Can You Go to Heaven if You Divorce and Remarry?

[ViaCrucis]

Your argument sounds similar to Dr. Instone-Brewer's. In fact, after reading your post, it is hard to imagine that you didn't read his book. Far too few people know about the two schools of thought on divorce during Jesus' day.

Never heard of him. But the two rabbinical schools is something I've read multiple times from various sources. Couldn't name any off the top of my head, just things I've read over the years.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Jesus Loves You77]

It doesn’t seem possible to give a one answer fits all response - every individual simply needs to seek the face of the One (Jesus) who saved them and obey Him. There’s nothing else to it. If we do that, then we are answerable to only Jesus. Pray hard. Pray through and obey what He tells you

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

The question arises that if a Christian spouse walks out of a marriage with another Christian, does the one who breaks the marriage contract cease being a believer in the view of the church? In the 1st Century, walking out of the family home, which we call separation today, was seen as divorce.

If we look at the Matthew reference where Jesus spoke of a believer who sinned not accepting correction at the different levels and ultimately not listening to the church, being then treated as a tax collector and an infidel. In other words, according the church the person becomes a non-believer, and that no one in the church should fellowship with that person. The idea was to show the sinner the consquences and to encourage the person to repent and be restored to fellowship. Repentance in terms of divorce would have been a reconciliation between the two.

If we now look at 1 Corinthians 7:15, we see that if an unbeliever wants to leave the marriage to a Christian believer, the believer should let the unbeliever go (ie: divorce the believer) and the believer would be in no bondage to the marriage. Without referring to the Matthew passage the definition would be that that unbeliever would be a non-convert. But taking the Matthew reference into account, then in the view of the church, a person walking out of a Christian marriage and refusing to take correction, would be an unbeliever, and therefore the person left behind would be in no bondage to the marriage and be quite free to remarry without penalty from the church or from God.

Furthermore, 2 John 9 says this: " Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son." This means that if a professing believer does not continue in the teaching of Christ, he does not have God. In other words, he is not a true believer. Therefore, if a professing Christian walks out of a marriage, or has to leave because of adultery or domestic violence, then he is no longer a believer and can be treated as such. In fact, the believing spouse, according to 2 John, should not have the person in the house or eat a meal with them. The only way that such a person can repent is to be reconciled to the innocent spouse. If he or she refuses, then the innocent spouse is free to remarry without any penalty.

This is an instance where Scripture interprets Scripture and settles the question of whether an innocent spouse in a divorce can remarry.

 

[Francis Drake]

It doesn’t seem possible to give a one answer fits all response - every individual simply needs to seek the face of the One (Jesus) who saved them and obey Him. There’s nothing else to it. If we do that, then we are answerable to only Jesus. Pray hard. Pray through and obey what He tells you

Do you think divorce is the only sin? Divorced or not, these things have nothing to do with whether you get to heaven.
If sin stops people getting to heaven, then we are all well and truly stuffed!

Me? I'd rather rely on God's grace and mercy for my heavenly destination than my self perfection.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Do you think divorce is the only sin? Divorced or not, these things have nothing to do with whether you get to heaven.
If sin stops people getting to heaven, then we are all well and truly stuffed!

Me? I'd rather rely on God's grace and mercy for my heavenly destination than my self perfection.

Ever since my remarriage 30 years ago, I have always had that little niggle about it, and seeing posts about remarrying constituted ongoing adultery tended to disturb me. I think it was the devil's fiery darts in the form of his condemnation bombs, so I would put my trust in the Lord and His grace. Not long ago I watched Mike Winger's video on divorce and remarriage where he examined all the related Scriptures, and he came up with the Matthew reference where Jesus said that if a person sinned and would not listen to the church, he or she is to be treated as an unbeliever. He then brought up one from 2 John where it says that someone who did not walk with Christ in sound doctrine, he or she did not have God at all, suggesting that such a person should be treated as an unbeliever to the point where we should have no fellowship, not let the person into our home, nor eat with him or her. Then he related it to 1 Corinthians 7:15 where Paul says that if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave (effectively divorce) then let them go and the person left behind is in no bondage to the marriage. When I heard all that, I felt set totally free from any doubt that my wife, deserting me, effectively divorced me the day she left the home, and it was an unjustified divorce, and she would not listen to the elders of our church, but instead relied on the counsel of a minister who did not believe in the virgin birth or the resurrection of Christ. In other words she sought the counsel of unbelievers to hear what she wanted to hear - that it was okay to walk out of a marriage just because she "fell out of love" and didn't want to be married any longer.

