Can an EO Intermarry?

[JourneyToPeace]

I don't know how common it is, but I know several Orthodox people who are married to Catholics or who were born of a Catholic/Orthodox intermarriage.

I think I know of more Orthodox who are married to Protestants or who were born of a Orthodox/Protestant union, but I am not sure. I never sat down to count.

M.

Thanks, M.

I guess what I also wanted to ask was, I've seen in this thread that Orthodox-Protestant marriages, and probably almost certainly Orthodox-non Christian marriages would be discouraged by priests, bishops, etc. "Possible, but not recommended". I'm guessing that Orthodox-Orthodox marriages would be most encouraged? Hmmm. I'm wondering, are Orthodox-Catholic marriages more encouraged, or more discouraged by the Orthodox church itself?

I'm also going to ask the same question of my (Catholic) priest, to get the Catholic "take" on that.

 

[Michael G]

Thanks, M.

I guess what I also wanted to ask was, I've seen in this thread that Orthodox-Protestant marriages, and probably almost certainly Orthodox-non Christian marriages would be discouraged by priests, bishops, etc. "Possible, but not recommended". I'm guessing that Orthodox-Orthodox marriages would be most encouraged? Hmmm. I'm wondering, are Orthodox-Catholic marriages more encouraged, or more discouraged by the Orthodox church itself?

I'm also going to ask the same question of my (Catholic) priest, to get the Catholic "take" on that.

Discouraged.

 

[Knee V]

Marriage: The Great Sacrament

My wife and I were given this to read and discuss with our priest before we could get married. I strongly recommend this to anyone who has not read it. If you have questions about what marriage is in Orthodoxy, there's a good chance that this article will answer it for you. It's about 7 or 8 pages long.

Webmaster Note: Many Orthodox Christians with whom I have spoken, including several clergy and nuns, consider this to be the best statement on marriage they've ever read.

 

[choirfiend]

My personal thoughts on the matter, when I was single, was that I would have to marry a serious, practicing Christian who was willing to come to church with me 90% of the time and would raise children to have Orthodox beliefs and would not be belittling or disparaging of my beliefs. It is hard to find a practicing Protestant OR a practicing Catholic who fits the above description because there typically are Protestant/Catholic beliefs that directly conflict with the truth of Orthodoxy, so practicing Protestants/Catholics would likely have a problem with being like the above. I actually think a practicing Catholic would be harder to find b/c they similarly believe they have the true beliefs, where Protestants tend to be flexible since they think there are "essential" and "non-essential" doctrines.

However, I personally know a family where the mom fit the above description exactly. She was eventually received into the Church, but not until 8 years into the marriage. She was there every Sunday before she was received, though, so I believe it can happen! I was pretty flexible myself with dating--I didnt hold everyone to that standard right away--but I told myself that they had to meet the above criteria in order for engagement to be an option. I think this is a healthy attitude that leaves one open to what God may will for your life, without devaluing the importance of a singularly-minded home. It's how I would advise people to be if they ask me.

 

[MKJ]

I've been thinking about this - mostly in relation to a single friend of mine who I know wants to marry. She's a traditional Anglican - we also have rather restricted availability. Some mixed marriages seem to work really well, and some are really bad, and some in between. If I try to think of the most dedicated and loving marriages that I have seen, both are mixed Anglican-Catholic. I wonder what makes the difference? Would the bad marriages be bad anyway?

I tend to think that if you can come to a clear agreement about how your family life will work (children, church, sexual issues, etc), a mixed marriage might be better than an unmixed one where one person is not very religious.

 

[MamaBug]

I think the only way it could work without much conflict would be if they believed and respected your commitment, but weren't that devout themselves. Otherwise there would be fights about what church the kids would attend, when to celebrate Easter, what to eat on Thanksgiving, whether or not to have a Christmas party on Dec 15th, and so on. That's just the superficial stuff. Imagine not being able to have a discussion about things you are reading or discovering spiritually because the other has a completely different world view.

