Come Into The Deep End... with ImHisServant (2)

[JPPT1974]

We are to not just talk the talk
But walk the walk
In matter of fact, we are to talk the walk
Or walk the talk
Doing it for the love and grace of Jesus Christ
Giving more whether time, money, or resources.

 

[Smileyill]

I hate debates too as well as
Having a debate get into a shouting contest
You aren't the only one as I do my best
To be a person of peace.

Well I avoid debating myself. Mainly because I don't know how to debate, so I just avoid it altogether. Maybe someday I'll learn and eventually get on some forums around here and start debating. But until than i'll just have fun on the forums.

I'm beginning to agree - (I'm a slow learner). It's in my nature to debate, (did I mention that I've nearly finished law school).

Yet, I see many hurtful words written that clearly build up nobody. Sometimes I debate simply for fun, on topics I'm ambivalent towards. But, I should probably make it clear I'm ambivalent when I debate them. Some people do care very deeply about those topics and become offended.

Sometimes I debate when I'm unsure of the answer, but I pick a side and try to force the other side to support their claims. I want to see both sides and thus make a decision. But this too causes frustration when I don't make a quick decision. (I'm a slow learner and tend to think issues out for a long time, even years, before finally deciding).

Sometimes, I'm quite sure of the answer and vehemently rebut contrary assertions, not for the sake of the author, but for the sake of others who read the assertions. Eventually, I wash my hands and trust that I've argued my point enough to allow the audience to decide. But because I’m not trying to convince the author, I very rarely take offense to insults. I try my hardest to never insult. Though I occasionally point out insults towards me, which, I guess, is a form of insulting.

To debate or not to debate, that is a good question – and I don’t know the answer, except it depends. (as most lawyers will tell you).

 

[powerofprayer]

Wow!! I missed 5 days so I have some catching up to do...Welcome Sunshineray, Jenrenee, LilGeorgiaPeach, Burn97 and Surrendertowin. (Hope I didn't miss anyone) It's great to have another "Peach" on this thread!

Tuesday 1/2/07

Goals for the New Year​

I love Rosiecotton's philosophy for calling them goals instead of resolutions. I think I will refer to them as "goals" for now on. My goals are:
1. Spend more alone time with God - everyday! Spend more time studying His word.
2. Do family bible study every night
3. Do at least one thing special for my husband every week and go on a "date" once a month.
4. Be more responsible with our finances
5. Exercise 5 days a week
6. Eat healthier - cut out junk food & high carb foods
7. Take better care of my skin
8. Get & stay organized
9. Stop procrastinating!! This will be the hardest one!!

Wednesday 1/3/07

Living in Today​

How often do you find yourself living in the past or worrying about the future?? What has helped you remain in today?? When the fear or worry is about today... what has helped you through it? ​

Is there anything worrying you right now that we can pray for and with you about??

Honestly, I used to worry about everything. But now there are very few things I worry about. And after what Burn97 wrote...how can I ever worry again?...that was amazing!! It was so well put. My mom always told me "Any worry that is too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden". I guess for me God has just always been there...even when things were really bad, He still let me know that He was there and that things would be alright. And sometimes it took awhile but everything would eventually work out just as He promised. So I tend to have ALOT of blind faith. My oldest daughter just turned 18 and will be going to college in Sept and we don't have the first dime saved for it. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for not being in a full-blown panic but I'm just praying about it - I have NO money so that is all I really can do. I know God will see us through!!

Thursday 1/4/07

Tithing​

I agree with everyone else. I don't think the amount matters at all as long as it is done with a happy, generous heart. Lovingly & prayerfully giving $10 is worth far more than grumbling as you put $100 in the offering plate! And remember that tithing is used to further God's kingdom...in any capacity. Many times I prefer to send money to the Christain orphanage in Mexico or sponsor a missionary.
Our church is unique. It is actually an all volunteer church - even the pastor (who is the postmaster during the week!). And we have a congregation of over 600! We do NOT send around offering plates...instead there are boxes located at the back of the church where you can put your tithes before or after service. Because there is no pressure & no commitments, people tend to tithe on a more regular basis - but only what they can afford. We are never lacking funds. Most of the churches money goes out to the community. It is an amazing concept that has worked now for 8 years.
Anyway, as for me personally, I have noticed that on weeks I skip tithing we tend to struggle more financially. So I have learned to trust Him with my money even if its my last $20. ​

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[powerofprayer]

By the way, I won't debate either! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

 

[cristianna]

