Chasing the wind?

[jan003]

I was recently reading an old personality thread and I think that she might have said that she was an INTJ ...

 

[hazeleyes80]

I was recently reading an old personality thread and I think that she might have said that she was an INTJ ...

That's interesting. Given that I'm a female T myself, I shouldn't have assumed the F. Statistically speaking though, more women are F's than T's.

I'm an IXTJ by the way. My S and N are almost 50/50. I'm moderately a T, but I do have an F side (the only people that even catch a glimpse of that side of me are those I have a lot of trust in).

 

[invisiblebabe]

That's interesting. Given that I'm a female T myself, I shouldn't have assumed the F. Statistically speaking though, more women are F's than T's.

I'm an IXTJ by the way. My S and N are almost 50/50. I'm moderately a T, but I do have an F side (the only people that even catch a glimpse of that side of me are those I have a lot of trust in).

Hi Thanks for replying! IxTJ huh? Believe I've met one before, but that's all. The 4% stat I posted was combining all IN types, although I think my stats may be slightly off if INFP's alone make up 4% of the population

INxJ over here. Moderate I, extreme N, borderline T/F (I seem to come across as a T in natural expression and am extremely analytical, but am also quite relational and much more social science oriented than many T's who are hard science oriented), and low to moderate J. Most people think I come off as a T type though, except of course those who are stronger T types

Anyways invisiblebabe are you an INTJ...if so your opposite is an ESFP.

Dating an ESFP type would make me insane. My sister is one and though I love her, she can be very trying at times. So I think it's safe to say I'll never end up dating or marrying one!! For me, extroversion is a turnoff, and combine that with a sensing type and he'll have nothing whatsoever in common with me even on a friendship level (more than "Hi how are you?").

In this sense I believe opposites do NOT attract. Certainly one person's strengths must complement the other's weaknesses to a degree, and vice versa.... but I think it's best for the two people to be more similar in key areas and have the differences in less fundamental areas. A difference on the T/F spectrum or J/P spectrum wouldn't be a problem for me, as I don't find those areas quite as fundamental in discerning who I relate to on a deeper level.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Gentle FYI, ibabe - not all extroverts crack up the same. Some, like myself, are on the less extreme end of the scale - and we get along just fine with some of the introverts. :^)

 

[invisiblebabe]

Keil- True... I suppose I am more referring to people who are nowhere near the introverted side of the spectrum. If I remember right, you're close to being right on the border

I haven't met an extroverted guy who is interested in me romantically and can relate to me yet doesn't seem to have a notion that I somehow must be "fixed" or "changed" to become more like him.

I suppose anything is possible though.

 

[waterbear]

Two points:
- regarding the OP, if one isn't content in a relationship and one isn't committed, one should end the relationship.
- regarding compatibleness, I'm moderately to strongly typed INTJ - ESFPs bore me. I know some and usually avoid them since I'd rather be alone. S and N types understand the world in very different terms, one in a more abstract thoughtful model-seeking sense, the other in a more emperical, pleasure-seeking sense (both gross simplifications). As a strong N type, I don't agree with the S type approach, which would be a relationship issue.

Rather than compatibleness, I seek similarity. If there is something about myself I find disagreeable or disadvantageous, I change it. It's not possible for some other person to complement me.

 

[Nico]

i do know what you mean, though, and i think it's far more positive than not to think about these things and really consider who and what is important to you in a mate. perhaps if more people did think about it the divorce rate would be lower. also, remember that w/people similar to our types we tend to get focused on some details that actually cause us to forget the big picture, and then are overwhelmed. i think when you start dissecting the probability of finding someone who's right (which i do all the time) you get blown away at how the odds are so stacked against you and then reason and after reason compounds and builds and then you just say "oh forget it, i mean it's impossible". don't forget to take steps back once in a while and realize that you're focusing on some things a little too much and thus overwhleming yourself. also, and i don't know exactly how this comes into play, but people similar to my type have really high expectations of themselves and others. i know i do. and i have no intention of lowering those standards, but i'm now trying really hard to realize that everyone's human and that not necessarily everyone has the same standards as me or thinks the same way as i do. i most certainly won't settle for anyone. no way. however, i'm now seeing that some things can work out differently than what i thought was the way. that was so unclear.

anyway, do the things that you like in group settings, if at all possible, and you'll probably end up meeting many quite similar to you. i wouldn't give up hope yet

 

[hazeleyes80]

Hi Thanks for replying! IxTJ huh? Believe I've met one before, but that's all. The 4% stat I posted was combining all IN types, although I think my stats may be slightly off if INFP's alone make up 4% of the population

INxJ over here. Moderate I, extreme N, borderline T/F (I seem to come across as a T in natural expression and am extremely analytical, but am also quite relational and much more social science oriented than many T's who are hard science oriented), and low to moderate J. Most people think I come off as a T type though, except of course those who are stronger T types


Dating an ESFP type would make me insane. My sister is one and though I love her, she can be very trying at times. So I think it's safe to say I'll never end up dating or marrying one!! For me, extroversion is a turnoff, and combine that with a sensing type and he'll have nothing whatsoever in common with me even on a friendship level (more than "Hi how are you?").

