Broken Heart...Break-up with girl

[CC268]

Hey guys...first time posting here so I guess I will say a little about myself. I am 19 years old, I grew up in a Christian home and went to Christian schools from about 3rd grade on up. I am currently (going to be) a Junior in college. I am studying Mechanical Engineering with a minor in Math. I grew up racing motocross, but love to fish, snowboard, wakeboard, hunt, as well as many other things.

Anyways, I just got out of a two and half year relationship about a month ago as I found out she had been dating some other guy behind my back for about 10 months while I was up at college, among other things. It has been a pretty rough road for me lately and I have had a tough time getting back to normal and being happy. A new girl started talking to me that I really liked, especially because she was a Christian girl that I really respected. I like her a lot, but she has had random phases of being hot and cold and I am not really sure why. I have been praying about it and things were going great, but it looks like things might be fading out with that. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. I have been praying a lot for peace, guidance, and help, but it just doesn't seem to help me much. I have basically been in two relationships since I was 16 and it has been a long time since I was single, so it is a little rough on me and I feel quite lonely at times. Most my friends have girlfriends, which makes it tougher as well.

I know I am a good looking guy, as I am told that quite a bit, but I feel like I get taken advantage of a lot because I am so nice. I have never really had to find a girlfriend, it seems like God has always brought them to me, which I am very thankful for. I have always done my best to treat any girl with respect, and show my thankfulness and love for them. I guess I am a bit discouraged and worried I won't find someone who will respect me and love me for who I am.

Anyways, sorry for the long post, there is a lot I could say, but just looking for some help and some encouragement I suppose.

 

[cerette]

Heartache can be very painful! I think most of us have been through it at least once.

Perhaps you could see it from a brighter side: You are about to enter college, and you will be "free" to get to know lots of new people and maybe even find a girl you'd enjoy dating. You don't have to fear the jealousy of a girlfriend when making new female friends.

I think it is highly unusual that people end up spending the rest of their life with someone they started dating in their mid-teens, so from that perspective you don't have anything to worry about.

If I were you I would try to be excited about college and take the studies seriously. Hopefully you will find a good Christian crowd too and maybe also a girl down the road.

 

[CC268]

Heartache can be very painful! I think most of us have been through it at least once.

Perhaps you could see it from a brighter side: You are about to enter college, and you will be "free" to get to know lots of new people and maybe even find a girl you'd enjoy dating. You don't have to fear the jealousy of a girlfriend when making new female friends.

I think it is highly unusual that people end up spending the rest of their life with someone they started dating in their mid-teens, so from that perspective you don't have anything to worry about.

If I were you I would try to be excited about college and take the studies seriously. Hopefully you will find a good Christian crowd too and maybe also a girl down the road.

I appreciate the help. I am actually already a Junior in college so I have two more years left. I am actually probably more down about this girl that I had been talking to and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me...at least in the past 48 hours...not sure why. Anyways, I just get worried that if I don't find someone in college I won't find anyone, but I guess I will see where things take me.

 

[cerette]

I appreciate the help. I am actually already a Junior in college so I have two more years left. I am actually probably more down about this girl that I had been talking to and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me...at least in the past 48 hours...not sure why. Anyways, I just get worried that if I don't find someone in college I won't find anyone, but I guess I will see where things take me.

If you worry too much you will probably seem desperate and most girls will not be interested in dating someone who seems desperate..it's a turn off!
Also, if you have only "been talking to" her rather than actually "dating her" 48 hours is a not a long time...actually it's not that long even if you were dating her..maybe she's busy visiting her grandmother, or maybe her cousin just lost his job and she needs to be there for him...etc etc etc...sometimes people are busy/away for a few days...and don't feel like texting or contacting a guy they've recently started talking to or dating.

 

[CC268]

If you worry too much you will probably seem desperate and most girls will not be interested in dating someone who seems desperate..it's a turn off!
Also, if you have only "been talking to" her rather than actually "dating her" 48 hours is a not a long time...actually it's not that long even if you were dating her..maybe she's busy visiting her grandmother, or maybe her cousin just lost his job and she needs to be there for him...etc etc etc...sometimes people are busy/away for a few days...and don't feel like texting or contacting a guy they've recently started talking to or dating.

Yea I completely understand and I am thinking maybe she just realizes I got out a relationship not long ago and she doesn't want to get involved with me...I don't know...I just know I am so disappointed and hurt about it (on top of the hurt from my ex girlfriend), and it went so great the times when we hung out and now she ignores me when she is upset about something?? Very confusing, but I am continuing to pray as I just don't know what to do anymore. I am thinking about going to a Christian counselor and talking, I just find myself really down and its hard for me to be happy again. I want to feel better but I am stuck in this endless loop.

 

[cerette]

Yea I completely understand and I am thinking maybe she just realizes I got out a relationship not long ago and she doesn't want to get involved with me...I don't know...I just know I am so disappointed and hurt about it (on top of the hurt from my ex girlfriend), and it went so great the times when we hung out and now she ignores me when she is upset about something?? Very confusing, but I am continuing to pray as I just don't know what to do anymore. I am thinking about going to a Christian counselor and talking, I just find myself really down and its hard for me to be happy again. I want to feel better but I am stuck in this endless loop.

Sometimes people get depressed because of heartache, maybe that is what's happened to you. Or maybe there are other factors causing a depression as well. Or maybe it is just plain old heartache and yes it can be very very painful!!

I hope you'll feel better soon!

Perhaps if you tell a little bit more about when and how she is avoiding you, we might think of something other than what has already been said.

