Churches overlooking quiet people, introverts and their gifts

[Minoa]

One reason I didn't really want to attend church a lot was that most times, it's like you are being called to be loud, outgoing, and to do a certain missionary, in a certain way, with a certain list of characteristics and talents. Some are glamourized like it's the one and only way to serve God. Any else, and you are not a superstar. I felt "less than", or "inferior" or "fake". I felt like I didn't belong, and that I'd only be judged cruelly, especially by the older Christians, some of which lack compassion for new generation's problems they refuse to acknowledge and understand...the ones who 'raised' us seem to be the ones who say they got no part in how we are raised up and claim we just became this way somehow.

I'm sure it's easy to guess that being quiet at church is basically a sign of a "not a real Christian" to many when you imagine the ideal example. It's basically the same comparison as the ideal example of an employee in north america: a go getter, socially-talented, super friendly, partakes in all social gatherings, etc.

So, what about our gifts and what we can offer?
Do they really care about sound advice, or do they only listen if you are charismatic on stage?
Do they even value creative people at church? How often do you hear anymore things like "patience is a virtue" even outside of church? I used to hear it, but I don't anymore. Haste is now 'virtue' it seems.

Last I looked, they even disregard mental health at even large modern churches. Not a single mention of groups meant for people in need of healing outside of things like losses and cancer. Lots of events, but nobody wants to talk about it.

At a small group, only the charismatic people get to speak much, whom often seem to love the center of attention. Nobody says "wait, let's let so and so speak first before we finish". Nope, too bad, time is up, sucker. Basically, learn to start interrupting people, and forget having patience---it gets you nowhere, is a habit it enables.

 

[Galatea]

Introverted people generally DON'T want to be on stage and speak publicly. I know I don't. There are many things shy people can offer to do in church. When I was a kid, I remember quiet ladies cleaning the church, making refreshments, taking care of the nursery, teaching Sunday School.

As a young woman, I made the church bulletins. I am no speaker, but can write. It was my gift to the church, and I felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do.

There are things you can do without speaking publicly. Pray and ask God to lead you to the right role in your church.

 

[JESUS=G.O.A.T]

One reason I didn't really want to attend church a lot was that most times, it's like you are being called to be loud, outgoing, and to do a certain missionary, in a certain way, with a certain list of characteristics and talents. Some are glamourized like it's the one and only way to serve God. Any else, and you are not a superstar. I felt "less than", or "inferior" or "fake". I felt like I didn't belong, and that I'd only be judged cruelly, especially by the older Christians, some of which lack compassion for new generation's problems they refuse to acknowledge and understand...the ones who 'raised' us seem to be the ones who say they got no part in how we are raised up and claim we just became this way somehow.

I'm sure it's easy to guess that being quiet at church is basically a sign of a "not a real Christian" to many when you imagine the ideal example. It's basically the same comparison as the ideal example of an employee in north america: a go getter, socially-talented, super friendly, partakes in all social gatherings, etc.

So, what about our gifts and what we can offer?
Do they really care about sound advice, or do they only listen if you are charismatic on stage?
Do they even value creative people at church? How often do you hear anymore things like "patience is a virtue" even outside of church? I used to hear it, but I don't anymore. Haste is now 'virtue' it seems.

Last I looked, they even disregard mental health at even large modern churches. Not a single mention of groups meant for people in need of healing outside of things like losses and cancer. Lots of events, but nobody wants to talk about it.

At a small group, only the charismatic people get to speak much, whom often seem to love the center of attention. Nobody says "wait, let's let so and so speak first before we finish". Nope, too bad, time is up, sucker. Basically, learn to start interrupting people, and forget having patience---it gets you nowhere, is a habit it enables.

Preachers or speakers or singers typically aren't introverted people.... no scratch that lets put it this way.


Preachers/ or speakers or singers or public figures aren't introverted people....who don't talk any circumstance.


For example I competed in debate and did well for years, I can speak on something for along time, I minister at church, but you can ask anyone, in a generic conversation I listen more then I talk. I'm also mostly in my thoughts, but if called to give a speech or there's an argument or whatever I can speak. Or when it comes to God i'll talk for a while sometimes or just listen in. There are circumstances in which I speak and reach others.



Another thing though...idc how introverted you are look I don't jump or dance in church but I do praise him and lift up his name and I get loud in prayer. IDC how shy you are don't ever utilize introvertness as a reason to not open your mouth in church, I did that for a time and I didn't get anywhere in my walk. The bible says preach the gospel to every living creature. The bible tells us to win souls and that there is a crown for soul winning.

