Chasing the wind?

[invisiblebabe]

I just called things off with my boyfriend after wondering about what I perceive to be core compatibility issues, particularly communication style. We will still spend time together as friends, but we are not committed nor exclusive.

Having done this, here is what I wonder:

I am moderately introverted and extremely abstract in thought and communication...I enjoy talking about all sorts of theories, ideas, and thoughts about God and about life and any other randomness I come up with I believe I would be best matched with a guy who shares these characteristics (and very obviously, along with a solid Christian faith and strong desire to follow God).

The caveat, though: According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (personality inventory that I have studied very extensively), only about 4% of the population is like me in this manner. Reduce that to males around my age and Christians only, and you're looking at even less. And how about reducing it even farther, to those guys who would be interested in me that way?

I guess what I am asking here is, though I know God can provide beyond our wildest dreams..... am I dreaming a bit too big here?

 

[unimportantbuthisnameis]

not at all, just keep praying about it

 

[Singing Bush]

Well here's the way I see your options, irregardless if you're dreaming too big or not:

1. You keep dreaming the same and...

1A. You meet that 1 in 1,000,000 guy and live happily ever after.
1B. You never meet that 1 in 1,000,000 guy and so you must then decide whether you're content with being single or not.

2. You compromise your dreams, aim a little lower, and...

2A. You meet that 1 in 10,000 guy and because you've consciously compromised in your brain while your heart remains the same you are unsatisfied w/ your marriage.
2B. You don't meet that 1 in 10,000 guy and so you must then decide whether you're content with being single or not.

That's oversimplifying it I'm sure, but I think it's a pretty good list nevertheless. But I seem to be perpetually single though so perhaps I'm not the best source on this kind of stuff.

 

[Nico]

hey, i'm all about the myers briggs stuff, but be carefull not to think that it has a blueprint for your life. your type of personality may be rare, but abstract thinkers might comprise a little more than just what is within your sphere. also, while i also think i need some characteristics that are similar to mine, you gotta have someone who keeps you grounded as well--having opposite aspects is really positive as well. don't look @ it as a statistic. that's just depressing. when i think about love it seems that just falling in true love seems absolutely impossible. but it does happen. and also, as you do things, extracurricular things, you will probably end up meeting people who are actually similar to you. i think it is not nearly as impossible as it dauntingly seems

 

[invisiblebabe]

hey, i'm all about the myers briggs stuff, but be carefull not to think that it has a blueprint for your life. your type of personality may be rare, but abstract thinkers might comprise a little more than just what is within your sphere. also, while i also think i need some characteristics that are similar to mine, you gotta have someone who keeps you grounded as well--having opposite aspects is really positive as well. don't look @ it as a statistic. that's just depressing. when i think about love it seems that just falling in true love seems absolutely impossible. but it does happen. and also, as you do things, extracurricular things, you will probably end up meeting people who are actually similar to you. i think it is not nearly as impossible as it dauntingly seems

True, some opposite characteristics are necessary-- I certainly wouldn't want someone who is my clone! <_< The IN** type, though, I feel at least at this present time, seems to be a necessity.

I wouldn't say I rely on MBTI stuff to direct my life, although I do admit it has been incredibly useful to me.... I use it more as a prototype... it has a lot of descriptive info in it that explains myself and what types I feel I most relate to in a concise yet comprehensive way.

I have to ask, though.... what type are you?

 

[Jakobray]

Even if its does seem hard, I don't think you should lower your standards. Lowering your standards just tells God that you don't trust in him to deliver. The way I see it with myself, I'm going to set my standards really high and know that God will deliver for me. And if God doesn't deliver the girl who I am lookign for I know that he is going to deliver someone who once I Get to know I will realize is better. I think you just need to trust in the Big Man because hey he knows what hes doing .

 

[2scoops]

No one should lower their standards, but there stndards should be Godly standards. If you are weighing everything on this Meyer_Briggs thing, than you might be over looking some pretty great guys. You could fill that test out next year and get totally different results. I mean people go through changes, especially as we get older and more mature. I was was real shy at 20, Iwas an extreme intovert, but now I am totally opposite, I am an extreme extrovert. At twenty I wanted a job where I was away from people, now I am in sales. Give your concerns to the Lord, let Him match you up and not Meyers or Briggs.

