Cannot do my hobby because of a vow

[123flower]

Lately I’m into photography, but because of a vow I feel I cannot take photos anymore. The vow was intrusive and happened during one of my prayers. It was something like ‘if i take photos than something bad will happen to me’. Now I know an intrusive vow is part of my OCD and therefore not valid.

But many years ago when my ocd was extremely worse, I made a deal with God that if an intrusive thought of vow popped in my mind I would say ‘I don’t want that’ or else the thought or vow would become valid. So I could just say the thing above and then I’m free of that vow. But I’m scared I might made other deals in the past that would messed up the first deal. I don’t remember all my deals and promises. And some are intrusive and some are made with a clear mind.

Now I still haven’t made the vow invalid and I’m scared to take photos. I’m afraid the vow is valid and something bad will happen to me. I like taking photos and I just started with it. If I quit now I’m too ashamed to tell the real reason to my husband and therefore have to lie to him that I don’t like photography anymore.

What am I supposed to do? I have prayed about it and thought about that God knows I have a mental illness and therefore probably don’t hold me accountable for all those vows made because of my OCD. Still I’m scared to take photos.

 

[Mari17]

Lately I’m into photography, but because of a vow I feel I cannot take photos anymore. The vow was intrusive and happened during one of my prayers. It was something like ‘if i take photos than something bad will happen to me’. Now I know an intrusive vow is part of my OCD and therefore not valid.

But many years ago when my ocd was extremely worse, I made a deal with God that if an intrusive thought of vow popped in my mind I would say ‘I don’t want that’ or else the thought or vow would become valid. So I could just say the thing above and then I’m free of that vow. But I’m scared I might made other deals in the past that would messed up the first deal. I don’t remember all my deals and promises. And some are intrusive and some are made with a clear mind.

Now I still haven’t made the vow invalid and I’m scared to take photos. I’m afraid the vow is valid and something bad will happen to me. I like taking photos and I just started with it. If I quit now I’m too ashamed to tell the real reason to my husband and therefore have to lie to him that I don’t like photography anymore.

What am I supposed to do? I have prayed about it and thought about that God knows I have a mental illness and therefore probably don’t hold me accountable for all those vows made because of my OCD. Still I’m scared to take photos.

You are right. You have OCD and therefore your responsibility is to NOT do your compulsions. So, in this case, your job is to ignore the intrusive 'vows' you've made, and the "deals" you made in the past to counteract the vows with phrases (saying those phrases is a compulsion), and to do the opposite of what the OCD wants you to do. OCD makes us overthink so much that we can't even remember what we've thought or felt, but the bottom line is that most of it is OCD anyway, so it really doesn't matter whether we remember it or not.