It's sad that you have to be given the "gift of grace" to have the ability to be saved.
Does God hate everyone that doesn't believe? or that is trying to be a god, themselves?
so I may or may not be saved in my lifetime?
I think that by saying the gift of grace was a precursor, was meant to show that God approaches us to prepare us for the decision. We do not out-of-the-blue say "Hey, I think I'll be a Christian." There are reasonings, stirrings in our heart, ways that God reveals Himself to be real -- all of which build our confidence in making a decision to follow Him.
Keep building your knowledge about salvation by reading the words of Jesus. It is not Christians who make the decision of whether we are saved or not; if Jehovah is setting the terms, keep finding out what He said.
God made an offer to all, that we can either accept or reject. The gift of grace was offered once, for all people and all time. God is always gracious, but He determined that the price was paid for our righteousness.
Think in legal terms. Guilt, advocate, judge, price paid for freedom.
Baptism is a public declaration of faith. It is also a choice to be rinsed clean of our old ways, and to take on a new life. The baptism itself does not save us.
Think of engagement parties, where people announce their intent to wed. The party gathers friends and family to celebrate the announcement together. The party is not the marriage, or even the decision. It is the public statement.
There are many things you will find in scriptures, where God suggests a tangible declaration of intent. The celebrations like Passover, Pentecost and Channukah were solid reminders to people. The Sabbath was a concrete day where every citizen, visitor and farm animal was not allowed to work. Congregational worship and group fasts were solid statements of intent.
We humans like to think we will remember everything, and always act with good intent, but we tend to forget a lot. We even forget birthdays and anniversaries. We tell friends we will pray for them, and then don't.
Sometimes we just need someone to say, "You need baptism" to remind us to make firm decisions, and be willing to publicly state our faith and intent. Otherwise we will mush around in vague belief and indecision...saying we believe one day, and heading on a tangent the next. I think the baptism is for us, more than for our salvation.
Baptism is an outward sign of an inward work of the Holy Spirit,