 

[Living4Him03]

All I know is that if the Lord wants me to marry He will make it happen. I have not had much luck with guys in my life. It's not so much about getting a date, it's getting someone who is really interested in me. I just have to give it up to him. I have a strong willed, stubborn personality and I am way to eager to please. I don't think I will ever completely change these characteristics, although I am working on not trying so hard. I have to believe that SOME day a guy will appreciate me for who I am and love me for me. It is hard though, because it hasn't remotely happened before, which makes you kind of wonder if it ever will, but you never know!

 

[invisiblebabe]

No one should lower their standards, but there stndards should be Godly standards. If you are weighing everything on this Meyer_Briggs thing, than you might be over looking some pretty great guys. You could fill that test out next year and get totally different results. I mean people go through changes, especially as we get older and more mature. I was was real shy at 20, Iwas an extreme intovert, but now I am totally opposite, I am an extreme extrovert. At twenty I wanted a job where I was away from people, now I am in sales. Give your concerns to the Lord, let Him match you up and not Meyers or Briggs.

If you're an extreme extrovert now and say you were an extreme introvert earlier... I would wonder about something. I think we can adapt to our circumstances, yet our natural preferences do not change. I would venture to guess that you were an extrovert all along, but your shyness faded as you matured. Shyness and introversion are TOTALLY different things.... the first one implying lack of social confidence, and the second an orientation toward the inner world as opposed to the outer.

Again this is not about the MBTI specifically; I am using it as a model to explain what I feel I need. I do believe God is the one who taught me these things about myself and what I want. I feel I know myself and who God made me to be very well at this point, and whether the MBTI exists or not, I still know by both theory and practice what type of people I can best relate to on a deeper level.

 

[invisiblebabe]

All I know is that if the Lord wants me to marry He will make it happen. I have not had much luck with guys in my life. It's not so much about getting a date, it's getting someone who is really interested in me. I just have to give it up to him. I have a strong willed, stubborn personality and I am way to eager to please. I don't think I will ever completely change these characteristics, although I am working on not trying so hard. I have to believe that SOME day a guy will appreciate me for who I am and love me for me. It is hard though, because it hasn't remotely happened before, which makes you kind of wonder if it ever will, but you never know!

I pray that the Lord blesses you with that desire in His time.

Stubborn and eager to please... interesting combo I suppose my greatest challenge these days is refraining from unnecessarily debating with people, as odd as that may sound. I certainly need someone who will challenge me, both intellectually and spiritually.... yet also someone who I will feel supported by (often that kind of guy can do that just by being around me or talking to me).

Keep working on yourself, though.... the more developed as a person you are, the more content you will be with yourself, and the richer your life will be in general I remind myself of that often.... and it works !

 

[Nico]

I have to ask, though.... what type are you?

i'm an INFJ. i understand what you mean about the N part, i think that i'd really like that in a partner, and that is the one that i'd least likely *comprimise* on....i think i'd like an E though, b/c sometimes i need someone to encourage me to get out there. i'd expect them to understand that i need my alone time, but the last guy i dated was an E and we were a nice combo of him being the "big group" person and me the more individual, one-on-one person.

apparently, my best match in a husband is an ENTP or ENTJ. looking closely @ my strengths and weaknesses and the respective strengths & weaknesses of those 2 types, i can see how that could have some validity.

 

[JPPT1974]

Just keep praying to the Lord Almighty. And he will provide for you and guide you. Sometimes I have to remind myself that people can and will be hard to please. No matter what we say and do for them. That is their problem and not ours. But take it to the Lord Almighty.

 

[Jaegang72]

I am quite interested in psychology.

IMO this is my assesment of the OP
1) Highly intelligent

2) Introvert not so much in the sense of quietness of speech but often an introspection and deliberation in many things.

3) The OP was taken by her ex's interest in her which touched the part of her which all women have, a demand that needs to be filled... a desire to be loved.

