My wife was a strong Christian when I met her. She brought me closer to Christ. She was a virgin when I met her and we did not have premarital sex. A few months after the marriage I had to travel, then the cheating started. I was uneasy about a guy she always hung out with and I told her i found it strange that she was always chatting on the phone with him.
She eventually got pregnant and is not sure if I am the father. I am not sure what to do I am totally devastated. I think god is letting me know that I loved her too much, my love should have been directed to Christ.
Am I wrong?
Yes, on that last question, entirely wrong. Your wife is a harlot. She deceived you.
She is not the "strong christian" she pretended to be. It's that simple. There is no way you can get married, in within the
first year, commit adultery and call yourself a strong christian.
Now if you had told me that you were starving out your wife for a couple of years, and she started cheating, I'd say you were to blame.
But in under a year? Not even a year, and she's screwing some other guy? No, that's not on you. She's a harlot.
And let me address this thought pattern of yours....
You loved her too much, no if anything you did not love her enough. But I'll get to that in a minute.
G-d does not cause christian people to commit grave evil sins, to somehow punish another christian.
I assume you know the story of David and Bathsheba. If you don't, then read up 2 Samuel 11.
Does it say that Uriah, Bathsheba's husband, was a terrible evil man, and this is why Bathsheba was perfectly willing to run off with David and get pregnant? No. Uriah, from every possible angle, was a moral and G-dly man. He had the highest integrity of anyone in the entire story line. G-d did not cause David or Bathsheba to do evil, because Uriah wasn't G-dly enough.
Now that said, I want to say some things that you might have done differently.
It might seem like a contradiction, but both things can be true at the same time. I can both be true that you should have acted differently, and also be true that this is still entirely on your wife who committed the evil act of being unfaithful adulterer sinner.
First, you need to fight to protect your marriage. You knew this was unhealthy the way she was messing around with this other man. You should have contacted this man directly, and told him to stay away from your with or you would beat him with a bat. And you should have gotten nose to nose in your wife's face and told her she is not to talk to this many again.
Far from loving her too much, you didn't love her enough.
Second, and this is my person opinion.... straight up. Deuteronomy 24:5 has a verse that says a military man who gets married, should be relived of service, or any other duty, for a period of one year, to bring happiness to his wife.
I think all men should follow that verse as best they can. No ditching your bran new bride, to travel. If you have to leave home, you should cough up the money to take your wife with you where you are traveling. The worst thing I see men do, is marry someone, and then jump on a plane and fly to Uganda for a business conference.
NO. You need to stay home with your wife. For at least one year. After you are settled in, and get to know each other, and how this relationship works... ok then resume your normal work. But for one year, you need to be with the woman.
Does this mean if you had done all this, everything would have worked out?
No, you might have done everything perfectly like Uriah, and she still would have been whoring around. Again, this chick was no 'strong christian'. You can't marry someone, and in under 12 months, be screwing other guys, and be a strong Christian. No way.
So what would I do.....
Nothing I say is going to make your heart stop hurting. But I'm going to tell you straight up what I would do.
Honest truth: I would file for an annulment. NOW... Right NOW. She was NEVER faithful to you. I guarantee she was never faithful, because affairs don't start in a matter of weeks. She had to have been getting close to this guy, before you ever got married. Get an annulment. This chick is poison.
Move on. Get away from her, as quickly as you can. That's what I would do.
