Can't take much more...

[revelations12_12]

And it should be noted that the same thing could be said of many young men.

Men I have known are not looking for a woman for her money, and I have never had a friend that I knew cheated on a girl. On the other hand every guy I know has been cheated on by a girl. I also have a female friend that told me every girl she has ever known took it when they could get it reguardless. They just never told anyone.
Perhaps what you say is true in some circles, I date women not men but I have found through my long life of dating and being married I have not found evidence to support your claims. My wife cheated on me I would have never guessed she was a very good deciever. Her friend cheated on her husband and had an abortion without him ever knowing...

Can anyone on this forumn name a show that condones and promotes men cheating on their wives? I can name one that does just that for women cheating on their husbands...

 

[fishstix]

Men I have known are not looking for a woman for her money, and I have never had a friend that I knew cheated on a girl. On the other hand every guy I know has been cheated on by a girl. I also have a female friend that told me every girl she has ever known took it when they could get it reguardless. They just never told anyone.
Perhaps what you say is true in some circles, I date women not men but I have found through my long life of dating and being married I have not found evidence to support your claims. My wife cheated on me I would have never guessed she was a very good deciever. Her friend cheated on her husband and had an abortion without him ever knowing...

Can anyone on this forumn name a show that condones and promotes men cheating on their wives? I can name one that does just that for women cheating on their husbands...

Remember that it takes 2 to cheat. The tv shows you mention don't always have the women cheating with single men. There are a number of men's shows that promote a shallow view of the opposite gender, which is largely what the post was about. Even many sports shows, like boxing, do that. Maybe men aren't looking specifically for money, but my point is that many men, like many women, have shallow objectives.

But we're really getting off topic here...

 

[CynthiaSpeaks]

I was 21 when I met "Mr. Right." I thought I'd never find someone to love me. I have been married 28 years now. God's timing is perfect. Don't rush it.

That aside, my son is 17 and says much the same thing as you do. He says it would be nice to have at least one girl go out with him just so he'd know if he was even attractive to them! He's asked two girls out, one said yes, then proceeded to avoid him [after giving him tons of attention] and flirt with other guys. The second one also sent out signals, then acted stunned and said no.

But he will not compromise his values and sell out just for the sake of an immature girl. Harpuia, girls at your ate are very immature. Who knows what goes on inside their heads. Most of them love to lead a guy on, then dump him, just for their ego.

Be patient. While it may seem like everyone is married, they aren't. Your girl is out there. Pray for her and don't rush. You sound like a neat guy, your chance will come.

 

[revelations12_12]

Remember that it takes 2 to cheat...

Umm I had a career and paid her way through college I worked out 5 times a week, I had a house with 40k equity. I was attentive loving I cooked I cleaned. When she was near graduating she no longer needed my money and stopped hiding her adultury from me, she had restarted a relationship with a guy she had been with in highschool, he was her friend who had the abortion's brother they were into methamphetamines another thing she hid from me and I was never involved with. We may be off topic here but The way you worded that could have came off as insinuating I had something to do with it. I am sorry if I offended you in my post speaking to petrafan007, but please you have no idea what I went through or what I am about, do not generalize me.

 

[scraparcs]

when you get to know some girls that are 26+ the game starts to change usually after they are used up, damaged goods and they have learned that those kind of people are superficial and meaningless. The thing is it takes women at least 8 years beyond highschool to get the rediculous fantasies about life out of their programming. They are not ALL used up, start a personal add on yahoo and profile yourself looking for a
"christain woman that I can take care of" age 25-28 and watch how many opportunities open up to you.

Fine, so I'm in my mid twenties now. But even earlier, I didn't have to have a tall, rich guy who drove a wonderful car. I'll settle, and would have years ago, for able to hold down a steady job and keep a 20-year-old sedan!

But the one thing that concerns me is the idea I hear so much that because I'm a Christian woman, I must be taken care of. I think that would last about a week or two before I tossed off the apron, let my house go to the dust bunnies, and went out and got a job.

Just saying, in the singles world, it seems like there's a propensity to seek for anyone, whereas we are all still individuals, alone or with someone else.