Sure maybe you're not a "great speaker" or you maybe don't know as much about biblical history as so in so or verses but if your saved and living for God you have your testimony and you still know something. And besides if you're introverted and know a lot then for sure you're fine you just gotta find a way to speak up sometimes. I don't talk much but I find ways to enter conversations and put an input and like I said at least when it comes to argumentation or discussion I talk a lot.




But yeah now you're right about one thing patience and such isn't taught in church but just becuase your patience doesn't mean you don't speak up.


But anyway yeah keep looking for what God has for you to do and such it could be ushering or bulletin work or simple things to help the church, and then eventually maybe you'll move into something else. Or it could be simply exhorting God with simplicity, maybe not a position but still doing things for the church.


Romans 12
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.



Lastly though I would be wary of large modern churches some simply aren't right sadly.

 

[Paidiske]

I think it's easy for anyone to get lost in a big church. Maybe you might find it easier in a small church, where everyone knows everyone?

I'm definitely an introvert and I try to encourage everyone to find and use their gifts, but its definitely easier in a situation where you can really get to know people.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I know most people when they get to know me don't realize my abilities and what not. They are often like "You'd be a good counselor!". Which is true. I think introverts sometimes can be good counselors, we are good at listening to everything and giving advice (well at least I am when I sometimes).

 

[Kenny'sID]

Sounds to me like your leaders were a bit small minded and probably didn't even realize it. They were missing important things. If you didn't wan to tell them personally, maybe slip them an anonymous, detailed and heartfelt letter, explaining just as you did here and see what that does.

You absolutely have a good point.

At least you can see where they stand after you are certain they know, then make your moves accordingly.

 

[Minoa]

Preachers or speakers or singers typically aren't introverted people.... no scratch that lets put it this way.


Preachers/ or speakers or singers or public figures aren't introverted people....who don't talk any circumstance.


For example I competed in debate and did well for years, I can speak on something for along time, I minister at church, but you can ask anyone, in a generic conversation I listen more then I talk. I'm also mostly in my thoughts, but if called to give a speech or there's an argument or whatever I can speak. Or when it comes to God i'll talk for a while sometimes or just listen in. There are circumstances in which I speak and reach others.



Another thing though...idc how introverted you are look I don't jump or dance in church but I do praise him and lift up his name and I get loud in prayer. IDC how shy you are don't ever utilize introvertness as a reason to not open your mouth in church, I did that for a time and I didn't get anywhere in my walk. The bible says preach the gospel to every living creature. The bible tells us to win souls and that there is a crown for soul winning.

Sure maybe you're not a "great speaker" or you maybe don't know as much about biblical history as so in so or verses but if your saved and living for God you have your testimony and you still know something. And besides if you're introverted and know a lot then for sure you're fine you just gotta find a way to speak up sometimes. I don't talk much but I find ways to enter conversations and put an input and like I said at least when it comes to argumentation or discussion I talk a lot.




But yeah now you're right about one thing patience and such isn't taught in church but just becuase your patience doesn't mean you don't speak up.


But anyway yeah keep looking for what God has for you to do and such it could be ushering or bulletin work or simple things to help the church, and then eventually maybe you'll move into something else. Or it could be simply exhorting God with simplicity, maybe not a position but still doing things for the church.


Romans 12
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.



Lastly though I would be wary of large modern churches some simply aren't right sadly.

I am very introverted, with a dose of social anxiety into the mix. I am better than I used to be, but I feel this sense of sort of performance shame for not being ideal, and not appreciated at all for what I'm great at.

I think it is also that growing up, at work, and church, people rarely let me speak. Just no matter where it was, what age I was...it's like my thoughts, feelings and opinions were invalid.
And whenever I would, no matter what I said, they'd suddenly go quiet, or act as if I killed the moment. I felt like I was not "cool" enough, and thus, I have some damage that is so hard to undo. Generally speaking, I am more pleasant and small-talk ish, before, I would more easily dive into the deep stuff, and people become uncomfortable. They seem to only want to talk about superficial things, and I "ruin" that for people. I try to be really polite as well, you know, not interupting....but now, I found myself lately more likely to interupt people.

My area would certainly be in the taboo things like mental health, because I got no issues talking about that---seems most people do though in church..it's a hush-hush thing. Speak not of it ,and it won't exist.

Some teachers and speakers can be introverted, but they would be the more thought-provoking type, not so much the type that hypes people up or gets them excited...and they'd be more easily tired out and probably not do it quite nearly as fulltime

 

[Kenny'sID]

At a small group, only the charismatic people get to speak much, whom often seem to love the center of attention.