In this sense I believe opposites do NOT attract. Certainly one person's strengths must complement the other's weaknesses to a degree, and vice versa.... but I think it's best for the two people to be more similar in key areas and have the differences in less fundamental areas. A difference on the T/F spectrum or J/P spectrum wouldn't be a problem for me, as I don't find those areas quite as fundamental in discerning who I relate to on a deeper level.

I'm also a social science-oriented T. A lot of people probably think its wierd that I'm going to be an elementary school teacher, but I see being a moderate T as an advantage in a way. I'm able to be very fair/objective a lot easier than many strong F teachers that I know. I just have to work harder at the emotional aspects of it. My F side does come out a little more eaily around kids though.

You mentioned about dating ESFP's...I dated someone that was either ESFP or ESTP a few years ago. He seemed mostly F, but he also had a bit of that ESTP "salesman" personality in him. He drove me insane. He was an extreme SP. The way he lived so completely in the present (minute to minute) and his level of opportunism were absolutely unparalleled by anyone else that I have met in my almost 24 years on this planet. Arguments with him drove me insane. He couldn't argue rationally, so very frequently, I could out logic him. He would realize that he was losing the fight and become verbally abusive in order to assert his dominance. I think my most recent bf (2 years ago) was an ENTJ. We got along well and thought pretty much alike on a lot of things, but we wanted different things out of life.

As for dating opposites, I think that can get kind of dangerous. The only way I'd want to do that is if the person and I agreed on things (even if our reasonings were different). When 2 people's thinking is on completely different wavelenghts, it can be incredibly difficult to get along. I tend to get along best with men who are NTJ's.

 

[hazeleyes80]

I haven't met an extroverted guy who is interested in me romantically and can relate to me yet doesn't seem to have a notion that I somehow must be "fixed" or "changed" to become more like him.

I've run into men like that too, but only the stronger E's. I've found that the slight E's tend not to turn me into a Pygmalion project. I don't come across guys who are slight E's too often though. It seems like most guys are pretty strongly one way or the other (or at least the ones I've run into are anyway).

 

[renaistre]

LOL. No offense, but this almost sounds like a Christian version of asking "what's your sign?" I think I'm an INTJ, but I don't remember for sure.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Even just 1% of the US population is about 2,946,954 people as of today at 7:28 PM, EST... um, yeah. Wait for God, don't lower your standards, but be open to unexpected things happening. How's that for being direct?

 

[JPPT1974]

I am definately not the life of the party. I am an introverted type of person and female. But once you get me talking on stuff that I am interested in I can talk to you for hours and hours. Also being a Christian is a definate must. As well as walk the walk and talk the talk. I admit I plead guilty to not doing both as well as also needing to satisfy God more than myself and others. Especially even my family.

 

[hazeleyes80]

LOL. No offense, but this almost sounds like a Christian version of asking "what's your sign?" I think I'm an INTJ, but I don't remember for sure.

From what I read in your profile (i.e. your love of sine waves, etc.), I'd almost be willing to bet money that you're either INTJ or INTP.

 

[Apollonian]

*sigh*

Shikataganai
C'est la vis
Que será será
Non illegitimi te carborundum
Don't sweat the small stuff

In general, all things come and go in time. Enjoy each thing while it lasts, for better or for worse, until all things come to closure in the end. It seems as if almost every culture has a saying which means "life goes on".

I encourage discussion. Though sometimes its nice to just sit back and watch life go by instead of dwelling too long in sullen contemplation.

Edit: To clarify - When we find ourselves asking questions about the perfect person to pursue, sometimes we forget what we need to do and who we need to become to meet up with that sort of person. I have found that it is better to let the ideas of "the perfect person" go to the wind in favor of thoughts about our circumstance. That way, we can focus more on living life toward meeting people rather than wondering about the perfect person from circumstances which make such an acquaintance impossible.

Hence, it cannot be helped that often the "right person" seems rare. It is a function of our circumstance and it seems perfectly natural to rediscover this reality when we return to fishing the proverbial sea.

 

[invisiblebabe]

i think when you start dissecting the probability of finding someone who's right (which i do all the time) you get blown away at how the odds are so stacked against you and then reason and after reason compounds and builds and then you just say "oh forget it, i mean it's impossible".

Very true. I did have a thought the other day, however, and I think there is some merit to it. My thought: Isn't it like that with any two people meeting, finding one another, and getting together... chances being one in a million? Everything... circumstances, timing, attraction, compatibility... has to be just so, for any two people to even get together in the first place! So maybe to say that my situation is any more impossible than anyone else's isn't quite true.

anyway, do the things that you like in group settings, if at all possible, and you'll probably end up meeting many quite similar to you. i wouldn't give up hope yet

I'm hoping. Gymnastics... I couldn't care less if the right guy for me is a gymnast or not, plus many people I train with are certainly the partying kind and certainly not Christians. Creative writing... bit too hard to do in a group setting Fellowship... it's possible.

