Celibacy?

[cowboysfan1970]

I know I can't be the only one that wonders this, but do you think that maybe when we reach a certain age and we haven't ever been married that there's a chance it's because we aren't meant to be? Do you think that our lack of success in finding a spouse is because we have been trying to row the boat against the current and that's why we aren't getting anywhere? If God does have someone in mind for us but we are waiting what seems like a lifetime to finally meet that person do you ever wonder why the wait is so long? I'm getting into the age now where if I marry a woman about my age the possibility of us having children of our own is getting remote. In another ten years or so it might be impossible. This is something that hardly ever gets talked about in the Christian world at all, but what do you think are the signs that a person has been called to be celibate?

 

[Carolyn H]

I am waiting on God...If I am to have a man in my life, He will put the man in my life. If He does not want a man in my life, I won't have a man in my life!

I do not think there are "signs" that a person has been called to be Celibate. I just try to live each day to the fullest. How can I honor God today?

 

[kellyc]

i think it's just fine to get out and meet people, and if one of them happens to be for you, then that's great. if not, that's got to be fine too. you were not created to live in a vacuum. women have babies well up into their 40s now, and also there are tons of kids who need families already.

 

[ido]

I would think that a person called to a life of celibacy would not have a desire for marriage and family. There is a difference between being celibate and abstaining, IMO.

There could be many reasons why someone is single into their late 30s and beyond...the key to discerning what the reason(s) is/are is prayer and seeking continued spiritual growth in our lives. If I am single right now, it is for a reason. I'm pretty clear on what those reasons are and am working to make the necessary changes in my life so that I will be "relationship-ready" so to speak.

 

[belovedflame]

I know I can't be the only one that wonders this, but do you think that maybe when we reach a certain age and we haven't ever been married that there's a chance it's because we aren't meant to be? Do you think that our lack of success in finding a spouse is because we have been trying to row the boat against the current and that's why we aren't getting anywhere? If God does have someone in mind for us but we are waiting what seems like a lifetime to finally meet that person do you ever wonder why the wait is so long? I'm getting into the age now where if I marry a woman about my age the possibility of us having children of our own is getting remote. In another ten years or so it might be impossible. This is something that hardly ever gets talked about in the Christian world at all, but what do you think are the signs that a person has been called to be celibate?

I think that if you were to be called to a life of celibacy then God would have told you, he would not have given you a longing to be married. I know a woman who got married for the first time in her mid 50's and she is sooo happy, I hope I get a husband before then but its good to know its never too late.

 

[cowboysfan1970]

I ask really because I've heard people say that there were signs that they were being called to celibacy. Now I would imagine that some of those would be that they had no interest in a relationship, marriage, sex, things like that, but some have denied those feelings in order to live a celibate life, so it can be confusing.

 

[bugaboo]

I do not know what God wants for me. And in the absence of that knowledge I choose to keep my options open and if in the future the right person comes along I will not have closed that door.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I would imagine that if you were called to a life of celibacy you would not have the desire for marriage and might feel a calling for something that would be easier as a single.

What are you waiting for? Are you praying for God to help you find a wife? You're supposed to do the pursuing. The women are waiting for the right man to pursue. I feel very strongly that I am not supposed to run after a man so all I can do is put myself in view of Christian men and pray and wait on God and the man.

And I do wonder why it is taking so long. I have made some not so smart relationship decisions and that may be part of it, but it can't be all of it.

 

[sampa]

cowboysfan, I think that no matter what your calling in life, there should be a peace that follows. Including celibacey. As others said, I don't think the desire for marriage and a family would be there if your called to celibacey. Ps37:4 says "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". Can't explain this verse after 15yrs of what I thought was delighting myself in the Lord, because I feel that same desire for marriage. But I do know that what I know of the Lord now and the depths of my relationship with Him is better in the last 2yrs than it ever was, putting me in a better position for someone else to come into my life. And children at an older age, the bible has spoken of it - sarah laughed. Don't doubt, God could have a plan, you just never know.

 

[cowboysfan1970]

I have gone back and forth with this for a long time. At times I have felt that maybe God has intended for me to be celibate, but lately I haven't. I listened to a young man who was entering the priesthood say that he began to see God's plan when he felt that his very bad luck with women and relationships were for a reason. The thing is though when you make that decision there's no going back. What I would fear about that is that at some point afterwards I would fall hard for a woman and realize that I had made a terrible mistake and it be too late to do anything about it. That sits in the back of my mind. I wouldn't mind being married to the right woman, but I also know that it's better to be single than end up with the wrong one because the wrong one will wreck your life in ways that you could never have imagined. It's something that you can't have even the slightest doubt about if that person is right for you or not. If I am to be married though I can't help but wonder why I (and the rest of us) are being made to wait so long? Of all of my friends I'm the lone hold out. It's now to the point where they don't even ask me when I'm going to get married. That's not so bad really because I got tired of having to answer that all the time.

