Changing your name...

[immersedingrace]

As TropicalWilds says, you'll get mail in her maiden name even when she takes your last name. Let's say my name is Rosey Lee Claire and my married name is Rosey Lee Claire Glad. I've gotten mail here for the Claire family. My hubby always jokes about when he took on the Claire Name.

When I was a nanny for let's say Gillian & Marcus Delaine. We got mail for Rosey & Marcus Delaine. His wife just about lost it when she saw that....not because she was mad but because she thought it was hysterical.

Just laugh at life.

 

[Chan1976]

I don't see what is so offensive about her using her maiden name as a middle name.. she is still using your last name, isn't she?

I kept my maiden name after I got married, simply because it is not in our culture for women to change their last names to their husband's names.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I'm not a guy so I can't quite relate to the place you're in, but IMO it's her name and she's the one who will have to live with it, be called by it, identify with it, sign it, and so on. So I think she should have a say in what her name will become after she marries.

I hated my maiden name, it just did not sound nice to me. So I was very excited to take my husband's name. I actually changed my first and middle name when I was 20, though. My dad wasn't too happy about that, but I was an adult at the time and he got over it. I am VERY happy with my name now. It represents who I am as well as who I want to become, and I love it.

I don't think her last name represents any ties to her father in particular, just the family she grew up in and came from. I don't think she has to give that up when she marries.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

What did you change your name to and from?

 

[jessesgirl]

Most married women I know keep their maiden names and make them middle names. I really, really don't see the big deal honestly. I personally wanted to drop it and just use hubbys name but that is just because I like the way my first and middle name sound with his last. My maiden name just would have messed up the whole good flow thing my name has going on. That's the only reason though. As far as are you being stupid? No, but maybe irrational. I could see that. If you are going to have problems with something THIS trivial, what are you going to do when the big things come your way?

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I agree with you actually. I believe that part of leaving the home is leaving the identity of the home. Reason being: Marriage is a symbol of Christ's relationship to the Church. When we leave our old lives behind to trust in Christ as our Savior we take on a new life and a second birth. Our old lives are to be dead, passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17). In heaven, we are even given a new body and a new name! If marriage is to symbolize our union with Christ, then she is to remove her old last name as evidence of her new life with you, just as she's removed sin in her life as evidence that she now walks with Christ.

 

[snoochface]

I agree with you actually. I believe that part of leaving the home is leaving the identity of the home. Reason being: Marriage is a symbol of Christ's relationship to the Church. When we leave our old lives behind to trust in Christ as our Savior we take on a new life and a second birth. Our old lives are to be dead, passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17). In heaven, we are even given a new body and a new name! If marriage is to symbolize our union with Christ, then she is to remove her old last name as evidence of her new life with you, just as she's removed sin in her life as evidence that she now walks with Christ.

So when the man leaves his home and his old life to be in a union with Christ, what should he change his name to?

 

[fuzzymel]

So when the man leaves his home and his old life to be in a union with Christ, what should he change his name to?

good point!

 

[barefeetonholyground]

So when the man leaves his home and his old life to be in a union with Christ, what should he change his name to?

His name will be changed in heaven.

 

[fuzzymel]

His name will be changed in heaven.

?????

This makes no sense whatsoever. I am kinda guessing its sarcastic.

I hate double standards. If there is pressure on the woman the change her name then so should the man.

 

[snoochface]

His name will be changed in heaven.

As will a woman's -- no? So if both names will be changed in heaven, then neither name needs to be changed here, right?

 

[Mskedi]

I agree with you actually. I believe that part of leaving the home is leaving the identity of the home. Reason being: Marriage is a symbol of Christ's relationship to the Church. When we leave our old lives behind to trust in Christ as our Savior we take on a new life and a second birth. Our old lives are to be dead, passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17). In heaven, we are even given a new body and a new name! If marriage is to symbolize our union with Christ, then she is to remove her old last name as evidence of her new life with you, just as she's removed sin in her life as evidence that she now walks with Christ.

Others have pointed out one issue with this (that a man's name doesn't change), but I have even further issues with this.

Yes, marriage is used as a symbol of Christ's relationship to the church. No, that does not have any bearing whatsoever on a woman changing her name.

Metaphors and symbols and other figurative language devices are used to help people understand a concept. In no way does that mean we are supposed to confuse and equate the two things being compared. That would be as ridiculous as saying that a metaphor like "there were stars in her eyes" implies that she needs an astronomer, not an optometrist, when she goes to get new glasses.

I do not worship my husband, so my relationship with my husband is NOT like my relationship with Christ. Have I started a new life with my husband? Sure. Do I need to have changed my last name in order to do so? No way.

Nowhere in the context of the verse you mentioned (2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!") does it imply that marriage is as extreme a change as becoming a Christian. In fact, it does not mention marriage surrounding this passage at all.

 

[Cordy]

I agree with you actually. I believe that part of leaving the home is leaving the identity of the home. Reason being: Marriage is a symbol of Christ's relationship to the Church. When we leave our old lives behind to trust in Christ as our Savior we take on a new life and a second birth. Our old lives are to be dead, passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17). In heaven, we are even given a new body and a new name! If marriage is to symbolize our union with Christ, then she is to remove her old last name as evidence of her new life with you, just as she's removed sin in her life as evidence that she now walks with Christ.