And things are not 100% over with previously mentioned guy... we are just not committed at the time... and assuming compatibility differences do not prove to be too much, we very well could work it out in the future.

Who knows?

 

[invisiblebabe]

From what I read in your profile (i.e. your love of sine waves, etc.), I'd almost be willing to bet money that you're either INTJ or INTP.

Yeah, me too The MBTI definitely has value to it.. however it is not the be-all and end-all of personality and relationships (but is anything?).

 

[hazeleyes80]

Yeah, me too The MBTI definitely has value to it.. however it is not the be-all and end-all of personality and relationships (but is anything?).

I couldn't agree more. While 2 ESFJ's or INTP's may share many of the same characteristics purely because of their type, there is much to be said for things such as gender and environmental influences. A male who is an F or a female who is a T might show a lot of characteristics of their own gender. The male who is naturally an F might have been reared to act like a T and the female who is more of a T might have been reared to act like an F. An SP with 2 NF parents might have more of an ability to look at future consequences of actions than one who has 2 SP parents. Though MBTI type is definitely a good way to figure out how to communicate better with people or who you might get along better with, a person is much more than just 4 letters.

 

[Apollonian]

I decided to clarify my last post above. Unfortunately, sometimes not all of my abstract nuances make it out into my prose. I appreciate InvisiBabe pointing this out to me in PM.

 

[carmi]

I am moderately introverted and extremely abstract in thought and communication...I enjoy talking about all sorts of theories, ideas, and thoughts about God and about life and any other randomness I come up with I believe I would be best matched with a guy who shares these characteristics (and very obviously, along with a solid Christian faith and strong desire to follow God).

The caveat, though: According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (personality inventory that I have studied very extensively), only about 4% of the population is like me in this manner. Reduce that to males around my age and Christians only, and you're looking at even less. And how about reducing it even farther, to those guys who would be interested in me that way?

I guess what I am asking here is, though I know God can provide beyond our wildest dreams..... am I dreaming a bit too big here?

God has plans for you (these plans may be according to your wildest dreams or they might go completely against your dreams). Love requires a choice. And you might one day stand in front of the choice to accept the man God says is right for you or to take someone who fits a type indicator. In other words, you need to choose whether you want a match made in heaven (made by God) or a match made by tests results (based on human knowledge).

You are concerned about your 4 % chances for a match (actually less because - as you already pointed out - you need to reduce this number by males in your age and males who are Christians). God does not give you a 4 % chance, He gives you one man who is 100 % right for you. Just one man.

 

[invisiblebabe]

God has plans for you (these plans may be according to your wildest dreams or they might go completely against your dreams). Love requires a choice. And you might one day stand in front of the choice to accept the man God says is right for you or to take someone who fits a type indicator. In other words, you need to choose whether you want a match made in heaven (made by God) or a match made by tests results (based on human knowledge).

Like I said, it isn't about the test itself... that's just the most comprehensive way to put into words what I've found to be most compatible I would NOT base my decision to date or not date anyone on what they test as, but as how they present themselves and whether or not they are able to relate to me.

You are concerned about your 4 % chances for a match (actually less because - as you already pointed out - you need to reduce this number by males in your age and males who are Christians). God does not give you a 4 % chance, He gives you one man who is 100 % right for you. Just one man.

I'm confused here... if a guy is not everything I need ("completely against my dreams," as you put it), how then could he be 100% right for me?

But yeah, as I said earlier, it's nigh-impossible odds for any two people ending up together, really, with all that must happen first... just 'cause mine seems more difficult doesn't mean God can't do it.

 

[carmi]

I'm confused here... if a guy is not everything I need ("completely against my dreams," as you put it), how then could he be 100% right for me?

Here is what I wrote:

"God does not give you a 4 % chance, He gives you one man who is 100 % right for you. Just one man."

There are many things I think I need, and there are many things I think I need in a man to be able to have a successful and happy relationship.

Well, I think - God knows. In other words, God knows what you need and what you need in a man. He will send this man who is 100 % right for you - the problem might arise that you think otherwise or don't recognize that this is the right man for you (because you have your own ideas about your needs).

You could dream and/or pray to God and ask Him to send a man into your life who fulfills a certain criteria (who is the type you think you need). And He answers your prayer accordingly (your dream will come true) or He has someone else in mind who is 100 % right for you in God's eyes but not in yours.

I was talking not just about any man who comes your way, I was talking about a man whom God sends your way, whom God knows is 100 % right. "My God shall supply all your needs" - I believe that but I also have to say that on more than one occasion I was very surprised to know I need this or that. If you could read my thoughts, you would have heard me thinking on more than one occasion "I don't need this". And there were times I felt very much like questioning God, as in "do you really think I need this, that this is necessary?" "Where's the sense in this?" ...

Our thoughts are not always like His Thoughts - and He does at times override our wishes or He fulfills them in the exact way or completely different way. Sometimes you get less then you wanted/needed, sometimes more.

I would submit your dreams to God, tell Him what you need or think you need - and wait how He will fulfill your dreams.