I mean people who strayed from the faith and came back. People who got saved or were seriously Christian not just in name only but in belief and practice but doubted and had agnostic-athiesm-other theology phases but came back. How did you come back? How do you deal with feeling fake or condemned? How did you re-ignite your faith?
Edit: It seems like there are some people in my town who were Christian and are atheist or agnostic now (possible to come back?) or had a phase of disbelief but came back to faith. I wondered how to get past the fear of being apostate like Hebrews 6:4-6 or fallen away.
Hey,
So when I was about 11/12 I was baptized because I was battling an eating disorder and my parents/other family wanted me baptized incase I lost my life. I remember during the baptism I wasn't sure if I believed in Jesus, and "tried" to believe in Jesus. So I could have begun my faith then.
Either way I fell away from Christ during the ages of 12-16/17. I was an agnostic atheist, always searching for truth but as a whole rejecting all religion.
Then when I was 16/17 God revealed Himself to me in a powerful way. I can't go into details, mostly because I wouldn't be believed for my testimony, however I can say that at that point I very much knew God existed. After my experience I tried to figure out who God was exactly, and I quickly turned to Christianity. I researched Christianity a lot after coming to faith, learning certain doctrines and finding some roots. I struggled daily with sin, and then soon after, exactly like yourself in fact, I was constantly dreading that I had committed the unpardonable sin (often due to intrusive thoughts and the like), or because I would watch a video of people worshiping God and thinking they were doing weird and "evil" things and saying such things were evil - so I was pretty convinced for a while I had blasphemed the Spirit and was condemned. I struggled with Hebrews as well.
I went to church, got baptized again (this time in full immersion), grew really close to my church and felt really connected with them all. I felt one with them, like they were my family.
Then I fell away. I started doubting certain doctrine, became pride-filled and rebelled against Christianity entirely. I blasphemed Jesus, rejected the faith and completely walked away for about 5-6 years. I turned to Judaism and was going to convert to Judaism, I was convinced in my mind that was the right path and my heart was hardened on it.
But the more I fought against Christ and the New Testament the more I realized I was fighting a losing battle. All the things I believed were contradictions had answers, all the things I was sure of were later revealed as foolish. I was striving against the Rock of Israel and was losing. My life had gone horribly those 5 years, I saw things and went through horrible things I wish I never had. Every day was a battle.
But I could still sense God with me. I could see the things He did for me, I could recognize His hand in all things.
Slowly but surely I started to come back to Christ... He was calling me back. I started looking towards Christianity again more and more, until I eventually started coming back. God's grace was abundant ands currently is abundant for me. He's made the Holy Spirit known to me many times, brought me to tears in church from His love, delivered me from many sins, delivered me from all sorts of trouble and has given me joy and happiness and peace in my heart. I'm back with Christ. I don't know when I was saved exactly, when I was 11/12, or when was 16/17, or if it was last year when I came back. I don't think it was last year though, only because I saw God's hand in my life so much, and God's shown me so many great things, his power, love and mercy.
If anyone would be condemned, it would be me, but I know that I'm not... similar to how Paul said he was the lowest of the saints because he persecuted the church, I can say I was the worst of apostates (not literally, but poetically).
God's love and mercy is so abundant. The more you grow to know this, the more safe you'll feel in His hands.