Christian singles group more of a support group

[ThisIsMe123]

I'd never date a woman in my congregation if I chose to look for a wife. What if it doesn't work out? It could cause division and other sisters may get mad at me if they sided with the person I dated. Too much drama man.

What's with this obsession with ,"What if it doesn't work out?". It seems people prefer to meet others if they know they'll NEVER EVER See them again, in case it doesn't work out.

To me, it's just an excuse and quite limiting of the options.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Ahh, yes. This is why I didn't trust myself to look for someone anymore. I trusted God with that.

This is why I'm deciding on going to a designated Christian Meetup group. It's not affiliated with any church, just Meetup. lol

 

[Cearbhall]

I bet to differ, as the most common way that I've known people to have met their current partners was through their social circle, through friends.

I didn't say it was right or wrong. I just answered your question.

University only works if you're going to a university

Which was every single person in my high school class and everyone else whom I was acquainted with outside of school. I recognize that the advice I was given was certainly influenced by social class, and that it would not apply to everyone.

 

[Reformed2]

What's with this obsession with ,"What if it doesn't work out?". It seems people prefer to meet others if they know they'll NEVER EVER See them again, in case it doesn't work out.

To me, it's just an excuse and quite limiting of the options.

Its because mathmaticly, most relationships don't workout.

 

[redblue22]

I sense a lot of pain and anger. It is odd to want a different group than a group that is open to sharing and hearing that pain and anger. I doubt they would dismiss one's pain and anger by calling it a pity party.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I sense a lot of pain and anger. It is odd to want a different group than a group that is open to sharing and hearing that pain and anger. I doubt they would dismiss one's pain and anger by calling it a pity party.

Hey, that's what the article said. Although it's a choice of words that makes it sound negative, that's essentially what it is. When I was informed that the women there are there for an asylum from the whole dating/relationship thing, which is ironic for a Christian singles group, I knew then it was time to move on.

I found it funny when the same man who had informed me of this, is only with the group because he's crushing on the female co-leader and jumping through hoops for her. lol

 

[Reformed2]

Hey, that's what the article said. Although it's a choice of words that makes it sound negative, that's essentially what it is. When I was informed that the women there are there for an asylum from the whole dating/relationship thing, which is ironic for a Christian singles group, I knew then it was time to move on.

I found it funny when the same man who had informed me of this, is only with the group because he's crushing on the female co-leader and jumping through hoops for her. lol

I say this with love, but how is that odd for a Christian singles group? You do realize that there is such a thing as being single for the kingdom of heavens sake, right? From a biblical standpoint, marriage is for beleivers who can't control themselves and are unable to be abstinent.

Not everyone wants a spouse. Seriously man, women aren't that big of a deal they can actually be a hassle in many ways.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I say this with love, but how is that odd for a Christian singles group? You do realize that there is such a thing as being single for the kingdom of heavens sake, right?

Yes, I would suppose so, but I think they would be in the minority. I COULD be wrong on this, as I don't know any stats or data, but most Christian women and men I have met have never been opposed to marriage and have been open to that possibility. I don't meet too many Christians that vow against marriage...ever.

From a biblical standpoint, marriage is for beleivers who can't control themselves and are unable to be abstinent.

I never really understood this particular aspect of the Bible, that's why in some cases, you need to take step back from the Biblical standpoint. I mean, really...people marrying for the sake of not being able to keep it in your pants? That'd be marrying for the wrong reasons.

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud. "Hey, I want to marry because I'm (the "h" word) as heck, care to take a walk down aisle."

Not everyone wants a spouse. Seriously man, women aren't that big of a deal they can actually be a hassle in many ways.

They can be, yes. That's why some people just have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and nothing beyond that.

I think people SAY they don't want to marry, but when someone comes into their life...they could easily change their mind. I've seen it happen. I'd be like, "I thought you vowed to never marry?" and the back peddling begins lol

 

[Reformed2]

Yes, I would suppose so, but I think they would be in the minority. I COULD be wrong on this, as I don't know any stats or data, but most Christian women and men I have met have never been opposed to marriage and have been open to that possibility. I don't meet too many Christians that vow against marriage...ever.