 

[Jenster]

I don't know what the gift of singleness feels like, although I seem to have a less-hard time with being single than some of my friends.

Perhaps some monks or nuns have written books or articles about this and could explain it better than anyone here?

That said, I tend to believe that even those who commit themselves body and soul to the Lord will still have times when they are tempted. But God would see them through.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

hmmmm....I know several people my age and up who've never been married. Some have retained their virginity (I'm assuming they're honest) and others I know have not. It does seem like people are waiting longer and longer these days before marriage happens. As for the kids thing....God works in mysterious ways. I have a friend who is my age, has been married for 10 years, had no plans on having kids. However, this summer she confided in me about some issues with her marriage....next thing you know, she's emailing me that she's pregnant (and it was TOTALLY UNEXPECTED). She and her husband have seemed to have gotten closer since she found out. (I hope so!) I have another friend who is 44 years old, never married, still a virgin, and works in the missions. She has expressed her desire for a mate/kids. I often wonder about her, she's pretty, has a wonderful heart for God and yet, has this void. I pray all of you who want to be married can find the right one and that God will give you the gift of discernment so that you KNOW they are the right one.

 

[Willseeker]

What I would fear about that is that at some point afterwards I would fall hard for a woman and realize that I had made a terrible mistake and it be too late to do anything about it. That sits in the back of my mind. I wouldn't mind being married to the right woman, but I also know that it's better to be single than end up with the wrong one because the wrong one will wreck your life in ways that you could never have imagined. It's something that you can't have even the slightest doubt about if that person is right for you or not. If I am to be married though I can't help but wonder why I (and the rest of us) are being made to wait so long? Of all of my friends I'm the lone hold out. It's now to the point where they don't even ask me when I'm going to get married. That's not so bad really because I got tired of having to answer that all the time.

Looking at the replies and what you have said, my guess is, that you know now that you are not called to be celibate, otherwise you would not have "researched" this area in your life... You have a desire for a mate, and therefore God most probably created one for you.

In this reply of yours, it would seem as though fear might be the factor holding you back, because of the perminancy of marriage...

Yes, it happens that we "fall hard" for someone, and this is called infatuation, but over time - prayerfully and with God present - the infatuation will cool down and you will be left with love or nothing. The vital point to remember, is that God holds no secrets and if you should lack wisdom in any area, His word says that you can ask it, and that He will give it... God will give you the discernment to know whether this person is your partner for life or not.

Perhaps, it's taking you a while, because being slightly fearful of making a wrong decision, you have not made a decision at all... Remember, the man persues, and i can't imagine someone fully persuing a possible partner when he's not really sure...

All you need to do, is TRUST GOD... Remember Noah built the ark years before there was any sign of rain... Taking a step into the unknown is what we call faith, and that goes hand in hand with trust. We are made to love, give love, share the love of God... yes, you might get hurt, but the chances of marrying the wrong person is pretty slim if you prayerfully remain in Christ and take it slow... (No adventure begins with complete certainty, it begins with "risk" and faith...)

Be blessed!

 

[cowboysfan1970]

I know that now but there are still those occasional times when doubt or old ideas or feelings creep back into my head. From about the time I was 17 to the time I was 35 I felt that had been called to be celibate. The problem is that I really didn't understand what that meant. What happened is that I confused the reasons why someone is celibate. I was always really bad with women, meaning that I am one of those that if I like a woman I can't talk to her, things like that. I thought that I would grow out of that as I got older but I didn't. I took that to mean that I wasn't cut out for relationships and was meant to be celibate. One day it sort of hit me that I had been wrong all along. The whole time I was still attracted to women and still had sexual desire. At first I thought that was just something that I had to deal with or deny. Later I realized that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I realized that if I was really called to be celibate that I wouldn't have those feelings. I would love being single at all times and I didn't feel that way. I had been fighting it the whole time but didn't think anything of it. When it did hit me I couldn't believe that I hadn't been able to see it all along. I then realized that I had lost all of those years that I could have maybe had a relationship and might have been married by now. I could have met a woman like that during that time but we didn't get together because I had my head turned away. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life thinking that I had been called to celibacy when now I know that I wasn't. I'm just lucky that I didn't make a vow of it or anything. If I had done that then I would be stuck with it now no matter how much I didn't like it. That's why I tell people that are considering making a commitment to celibacy that they must be 110% sure that this is what they want now and forever.