I agree with everyone else. I don't think the amount matters at all as long as it is done with a happy, generous heart. Lovingly & prayerfully giving $10 is worth far more than grumbling as you put $100 in the offering plate! And remember that tithing is used to further God's kingdom...in any capacity. Many times I prefer to send money to the Christain orphanage in Mexico or sponsor a missionary.
Our church is unique. It is actually an all volunteer church - even the pastor (who is the postmaster during the week!). And we have a congregation of over 600! We do NOT send around offering plates...instead there are boxes located at the back of the church where you can put your tithes before or after service. Because there is no pressure & no commitments, people tend to tithe on a more regular basis - but only what they can afford. We are never lacking funds. Most of the churches money goes out to the community. It is an amazing concept that has worked now for 8 years.​

Anyway, as for me personally, I have noticed that on weeks I skip tithing we tend to struggle more financially. So I have learned to trust Him with my money even if its my last $20.

You know that is very interesting you say that. Before we moved our church had a contemporary service and that was the one where the collection plates were located at the back of the room for putting your tithe in before or after the service. And I do believe that service brought in the most money regardless that it was "average" size in comparison to the other two services. I wonder if that is a slow and upcoming trend?

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[ImHisServant]

Friday 1/5/07
Helping Cristianna


​

I received this PM today after posting a topic... but am now deleting the topic originally posted and replacing it with this PM

Hi Gina,
I was hoping to be able to hijack the thread today with your help. =)

I'm feeling a little lost, confused and worried today after getting a letter from my sister yesterday.

Let me preface this with for years I have stepped in to help my sister each and every time she gets in a bind. Our family dynamics are quite quacky, and I was the only one to really offer any type of support-- and also not holding it over her head or saying "I did this... so you're going to do that for me".

It would start back to when I was still in high school, she's obviously older. Any time a serious boyfriend or husband (married multiple times) left the home I always was the one who came to the rescue with food, money and emotional support.

Several of the last times have been horrendous situations since her now husband is aggressively and heinously abusive. I think I may have mentioned before if you totaled their time together he's been in jail longer than he's actually been in the home because of this.

When he last left I helped her out when I could if it was paying a bill or two, giving her cash, or sending gift certificates or clothes for all the kids. Of course I always prayed for her and their marriage.

She's been a christian for a long time reading the bible and going to church. One time I felt as if God was telling me to stop the support-- just pray, encourage and remain on the phone with her daily-- make her really lean on Him. And to be sure it was Him who got ALL the glory for bringing her through these obstacles. I told her this and followed what I believe I was led to do. And during this conversation she also stated she had just told her church and others helping her she no longer wanted their help.

So I thought great, maybe she's getting the idea to lean and trust in God with all her might. And over the course of the past year she has grown by leaps and bounds and God has provided for her immensely.

I thought everything was fine until yesterday when I received a letter from her blasting me for not supporting or encouraging her. I'm really quite baffled. It's not like I was her life line and ceased all financial support out of nowhere for no reason. We talked about this.

Obviously I need to respond back via the telephone or another letter. But I don't even know where to begin. I know we are called to help one another in times of need, but I firmly believe I was told to back out of the worldly aspect and remain vigilant in the spiritual and encouragement part. Maybe I was wrong, and if that is the case I would be horribly sorry.

But at the same time I'm thinking look at her growth and faith she now has in God. I can honestly say she truly "knows" Him.

I'm not sure what I want in regards to responses. I'm sure it doesn't help that this is the super condensed version either. I'm not necessarily looking for "was I right?" because it is over and done with and time to move forward. Naturally I would be very open to anyone willing to jump in and state why they think I was wrong or what they would have done. Maybe some scriptures to reflect on? How others would move forward with this? Prayers would be great!

Feel free to copy and paste this in sections or it's entirety if you do choose to make this today's topic.

Thank you!

 

[cristianna]

Gina thank you for posting this.

I really am just so shocked and dumbfounded by this I am at a complete loss in how to respond other than a simple, heartfelt I'm really sorry you feel I didn't do enough. And I genuinely am sorry she feels I didn't live up to her expectations on how to support and encourage, but I was very open and forward when we discussed it.

It certainly doesn't help that in the letter she doesn't list precisely what she thinks I should or should not have done.

 

[It's Mee]

Gina thank you for posting this.

I really am just so shocked and dumbfounded by this I am at a complete loss in how to respond other than a simple, heartfelt I'm really sorry you feel I didn't do enough. And I genuinely am sorry she feels I didn't live up to her expectations on how to support and encourage, but I was very open and forward when we discussed it.

It certainly doesn't help that in the letter she doesn't list precisely what she thinks I should or should not have done.

