Can't stop thinking of suicide **Trigger Warning**

[Angeleyes7715]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

 

[Valetic]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

Sister, have you figured out who Christ is yet? Have you met him personally?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Brother, have you figured out who Christ is yet? Have you met him personally?

The OP is a woman.

 

[Swords&Sunflowers]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

Sis, don't do it. Call someone you can trust. Be somewhere safe if you can. Take a day off work tomorrow and rest your mind. Not all thoughts coming in your mind right now are true. You have to filter it. There's a lot of challenges, but you will be able to overcome, take one day at a time. Take a moment and lay your burdens down to God. Write down your thoughts and problems, see which ones you can possibly fix or maybe reorganize. There will be some that are out of your hands and you will need to trust God. It's rough when things seem hopeless, but pray and just do the best that you can, do not entertain thoughts of defeat, but be hopeful. Praying for you, that God would show you the direction to take and wisdom in the decisions you have to make. And always remember He watches out for you and loves you very much no matter what you have done or not done.

 

[Ana the Ist]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

I don't think you need to apologize. Depression is real, it can be extremely difficult to deal with, and it claims many lives every year. You shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of struggling or needing help.

Please seek professional help. Depression has distorted the way you see things. It can get better though...you just need to find help...dealing with this alone is extremely difficult.

 

[Valetic]

The OP is a woman.

OH. My bad!

 

[Angeleyes7715]

It's a new job so I don't have the luxury of being sad lol. I'm also poor so I don't have the luxury of taking time for myself or getting help. This is another reason I'm dealing with these thoughts. I constantly think of the news and people like Kate Spade who had help and money and still couldn't make it. It makes me feel like I really don't have hope.

I am in love with my boyfriend but I left. I just got tired of his attitude and didn't like the way I was treated, but we were together two years and I love my boyfriend. There is no one and nothing else and I'm very hopeless.

 

[Swords&Sunflowers]

It's a new job so I don't have the luxury of being sad lol. I'm also poor so I don't have the luxury of taking time for myself or getting help. This is another reason I'm dealing with these thoughts. I constantly think of the news and people like Kate Spade who had help and money and still couldn't make it. It makes me feel like I really don't have hope.

I am in love with my boyfriend but I left. I just got tired of his attitude and didn't like the way I was treated, but we were together two years and I love my boyfriend. There is no one and nothing else and I'm very hopeless.

Hang in there. You are in a lot of stress, new job, breakup with bf, these are high stressors. I highly suggest, you go to a friend or a close family member who could support you during your grief. And 2 yrs of relationship, that will take time to heal. Suicide is not the answer, it may seem like there is no hope for now because it all looks overwhelming. But give yourself time to heal, time to adjust, do one thing at a time. And try not to fret about tomorrow, even when the worst of worst comes, God is with you and you will be able to survive. Don't let discouragement consume your strength. But yeah, take a break and do find someone you trust that you can call and talk to, it makes a big difference when you are able to pour out and have someone listen.

 

[Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

I know how this feels, take it day by day, that peace will eventually come. The peace of sleep will be with you eventually. You gotta come up with ideas to go on. Read inspirational books that suicidal people went through the same thing you're going through but overcame it. If you don't feel like getting it, ask a friend who cares about you to get it if they can if you feel too stuck to take that action but of course you do research to find such a book if you'd like if such a book exists which I'm sure there is. I hope you get this suicidal thing behind you and get control of all this quickly as possible. Try putting yourself in the mind-set of your family and friends. They would hate it. Try to key such mindsets on. I hope you can find angles in your life that is not about suicide and something positive on. Finding some big tools can help. Mental tools such as watching movies and being like what certain characters of those movies do at times feeling down but looking so inspirational while doing their inspirational parts in those movies let's say even some simple cheerful ways from them can help for example or something. Maybe to your surprise, you can get things like the tools I told you about to work hopefully to your relief. You'll get through this, stay strong. Take a step back in life and look what you can do with strategies and tools of life, take it with some ease or else you're not going at your own pace...if you need to go to your own pace not unless you're doing better than you think.

 

[ewq1938]

It's a new job so I don't have the luxury of being sad lol. I'm also poor so I don't have the luxury of taking time for myself or getting help. This is another reason I'm dealing with these thoughts. I constantly think of the news and people like Kate Spade who had help and money and still couldn't make it. It makes me feel like I really don't have hope.

I am in love with my boyfriend but I left. I just got tired of his attitude and didn't like the way I was treated, but we were together two years and I love my boyfriend. There is no one and nothing else and I'm very hopeless.

Start jogging...you might have to start with walking if you aren't in shape enough to jog right away but the point is that exercise helps A LOT. I know it's super hard to start doing it when you barely even want to be alive but getting fresh air, feeling healthier, getting sun and a bit of a healthy work out will help. If you get bored, pick up aluminum cans or any other fun little "treasures" you find as you travel around. I starting doing this last year and it helped me.