I never really understood this particular aspect of the Bible, that's why in some cases, you need to take step back from the Biblical standpoint. I mean, really...people marrying for the sake of not being able to keep it in your pants? That'd be marrying for the wrong reasons.

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud. "Hey, I want to marry because I'm (the "h" word) as heck, care to take a walk down aisle."



They can be, yes. That's why some people just have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and nothing beyond that.

Well, think about it though. It's not ridiculous, as it was penned by Paul and inspired by God the Holy Spirit. Also Jesus Himself also talked about being a eunuch for the kingdom of heavens sake.

To be candid you're basically going to a singles support group and looking to hookup. Jesus completes us, not women. Also why would a beleiver want a girlfriend without the intent of marriage? That sounds like a lot of risk to sin.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Well, think about it though. It's not ridiculous, as it was penned by Paul and inspired by God the Holy Spirit. Also Jesus Himself also talked about being a eunuch for the kingdom of heavens sake.

True, usually I tie this into monkhood, being a priest, and those of which require celibacy. I think the only ones that don't marry, are the ones aren't MEANT for marriage.

I heard something like this on the radio. They used NFL tryouts, or American Idol as analogy. After Simon gives the talentless person a good reaming, and tells them to stikc to their day job, some people aren't meant to be singers or NFL football players in the same fashion that some people aren't meant for marriage. Thing is, these people DESIRE to be those.

Usually people who have been married and divorced, even multiple times, finally throw in the towel and tell God, "Okay, I'm ready to live a life of celibacy now."

I got into a debate with a female friend who is 50, never married, that she disagreed, and said, "Everyone is marriage material". I guess she could be right in that aspect, too. She's single, and looking, never married, no kids...but I personally think is kind of overly picky and she drags her heels when men interested in her want to take it to the next level (exclusivity). But hey, at least she is desiring of marriage, right?

To be candid you're basically going to a singles support group and looking to hookup. Jesus completes us, not women. Also why would a beleiver want a girlfriend without the intent of marriage? That sounds like a lot of risk to sin.

Okay, I bolded "hookup", because I'm not sure if you're using the term correctly. This assumes wanting to sleep with someone, getting into her pants. A strawman argument if you will.

So, let's not use the term "hookup" okay? But instead, someone who is legitimately knowing what they want, what they are looking for...marriage. Like I said, I'm not looking to rush down the aisle...but I'm not there to "hook up". There is no shame in desiring marriage, right?

If I'm being told by the church leader who he himself is chasin' a cute Christian girl in the group, that the ladies there are there for healing and not open to any kind of dating, then that's where it doesn't seem right and I need to move on to a group that doesn't have this view.

To be honest, I think some people SAY they "aren't looking" as a type of defense mechanism. But when someone that walks into the room strikes their fancy, they may likely change their mind.

I already have one in mind already, they were in a slump with attendance, but they have been kind of picking back up again, and believe me, they don't share the same attitude that this group I tried out.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Also why would a beleiver want a girlfriend without the intent of marriage? That sounds like a lot of risk to sin.

I know a devout Christian woman that shacked up with a guy and her reasons was due to an abusive marriage. This guy actually wanted to marry HER, but sadly, she didn't like him (or love him) enough to marry him.

So I'm guessing she's devout, but only with the exception of her previous bad experience intervening/contradicting what has been forbidden.

I found this odd for an active Christian to openly admit to this, and to me, and I said, "You're a Christian, and you're actively doing this? Sounds like you need an accountability partner." and she said, "Well, if God has a problem with it that's between me and him." No joke, true story.

I actually said this to make a point, as a lot of non-Christians or even non-believers despise marriage, due to taking a financial loss (esp. the men). People are not marrying out of self-preservation and fear of it not working out and ending within a few years and finally, in divorce court.

Going back to the "burning with passion, and thus marry" excerpt. I believe there are some things in the Bible that was said that only applied to way back when, and not now. That's why marrying for THAT reason alone, ONLY applied to back then, and not now.