 

[cowgirl chic]

hey, ur just older then me! were so young! rely on God, when he wants you with someone it will happen. what would you rather, wait a couple of years(without searching despreatly) until God shows you who ur meant to be with or, go out with everyone possible until u find 'the one' and by this time ur all used up? i hope im making sence! just dont go looking, be patient and you will find someone. God bless

 

[Cherub8]

This probably won't mean much coming from a 14 year old but God has a plan for you...he will send the right person for you...i have 2 verses for you to consider...
Jeramiah 29:11 For I know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but acknowledge him in your ways and he will keep your path straight. Hope this helps!

I think it means a lot, and I'm sure he will appreciate it.
God bless you

 

[jenn82]

I've tried... and tried... and tried...

Here is part of the problem if not problem number one, I would suggest that you stop trying and start relying on God.

I'm getting sick of it. I really am. I know that if I have someone that my life will turn around and luck will start coming to me again. All I have to do is find my angel... but it's easier said than done. I don't know why I can't find anyone. Apparently, I have bad luck when it comes to relationships, and, well, I'm sick of it.

I don't know why you don't have a relationship, but if you are looking for one because it will bring you luck, and I believe you said later on that you thought it would help your grades. You are looking for the wrong reasons. It may not be that you are having bad luck when it comes to relationships, it may be that God is not allowing you to have one until you are truly ready, and from the sound of your post your not ready to be supportive of someone yet, you really want someone to support you.

So I'm giving myself an ultimatum

I have decided to give myself 90 more days to find someone or I will... go away, so to speak. I refuse to live the rest of my life single and that's the road that is headed for me if I keep this up. I'm 18 now, most of my friends are married and all of them but me are in a relationship. I have nothing left to give to myself, and I find myself at night crying wishing I was dead because my soul is so cold. It's gotten so cold to the point where I'm freezing in 85 degree temperatures outside.

This sounds very scary! I hope that it's not what it sounds like and I will pray that the Lord helps you not to feel that way anymore!

There are so many good qualities to being single but I do understand having a hard time seeing them, I am not that much older than you and still struggle with the desire to have someone special in my life. But I am praying and trying to allow the Lord to be my everything, to spend more time seeking Him than I am seeking to have someone!

You sound like a great guy, there are many guys on here who I am sure will be able to help much more than I did, but I will pray for you!

Jenn

 

[revelations12_12]

Fine, so I'm in my mid twenties now. But even earlier, I didn't have to have a tall, rich guy who drove a wonderful car. I'll settle, and would have years ago, for able to hold down a steady job and keep a 20-year-old sedan!

But the one thing that concerns me is the idea I hear so much that because I'm a Christian woman, I must be taken care of. I think that would last about a week or two before I tossed off the apron, let my house go to the dust bunnies, and went out and got a job.

Just saying, in the singles world, it seems like there's a propensity to seek for anyone, whereas we are all still individuals, alone or with someone else.

Most christain women do not fit in to my generalization, that is why I said most women. In the scheme of American women Christain women are in the minority.

I make sure I do not look at my christain sisters the way I look at most American women.

 

[goat37]

Girls aren't attracted to desperation... and that's exactly what you are.

Settle down, focus on school, work, friends, just life overall... and over the course of this, you will find a girl headed in the same direction as you.

If you spend all your time just harping about and searching for a relationship and a girl, and you get one... then what? Velvet ropes aren't going to part, champagne isn't going to fall from the heavens. You need to walk along your path, whatever that path may be, and find a girl walking the same one...

 

[Cherub8]

I agree that most women nowadays are seriously messed up, but the same applies to men. It is my personal opinion that mothers leaving the home and going to the workplace is responsible for this. But that's another topic for another time.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

And it should be noted that the same thing could be said of many young men.

Thanks Fishstix for pointing this out.

To everyone....

Gosh, I hate to stray off the highway of convo here, but everyone needs to keep in mind that sweeping generalizations do NOTHING to further/unite God's people - but it DOES much to seperate and push the enemy's agenda.