 

[dayhiker]

My general view is that God calls very few to be celibate. Most people are by the nature of how God created us meant to get married. Beyond that, people can choose to be celibate if what they want to do with their life would mean they don't have time for a marriage and kids.

As to your issues, Cowboy, I think you just have to go to places where there are a lot of women and talk to them with no thoughts of is this the one. For an extended period of time work on being a freind with ladies. After your comfortable taking about freindship topics, expand the topics to include relationship things, your issues, her issues and finally intimate issues. At least that's how I'd aproach that issue and I had some when I was younger.

dayhiker

 

[Bridgit]

I do not know what God wants for me. And in the absence of that knowledge I choose to keep my options open and if in the future the right person comes along I will not have closed that door.

I love your name and your icon is so cute!

 

[Katifda]

Cowboy, I'm not single, I hope you don't mind, but, I think it might encourage you to hear a little of what the Lord has done in my life.

Six months before I was saved the Lord intervened in my life to take a vacation to Tahiti, ten days later when I left I was completely confused, I felt in my heart that I needed to come back (it was supposed to be a trip to be alone and make the finale decision to go to Africa with the Peace Corps).

Eight months later I was born again, four years later the Lord called me to Tahiti, it was impossible for me to go, but nothing is impossible for the Lord, about a year later I was in Tahiti. Couple of years later as I was talking to my Heavenly Father, I reminded Him that it was He who said it wasn’t good for man to be alone and I asked Him for my Eve. About ten months later He orchestrated the whole deal and He introduced me to my Eve who lived on a different island. After I met her I asked for confirmation from His Word and He gave me, “he who finds a wife finds a good thing,” in something as important as this I asked for a second conformation and a some time later a sister in my wife’s church gave me the same verse (I waited about three months before I “popped” the question). My bride is sixteen years younger than I and we have been married for thirteen wonderful years.

There’s more, …two years before I was born again my Eve prayed for an American husband (the Lord had started a church in her house and He had blessed it and it out grew their home and they needed a building so some Americans came and built them a church, it was the first time she had ever seen an American and she was impressed by them), an older man, mature, who played an instrument and loved kids (I fit her request). She also had an unspoken desire of her heart, …that her husband would be presented to her as a Christmas gift from the Lord, our first date was Christmas day (remember what I said about the Lord orchestrating everything), we spent the whole day together, after I left and went back to my island she prayed and thanked her Heavenly Father for sending me for her. She told me later she realized that I was the one for her after that first date and was just waiting for me to ask her to marry me.

It was ten years after she had prayed before the Lord introduced us; He had to clean me up and then eight years of preparation before He gave me my Eve.

What more can I say other than our God can do exceeding abundantly more than we can think or ask, …thank you Jesus!

IN His Love, Gene

 

[cowboysfan1970]

Where I made my mistake is that I misread things and thought that God had intended for me to be celibate. When I was in my teen years I was a disaster with girls. I just didn't know what to do or say. It was really embarrassing. Some of my friends were naturals and I just couldn't figure out why I wasn't. I tried to copy what they did but it just didn't work for me. As I got older things didn't change so I thought that maybe this was God telling me that I was chasing something that I wasn't meant to and that's why I wasn't getting anywhere. I was basically trying to row the boat against the current of the river. The thing is that I was wrong. I didn't realize that until recently. I all of a sudden realized that I was having such a hard time with it because I wasn't made for celibacy. That mistake was huge and has cost me many years. My own ego makes me wonder how could I have been so wrong all that time? It was painful when I realized that and that those 20 years had been just thrown away but at least I finally knew the real truth. The big challege is trying to explain that to someone now. That's a different ball game all together.

 

[Katifda]

Cowboy,

I think alot of us were like that when we were teenagers so don't feel alone. I don't understand why you feel youd need to explain your past to someone now.

What I did when I was single, to prepare for marriage, is to read every single verse in the Bible and ask God to teach me how to use it to be a good husband, when I was finally introduced to my bride I knew what the Lord expected from me as a Christian man and she saw that in me as we dated.

IN His Love, Gene

 

[cowboysfan1970]

We always have to explain our past, at least to a certain extent. Our past says a lot about who we are, who we were, and why we think or do what we do now. I would expect a woman to share her past with me and it's only fair for me to do that too.