The outcome for me is that I was freed from any obligation to the marriage from the time she walked and refused to take counsel from our church but went back under the covering of her unbelieving family and advice from an apostate counsellor. This confirmed to me that when I met my present wife, it was of God, and through His grace and mercy, restored to me all that I had lost through my divorce, even providing me with a second daughter to replace my eldest daughter whom my first wife did all she could to divorce me from her as well.

So, after doing all I could to keep my first marriage together, and happily received all the counsel my church elders could give me, she made her choice and I had to let her leave. In fact, she waited until I was out of town and planned it all right down to taking out all the furniture and appliances that had value, so that when I got home all there was left was a bed and a sofa. That showed that she was adamant about leaving and had no intention to return.

So there it is. I now know that according to a good exposition of Scripture, where 1 Corinthians 7:15 is interpreted by the Matthew and 2 John Scriptures, I was able to see that my remarriage is not adultery after all, because I was restored to a state where I was viewed as never been married at all.

 

[rebornfree]

My Bible (1 Corinthians 7 v 15) told me that I had to let my husband go. I didn't want to; as far as I was concerned I had married for life. So please remember that some divorced people are those who have been left. Having said that every time I think of myself as innocent, as far as ending the marriage was concerned, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the times when I have sinned. IOW we are all sinners. As for going to Heaven that depends on whether or not we have accepted Jesus as our Saviour. We should live the right way, but sometimes we don't and need to come to Him in repentance. Who was it who was justified in Luke 18 v 9 - 14?

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

My Bible (1 Corinthians 7 v 15) told me that I had to let my husband go. I didn't want to; as far as I was concerned I had married for life. So please remember that some divorced people are those who have been left. Having said that every time I think of myself as innocent, as far as ending the marriage was concerned, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the times when I have sinned. IOW we are all sinners. As for going to Heaven that depends on whether or not we have accepted Jesus as our Saviour. We should live the right way, but sometimes we don't and need to come to Him in repentance. Who was it who was justified in Luke 18 v 9 - 14?

I also believe that marriage is for life, and I had a good couple of shouting matches with God over what happened to me. I fought tooth and nail to keep my marriage together but I had to accept that where the will of another is involved, there is nothing I could do. Of course, I made mistakes during my marriage, and I could have been more supportive of her when she was criticised by some in the church. These days, if anyone in the church (very unlikely these days) did the same to my present wife I would say, "Better close your itty bitty little eyes dear, because you shouldn't oughta watch this!" And then wham! pow! bang! sock! (Just joking). But if I had stood up on my hind legs and told those church criticizers to back off and leave her alone otherwise they will be getting a lawyer's letter, that maybe have made a difference and convinced my wife that I had a pair of whatevers after all!

Unjustified divorce (other than adultery and domestic violence), for a Christian, is a sin, requiring repentance to restore fellowship with God. In the 1st Century, it was the act of a spouse leaving the family home that constituted the divorce. The innocent party in an unjustified divorce is set free from any obligation to the marriage if the guilty party refuses to take counsel from the church and repent. In the area of a justified divorce, (adultery and domestic violence) if the guilty party again refuses church counsel and repentance, then they effectively become unbelievers because that is the outcome for a person who refuses to listen to the Holy Spirit and does not show the fruit of repentance.