Not to sound harsh, but so what - you can't find a suitable Godly mate right now, no matter what you're age maybe - did you ever stop to consider if your heart is TRULY and I mean TRULY lined up with the Father or even with His Word? Are you using worldy tactics to attain Godly goals? Are you comparing your walk/struggle with that to what the world offers? Examine yourself - not to whatt this world deems necessary in order to be a "good catch" (financially well off, a model's body, big house, big car, lots of bling, etc.) because do that and yes - you will be disappointed and confused.

Please note that I stated a "suitable GODLY mate" because each one of us can go out right now and find any ol' body to be our SO - but is this person what God intends for us right now? Yes, what God intends, not what you want or what you are willing to settle for.

And as far as past mistakes/hurts go.....LET IT GO! If you did nothing and ended up shafted or if you were the person that hurt other people and now you are worried that the Father is going to pull out your permanent record and count it against you, remember two things.....

one - once you have asked God for forgiveness - He not only forgives - HE FORGETS! Your past sins are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness, never (NEVER) to be remembered again.

two - "No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven."
~ Philippians 3:13-14

You past does not determine your present blessings. Once you have reconciled yourself with God, you are not bound by those sins. And age means nothing to God. You can have a joyous marriage that begins at 18, 28, 38......58 - why? Because God's timing is perfect. The key is learning to be CONTENT during these periods of waiting. If God can't trust you with a little (maintaining non-romatic relationships, keeping Him first in your life as a single), how can He trust you with a lot (maintaining a marriage, job, yoru relationship with Him, etc)?

 

[fishstix]

Umm I had a career and paid her way through college I worked out 5 times a week, I had a house with 40k equity. I was attentive loving I cooked I cleaned. When she was near graduating she no longer needed my money and stopped hiding her adultury from me, she had restarted a relationship with a guy she had been with in highschool, he was her friend who had the abortion's brother they were into methamphetamines another thing she hid from me and I was never involved with. We may be off topic here but The way you worded that could have came off as insinuating I had something to do with it. I am sorry if I offended you in my post speaking to petrafan007, but please you have no idea what I went through or what I am about, do not generalize me.

When I said that it takes 2 people to cheat, I wasn't referring to the person being cheated on as one of the two. I was referring to the fact that a person cheating needs someone to cheat with. And generally, that will be a male and a female. So, in your case, your wife and the other guy would be the two. Note that one is female, one is male, both committed adultery.

I'm not trying to generalize you or imply that you were at fault. I am trying to make it clear that both men and women can be very shallow in relationships and that both men and women cheat on their partners. I'm trying to say that it would be incorrect to attribute cheating, shallowness, immaturity, ulterior motives, infidelity, etc. to only one gender. Both genders should be included in such statements.

 

[soda]

First of all, leave it all in the hands of God to do His will & way.
Second, you are young so...STOP COMPLAINING Kid!!
Third, you need to be independent for awhile and enjoy being single.
Fourth, Take up the opportunities for being single and enjoy life.

I second that!
take your time and learn first to handle your own life before you want to be responsible for a partner or even a family! enjoy your freedom. do whatever you want. Give all your feelings God and let him take care of your life. singlehood is cool.

go out. join a club or team. learn an instrument. travel the world. learn a language. teach children at church. lead camps. go dancing. go climbing. make new friends. do what you always wanted to do. enjoy nature. set yourself stage goals for your life. think about what you wanna reach within the next 6 month or 2 years and go for it.

and give your thoughts and feelings god. he will take care of it. whenever you feel unloved or rejected or sad or longing for something that is not good for you. tell god about it. he loves you, he will take care of everything around you and he will give you the joy for life. ask him and let him take over your life.

 

[lunalinda]

I won't say that you're too young to have those feelings. Heck, I was 18 once too, and though I didn't have an interest in the male kind at that point, I still considered myself adult enough and mature enough to know what I want.

HOWEVER, I will say this: I'm one of those good girls. Not at all bragging when I say that. I'm one of those good church girls who wants a relationship as bad as you do. I was 21 when I was in my first relationship. And as I said earlier, I never wanted on when I was a teenager. I didn't really want one when I was in my 20's, but things happen. People grow on you. And you become fond of people. Just the way it is.

