Children and Swearing HELP!!!

[Paid in full]

Hi,
I'm wondering if anyone has the problem of their children swearing?
My 3 year old has picked up some rather choice words from my partners friends son age 10(has a.d.h.d).
I try my hardest to explain to her that it's not nice to say words like she does,But she carries on regardless.I'm hoping that it's just a phase and that she will grow out of it.
Does anyone have any advice?
God Bless
Paid inFull
<><

 

[Chris Green]

My wife teaches 3 - 4 year olds and many have a problem with swearing. I'll ask her how she handles it and get back to you.

God Bless

 

[scaddigs]

I would tell her she is not allowed to say those words & when she does, handle it as you would any other disobedience.

 

[YouthPastor]

consequences! She swears = punishment of some kind - once she is initially warned

 

[Kelly]

Yep, if the words get said, punishments must be handed out. Time outs, denial of toys/tv, spanking, however you do it. My daughter heard me say a bad word and brought up the question "Why are some words bad?" at the dinner table.

I said some words are just inappropriate and some can hurt people's feelings. They can be mean. She asked me what the dirty words are (she was trying to get me to say them!). I said I wouldn't but if I heard one I'd tell her about it.

She then asked how she would be punished and I told her it depended on how she used the words. If she said them to be mean to someone, said them "at" someone - I'd spank her. If she said one because of something, I'd probably give her a time out.

 

[HeatherJay]

Hi,
I'm wondering if anyone has the problem of their children swearing?
My 3 year old has picked up some rather choice words from my partners friends son age 10(has a.d.h.d).
I try my hardest to explain to her that it's not nice to say words like she does,But she carries on regardless.I'm hoping that it's just a phase and that she will grow out of it.
Does anyone have any advice?
God Bless
Paid inFull
<><

I agree agree that you have to punish her...and make sure she knows why she's being punished. Also you have to make sure that it's known by ALL that those kinds of words are not allowed in your house. If your child sees that she's the only one being punished for saying bad words, she's going to learn that it's okay to say those words as long as YOU don't hear her. Anyway, good luck.

Love, Heather

PS With my 5 year old and also my 2 year old, if they say a bad word that they KNOW is a bad word, I pop their chin with 2 fingers. It's not enough to hurt them at all, but it's the element of surprise. Also, it's a punishment that is only used for bad words and back talk. Please don't slap your child, LOL, that's not what I'm saying at all. Pop your own chin with your two fingers to see that it doesn't hurt...but it gets a message across.

 

[Evening Mist]

I would never punish a child for their language, unless it was directed at a person and intended to hurt them. My children get time-outs for hurting people intentionally with words or with their bodies, but not for much else. The cardinal rule in our family is that we do not attack or malign each other.

We've never heard any really bad words from our kids because quite frankly, they are not exposed to foul language. Once in awhile I've heard the "d" word or something along that level. My response is typically the same as when they whine or shout. "I'm sorry, but I don't respond to that sort of language. If you want to express your feelings, you have much better words at your disposal." And then I leave the room.

Another tactic is to point out how foolish they sound when they use that language. Remind them that clever people don't use that sort of speech.

I also point out that if they were to use that language at school, sunday school, swim class, or grandma's house -- they would be asked to leave immediately. I remind them that grown-ups do not enjoy the company of kids who swear, and that the people who matter to them will have a very hard time respecting them if they use that language.

But I really think the bottom line is what is modelled to them. We don't use that language in our family is a much easier rule to enforce if it applies to everyone. I hate to say it -- but punishment isn't going to make a lick of difference of the child is continually exposed to that sort of language.

 

[E-beth]

I teach 3 and 4 year olds as well, and one thing to remember is, if you freak out about it, then it becomes a much bigger issue.

But the thing about it is, as long as the source is still around, then the problem will continue. Like at school, if a kid cusses and his parents think it's cute, or if Dad is the one using them in everyday speech, then it is tough to expect the child to stop.