 

[rebornfree]

So, after doing all I could to keep my first marriage together, and happily received all the counsel my church elders could give me, she made her choice and I had to let her leave. In fact, she waited until I was out of town and planned it all right down to taking out all the furniture and appliances that had value, so that when I got home all there was left was a bed and a sofa. That showed that she was adamant about leaving and had no intention to return.

I'm sorry that you had a difficult time Oscarr. Divorce can be horrible. I'm glad that things have got better for you since then. BTW my comment about reminding people that some of us divorcees were the ones who were left was not aimed at you, although it came after your post. Obviously you have been in that situation yourself and know how hard it can be.

My take on divorce, in view of Matthew 5 v 31,32; 19 v 1-9 and 1 Corinthians 7 v 12-16, is that no Christian should divorce unless their spouse committed adultery. However if one is married to an unbeliever then it has to be the unbeliever's decision whether they stay or leave. But adultery is not the unforgiveable sin, so even the guilty party can be forgiven if they repent (1 John 1 v 9). That's only my interpretation though.

I married my husband believing that he was a Christian. Some of my friends were saved after marriage, but their spouses weren't. A number of us are divorced, not by choice. Our Church Elders tend to look at each case individually, applying scriptural principles to it. If they believe that divorce was scriptural then they usually agree that remarriage is possible, particularly when the ex has committed adultery or had a relationship since the separation.

 

[rebornfree]

Can a person divorce and remarry and still go to Heaven?

The reason I ask is because the Bible says that one commits adultery if he divorces his wife and marries another. Since the wedding vows are to be till death do us part, said before God, then does that stand to reason that a person who gets a divorce is not really divorced before the eyes of God, and therefore one is committing adultery by marrying another, as long as their spouse is living?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this subject.

As I understand it Jesus makes the exception of divorcing an unfaithful spouse (Matthew 19 v 9). There is also the case of an unbeliever leaving a believer (1 Corinthians 7 v 12, 15). In any case, even if one is the guilty party, repentance is possible (1 John 1 v 9). I'm not encouraging divorce - it is painful - but the thing which keeps people out of heaven is not accepting Jesus as their Saviour. (There is the issue of the unforgiveable sin, which I don't understand, but it is not about marriage, divorce or remarriage.)

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I'm sorry that you had a difficult time Oscarr. Divorce can be horrible. I'm glad that things have got better for you since then. BTW my comment about reminding people that some of us divorcees were the ones who were left was not aimed at you, although it came after your post. Obviously you have been in that situation yourself and know how hard it can be.

My take on divorce, in view of Matthew 5 v 31,32; 19 v 1-9 and 1 Corinthians 7 v 12-16, is that no Christian should divorce unless their spouse committed adultery. However if one is married to an unbeliever then it has to be the unbeliever's decision whether they stay or leave. But adultery is not the unforgiveable sin, so even the guilty party can be forgiven if they repent (1 John 1 v 9). That's only my interpretation though.

I married my husband believing that he was a Christian. Some of my friends were saved after marriage, but their spouses weren't. A number of us are divorced, not by choice. Our Church Elders tend to look at each case individually, applying scriptural principles to it. If they believe that divorce was scriptural then they usually agree that remarriage is possible, particularly when the ex has committed adultery or had a relationship since the separation.

If you factor in Matthew 18:17: "If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." then it is appropriate to treat the departing spouse as an unbeliever who has chosen to leave the marriage. This means that remarriage is not a sin, while walking out of a Christian marriage for whatever reason is a sin that requires repentance to restore the person back into fellowship with God and with fellow Christians. But the person who is left, who did nothing to destroy the marriage, is deemed totally innocent and free.