 

[Reformed2]

True, usually I tie this into monkhood, being a priest, and those of which require celibacy. I think the only ones that don't marry, are the ones aren't MEANT for marriage.

I heard something like this on the radio. They used NFL tryouts, or American Idol as analogy. After Simon gives the talentless person a good reaming, and tells them to stikc to their day job, some people aren't meant to be singers or NFL football players in the same fashion that some people aren't meant for marriage. Thing is, these people DESIRE to be those.

Usually people who have been married and divorced, even multiple times, finally throw in the towel and tell God, "Okay, I'm ready to live a life of celibacy now."

I got into a debate with a female friend who is 50, never married, that she disagreed, and said, "Everyone is marriage material". I guess she could be right in that aspect, too. She's single, and looking, never married, no kids...but I personally think is kind of overly picky and she drags her heels when men interested in her want to take it to the next level (exclusivity). But hey, at least she is desiring of marriage, right?



Okay, I bolded "hookup", because I'm not sure if you're using the term correctly. This assumes wanting to sleep with someone, getting into her pants. A strawman argument if you will.

So, let's not use the term "hookup" okay? But instead, someone who is legitimately knowing what they want, what they are looking for...marriage. Like I said, I'm not looking to rush down the aisle...but I'm not there to "hook up". There is no shame in desiring marriage, right?

If I'm being told by the church leader who he himself is chasin' a cute Christian girl in the group, that the ladies there are there for healing and not open to any kind of dating, then that's where it doesn't seem right and I need to move on to a group that doesn't have this view.

To be honest, I think some people SAY they "aren't looking" as a type of defense mechanism. But when someone that walks into the room strikes their fancy, they may likely change their mind.

I already have one in mind already, they were in a slump with attendance, but they have been kind of picking back up again, and believe me, they don't share the same attitude that this group I tried out.

When I used the word hookup I didn't mean fornicate so I apologize if it came across that way. By hookup I mean meet someone with the intent of romance.

Also not to sound proud or arrogant but I'm not celibate as a defense mechanism. I've been told many times that I'm rather attractive and being a firefighter meeting women is pretty easy to be quite frank.

I'm celibate because if i date I'm to weak to not sin. Also don't want to be married for many reasons. So here I am, celibate.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

When I used the word hookup I didn't mean fornicate so I apologize if it came across that way. By hookup I mean meet someone with the intent of romance.

Also not to sound proud or arrogant but I'm not celibate as a defense mechanism. I've been told many times that I'm rather attractive and being a firefighter meeting women is pretty easy to be quite frank.

I'm celibate because if i date I'm to weak to not sin. Also don't want to be married for many reasons. So here I am, celibate.

Oh okay. You ever go out in a mixed gender group of friends (around the same age) where there could be an opportunity to get to know some ladies in said group? Are they disappointed when they find out you're not interested in dating, much less marriage?

I would say me and you are polar opposites, in fact, I envy you considering you're a firefighter AND attractive. I have a close personal friend that is a firefighter as well, married a beautiful and intelligent Christian woman. He was much older when he got married, took a while, so he found "The one" in his 40s. lol She was the one that approached HIM.

Could happen to you if you're a young fire fighter. ;-)

Going back to the polar opposites thing, I have always desired marriage. ESP. when I was younger, maybe it's because I'm an only child and my parents are the only one that's left of my family (not close with too many extended members). My mom is the only one that's left, so I have no desire to be alone.

I do desire to grow old with someone, and that someone would be my wife. Just need to find others that think the same.

 

[Reformed2]

Oh okay. You ever go out in a mixed gender group of friends (around the same age) where there could be an opportunity to get to know some ladies in said group? Are they disappointed when they find out you're not interested in dating, much less marriage?

As a single parent that works alot, homeowner etc I don't really have a lot of spare time. I've had women from church have crushes on me and whatnot. When I explain to them my reasoning they are usually still persistent that we can take things "slow".