4) However , to be completely satisfied intellectually, emotionally , I really think you need to wait It is not too hard to find someone who ponders things like solomon did in ecclestias which your message title is based on "a chasing after the wind"

5) In the end, the most important thing for a female is to have a husband who cherishes her. The guy may not need to be acquainted with bristol-myers but all you actually need is a guy who will listen to what you have to say. If the guy can quote Jung and Freud and is more interested in what he has to say than listening to your take on things, you still won't be pleased. In the end, it is how well he can listen and listen with empathy and with some understanding. So it may not be the 4 percent you are after but rather someone who listens empatically and makes an effort to understand in a thoughtful manner.

Jae

 

[invisiblebabe]

I am quite interested in psychology.

IMO this is my assesment of the OP
1) Highly intelligent

2) Introvert not so much in the sense of quietness of speech but often an introspection and deliberation in many things.

Dead on (Don't mean to come off conceited as for #1... more of an objective description of myself, as I'm quite academically oriented)

3) The OP was taken by her ex's interest in her which touched the part of her which all women have, a demand that needs to be filled... a desire to be loved.

Somewhat, but also, the attraction on my part was not there to the extent that is necessary in a romantic relationship..... I wanted to see if it would grow, and was hoping it would... he IS a great guy and a solid Christian. However, I guess the feelings just weren't there on my part.

4) However , to be completely satisfied intellectually, emotionally , I really think you need to wait It is not too hard to find someone who ponders things like solomon did in ecclestias which your message title is based on "a chasing after the wind"

5) In the end, the most important thing for a female is to have a husband who cherishes her. The guy may not need to be acquainted with bristol-myers but all you actually need is a guy who will listen to what you have to say. If the guy can quote Jung and Freud and is more interested in what he has to say than listening to your take on things, you still won't be pleased. In the end, it is how well he can listen and listen with empathy and with some understanding. So it may not be the 4 percent you are after but rather someone who listens empatically and makes an effort to understand in a thoughtful manner.

Jae

Thanks for your input. I agree that I don't want a stuck-up intellectual but I do think intellectual compatibility and thoughtful input (not just listening but contributing as well) are HUGE for me, as well as someone who can understand me to a good degree. It almost seems as if I am not attracted to someone unless these qualities are already there. Predominantly one-sided on my part would be just as difficult as him being the one who never shuts up

So the plan is indeed waiting... the question is, where to find someone like this (unless, of course, I somehow already have but he, I, or both don't know it yet)?

 

[invisiblebabe]

i'm an INFJ. i understand what you mean about the N part, i think that i'd really like that in a partner, and that is the one that i'd least likely *comprimise* on....i think i'd like an E though, b/c sometimes i need someone to encourage me to get out there. i'd expect them to understand that i need my alone time, but the last guy i dated was an E and we were a nice combo of him being the "big group" person and me the more individual, one-on-one person.

apparently, my best match in a husband is an ENTP or ENTJ. looking closely @ my strengths and weaknesses and the respective strengths & weaknesses of those 2 types, i can see how that could have some validity.

Makes sense I agree that the N seems to be fundamental. I went into the relationship wondering about the S/N thing, but figured I would at least try. Ended up that I was right to be wondering

INxJ over here... moderate I, extreme N, borderline T/F, slight to moderate J. Extroverts and I just don't "get" one another, as I am perhaps too introspective and one-on-one oriented to be compatible with one on a deeper friendship or romantic level. Many of them also think that needs to be "fixed," too, and try to push me into "getting out there," which will do nothing but annoy me extremely. I can do groups, and I do talk quite a bit in organized ones such as class or Bible studies... but it requires a lot of energy and I would be much better with someone who, like me, prefers to be alone or one-on-one. Plus, of course, I want to have plenty of time alone with him and not be dating with his friends all the time

 

[Tuffguy]

I am moderately introverted and extremely abstract in thought and communication...I enjoy talking about all sorts of theories, ideas, and thoughts about God and about life and any other randomness I come up with I believe I would be best matched with a guy who shares these characteristics (and very obviously, along with a solid Christian faith and strong desire to follow God).

The caveat, though: According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (personality inventory that I have studied very extensively), only about 4% of the population is like me in this manner. Reduce that to males around my age and Christians only, and you're looking at even less. And how about reducing it even farther, to those guys who would be interested in me that way?

I guess what I am asking here is, though I know God can provide beyond our wildest dreams..... am I dreaming a bit too big here?