Being in your place, I would have explained to your sister exactly what you mentioned in your pm.

Now I would simply try to support her financially & emotionally and try to figure out why she remained silent during all that time instead of looking for your help.

Mee

 

[burn97]

Cristianna, has God pressed upon your heart to help her finacially again? I would continue to seek His Will, for He may not yet be done moving in her life. Maybe it is a lesson that He is trying to teach her still, and if that is the case, you shouldn't get between Him and your sister. Sometimes God uses hard times to bring total submission, total dependance, like you stated, and though it is hard, we must let this happen. If He has told you to continue in helping her, then by all means, follow His leading. He has blessed you, so that you are able to help, and will continue.
As to what you should say, I agree, you whould tell your sister exactly what you've told us in your post. You aren't the bad guy, and even if your sister sees it this way right now, God will open her eyes, and show her it is His Will that things are this way for now. Blessings come when we obey Him, when we Trust Him, and Depend upon Him to meet our needs. Your sister, needs to know this, and God is obviously showing her, teaching her.
It's easy sometimes to lash out at those that we love, especially when we are hurting. You sister knows deep down that you are not delibrately hurting her, perhaps something is underlying this letter, something that she isn't telling you, and you are the one that she is taking it out on, ( I know i've done that before )

 

[cristianna]

Thank you ItsMee and Burn97 for your responses.

Cristianna, has God pressed upon your heart to help her finacially again?[\quote]
No, He has not. But I have been led to specifically get certain gift certificates. Sadly I have faltered on doing them when I probably should have-- several weeks ago instead of finally making the time to do it now. Nothing "helpful" so-to-speak, but a restaurant to take the family to; a spa for her to get her nails or something done. I did question why things like that, and the only thing I'm feeling is something to boost her emotionally-- don't look at it as a luxury token. But now in light of the letter I wonder how she will view them. Ya know?

I would continue to seek His Will, for He may not yet be done moving in her life. Maybe it is a lesson that He is trying to teach her still, and if that is the case, you shouldn't get between Him and your sister. Sometimes God uses hard times to bring total submission, total dependance, like you stated, and though it is hard, we must let this happen. If He has told you to continue in helping her, then by all means, follow His leading. He has blessed you, so that you are able to help, and will continue.

I agree and feel very mixed on it. Apparently she's quite upset. If I do go back to financial support I believe it would be against His will. And if she has fallen then I feel she's not learning to trust going back to Him because she may think all she has to do is throw a fit and I'll cave. Or may think I'm her security blanket when He does things on His timeline not ours.

As to what you should say, I agree, you whould tell your sister exactly what you've told us in your post. You aren't the bad guy, and even if your sister sees it this way right now, God will open her eyes, and show her it is His Will that things are this way for now.

I agree with you, but it's hard to not feel pretty crummy right now. Due to our family dynamics we are literally all we have as a "family"-- each other.

Blessings come when we obey Him, when we Trust Him, and Depend upon Him to meet our needs. Your sister, needs to know this, and God is obviously showing her, teaching her.

This is what scares me. I worry she may have fallen, could be angry at Him because she feels He's not around and is in turn taking it out on me.

It's easy sometimes to lash out at those that we love, especially when we are hurting.

Yes, in the past I've been just as guilty. And even now sometimes it dawns on me that I did it again although it was unintentional.

You sister knows deep down that you are not delibrately hurting her, perhaps something is underlying this letter, something that she isn't telling you, and you are the one that she is taking it out on, ( I know i've done that before )

Well if that isn't million dollar words, I don't know what is! I'm going to go back and read the letter to see if maybe I can pick up on anything.

 

[powerofprayer]

It's easy sometimes to lash out at those that we love, especially when we are hurting. You sister knows deep down that you are not delibrately hurting her, perhaps something is underlying this letter, something that she isn't telling you, and you are the one that she is taking it out on, ( I know i've done that before )

Cristianna, This was exactly what I was thinking as I was reading your post. Sounds like there may be more going on in her life than she's letting on. And she just assumes you should know how hard things are for her right now. I wonder if she will open up once you call her. And I would recommend calling as opposed to a letter. I just don't think you can truly put your feelings and emotions on paper. Don't worry...God will lead the conversation! But I definitely think you've done the best thing for your sister - you're allowing God's will to be done. And He will let you know without a doubt when its time to step back in. Remember, for many of us, it takes a real crisis in our life to truly surrender to Him. I'll be praying for you & your sister.

Sandy

 

[cristianna]

Cristianna, This was exactly what I was thinking as I was reading your post. Sounds like there may be more going on in her life than she's letting on. And she just assumes you should know how hard things are for her right now. I wonder if she will open up once you call her.

