honestly true?
You see, if someone says something about us that is negative, and we didn't do it--we are quick to defend ourselves. What if somebody says that we did something good, and we are not the one who did it? We are not the one who deserves the credit. Are we as quick to say, "Here is where the credit really belongs?"
Boasting and bragging come naturally to us; but, you know, the Lord Jesus is an example of genuine love. He knew nothing of a bragging, boastful spirit. In fact, Philippians 2 tells us that when Jesus came to this earth, He made Himself of no reputation. He wasn't trying to lift up His reputation.
He was God.
But He didn't regard equality with God as something to be boasted of or held onto; He didn't cling to His rights as God. He didn't boast of who He was. In fact, I think of all the times in the Gospels when Jesus could have made a speech about "Don't you know who I am?"--when others didn't understand Him, didn't recognize Him, mistreated Him. But He never boasted or bragged about the fact that He was God because He came here to love. And boasting and love are mutually exclusive.
Do you boast about your abilities, your gifts, your accomplishments, what you have? Do you enjoy telling others about your achievements more than listening to the accomplishments of others?
My dad used to tell us, as we were growing up, "When you are in conversation with people, ask them questions about themselves because people don't like to hear you talk about yourself. They like to talk about themselves."
And I have noticed in people that I really respect, people that are highly relational--that is a characteristic that they have. They ask you questions about you. They are not guilty of always talking about themselves.
Paul goes on to say, "Not only is love not boastful, it doesn't brag; but, also, love is not arrogant. One translation says it in a way that is really a good translation. Literally, the word is love is not puffed up. Love doesn't have an inflated view of itself. The word has to do with, like a bellows, that you use for fanning the fire in the fireplace. You push those bellows and the air comes out and blows on the fire and makes the fire larger.
That is the picture here of someone who is not a loving person. He is like a bellows; he is boasting; he is proud; he is puffed up; he is self-inflated. You see, bragging is the verbalizing of pride. But arrogance--this puffed up appearance--is the attitude of a proud heart that is overly impressed with itself.
And again, we can all think of people that we know who are arrogant people; they just have a manner about them. We don't like to be around those people, do we? We want to keep at a distance from them. And, you know that when my spirit is arrogant, it causes people to want to keep me at arm's length.
People are drawn toward humble people even as God is drawn toward those who are humble, but (He) resists or stiff arms the proud. So many of us have inflated egos. And that often comes out in the way that we belittle others. We put them down because we are trying to inflate ourselves.
The Proverbs tells us that only by pride comes contention. If there is contention in a relationship that you have with your parents or your in-laws or your children or someone in your church or someone in your workplace, always, always, always, the root of that contention is pride--arrogance.
You say, "Yes, that other person is sure arrogant." It is not the other person's arrogance. It is my arrogance that causes that contention--having to have my way. That is how it was in the Corinthian church. They were proud of what they knew, proud of their past teachers, proud of their intellectual knowledge, proud of their spiritual knowledge.
And because of that pride, there was contention. Their business meetings were war zones. They fought with each other. They could not get along with each other. And it's not just true in the Corinthian church.
Sadly, it is true in so many of our churches, so many of our homes because we are arrogant--we're puffed up.
Arrogance builds me up. Love builds you up. It builds others up.
John the Baptist was a wonderful example of a humble spirit. He said, "The one who is coming after me, Christ the Messiah, I am not worthy to untie His sandals. He must increase and I must decrease" (John 3:30).
Is that your heart attitude? Do you want Jesus to be exalted? Do you want Him to be increased? And the people that you are around--do you want them to increase? Do you want them to be lifted up? Do you work at making others think well of them?
Or do you have the heart attitude that says, "I must increase. It's my reputation. I want others to see me, to recognize me." Do you have an accurate assessment of your strengths and your weaknesses? Or are you arrogant? Do you communicate toward others in your church or worse yet in your home--do you communicate an attitude of spiritual superiority?
Ladies, this is an issue for so many wives. What a great damage this does in marriage relationships. Now, I am not saying that men can't be arrogant and sometimes certainly are. But for a wife to communicate toward her husband an attitude that I know more than you, though she might never say those words, "I'm smarter than you. Like Ford, I always have a better idea."
(If she is) always correcting, always improving on his statement, always improving on his way--why?--because she is arrogant. She is puffed up. Do you want love in your home? Do you want your marriage to work? Do you want God to be glorified in your marriage?
You say, "Yes, it would all happen if my husband would get--if he wouldn't be so arrogant." Listen, you can't change your husband. But by God's grace, you can let God's love fill your heart and make you a humble woman.
Upvote
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to that sister! Excellent response and very forthright. You are in good company. This is exactly what I would say where I am at. Very well said!