Nowhere in the Bible does it says a woman "is to" change her name to show that she is married. If that was the case, why should she also keep her first name? That old first name was given to her by her parents, after all, and demonstrates a connection to them.

I think it is extremely relevant to point out that the Bible says that a "man" is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife (Genesis 2:24). If a name change is required to represent leaving an old family to be joined to a new one, then according to Genesis 2:24, he should be the one changing his name.

 

[MN John]

As to what the Bible says that might have any bearing on this specific custom...
[bible]genesis 2:24[/bible][bible]Matthew 19:5[/bible][bible]ephesians 5:31[/bible]The man leaves his family. So if the Bible indicates that it would be appropriate for anyone to change their family name, it is the man. Probably both of them to signify their unity, but the man clearly.

 

[MN John]

Nowhere in the Bible does it says a woman "is to" change her name to show that she is married. If that was the case, why should she also keep her first name? That old first name was given to her by her parents, after all, and demonstrates a connection to them.

I think it is extremely relevant to point out that the Bible says that a "man" is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife (Genesis 2:24). If a name change is required to represent leaving an old family to be joined to a new one, then according to Genesis 2:24, he should be the one changing his name.

Ahh! You beat me to my point!

 

[revrobor]

You had to know that a question like this was going to bring out the feminists. Having said that if this is the biggest problem you two have consider yourself blessed. Get over it.

 

[Lee_Lee]

Hey! This is a touchy subject!

"A rose called by any other name would still smell as sweet".

**Biblically there is no reference (that I am aware of) for anyone having to change their name after being married, therefore it really comes down to personal preference and tradition.

I can understand a women wanting to keep her name, as she has spent most of her life being known as that. It is like asking her to give up a huge part of herself. Particularly if she has had a really good up bringing and a loving family.

For me I use to want to keep my name, but over time I realised that you become one with your partner- you are one person! And as such you should share your last name!

Ultimately it doesn't matter but I think it is fitting that it is the males name, as he is the leader of the family. Thats just my personal opinion tho! (Plus my partners name is easier to spell and pronounce hehe).

*****The bigger issue with the OP here, is why do you feel insecure about your fiance wanting to keep her name? Has she given any indication that she is unhappy moving forward? If not, then it is probably just a tradition or 'WORLDLY' rule that the devil is using to plant a sinful seed!

Plus just remember its not like she doesn't want to take your name at all! Just keep hers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are more important things to worry about move on shavon!

Titus 3:9; But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.

-LeeLee.

 

[Leanna]

My fiancee, whom I love more than anything, and I had a discussion today. I was informed that she wants to take on my last name but that she wants to also keep her last name as a new middle name. She already has TWO middle names and now she wants to add a third. My problem doesn't lie with her having an extra middle name or two though. I am a little hurt by the idea of her keeping her maiden name because I feel like when we get married she takes on a new family identity. I feel like that old name is her father's name, and I want to be the only man in her life. Am I being stupid? I just feel like taking on my name and dropping her last name is the way I always thought it would happen. She always said that she was going to take on my last name when we married, but never told me that she was also going to keep her last name. At least she doesn't want to do that darn Hyphen thing! I can't stand that. (To any of you with hyphenated last names... sorry, I just can't stand that.) So yeah... am I wrong? What do you guys think? What does the bible say? Does it address this at all? How would you feel in my shoes?

I wonder if you have even thought about what you are saying here. Her taking your name is her new family identity, and you can't stand the idea of her keeping her father in her life. However, your last name represents your father and mother. Perhaps she should feel angry that you want to keep them in the mix as well? Very hypocritical.

 

[LuminousFive]

Wow... I posted this and didn't read it again until now. I wanted to let it simmer, see what various people had to say about it... First and foremost, I didn't expect to be called a chauvanist, or misogynist... Come on, I love my fiancee, I respect her decision, and would never change my decision to marry her based on something as trivial as a name change. I am saddened and disappointed that the responses to this topic have been so inflamitory.

In the OP I never stated that I wouldn't marry her if she didn't change her name. I said that I was a little hurt because I always thought it would be a given that she would just take my name and that would be it.

For all of you dissenters, you will be happy to know that we have come to a resolution and that she will be changing one of her middle names to her maiden name. I have decided that its not that big a deal. I was just surprised and a little hurt.

I won't, however, be posting any further questions in the marraige thread because I don't feel that this has been a supportive community. The attacks on my character, the insults to what sort of marraige I am building, and the complete lack of respect in many of the responses has lead me to believe that I have nothing to gain by posting on here. Sad.

In Christ,
John

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I was on the complete opposite end of this. I am from England where traditionally women kept their given middle name, dropped their maiden name and then took their husband's name. My husband is from Texas and where he comes from women dropped their middle name, moved their maiden name to their middle name and then took their husband's last name. I thought "his" tradition was weird and he though "my" tradition was weird. In the end we compromised and just added the extra name so I ended up being First Name ~ Old Middle Name ~ Maiden Name ~ Hubby's Last Name.

I imagine that the reason that your fiancee wants to move her maiden name to her middle name is because it's the tradition she grew up with and nothing more than that.