The counsellor I was seeing told me not to do anything, and my wife might have decided to return to the marriage after a while. But when I sought the Lord, He told me from Ezekiel to tell her plainly that she was doing wrong. I said, "She won't listen to me and that would drive her further away from me because she doesn't like to be told anything like that." The Lord showed me the reference in Ezekiel about telling the people about their sins even though they won't listen to him and then their blood would not be on his hands, but if he did not tell them, their blood would be on his hands. He also made it quite clear to me that if I did not tell her she was wrong in walking out of our marriage for no real reason, then I would be partaking in her sin as an accessory. So, even though I ended up having her dig her toes in against me and she interpreting my words as being angry at her, I know that I did the right thing and when she comes up to the judgment, I won't be seen as supporting her in what she did.

 

[RDKirk]

The question arises that if a Christian spouse walks out of a marriage with another Christian, does the one who breaks the marriage contract cease being a believer in the view of the church? In the 1st Century, walking out of the family home, which we call separation today, was seen as divorce.

If we look at the Matthew reference where Jesus spoke of a believer who sinned not accepting correction at the different levels and ultimately not listening to the church, being then treated as a tax collector and an infidel. In other words, according the church the person becomes a non-believer, and that no one in the church should fellowship with that person. The idea was to show the sinner the consquences and to encourage the person to repent and be restored to fellowship. Repentance in terms of divorce would have been a reconciliation between the two.

If we now look at 1 Corinthians 7:15, we see that if an unbeliever wants to leave the marriage to a Christian believer, the believer should let the unbeliever go (ie: divorce the believer) and the believer would be in no bondage to the marriage. Without referring to the Matthew passage the definition would be that that unbeliever would be a non-convert. But taking the Matthew reference into account, then in the view of the church, a person walking out of a Christian marriage and refusing to take correction, would be an unbeliever, and therefore the person left behind would be in no bondage to the marriage and be quite free to remarry without penalty from the church or from God.

Furthermore, 2 John 9 says this: " Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son." This means that if a professing believer does not continue in the teaching of Christ, he does not have God. In other words, he is not a true believer. Therefore, if a professing Christian walks out of a marriage, or has to leave because of adultery or domestic violence, then he is no longer a believer and can be treated as such. In fact, the believing spouse, according to 2 John, should not have the person in the house or eat a meal with them. The only way that such a person can repent is to be reconciled to the innocent spouse. If he or she refuses, then the innocent spouse is free to remarry without any penalty.

This is an instance where Scripture interprets Scripture and settles the question of whether an innocent spouse in a divorce can remarry.

The portion I've bolded...is that what you meant to say? Are you saying that the person who must flee the home because of domestic violence or adultery (unrepented by the abusing or adulterous spouse) is no longer a believer? What if the adulter or abuser is happy to stay in the house while continuing the abuse and adultery?

 

[RDKirk]

Unjustified divorce (other than adultery and domestic violence), for a Christian, is a sin, requiring repentance to restore fellowship with God. In the 1st Century, it was the act of a spouse leaving the family home that constituted the divorce. The innocent party in an unjustified divorce is set free from any obligation to the marriage if the guilty party refuses to take counsel from the church and repent. In the area of a justified divorce, (adultery and domestic violence) if the guilty party again refuses church counsel and repentance, then they effectively become unbelievers because that is the outcome for a person who refuses to listen to the Holy Spirit and does not show the fruit of repentance.

What of this true circumstance in which the man misrepresented himself in every way except name. Lied about being willing to care for the wife, lied about the business he held (no business, no job, no intention of holding a job), lied about having a down payment for a home in the bank, was psychologically abusive in the marriage, preferred to live in squalor, did nothing around the house except sleep, and insisted that his wife work full time, pay all bills, cook all meals, and clean the house...while having said otherwise during courtship. Enjoys pornography and declines to have sex with his wife. But claims to be a believer and yet resists making changes urged by pastor and church marriage counselor.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I believe anything can be forgiven by God as long as you sincerely repent and ask him to.

 

[The Liturgist]

Can a person divorce and remarry and still go to Heaven?