Sad that kids know these words and how to use them.

 

[scaddigs]

I would never punish a child for their language,...

If a parent tells a child that he is not allowed to say a particular word & the child says it, the parent wouldn't be giving a consequence for the 'word' so to speak. The consequence is for that of disobedience.

 

[Arthur Dietrich]

I think it should be explained that bad words hurt people. Tell your children something like "remember how bad you felt when billy broke your favourite toy?" or something "well, that's how people feel when you say bad words to them."

Also explain that the consquences of using bad words are the same as those for any bad/harmful thing they do.

There is a difference, I think, between parroting bad words and using them to hurt people. If your child comes to you and says "what does @!%^* mean?" or says "Well, Uncle so and so swears..." should they be punished?

 

[Evening Mist]

If a parent tells a child that he is not allowed to say a particular word & the child says it, the parent wouldn't be giving a consequence for the 'word' so to speak. The consequence is for that of disobedience.

Yeah, my kids and I don't really have that sort of relationship. They generally obey me because they trust me. If they disobey, we disscuss the importance of the issue. The language or whatever. I don't really need feel any need to throw my weight around. They know I'm in charge. They've learned I can be trusted. If they do or say something stupid, there are usually ample natural consequences to reinforce my original point. If there aren't any natural consequences -- then I have to think about the possibility that maybe I was wrong. Authority is something I demonstrate through wisdom, not something I have to prove with power.

I have no idea if that makes any sense at all. Sorry.

 

[JOYfulbeliever]

Having grown up with parents who were opposed to even the word "butt", we always knew that we said a "wordy durd" as we called them, we were in deep trouble. First offense might not have been so bad, but after we were in trouble that first time and did it again, our punishment was usually so miserable, we didn't want to do it again! And by miserable, I don't mean to imply that we were abused in any means...but taking toys, tv, books, friends, whatever away for a bit was usually all it took for us to get the message.

That being said, I can't resist sharing this story. My mom's best friend is a kindergarden teacher at a Christian school. Her sister (my aunt) babysits several children, one little boy, which is in said best friend's class. Well, best friend, we'll call her Mrs. D, started having problems with "Little Johnny" and his mouth...using curse words and sent a note home to his parents. Little Johnny's parents asked my aunt (we'll call her Mrs. M) if she had heard him saying those words as well, which she hadn't. The next day, my aunt, Mrs. M. asked Little Johnny if he had said any bad words at school that day. His response? "No ma'am, Mrs. M. My daddy said if I say those things another time, he's gonna beat my..." only he said his you-know-what...and it wasn't butt! It was an aweful in that the father was the source of these words for this 5 year old boy, but let me tell you, if you could have heard him, or seen the serious look on my face as he told my aunt that...I had to walk out of the room. I don't know how she stood there with a straight face!

 

[Evening Mist]

That was a funny story!

Seriosly though, I'm still thinking this whole thing over. I'd much rather my kids be motivated internally to control their own language, than to be motivated by the fear of being punished. If my child stops swearing because he decides it that it is wrong and hurtful, makes him look bad, and alienates people.... isn't that much better than if he stops swearing because he'll get a spanking otherwise? I'll be the first to admit that its a longer process, and that there will be some embarassing moments in that process. But at the end, he'll have internalized a very important principle.

 

[HeatherJay]

If that works for you and your kids, Evening, more power to you, girl. LOL.

Some kids are exceptional and can understand concepts like the ones you're talking about. My kids are 4 and 2, and while I think they are brilliant and exceptional in many ways, I don't try to kid myself that they will understand those kinds of things right now. Yes, they can understand simple emotional concepts, like if something they said or did hurt someones feelings or made them cry...they're sensitive girls, usually just an admonishment that they made someone else sad is enough to send them into tears. However, it's not a complex internal process for them. They don't process the whole scenario...'oh no, Suzie's crying because I called her a stupidhead...that was very wrong of me and I shouldn't have said such an ugly thing...well, that's THAT...I'm never saying THAT word again.' All they know is, 'Mommy's disappointed in me for saying that bad word...WAAAA!'