I think you're a total dork for studying you personality type and then actually calculating what percent of guys will fit this mold that you set up.
THATS WHY YOU'RE SINGLE!!!!

Lighten up sweetie. You're one of those cases where you end up meeting some guy that you never thought you would get along with. Thats what always happens to peopel that plan exactly the type they are gonna marry. Gods got a great sense of humor.

 

[Sketcher]

As much as two introverts together may sound good as they understand each other, they'd have to fight through a lot of long silences to get to that intimate point. I don't want to date a girl shyer than me, because I'm shy enough. We'd get to the nice restaurant and just eat. You may need an extroverted thinker.

 

[invisiblebabe]

As much as two introverts together may sound good as they understand each other, they'd have to fight through a lot of long silences to get to that intimate point. I don't want to date a girl shyer than me, because I'm shy enough. We'd get to the nice restaurant and just eat. You may need an extroverted thinker.

lol... i'm not shy. there is a huge difference between shy and introverted.... shy is social awkwardness and lack of confidence. introversion is a preference for being oriented toward the inner world (thoughts etc) rather than the outer (people, external stimuli). trust me; one on one, I'll talk someone's ears off, assuming he is someone i can relate to.

I think you're a total dork for studying you personality type and then actually calculating what percent of guys will fit this mold that you set up.

Look up ESTP type.... and tell me if it's anything like you. Yep, I'm a nerd, but at least I know it

I don't presume to know God's will on who I will end up with (though there is always the chance I will remain single, most people do get married, especially if they have that desire and make an active effort to meet people). But.... I do presume to say that if I am to end up with someone, I have to be attracted to him. What if a guy who possesses the aforementioned traits is the only type that I am attracted to?

Lastly, of course God surprises us in at least one aspect of who we end up with (timing, who it is, personality, location, how you meet). Now, I can always be wrong, but I just don't think personality will be the surprise in my case.

 

[jan003]

I think you're a total dork for studying you personality type and then actually calculating what percent of guys will fit this mold that you set up.
THATS WHY YOU'RE SINGLE!!!!

Actually he sounds like all the ISTP's that I know. The ESTP's that I know like it when I talk about this kind of stuff. lol


Anyways invisiblebabe are you an INTJ...if so your opposite is an ESFP.

A while back I shared how God had been showing me detailed dreams about my future husband/kids and his family. I eventually meet his family in real life.

But anyways in the dreams I noticed a lot of things about his personality. Then I came across a christain personality website and it said that ESTP is a match for my personality (INFJ). However other websites said something different. But I knew without a doubt that the man in my dreams was a ESTP. Although we are opposites, something about him was a lot like me.

I think that the opposites theory is the best. I know of a lot of pastors and stuff who God revealed to them who their mates were going to be and each case they are married to their opposite. Even though they are opposites...there are commonalities among each pair.

But you CANNOT make a relationship work with any guy that is your oppposite. You must have things in common and only God knows who that guy is. And it doesn't matter if your peresonality is rare, you weren't meant to date any/all ESFP's or whatever...just the guy that fits you.

Anyways you have to look at what you really want. I didn't need a personality test to tell me what I wanted BUT it did CONFIRM it. As an INFJ I love this personality stuff and it's helped me understand myself and others.

 

[hazeleyes80]

I just called things off with my boyfriend after wondering about what I perceive to be core compatibility issues, particularly communication style. We will still spend time together as friends, but we are not committed nor exclusive.

Having done this, here is what I wonder:

I am moderately introverted and extremely abstract in thought and communication...I enjoy talking about all sorts of theories, ideas, and thoughts about God and about life and any other randomness I come up with I believe I would be best matched with a guy who shares these characteristics (and very obviously, along with a solid Christian faith and strong desire to follow God).

The caveat, though: According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (personality inventory that I have studied very extensively), only about 4% of the population is like me in this manner. Reduce that to males around my age and Christians only, and you're looking at even less. And how about reducing it even farther, to those guys who would be interested in me that way?

I guess what I am asking here is, though I know God can provide beyond our wildest dreams..... am I dreaming a bit too big here?

Just out of curiosity, are you an INFP or INFJ? I'm guessing INFP judging by the 4% thing. I think INFJ's are only 1%. Or do I have that backwards? I'll have to check.