Now some peeps in this thread have been saying that you should get your life situated and together first, and THEY'RE RIGHT. Ok, using me as an example. As I said, I'm one of the good ones. Now I'll assume you want a good, church girl? Assuming that, let's say you meet this really great one while still in college. You'll want to treat her highly and all that, but oh wait...you're still at that unavoidable place in your life that can UNfortunately hinder all the things you want to do for her. The education, the career, the house-finding, etc. Thing you really NEED to focus on in ur trek to become a better man for a good woman.

She may be like me...be absolutely willing to wait for you to get your life straight and in order, but seriously, is that really what you want to do? Want a girlfriend so badly but then know you can't be with her as much as you'd like because of other important priorities? And risk her losing interest in you because of lack of time spent with each other, for further blossom a relationship? Would you rather have this girlfriend when you're out of school and financially set so you can give as much time to her as possible, or would you rather just have one right this very second to help ease your trek through these times in your life? I honestly don't know which answer you'll choose.

Just know this: When a man doesn't know what he wants in life, I personally think it's best that he avoids getting into relationships with girls, namely the really good ones who won't cheat and all that stuff. Those good girls will want to feel like they're an important priority to you. I don't mean the PRIMARY one, but at least a meaningful one. And I for one think that even if a young guy has the best intentions with women, his intentions can still be more effective if he more established in his life.

Seriously...she will appreciate it a lot more if you'll WANT to be with her, and will want to get those other obligatory responsibilities out of your way in order to achieve that to the maximum. I was in the situation of being that type of girl...going out with guys who weren't set in their life, still in college and with jobs. They'd proclaimed to me how important I am, but their actions would say different. It's simply not easy to build a good, solid relationship when only one person is doing most of the work. I was willing to wait for them to be set, but the downside of that is I was by myself. They didn't really contribute anything to our relationship, which of course isn't their fault, but that's just my point. Whether or not it'll be your fault still doesn't change the fact that you and the girl can STILL get hurt.

I dunno how confusing this was, but hopefully I've made some kind of point lol. Basically, it's definitely best to get your life set and established and THEN worry about the girl. In my opinion, it'd be better for both of ya, assuming you and her both want a lovely relationship. God bless.

 

[ChrisWins]

I have come to the conclusion that some people were made to find love in what this society calls young. Screw the stereotypes, screw all this talk about 18 is too young. ...I'm just sick of all the mindless diatribe going around about GROWN MEN (18+) being too young. Whose agenda are you pushing?

Well, Oh My Heck, as my good Mormon friends would say. Listen, bub, not all people are the same. We, who have some years on you, are not mindless when we say things like "18 or 21 is too young."

Anyone who is 18 or even 21 has not had a chance to experience life on their own for a significant amount of time. Is this important? Sure it is. Why? Because it is best to know who the heck you are ALONE and with GOD before you're even close to being ready for a committed relationship which you pray will be for life.

What have you, in general, at Age 18 or 21, done that's been significant to experience life and the world? Anything? How about a college education? Perhaps you don't need one... some don't and they're lucky. Some don't even know if they're ready for college until they're 25!!!!!!!! Are they any more mindless than you or your average 10 year old? No. They've needed to time to grow as a human being, not just as a Christian, but as a person as a whole. These things take time. If one rushes into marriage at such a young age two things are potentially very dangerous about that: A) You never get a chance to know who YOU are as your very own individual person. B) You may not be ready EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU ARE. Listen, between 97 and 98% of all 18-21 year olds think they know EVERYTHING!!! I did. I knew everything then that I needed to know and nobody could tell me I was wrong 'cause I wasn't and nobody could tell me I needed to grow up and experience life 'cause I was as mature as anyone in the world. I was untouchable, I was invinsible... and I was like most every other 18-21 year old - i was a fool. Looking back on those years they were some of the best of my life but I knew not a darn thing. I had relationships and i LEARNED from them!!! Man, i tell ya, when you've been in love and had your heart crushed a few times you really learn a thing or two, especially about the female persuasion of the species. When you have time to experience the world and much of what it has to offer you also learn. You cannot do that married. You should not be needing someone at such a young age. It is approximately 99.9% true that you need to exist all on your own... and hey, check this out - you NEED to be content in it. If I was so inclined, as you were so kind to say, I'd say screw your talk about being ready at 18 'cause if i was a bettin' man I'd lay down W's national debt that you are simply not ready at all. I'm not sayin' your not and i KNOW some people will want to read into what I say, maybe you are a rare exception, PetraFan... but if i was gonna place a bet I'd bet against you, no offense... my reasoning is what I've said - most KIDS that age are indeed still kids in MANY ways, grown up they may be in other ways, but true maturity takes time. Take the advice, Petra and Harpuia: live for awhile. Have PATIENCE. Sit down with God alone and just live and grow in Christ as he wishes for you to do. You may say you've done that. You haven't enough. "You don't know me," you might fire back. I don't... but I do. By 18-21 you're simply just not where you should be IF you're so needy. Most men by 25 or so are just about ready for that one woman to settle down with. Exceptions are rare.

