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Featured Burning bridges

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by ChicanaRose, Jan 12, 2020.

  1. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    “Failing well means ending something that is not working and choosing to do something else better.”
    ― Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings.

    If you are the type that is reluctant to burn bridges, in what areas have you, or are willing to make an exception? How did you, or will you gain peace from the Lord about it?
     
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  2. Cross Over the Lake

    Cross Over the Lake Member

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    When I think about “burning bridges” I think about times I have mistreated someone to the point where they were no longer there for me. I don’t really treat people like that anymore. If you are talking about distancing yourself from somebody because the relationship is unhealthy I’m all about that. I don’t like “burning a bridge” with these people though so I can be there for them in the future.
     
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  3. crossnote

    crossnote Berean Supporter

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    I'm quick to burn bridges, I carry matches, a stick of dynamite and a blow torch in my back pocket.
     
  4. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Yes, like when you distance yourself from someone...and you don't mean to cut that person completely out of your life, but that person would not respect the distance. Then you have no choice to but to burn bridges.

    Do people not use this metaphor anymore?
     
  5. Cross Over the Lake

    Cross Over the Lake Member

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    Everyone’s situation is different. What the other person does with the distance is out of my control. Sometimes it’s for the best.
     
  6. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

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    When I was younger I clung to some very important but seriously messed-up relationships (family). I felt I "should", and even the Bible seemed to insist I did, and I was too damaged spiritually to see things clearly. But finally I reached a breaking point where I just "knew" that I could not countenance the situation any longer, and I walked. I had vacillated back and forth, in and out of the relationship, in pain for years, but ironically once I had made that determination from the heart I had peace, and I have had it ever since, with a strong conviction that I did the right thing. If I had it to do over again, I would have walked much sooner. There was no repentance on their part, or even admission of wrongdoing, and they were attacking me terribly, putting everything on me. Now I understand that the commandment to honor parents has limitations. IOW, I'm a lot healthier than i was back then.

    How to get to that point as quickly as possible? The best I can say is to stay in the Word, which as we receive its revelation will make us free. Once I had a clearer picture of the incalculable value of the Sacrifice made for me, I saw that no other relationship, even that with parents, had the right to hold me in bondage. Jesus even says we have to hate our parents.

    Once you get it, it becomes much easier. You will have learned to hold relationships more loosely - with an open palm, as is said - rather than clinging tightly. God alone deserves unconditional, unmitigated loyalty. We serve and are loyal to others only in light of our relationship with Him.
     
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  7. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    That’s a great book! :)

    If I detect the impossibility of sharing life with someone I aim to part amicably. Sometimes you grow apart or you’re pursuing a course that’s incompatible. But these aren’t predicated on a breach. Life happens.

    Endings are another matter. There’s a violation which compromises a boundary, threatens my person or calling in a negative way. Permitting a second occurrence is not an option.

    I have a zero tolerance policy on privacy. There’s no airing of dirty laundry or secrets. Defamation of character is unredeemable. It encroaches upon His territory and redirects the focus from His work to foolishness.

    That’s a reputational risk I can’t accept. And I won’t renew the connection.

    ~Bella
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020
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  8. jahel

    jahel Well-Known Member

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    Look what happened to the Canaanites fi
     
  9. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Yes. Situations with family members are complicated, as bridges exist by a default of blood or adoptive relationship. Yet even then, there are limitations. Your advice is biblical.
     
  10. crossnote

    crossnote Berean Supporter

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    I've been around since '48 and know exactly what you meant by burning bridges. My poetic license is part of my bridge burning arsenal :) (That is, people end up hating me for it as they easily misunderstand).
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020
  11. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Yes, in these instances, I don't burn bridges, while I may not necessarily be inclined to call them up to chat anymore.

    Yes, these would be compelling reasons to burn bridges, especially the threat to one's calling. It is a distinctively-Christian reason.
     
  12. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    As we surrender more of ourselves to Him, He makes His wishes known. We’ll have a sense of the associations He blesses and those He compels us to set aside. :)

    We all have a place in the body. But if your calling involves the public. You must be prudent about your associations. The Internet and social media have brought about changes. We’ve seen the fallout of smear campaigns, viral rants and deceptive stories that inspired mob action.

    Once upon a time people took a drive or walk to cool off. Now they get on Facebook and Insta. They tell the world what’s bothering them and who did it. And people feed on that.

    ~Bella
     
  13. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    So true.

    As burning bridges is never completely mess-free, it's probably better to learn whom I should not build bridges with in the first place.
     
  14. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    It makes sense to be on guard.
     
  15. Michie

    Michie Human rights begin in the womb. Supporter

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    I have burnt bridges but I tend to simply try to separate if possible. There are times in life we have to do these things.
     
  16. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Yes, naturally drifting away is the most damage-free way to part.

    When my distancing is not respected, that's when I feel the need to burn the bridges...

    ...although I will not understand why anyone would want a human relationship that is not mutual.

    relationship-quotes-4-1024x1024.png
     
  17. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Hi Jahel. Nice seeing you again :)
    Can you elaborate on the Canaanites comment?
     
  18. public hermit

    public hermit Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I'm very reluctant to burn bridges. If I have a falling out with someone I am usually ready to reconcile quickly. Usually, if the bridge is burned it has been on the other person's initiative. Even then, if they are ready to reconcile, I am usually open to it. As far as having the peace of the Lord about it, if the situation is bad I am already in constant prayer about it. By the time things are broken off, I know I am open to reconciliation and so I take it as God's will and let it be.

    That being said, I am very picky with whom I form close relationships with. If I sense a person is toxic I will try to melt away and limit my exposure to them. I'm not so desperate for relationship that I am willing to engage no matter what. In other words, I try to make good choices on the front end.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2020
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  19. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    That's the best. :oldthumbsup:
     
  20. Michie

    Michie Human rights begin in the womb. Supporter

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    I tend to feel guilty about it even if it is a gradual drifting away. I think public hermit is right in being very selective in who you engage with but there are many situations where it is unavoidable too.
     
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