The reason I ask is because the Bible says that one commits adultery if he divorces his wife and marries another. Since the wedding vows are to be till death do us part, said before God, then does that stand to reason that a person who gets a divorce is not really divorced before the eyes of God, and therefore one is committing adultery by marrying another, as long as their spouse is living?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this subject.

Yes, because we can obtain forgiveness for our misdeeds.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

The portion I've bolded...is that what you meant to say? Are you saying that the person who must flee the home because of domestic violence or adultery (unrepented by the abusing or adulterous spouse) is no longer a believer? What if the adulter or abuser is happy to stay in the house while continuing the abuse and adultery?

Just think about that. Which partner do you think has sinned in that scenario? The person who committed adultery or domestic violence, or the one who had to flee? The answer is fairly plain, so I don't need to comment any further.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

What of this true circumstance in which the man misrepresented himself in every way except name. Lied about being willing to care for the wife, lied about the business he held (no business, no job, no intention of holding a job), lied about having a down payment for a home in the bank, was psychologically abusive in the marriage, preferred to live in squalor, did nothing around the house except sleep, and insisted that his wife work full time, pay all bills, cook all meals, and clean the house...while having said otherwise during courtship. Enjoys pornography and declines to have sex with his wife. But claims to be a believer and yet resists making changes urged by pastor and church marriage counselor.

If you have read my posts carefully you will see that the answer to that is plain. Lying, refusing to provide for his family, enjoying pornography abusive, and refusing to listen to the church. What do you think? He comes right into the scope of the Matthew reference and can certainly be viewed by the church as an unbeliever regardless of what he professes to be.

 

[Francis Drake]

Ever since my remarriage 30 years ago, I have always had that little niggle about it, and seeing posts about remarrying constituted ongoing adultery tended to disturb me. I think it was the devil's fiery darts in the form of his condemnation bombs, so I would put my trust in the Lord and His grace.

Having helped friends who went through divorce, I'd already reached that place of understanding when my Christian wife after 25 years marriage, also betrayed me.
When I met and remarried, it wasn't the devil's fiery darts, it was arrogant Christians who clearly don't know the Father's love or mercy (many on this forum) who constantly try (and always fail) to put me in bondage.

Not long ago I watched Mike Winger's video on divorce and remarriage where he examined all the related Scriptures, and he came up with the Matthew reference where Jesus said that if a person sinned and would not listen to the church, he or she is to be treated as an unbeliever.

It says to treat him like an unbeliever. This is to do with relationship, it doesn't say he has become unregenerate.
My ex-wife seems to be walking with the Lord ok, and we get on tolerably. However there's no way I can treat her as an unbeliever because that would not be true. That said, I'm unlikely to count her among my friends.

He then brought up one from 2 John where it says that someone who did not walk with Christ in sound doctrine, he or she did not have God at all, suggesting that such a person should be treated as an unbeliever to the point where we should have no fellowship, not let the person into our home, nor eat with him or her. Then he related it to 1 Corinthians 7:15 where Paul says that if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave (effectively divorce) then let them go and the person left behind is in no bondage to the marriage. When I heard all that, I felt set totally free from any doubt that my wife, deserting me, effectively divorced me the day she left the home, and it was an unjustified divorce, and she would not listen to the elders of our church, but instead relied on the counsel of a minister who did not believe in the virgin birth or the resurrection of Christ. In other words she sought the counsel of unbelievers to hear what she wanted to hear - that it was okay to walk out of a marriage just because she "fell out of love" and didn't want to be married any longer.

I spent 12 months in spiritual warfare for my wife. Then suddenly, I heard God speak, "If I could change Xxxxxx, I would have changed Adam!"
As an answer to prayer, that was an eye opener.
Basically, the Lord was saying he will never stick his hand into someone's heart and flip the obedience switch. My wife knew what she was doing, and had no interest in changing.
I was instantly set free, the marriage was over for good and I ceased all prayer.
I also knew the Lord had other plans for me and 6 months later I was married to an amazing woman the Lord brought into my life.