As sweet as they can be, they are selfish little creatures and they really can't help it. It's very hard for them, especially at such a young age, to step outside of themselves and see the bigger picture. And, no, they're not going to understand right now that the reason they're being punished is so they'll grow up to be courteous, respectful, considerate young ladies...those things they could really care less about right now. My job is to start teaching them now HOW to be proper young women.

Also, I really think that the best course is to not let a child START swearing in the first place. And, yes, I know when they get older they'll say things they're not supposed to say when I'm not around...that's something completely different. When they are 3 or 4 years old, there is absolutely no reason that something they know to be a 'bad' word should come out of their mouth.

I'm in no way trying to impose my view of parenting on anyone...you guys are ALL wonderful mommies! This is just my opinion on the subject

Love, Heather

 

[Paid in full]

Thank you to everyone for your words and advice it's really helpfull.
God Bless
Paid in Full
<><

 

[scaddigs]

ummm....what Heather said lol

Beautiful job, Heather!

 

[Evening Mist]

Well, I don't want to get the disscussion side tracked too far. I'm trying to come up with a new thread on this sometime, but so far just haven't had the time to articulate myself well. LOL. Not sure why I'm bothering now exactly.

Yes, my kids are exceptional, and I often take note of that. At the same time, I don't think its *too* arogant to suggest that the way I'm raising them has something to do with how exceptional they are. (okay, maybe kind of arogant! sorry!)

I really think the bottom line is, how much do we respect our kids? How much do we respect their ability to understand and process new information? And honestly, I respect my kids ability to reason from the time they can speak. It might take a little longer, but a 3 yo. *can* learn internal motivations for cleaning up his language.

I also would like to see my children grow into curteous and respectful men. And I see now that they are well on their way, actually. But the *means* by which I acheive that end will do as much to shape them as the lessons I teach. If I bop my kids on the chin to teach them not to swear, they learn something beyond just keeping their language clean. They learn that its okay for strong people to control weak people by bopping them in the chin. And they learn to fear the punishment but not necessarily to hate the sin. KWIM?

I want curteous and respectful adult children. I also want humane, reasonable sons, full of integrity and strength. They internalize everything I do, everything I say, and every method I use to discipline them. Therefore -- it is imperetive that I use humane methods, strong methods, reasonable methods, and methods that respects their ability to discern goodness even at a tender age.

Its important (to me) to start young and be consistant in the way that I approach these things. The early years are the hardest because their thinking patterns are new and their language is not mature. But what I do NOW helps to set the way they view the world. What I do now lays the foundation that I build upon later. I don't want it to be about rewards and punishments - not now, and not later . I want it to be about right and wrong, and humanity and dignity.

Again -- sorry. These are very deep thoughts and its hard to put very articulate words to them.

 

[HeatherJay]

I understand what you saying, Evening. I really didn't mean to direct my post at you in a I'm-right-and-your-wrong kind of way. I think your way is wonderful...and every single post I've ever read of your suggests nothing other than you're a fantastic parent.

LOL, my chin bopping thing...I knew it would sound horrible if I typed it out. Oh, well.

Love, Heather

 

[Evening Mist]

Heather and everyone, I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all. I really don't. Its difficult to have a disscussion about parenting without everyone getting their defenses up. We all care SO **** much about our kids and none of us wants to do it "wrong."

At the same time, I think it is useful and helpful to have disscussions like this and to toss back and forth to pros and cons of different methods. I wish we could disscuss it like any other subject, KWIM? Our kids would benefit from the free exchange and disscussion of ideas.

 

[Kelly]

LOL, my chin bopping thing...I knew it would sound horrible if I typed it out. Oh, well.

Heather, don't worry about it. We know what you mean. Children are just that, children. Some can internalize parental requests and others simply can't or don't want to. Don't feel like a bad parent because of your honesty.