Children and Swearing HELP!!!

[Evening Mist]

Heather, don't worry about it. We know what you mean. Children are just that, children. Some can internalize parental requests and others simply can't or don't want to. Don't feel like a bad parent because of your honesty.

Well Gosh, I didn't want Heather to come out of this looking like a bad parent. I'm sure she's a great parent. If her posts reflect her parenting, than I *know* she's a great parent and her children are well loved.

I just wanted to get ito a real disscussion about this, thats all.

And no -- I don't picture a bop on the chin (alone) as destroying a child's spirit. I wouldn't do it -- but I don't think anyone should be locked up for it either.

Children are just that, children. Some can internalize parental requests and others simply can't or don't want to.

And sometimes they can and do, but it takes a lot longer than we would like it too. Sometimes our expectations for immediate results are somewhat unrealistic. I have to consider what I'm risking in terms of my child's integrity and dignity in order to acheive quick results. (And sometimes we have to reevaluate our requests.)

When my ds became obessessed with a certain swear word at age 3, it took several months to deal with it effectively. In between, there were some fairly embarassing incidents. But those incidents helped to shape a true sense of value in his heart. My embarassment was secondary and less important.

I could have dealt with it faster by punishing him. But I think a lesson would have been lost.

Certainly there are situations where immediate results are a higher priority. I cannot let my child learn not to run in the street by suffering natural consequences. If he runs in the street, he has to be carried or he has to go back inside. Period. No disscussion. No waiting. No reasoning. But I guess I'm suggesting that swearing isn't like that.

 

[HeatherJay]

Well Gosh, I didn't want Heather to come out of this looking like a bad parent. I'm sure she's a great parent. If her posts reflect her parenting, than I *know* she's a great parent and her children are well loved.

I just wanted to get ito a real disscussion about this, thats all.

And no -- I don't picture a bop on the chin (alone) as destroying a child's spirit. I wouldn't do it -- but I don't think anyone should be locked up for it either.



And sometimes they can and do, but it takes a lot longer than we would like it too. Sometimes our expectations for immediate results are somewhat unrealistic. I have to consider what I'm risking in terms of my child's integrity and dignity in order to acheive quick results. (And sometimes we have to reevaluate our requests.)

When my ds became obessessed with a certain swear word at age 3, it took several months to deal with it effectively. In between, there were some fairly embarassing incidents. But those incidents helped to shape a true sense of value in his heart. My embarassment was secondary and less important.

I could have dealt with it faster by punishing him. But I think a lesson would have been lost.

Certainly there are situations where immediate results are a higher priority. I cannot let my child learn not to run in the street by suffering natural consequences. If he runs in the street, he has to be carried or he has to go back inside. Period. No disscussion. No waiting. No reasoning. But I guess I'm suggesting that swearing isn't like that.

Don't worry, Evening. I know you weren't implying anything like that

And I think you do make a good point. I was reading some parenting magazine a few months back (can't remember which one, I was in a doctor's office), but it was talking about kids that wouldn't share. The advice given was that, if given time, the child will learn on his own, through the consequences for his actions, that it's not a good thing to be selfish...because none of the other kids will want to play you, because no one will want to share their toys with you, etc. Basically, the article was saying the same point you're getting (I think...correct me if I'm wrong). That children will put two and two together, if given time and room to make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes, on their own, with only subtle and gently guidance from us.

I don't know, I guess for me, if I see my child misbehaving in some way, I want to correct them immediately. I can understand your point that, perhaps, immediate action is not always the most effective course. I also agree with you that different situations call for different strategies.

I'm not sure how much sense that post makes...LOL, sorry 'bout that

Love, Heather

 

[Evening Mist]

Heather, thats a great example! And really, how valuable is "sharing" if it is done begrudgingly anyway?

I can't help but to recognize how loooooooong God gives us as His children to learn from our mistakes. He could reign down hell-fire everytime we mess up, but he doesn't. There is a patience to his tactics, and a respect for our ability to internalize His standards. It would mean so much less if we obeyed out of fear.

With ds -- a long time ago -- he loved the word "A$%." He used it daily. Evertime he said it, we would try to calmly point out that it wasn't a nice word, it was an ugly word, and a word that would upset people in his life. We refused to respond to questions or comments that included that word. We carefully removed him from any context where he would be exposed to that word.