 

[Emily Foster]

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much, sister. Remember that your life is very precious no matter what situation you are facing. And, suicide is never the answer. I’m praying that God will reveal His infinite love to you in a powerful way, intervene in your circumstances and provide help at this time. Hugs to you….hang in there!

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I still miss my boyfriend even this morning and I wish his attitude would change and that he would be nicer and angry less easy. I can't be happy without him and I want to go back to my apartment with him, but I don't want to deal with his temper and attitudes. I don't want to be at my mom's house. I don't like my new job because it's too fast paced and everyone there is stressed. I don't like my school right now cause it's also too fast paced and the instructor makes me feel stupid for not being able to go fast enough. I am angry that I am poor and that my whole life is work and depression.

Again, I'm sorry this is repetative. I feel obsessed with all these thoughts and my own sadness. I feel with my boyfriend when he's not mean I can at least tolerate school and work somewhat. Without him I just want to quit everything and die still.


My boyfriend is tougher than I am mentally when it comes to work and new stuff. He just deals with the stress regardless of how bad the job is or stressful it is. I cry I cry all the time. I live in the USA and I don't think I've ever had a job where they just expect you to do a good job it's they barely train you, expect you to remember everything after being told once, give way too much information, and then throw you into an extremely fast paces busy environment and then everyone is yelling at you and treating you like your stupid cause you aren't fast and perfect.

I just don't need all this mundane crap while I'm going through this emotional stress with bf and family. But it's like it won't get resolved. My bf did not want to do counseling cause we aren't married and it cost and his pride I guess and he just thinks it's dumb.

Loving someone who wants to keep their bad attitude hurts. My bf is fun and caring and stuff sometimes too but other times I annoy him and he curses at me and ignores me for days and demands things be done and says he doesn't care.

I can't change his attitudes and he refused to see there is a problem with his attitudes. I've tried to work on my anxiety and depression and still trying I just want him to fix his attitude and be nicer.

I hate that I had to leave cause I'm scared he will just find someone else quickly, which almost happening before. I know we aren't together right now, but still it's my boyfriend of two years I don't want to give him up.

 

[Celticroots]

Go to the ER if you feel you can’t keep yourself safe.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Go to the ER if you feel you can’t keep yourself safe.

I agree with this. Or try calling a suicide hotline. It helps sometimes.

 

[heisrisen90]

Ive been there and know how bad it can be.(whatever help that is) Here is a short video from a respected pastor who has depression that has some wise words. specifically 2:50 on

Are There Times When You're So Depressed, You Don't Want to Be Ar - Resources - Eternal Perspective Ministries

 

[Chinchilla]

It's a new job so I don't have the luxury of being sad lol. I'm also poor so I don't have the luxury of taking time for myself or getting help. This is another reason I'm dealing with these thoughts. I constantly think of the news and people like Kate Spade who had help and money and still couldn't make it. It makes me feel like I really don't have hope.

I am in love with my boyfriend but I left. I just got tired of his attitude and didn't like the way I was treated, but we were together two years and I love my boyfriend. There is no one and nothing else and I'm very hopeless.

Maybe you are just overloaded , like 8 hour school then 8 hour work and you can't even rest for 8 hours because you need 1-2 hours to travel between these three places . Do you get enought sleep ?

Also if you trusted in Christ you have eternal life , but if you love God you should keep his commandments , not the 10 but all what he said like this one :

15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.

16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

 

[Lost4words]

Depression is extremely difficult. I understand 100%.

God gave u your body. Your soul. You need to see that it is God's and you are its keeper. Difficulties arise. We turn to God always. Even when we are dragging ourselves through the desert of life. You have to be strong. You are not alone though. God IS with you.

Look for another job asap.

If your ex is no good then try to remove him from your thoughts.

Also, seek medical help / advice. No harm in that.

Get out and explore God's creation. Move on in life but together with God.

 

[FineLinen]

I messaged the crisis chat already. I'm laying down in the dark with nothing to do with myself. Tomorrow is work then school then work them school.

I am tired of being scared to kill myself.

I will probably get in trouble on here and banned again. Sorry for these post it kind of helps.

 

[Jeshu]

It is hard to be suicidal all the time.

Depressed?
The pain of depression
is not only the fact
that good life is gone,
much worse seeing
bad life enjoying
tearing good life apart.

The sorrow of depression
are the hurting lies ruling.
They shape an abomination
which brings us our desolation,
time and again
dumping us in the pit.

The hopelessness of depression
floods fully over us
when we are overwhelmed
by the darkness pressing
us down into that hole
so lonely and forsaken.

The way out of depression
is to lovingly love
yourself away
from loveless lies
back into His truth
ruling good life.

 

[Broken Fence]

Lord we want to lift up Angeleyes7715,
Lord please help her to deal with problems in a healthy and loving way. Lord we ask that your Holy Spirit will fill her with Your holy presence. We plead the Blood of Christ over her. Please Lord call her to You, help her to see herself as You see her.

In Jesus's Holy Name, amen.