The outcome for me is that I was freed from any obligation to the marriage from the time she walked and refused to take counsel from our church but went back under the covering of her unbelieving family and advice from an apostate counsellor. This confirmed to me that when I met my present wife, it was of God, and through His grace and mercy, restored to me all that I had lost through my divorce, even providing me with a second daughter to replace my eldest daughter whom my first wife did all she could to divorce me from her as well.

So, after doing all I could to keep my first marriage together, and happily received all the counsel my church elders could give me, she made her choice and I had to let her leave. In fact, she waited until I was out of town and planned it all right down to taking out all the furniture and appliances that had value, so that when I got home all there was left was a bed and a sofa. That showed that she was adamant about leaving and had no intention to return.

So there it is. I now know that according to a good exposition of Scripture, where 1 Corinthians 7:15 is interpreted by the Matthew and 2 John Scriptures, I was able to see that my remarriage is not adultery after all, because I was restored to a state where I was viewed as never been married at all.

Amen

 

[rebornfree]

This is why the way to eternal life is very narrow, and few there are who actually find it. It is because many cannot accept that it is through the unmerited grace of God through faith alone in Christ that brings salvation. They hold on to the belief that if they live right and follow God's moral law as well as having a belief in Christ, they will somehow be acceptable to God. They believe that they, and everyone who professes Christianity has to be sinlessly perfect in order to get to heaven. This is why they cannot believe that a divorced and remarried person can get to heaven because these ones, in their own mind, have violated the standards of God. In actual fact they are frustrating the grace of God, and insulting Him, because they are not accepting salvation as God's totally free gift to them. They want to pay Him something by trying to come up to His standards of holiness and requiring others to do the same.

I agree with that. If we had to be perfect to get to heaven, then no-one would be there, except for Jesus of course.

If you factor in Matthew 18:17: "If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." then it is appropriate to treat the departing spouse as an unbeliever who has chosen to leave the marriage.

In that case I suppose the 1 Corinthians 7 v 15 verse would apply as you say. In any case I think the best way to get peace is to ask God if you have sinned and if so repent. Or if you have not sinned, regarding the ending of your first marriage, then to ask the Lord for peace about being remarried. If your Church leaders agreed to it I would think that your remarriage is from the Lord, so I hope you don't beat yourself up about it or let Satan destroy your peace.

 

[rebornfree]

Having helped friends who went through divorce, I'd already reached that place of understanding when my Christian wife after 25 years marriage, also betrayed me.
When I met and remarried, it wasn't the devil's fiery darts, it was arrogant Christians who clearly don't know the Father's love or mercy (many on this forum) who constantly try (and always fail) to put me in bondage.

I'm pleased for you. In view of your first's wife unfaithfulness I would think that your second marriage is perfectly Biblical. I have several friends in similar situations and if I had found the right man I would be too.

Then suddenly, I heard God speak, "If I could change Xxxxxx, I would have changed Adam!"
As an answer to prayer, that was an eye opener.
Basically, the Lord was saying he will never stick his hand into someone's heart and flip the obedience switch.

This jumped out at me, although in relation to praying for people's salvation rather than about divorce or remarriage. I know we should pray, but it has helped me to see that the decision is theirs. However I won't derail the thread by commenting further, but thanks for that insight although I'm applying it to another matter.

 

[BeyondET]

Can a person divorce and remarry and still go to Heaven?

The reason I ask is because the Bible says that one commits adultery if he divorces his wife and marries another. Since the wedding vows are to be till death do us part, said before God, then does that stand to reason that a person who gets a divorce is not really divorced before the eyes of God, and therefore one is committing adultery by marrying another, as long as their spouse is living?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this subject.

that is not the only things, surely God wouldn't want physical abuse to lead to death from the abuse because the person didn't get divorced from the abuser. some things are common sense i believe. Abuse and neglect break the marriage covenant thus is not bound by it.

eph 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 Indeed, no one ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. 30 For we are members of His body.