But it went on and on. We were embarassed and worried, and there were incidents that didn't really help -- like grandma laughing her behind off everytime he said it. Sigh. (Thanks, mom! Big help.) Then one day he was at a playdate and the mother called me and asked if I could come pick him up, and maybe we could try again another time. I asked why, and sure enough, it was the "A" word. Walking home with ds, age 3, he calmly told me that, "E's mom won't let me play with her anymore if I say bad words." I was elated! Embarassed that he said a bad word in front of my friend, but elated that something had finally made an impression. I calmly responded, "Well, that makes sense to me. I don't let you play with kids who say bad words either." Five minutes later, still a quiet little humble voice, "It really makes people upset when I say that word." Me, "Well, yes -- I imagine it does. In fact, I'm not sure what we're going to do about preschool next year. Preschools don't allow kids who say bad words a lot." Him: big huge solemn eyes. Five minutes later, "Well, I won't say it anymore." And that was the end of that.

LOL. Its fascinating to watch the way someone learns.Sometimes painful, but still fascinating.

 

[MsAnne]

So imagine my horror when I was called in for a meeting with my son's FIRST GRADE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL teacher. She showed me his workbook. Right there on the front was a perfectly penciled "F" word.

I was mortified, but looked at her and said, "But look, his penmanship is beautiful and he spelled it right!"

(Thank goodness she laughed!!)

 

[Evening Mist]

So imagine my horror when I was called in for a meeting with my son's FIRST GRADE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL teacher. She showed me his workbook. Right there on the front was a perfectly penciled "F" word.

I was mortified, but looked at her and said, "But look, his penmanship is beautiful and he spelled it right!"

(Thank goodness she laughed!!)

 

[draper]

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

So tragically true.

If a spoken word hurts you then youre overly sensitive IMO. When I have kids, they'll be allowed to swear with reasonable limitations. Obviously not every 2 sentences, and I would tell them its bad to swear at others unless youre sworn at (thats my opinion). Unfortunately there are too many sensitive people in the world so we have to punish our kids for swearing at people.

 

[HeatherJay]

IMO, if swear words are the only way that you can effectively express your emotions and get your point across to someone else, then you need to increase your vocabulary. My Gram always told me that swearing was a sign of a limited vocabulary...she was right. To me it makes the swear-er look uneducated and low class. That's reason enough to not want to do it, I'd think. But if you need another reason, the Bible says we shouldn't.

Love, Heather

 

[Bookman]

I hope you're well versed in the fine art of disciplining your child. So many Christian parents have bought into the false ways of the world in correcting their children--and then they're surprised when their children turn out just like the world. We're called out from the world. We have another way of correcting our children. We deal with disobedience in our children because we love them. And yes, this does mean an occasional spanking. We spanked our three girls when they were small and disobeyed and by the time they were five or so, the spankings were pretty much over, because they had learned to obey.

Now they are all adults and my wife and I constantly get compliments on what wonderful women they are. And they thank us for caring enough to be consistent in our disciplining of them. Buy Dr. Dobon's Dare to Discipline for more info.

 

[draper]

IMO, if swear words are the only way that you can effectively express your emotions and get your point across to someone else, then you need to increase your vocabulary. My Gram always told me that swearing was a sign of a limited vocabulary...she was right. To me it makes the swear-er look uneducated and low class. That's reason enough to not want to do it, I'd think. But if you need another reason, the Bible says we shouldn't.

Love, Heather

I don't think so. It's like saying that if someone says 'big' instead of 'immense' they are uneducated and need a bigger vocab.

And I don't believe in the Bible. And even I did, I think Christians should be allowed to have parts of the Bible they disagree with.

 

[Bookman]

I'm really curious as to why so many people who don't believe in the Bible come to Christian forums to offer advice they must know is counter-Christian? Even more puzzling is why so many Christians would take advice that is non-Biblical.

 

[CeCe]

I'm really curious as to why so many people who don't believe in the Bible come to Christian forums to offer advice they must know is counter-Christian? Even more puzzling is why so many Christians would take advice that is non-Biblical.

Amen to that.

In regard to children swearing, it has to be treated like most any other disobedient act. The child has to understand that there are consequences. My daughter is a special needs child, but that doesn't change the fact that certain behaviors are unacceptable. Usually I take away something she likes, such as playtime on the computer. No games, no paint no online coloring. Most kids have things that they really like to do or places they like to go. Often when it's in danger of being denied, they will stop. It will probably take time since swearing is so prevelent in our society. You can't even turn on that "talking box" in most living rooms these days. The language that comes out of it at any given time is atrocious. Because it's so hard to get away from, it probably won't be easy. But once the child understands cause and effect, it should get better.

Praying

 

[Paid in full]

Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed that my daughter doesnt swear so much (come right down to 1 or 2 words a week)And she now realizes that its wrong.And apologises straight away rather than laughing about it.