I've tried to date before and it always results in me giving into my flesh and therefor being separated from God on some type of level. I promised God the Father that I'm going to behave for now on and I'm going to keep that promise. It's not easy but it's more than worth it.

I realize my situation may be different than others, but being single is what works for me. I tried living in both worlds and it didn't work. I've recommited myself to Christ. ☺

 

[Reformed2]

Oh okay. You ever go out in a mixed gender group of friends (around the same age) where there could be an opportunity to get to know some ladies in said group? Are they disappointed when they find out you're not interested in dating, much less marriage?

I would say me and you are polar opposites, in fact, I envy you considering you're a firefighter AND attractive. I have a close personal friend that is a firefighter as well, married a beautiful and intelligent Christian woman. He was much older when he got married, took a while, so he found "The one" in his 40s. lol She was the one that approached HIM.

Could happen to you if you're a young fire fighter. ;-)

Going back to the polar opposites thing, I have always desired marriage. ESP. when I was younger, maybe it's because I'm an only child and my parents are the only one that's left of my family (not close with too many extended members). My mom is the only one that's left, so I have no desire to be alone.

I do desire to grow old with someone, and that someone would be my wife. Just need to find others that think the same.

To be fair i certainly dont blame you for not wanting to be alone. I have two kids so i know that no matter what when i get older i wont be truely alone as my kids will still be there for me. If i wasnt a dad id probably look at things differently come to think of it.

 

[blackribbon]

I do desire to grow old with someone, and that someone would be my wife. Just need to find others that think the same.

I desired to grow old with my husband. Unfortunately, being married doesn't guarantee this. He died before either of us got "old" (though his cancer struggle gave me a gray patch of hair so I was on the fast route to old). There are also plenty of people who are growing old with one spouse in a medical facility because they have health issues to extensive to be cared for by the spouse. Life is often not the pretty image that we imagine or expect.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

As a single parent that works alot, homeowner etc I don't really have a lot of spare time. I've had women from church have crushes on me and whatnot. When I explain to them my reasoning they are usually still persistent that we can take things "slow".

I've tried to date before and it always results in me giving into my flesh and therefor being separated from God on some type of level. I promised God the Father that I'm going to behave for now on and I'm going to keep that promise. It's not easy but it's more than worth it.

I realize my situation may be different than others, but being single is what works for me. I tried living in both worlds and it didn't work. I've recommited myself to Christ. ☺

Well, it makes sense if it didn't work out for you, and now you had chosen a different path.

When I explain to them my reasoning they are usually still persistent that we can take things "slow".

Funny, this is the exact scenario, but it's usually 99% of the time the gender roles are reversed. I rarely EVER heard a man being pursued and refusing women.

If you're a man, you're thought of possibly being gay (not saying you are), but this is the very first reaction these women may be thinking, because it's often unheard of if a man is turning down women in such a fashion.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I desired to grow old with my husband. Unfortunately, being married doesn't guarantee this. He died before either of us got "old" (though his cancer struggle gave me a gray patch of hair so I was on the fast route to old). There are also plenty of people who are growing old with one spouse in a medical facility because they have health issues to extensive to be cared for by the spouse. Life is often not the pretty image that we imagine or expect.

It's just a figure of speech....okay? No offense and I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

when I was talking "Growing old" together it was in the context of looking for a long term marriage, not in the context of mortality.

 

[Reformed2]

Well, it makes sense if it didn't work out for you, and now you had chosen a different path.


Funny, this is the exact scenario, but it's usually 99% of the time the gender roles are reversed. I rarely EVER heard a man being pursued and refusing women.

If you're a man, you're thought of possibly being gay (not saying you are), but this is the very first reaction these women may be thinking, because it's often unheard of if a man is turning down women in such a fashion.

Eh, I really don't care if someone thinks I'm gay or not lol. I've had premarital sex after my divorce and I felt awful, guilty, and separated from God. It effected my prayer life, my worship, everything. I literally could feel the Holy Spirit fading from me.

Scary stuff. Besides, people know I'm a born again Christian anyway so I doubt anyone would question my actual wanting to be with women.