Harpuia - you are needy. You need Christ alone in your life and you NEED to be content with being single. Want the Scripture to back it up, just ask! I fear deep down there is some severe need for attention in your life, some deep down desire to be loved so badly. If that's the case then I am sorry for whatever brought you to that. If I am mistaken then still you've truly got to Love Yourself, man. Walk upright like a noble man who is HAPPY to say "I am single and I am growing in my knowledge and my love for Christ each and every day I am alive. I will be patient and in the meantime I will be a shining example of what a godly single young man should be." If you cannot wake up in the morning content with yourself being single then you are not ready for that special someone to walk in your life just yet. That's cold, hard fact, mister. There's no murmuring allowed in this here game we call life or else ya ain't gonna get yourself anywhere positive, you just gonna wander that desert for awhile and if you keep complainin' you'll just keep wanderin'.

You need to go talk to someone, a youth minister, a pastor, someone you can confide in, someone who will pray with you and guide you towards where you wanna be. You're in a bad place, my friend; you're not even close to being capable of having someone in your life other than Christ. Man, I'm gonna pray for you right now, bro, alright? I care about you and I care about all who are not happy in where they are and you're not... but you really could be and you should be.

 

[ChrisWins]

tired of seeing all this romance around my college campus. I want my own fair share too

Look, I see it, Jimmy sees it, Tina sees it, we all see it and we all long for it. But the thingy ma-jig is - we cannot be eyeing romance AND dwell in longing for it. Do you do that? Do you go back to your house, apartment, room, or cave or whatever, and do you sit and think about how nice it would be to be cuddling up and kissing the one who's come to rescue you? Do you covet the love and romance that other people have? Why don't you build an altar, a nice little shrine to your future spouse and sit and pray in front of that for her to come? Or might that be idolatry? Without the shrine (I went a little overboard there) that's still idolatry if you're putting those thoughts between you and your relationship with God.

Colossians 3:5 mentions, along with fornication and evil desire, amongst other things, "covetousness, which is idolatry"

Colossians 3:6-7 goes on to say: "Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them."

Should we be living a life now that includes being covetous? No.

What is covetousness. I hope everyone knows. It's the desire for possessions or another's possessions; could also be a craving for possession.

Are you desiring the things the married or romantic couple has?

Do you know what Hebrews 3:5 says? "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Be content with such things as you have. Wow. [I've just stopped for several minutes to reflect on those words... practically speechless I am at how amazing that is and how that speaks volumes about how we should live our lives. Nike says "Just do it." - God says: "Just be content."]

Be content.
I don't need another North Face jacket because I like it, I have what I need now.
I don't need more DVDs and CDs, even though I'd like to have them,
I don't need them, I am content with what I have now.
I don't need a marriage or a special someone to rescue me
because I am content with being single now.
If I am blessed with a new North Face jacket I will enjoy having it.
If I am blessed with a mate walking into my life I will enjoy and cherish having her.

But right now I am content.

Philippians 2:14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings"

"Come on, God, I'm ready for someone now, I'm lonely, I'm sad, being single just sucks... I see happy people at weddings and on the street and on campus and down at the laundromat and at the grocery store, why not me? What's going on here? Why not me? I'm not going to wait until I'm old and grey, this sucks and I ain't gonna take it anymore!!!"

Wow, that's pretty extreme... but is any of that you?