Very interesting. I never thought of that. I do know she ASSUMES ALOT. She never believes just because my dh lives at home money is no problem ever-- in her eye's we're self-made millionaires. She also did fully believe each and every man on this planet publicly or secretly abuses and/or cheats on his wife as hers always have. I think she may finally see the light on that one, but she was whole heartedly convicted on that statement. So that is definitely something to seriously take into account. Thanks for the heads up!

And I would recommend calling as opposed to a letter. I just don't think you can truly put your feelings and emotions on paper. Don't worry...God will lead the conversation!

Yes, I too was leaning towards addressing this over the phone. The only thing that held me back 2% was letters can always be reflected back on and saved. But to me it seems the significance of this deserves and warrants a call.

But I definitely think you've done the best thing for your sister - you're allowing God's will to be done. And He will let you know without a doubt when its time to step back in. Remember, for many of us, it takes a real crisis in our life to truly surrender to Him. I'll be praying for you & your sister.

Sandy

Thank you Sandy for your words and thoughts.

 

[cristianna]

Sorry Sandy... not too sure what I did wrong with all the quotes.....

 

[LivingLifeHisWay]

Hi sista! So sorry this is happening. I agree with everyone else, call instead of write. I also think that if you don't feel led to support her financially, then don't. God is clearly trying to move her to Him, let Him. It does sound like something else is going on, something that you might not know. She could just be crying out, wanting you to contact her. Let us know how the conversation goes.

 

[cristianna]

Thanks Sista! Yes, I'm definitely calling. The strangest part, which may add an interesting twist, is we talk EVERY DAY. I had no idea whatsoever this was coming. None at all.

Now she hasn't called today, which could be a test. But I could be assuming that and overanalyzing. It is Friday when people are trying to wrap their week up. But to talk EVERY DAY and not say anything... and out of nowhere to get a letter like that????
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[burn97]

The letter may be a way of guilting you into helping her. It's a lot easier to write rather than speak to someone one on one. If she knows what you are going to say ahead of time, such as ' God has lead me to step back and allow Him to Provide', this is a way of shoving those thoughts into the back burner, and thoughts of 'how can I get her to be happy with me again' or ' what should I do to make this better '. You have to stand firm in God. Don't let doubts, nor confussion, nor anything else get in the way of God's Will. Unfortunately, God does not promise us that others will agree with us, or they will agree with everything we do, what He does say is ' Trust in Me'. Trust that God is going to take care of your sister. Continue to pray, give to her, not your financial resources, but your faith. Lift her up constantly, help her to come closer to God.

 

[powerofprayer]

The strangest part, which may add an interesting twist, is we talk EVERY DAY.

That's crazy! Well, it might be a good idea for you to be the one to call her. Make the purpose of your call clear..."We really need to discuss this letter..." that way she can't dance around the subject and she'll know that she's very important to you. I am just so sorry you're having to go through this.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declared the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
These faith-building words help us recognize that we don't understand everything...but God does!
So we just need to trust Him always.

 

[Surrender2Win]

well christianna,

I don't think there is anything that I could possibly add, I agree with the ladies here.

I want to let you know though that I'm sending up a prayer on you & your sisters behalf.

 

[ImHisServant]

I'm going to go ahead and post a topic now because I have a busy day tomorrow and don't know when I'll be on.

Normally I post a topic on Friday and we discuss that and chat all weekend... but since today's topic was changed... I'll go ahead and post my original post for the weekend.

 

[ImHisServant]

Satururday 1/6/07
Justifying and Making Excuses​

Today's topic is from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"​

If someone dislikes me, or resents something I have done, I ought first to consider whether it was I who generated the dislike or resentment. Was it something I did? Is it something I should make amends for? If so, am I inclined to justigy what I did when it really wasn't right? Answering these questions will give me good practice in being honest with myself.​

If I was hurtful, and I make excuses to myself for what I did, I am building a second wall between me and the person I injured. Let me tear the first wall down by being honest and honestly acknowledging my fault.​

Today's Reminder:​

What a relief it is to acknowledge that I am only human, that I do make mistakes, and that I am willing to correct them. I can't help likeing myself better after the air has been cleared. In solidifying a friendship, I become a better friend to myself.​

"God help me to avoid the temptation to deceive myself by justifying my actions when they were wrong. Make me strong enough to do what I should to keep me serene."​

Please share times when you made excuses or justified yourself... and times when you humbled yourself... the difference you felt inside... and the difference in the outcome.​