This may be worse than I thought. Don't get me started on what you mention there, but I will say, their actions likely speaks volumes. Doesn't sound like it's all about the church as a whole but about ego/selfishness. But I tend to think that about some Charismatics anyway so maybe I shouldn't comment/stop myself from getting started.

 

[SkyWriting]

One reason I didn't really want to attend church a lot was that most times, it's like you are being called to be loud, outgoing, and to do a certain missionary, in a certain way, with a certain list of characteristics and talents.

Never judge a church by it's size, denomination, or even reputation.
Visit many and you will find your space.
But if you go to a "Friends" church (Quaker) you will be asked to remain silent
a lot.

 

[JESUS=G.O.A.T]

I am very introverted, with a dose of social anxiety into the mix. I am better than I used to be, but I feel this sense of sort of performance shame for not being ideal, and not appreciated at all for what I'm great at.

I think it is also that growing up, at work, and church, people rarely let me speak. Just no matter where it was, what age I was...it's like my thoughts, feelings and opinions were invalid.
And whenever I would, no matter what I said, they'd suddenly go quiet, or act as if I killed the moment. I felt like I was not "cool" enough, and thus, I have some damage that is so hard to undo. Generally speaking, I am more pleasant and small-talk ish, before, I would more easily dive into the deep stuff, and people become uncomfortable. They seem to only want to talk about superficial things, and I "ruin" that for people. I try to be really polite as well, you know, not interupting....but now, I found myself lately more likely to interupt people.

My area would certainly be in the taboo things like mental health, because I got no issues talking about that---seems most people do though in church..it's a hush-hush thing. Speak not of it ,and it won't exist.

Some teachers and speakers can be introverted, but they would be the more thought-provoking type, not so much the type that hypes people up or gets them excited...and they'd be more easily tired out and probably not do it quite nearly as fulltime

I addressed the last paragraph already... Ik I only mentioned it once in my response but i'm an introvert minister... i'm more thought provoking and i'm not the hype guy all the time (only more so towards the end of my message). So yeah I agree with you that there are introvert preachers... that's why I sort of had a neutral stance on it.




And tbh i'm going to be honest... I think there's something up with your church... and that's why I would be careful about some of these huge mega money racking churches. Sure there are some good ones out there...one I know if is FGHT dallas... but a lot just look to bring in people and money or to make everything look nice, and instead of looking for the most annoited preachers they look for those who they feel will bring in more people.


I think with your situation now that I look at it it's your church not you. You're actively seeking to participate but sadly you're surrounded by the 21st century cancer that many today call the gospel... where you have to be PC or no one wants to dive deep into scripture.... and it's all about a seed and joy and rewards... and emotionalism.


So yeah I take back what I stated I see you're seeking and looking to do things it's mainly your church, I suspected this could be the reason which is why I said be wary of some of these huge churches but wasn't sure.


Keep seeking God though and pray for opportunities to serve him and be led by him on how to handle this situation and just in general strive to be a christian.

 

[sparkle123]

I can relate to your feelings. It's not just church, it's our culture that doesn't appreciate quiet people. But take heart, there were many Church fathers who encouraged silence. Being introverted won't make you popular, but you can use your disposition and gifts to serve God in prayer and sincerity. As a fellow introvert, I've always found serving others to come easy (cleaning, cooking, giving emotional support). True, none of it gains popularity or attention in the world or among people, but there's a great opportunity for spiritual growth in that, I think. Anyway, I know it can be difficult. I wish it weren't. I think you should be yourself, and dive deep if you want. That's your gift, and it's how you'll find your people.

 

[Goodbook]

Read Quiet the power of introverts by SusAn Cain.

Its really good. One thing she mentions in this book is how american culture values the extroverts. I find that generally true because americans have a reputation for being loud. That culture seem sto have crept into some churches that lean the american way.
The British are the opposite, quite reserved, polite, value privacy, conservative..introverted!

 

[JacquelineDeane55]

Hi. I am an introvert and I am afraid that the American culture (my culture) kind of discriminates against people like us.

I have read job postings that have said "Wanted: Energetic and outgoing person."

But what about other kinds of people? Can't they all apply for that job too?

It's not fair.

You see, I prefer to do things at my own pace. A high-energy environment might not suit me so well, it might wear me down very quickly.

All the jobs I used to work at my bosses valued extroversion and energy over introversion and it made me upset they were all like that. If I didn't "fit in" they would treat me differently than they treated other people. It was discrimination, I'm telling you.