Does anyone dispute God like that? Does anyone murmur about singleness like that? (I know some of you do, come on now, raise your hands, don't be ashamed, admit it so you can move on. Someone reading this has indeed pouted and disputed God about why the heck you are still single.)

Look, I'm not saying I'm the perfect one here but there are some of us who (more than others) have accepted singleness as God's way for our life right now.... and we are content with it. There are times when we can feel a little down and blue... but we learn to deal with those times. To dwell in sadness does a person NO good. We have learned very well that patience is a very good trait to have. We know God is in charge and we'll let him do His work in His time... not ours.

To sit around with your face in a tub of ice cream crying about loneliness watching romantic movies, maybe figuring out the Top Ten Ways to Off Yourself does a person NO good. If you've just lost someone then I can understand initial tears and a period of getting over that person. For some it may be longer than for others. Certain relationships don't warrant any tears whatsoever. But the point is to not dwell in sadness about being single. Don't drag on periods of darkness and sadness. Don't be coveting what the kissing couple has. BE CONTENT IN YOUR OWN SINGLENESS AND GROW WITH GOD!!!!!!!!!!! (It's so simple.)

To dwell in sadness does a person NO good. (Can I say that again? Yes because how friggin' true it is!)

God's arms are ALWAYS there for us. He's right there. When someone's down and blue and sad and coveting the happiness displayed by two people being romantic ... focus your attention OFF that and turn to God. If you let Him, He will take you out of such feelings... but you have to be open to that. Are there things that interest you in this world other than cuddling up with the mate you don't even have? Turn to God, ask Him to help you focus immediately away from coveting that which you do not have, turn to those other interests in your life, indulge to your heart's delight. You don't have any interests? GET SOME!

Be content with what you have. That includes being content with being single, all alone, just you and God. If you refuse to be content in singleness then you're going against what God wants for you and what He commands of you. I know perfectly well it can be a struggle sometimes, especially after losing someone. I've gone through that, believe me, I've completely been there and I've been there to such a point where if I abandoned God some people'd not even blame me... but I've always kept my faith. I strive ALL the time to learn more about Christ and to increase my LOVE for Christ and to increase my conformity to Christ... let me tell you - that's what God wants for ALL of us. But you simply can't do that, too, if you're coveting and murmuring and not continually working hard to be content in singleness.

Be content with what you have

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I made it to 19 and was still single.
Your time will come. For now, enjoy what you've got and make the most of it.

 

[Talie]

I've reached 33 and remained single the whole time.

I remember in my late teens and early 20s in particular I wanted to die because "nobody loved me". It was so unfair, and so hard to be alone when all my friends were in relationships - a lot of those friends got married, and now, almost all of them are divorced.

It wasn't until the last - hmm....well, realistically , less than two years - that I worked out i CAN survive without a significant other. I spend my time working hard and keeping busy in other ways, and suddenly it just doesn't seem all that important any more - took me a long time to get here, and it was painful for many years in the process.

Thing is, I look at people in relationships, particularly those who are married, and I know some of them wish they were single. There's a lot to be said for being single - I don't think i COULD be in a relationship now, even if I wanted to - I enjoy doing my own thing too much, I can come and go as I please, eat when and what I want, not have to consider something else when making plans for anything - i'm not sure it would be easy to give all that up.

My recommendation - from personal experience - I think the thing that got me past the depression that resulted from being alone - is that you find something valueble and worthwhile to do with your time.

Invest yourslef in some volunteer work (assuming you have the time, but few people can't make time for a little volunteer work if they pput their mind to it). I'd suggest a good Chritsian organisation - I started volunteering for a Christian radio station - and it's amazing, when you start focusing on what you can do for others, suddenly the focus moves OFF yourself, and things start looking better all round. You stop being depressed about being along, and start feeling worthwhile at doing something to help others.

And hey, as a person - I'm sure that over the last couple years I've develped in to much more of the sort of person that someone would want a relationship with!

 

[JPPT1974]

Hey I am thirty and still am single, not even dating, nor have kids.
But I do feel as though I reached my peak and if the Lord wants me to settle down then that's in his plans and his time and not mine at all to decide.