It is hard enough in a marriage to deal with the differing levels of commitment to praxis and Church attendance. I couldn't imagine intentionally going into a marriage where we have different faiths as well.

 

[CJtheCatholic]

Hopefully I won't get stoned by saying this, but love is love. And I'll leave it at that.

 

[Michael G]

Hopefully I won't get stoned by saying this, but love is love. And I'll leave it at that.

Not when one spouse believes icon veneration is idolatry and the other spouse paints icons. One spouse thinks icons should be in a little corner of the house and that having an icon in every room in the house ruins her decore and the other spouse insists his faith charges that an icon really needs to be in every room of the house. One spouse says the traditions of men are to be guarded against and the other spouse says tradition is the basis that formed the bible. Love can only overcome so much and often is not enough to overcome deep seated disagreements in faith.

 

[zhilan]

Also, Orthodox cannot marry non-Christians period. You would be excommunicated. The problem with marrying Catholics is that the children *must* be raised Orthodox, but I think the Catholic church also says the children must be raised Catholic.

 

[rusmeister]

Hopefully I won't get stoned by saying this, but love is love. And I'll leave it at that.

Trouble is, most people have very hazy ideas of what love means. Could you translate that into ancient Greek? Are you talking about storge, eros, philia, or agape?
Eros is eros. Agreed - and tautological. But so what?

 

[gzt]

Trouble is, most people have very hazy ideas of what love means. Could you translate that into ancient Greek? Are you talking about storge, eros, philia, or agape?
Eros is eros. Agreed - and tautological. But so what?

One also much take issue with the presumption that you can't help who you love. Really, it takes a lot of work to get to the point where you've gotten to know somebody well enough to marry them. It's not that hard to see, "Oh, this person is not a Christian, I can't marry this person, so I won't date this person, as that might lead to love and marriage." There's no overarching force that can make you go beyond that point. Really. There are a lot of choices you have to make, a lot of paths you have to willingly go down, before you love somebody and will marry them.

 

[Coralie]

One also much take issue with the presumption that you can't help who you love. Really, it takes a lot of work to get to the point where you've gotten to know somebody well enough to marry them. It's not that hard to see, "Oh, this person is not a Christian, I can't marry this person, so I won't date this person, as that might lead to love and marriage." There's no overarching force that can make you go beyond that point. Really. There are a lot of choices you have to make, a lot of paths you have to willingly go down, before you love somebody and will marry them.

This is very true.

I am in a mixed marriage, but I only inquired after being married for two years. It is hard.

 

[cobweb]

One also much take issue with the presumption that you can't help who you love. Really, it takes a lot of work to get to the point where you've gotten to know somebody well enough to marry them. It's not that hard to see, "Oh, this person is not a Christian, I can't marry this person, so I won't date this person, as that might lead to love and marriage." There's no overarching force that can make you go beyond that point. Really. There are a lot of choices you have to make, a lot of paths you have to willingly go down, before you love somebody and will marry them.

I agree completely.

I think a lot of times what people call love is really infatuation (or lust).

 

[inconsequential]

I think a lot of times what people call love is really infatuation (or lust).

 

[flameinthesnow]

I'm single and I hate it. It's hard finding Orthodox people to date/marry. It's really tempting to "broaden my horizons." But in the end I felt that it's better to stay single than to marry someone who doesn't share my worldview. So many complications.

 

[Knee V]

But in the end I felt that it's better to stay single than to marry someone who doesn't share my worldview. So many complications.

As a very wise force apparition once said to a very impatient young Jedi, "Your insight serves you well."

 

[Michael G]

I agree completely.

I think a lot of times what people call love is really infatuation (or lust) .

To quote the great wiseman David Gilmour in the song "One Slip":

Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love, or was it the hand of fate that seemed to fit like a glove?

 

[Giantsbran1227]

Of course you can.