I guess life is not fair because of sin. Didn't GOD say that showing favoritism is a sin? I could tell that in my boss's eyes I was not their favorite. It was wrong of them to do that, but now I know I can't change people.

 

[Minoa]

Hi. I am an introvert and I am afraid that the American culture (my culture) kind of discriminates against people like us.

I have read job postings that have said "Wanted: Energetic and outgoing person."

But what about other kinds of people? Can't they all apply for that job too?

It's not fair.

You see, I prefer to do things at my own pace. A high-energy environment might not suit me so well, it might wear me down very quickly.

All the jobs I used to work at my bosses valued extroversion and energy over introversion and it made me upset they were all like that. If I didn't "fit in" they would treat me differently than they treated other people. It was discrimination, I'm telling you.

I guess life is not fair because of sin. Didn't GOD say that showing favoritism is a sin? I could tell that in my boss's eyes I was not their favorite. It was wrong of them to do that, but now I know I can't change people.

I agree. I do feel discriminated against, but nowadays if you are white, people think you are just whiny because you dont have racial discrimination problems -_-....like I'd feel awkward saying "I feel discriminated against" without being mocked or called weak

 

[Minoa]

Read Quiet the power of introverts by SusAn Cain.

Its really good. One thing she mentions in this book is how american culture values the extroverts. I find that generally true because americans have a reputation for being loud. That culture seem sto have crept into some churches that lean the american way.
The British are the opposite, quite reserved, polite, value privacy, conservative..introverted!

Are they? great, I'll start packing and move asap XD
If Norway is tough, maybe UK is easier to move to, lol. Seriously though, it's been on my mind......it's not like I want to exactly "fit in" per say, but not not always be at the bottom ring, always disadvantaged, always fighting for the most basic opportunities and barely surviving sometimes because for a min wage job, I have to be extroverted. It's almost criminal. Heck, it should be illegal to turn away people easily for a min wage job for not having higher up leadership job qualities -_-

 

[Goodbook]

Hey look introverts usually are really gifted at writing.
Only an introvert would have the time to write things down on a forum for example, which is why so many of us come here.

Extroverts are too busy playing sport or competing with each other and talking lol. Im generalising, but there are higher percentage of introverts reading and writing. A minsitry we can do is be an encourager through writing.

 

[jesse67]

One reason I didn't really want to attend church a lot was that most times, it's like you are being called to be loud, outgoing, and to do a certain missionary, in a certain way, with a certain list of characteristics and talents. Some are glamourized like it's the one and only way to serve God. Any else, and you are not a superstar. I felt "less than", or "inferior" or "fake". I felt like I didn't belong, and that I'd only be judged cruelly, especially by the older Christians, some of which lack compassion for new generation's problems they refuse to acknowledge and understand...the ones who 'raised' us seem to be the ones who say they got no part in how we are raised up and claim we just became this way somehow.

I'm sure it's easy to guess that being quiet at church is basically a sign of a "not a real Christian" to many when you imagine the ideal example. It's basically the same comparison as the ideal example of an employee in north america: a go getter, socially-talented, super friendly, partakes in all social gatherings, etc.

So, what about our gifts and what we can offer?
Do they really care about sound advice, or do they only listen if you are charismatic on stage?
Do they even value creative people at church? How often do you hear anymore things like "patience is a virtue" even outside of church? I used to hear it, but I don't anymore. Haste is now 'virtue' it seems.

Last I looked, they even disregard mental health at even large modern churches. Not a single mention of groups meant for people in need of healing outside of things like losses and cancer. Lots of events, but nobody wants to talk about it.

At a small group, only the charismatic people get to speak much, whom often seem to love the center of attention. Nobody says "wait, let's let so and so speak first before we finish". Nope, too bad, time is up, sucker. Basically, learn to start interrupting people, and forget having patience---it gets you nowhere, is a habit it enables.

certain people get more attention. and certain people get pushed to the back. The way I see it is that the system is rigged that way. I agree with much of what you say. But I'll add this. There is a tendancy with everyone to focus on the abilities and gifts that God has given them, and elevate that importance above the importance of the gifts and abilities God has given others but not themselves. If you're the one or group in power, then you can inforce it to the detriment of those will lower social standing or lower abilities of articulation, etc.
Of course some humble themselves in this regard better than others, but I think no one completely humbles themselves in this regard.

example. If one has a gift of singing, but not a gift of public speaking, Then that person will be tempted to elevate his gift of singing above the gift of public speaking.

 

[Dave-W]

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