But generally speaking I would not get worried after only 48 hours, and certainly not if all you've done is "talked" rather than "dated".

The summer is around the corner, people are usually happy then, hopefully you'll be able to spend time with friends and maybe get to know new people as well, and perhaps there will be a new girl you can get to know...don't give up yet!

Do you have a church and are there other singles there? Maybe you could hang out with them...

 

[Chaplain David]

Hey guys...first time posting here so I guess I will say a little about myself. I am 19 years old, I grew up in a Christian home and went to Christian schools from about 3rd grade on up. I am currently (going to be) a Junior in college. I am studying Mechanical Engineering with a minor in Math. I grew up racing motocross, but love to fish, snowboard, wakeboard, hunt, as well as many other things.

Anyways, I just got out of a two and half year relationship about a month ago as I found out she had been dating some other guy behind my back for about 10 months while I was up at college, among other things. It has been a pretty rough road for me lately and I have had a tough time getting back to normal and being happy. A new girl started talking to me that I really liked, especially because she was a Christian girl that I really respected. I like her a lot, but she has had random phases of being hot and cold and I am not really sure why. I have been praying about it and things were going great, but it looks like things might be fading out with that. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. I have been praying a lot for peace, guidance, and help, but it just doesn't seem to help me much. I have basically been in two relationships since I was 16 and it has been a long time since I was single, so it is a little rough on me and I feel quite lonely at times. Most my friends have girlfriends, which makes it tougher as well.

I know I am a good looking guy, as I am told that quite a bit, but I feel like I get taken advantage of a lot because I am so nice. I have never really had to find a girlfriend, it seems like God has always brought them to me, which I am very thankful for. I have always done my best to treat any girl with respect, and show my thankfulness and love for them. I guess I am a bit discouraged and worried I won't find someone who will respect me and love me for who I am.

Anyways, sorry for the long post, there is a lot I could say, but just looking for some help and some encouragement I suppose.

Hi,

Welcome to Christian Forums. I'm sorry you going through all this but it is one of the way life tells us we need to move on. Can you imagine how bad it would be if you married this person and then discovered things about her? Looking back at my life and people I had relationships with I can truly say that I'm so glad I did not marry the people I thought I wanted to marry until things went sour. After a little while I met my wife and she has cared for me and loved me like no other.

It sounds like you are already making progress getting over her. If you're not doing this already try to stick real close to God about all of this. Also, pray for the girl and ask that she be blessed. Jesus tells us to do that and one of the things that this does is help us develop a forgiving heart.

As far as the new goes, girl time will tell. Just be yourself. If she likes you for you then you know you could have a good thing going.

If there's anything you'd like to talk with our chaplains about just click on the icon below and start a thread in ask a chaplain forum. You're also welcome to pm us once you have enough posts (15) to do that.

Good luck with everything and God bless you.

Faithfully,

 

[GhostCow]

I know I am a good looking guy, as I am told that quite a bit, but I feel like I get taken advantage of a lot because I am so nice. I have never really had to find a girlfriend, it seems like God has always brought them to me, which I am very thankful for.

I think you will be just fine...it hurts to be lied to like that, it just does...does not matter how old one is. I can just say that it will get better, I know that does not help much now, but I wanted to comment on something else you mentioned in you post.

From reading your post it made me think about back when I was in College, I can relate to your comment above, "I never really had to find a girlfriend." Which is great!!! it means you are a nice good looking guy, a great advantage in life (an advantage I enjoyed in my youth, now I am just a grumpy old man...hahah).

FIND YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! A lot of girls may want to be your girlfriend, many of them very good looking...that does not mean she is the girl for you. Take your time, you don't go out with the first nice good looking girl that you meet.

I kind of wish I had done that...Just wanted to pass that along.

 

[CC268]

Sometimes people get depressed because of heartache, maybe that is what's happened to you. Or maybe there are other factors causing a depression as well. Or maybe it is just plain old heartache and yes it can be very very painful!!

I hope you'll feel better soon!

Perhaps if you tell a little bit more about when and how she is avoiding you, we might think of something other than what has already been said.

But generally speaking I would not get worried after only 48 hours, and certainly not if all you've done is "talked" rather than "dated".

The summer is around the corner, people are usually happy then, hopefully you'll be able to spend time with friends and maybe get to know new people as well, and perhaps there will be a new girl you can get to know...don't give up yet!

Do you have a church and are there other singles there? Maybe you could hang out with them...

Well I haven't heard from her, but I am just giving it time. If I don't hear from her then it is what is is. At some point I have realized I just need to give it to God and trust that he will bring me to better things. It is tough for me, but I am slowly starting to feel better about letting God handle this. I have just been hanging out with friends and reconnecting with old friends. A lot of my friends have girlfriends, but some of them don't, either way I don't mind too much. I will continue to pray about it and look forward to the future. I really appreciate the support and encouragement, it really has helped a lot.

 

[CC268]

Hi,

Welcome to Christian Forums. I'm sorry you going through all this but it is one of the way life tells us we need to move on. Can you imagine how bad it would be if you married this person and then discovered things about her? Looking back at my life and people I had relationships with I can truly say that I'm so glad I did not marry the people I thought I wanted to marry until things went sour. After a little while I met my wife and she has cared for me and loved me like no other.

It sounds like you are already making progress getting over her. If you're not doing this already try to stick real close to God about all of this. Also, pray for the girl and ask that she be blessed. Jesus tells us to do that and one of the things that this does is help us develop a forgiving heart.

As far as the new goes, girl time will tell. Just be yourself. If she likes you for you then you know you could have a good thing going.

If there's anything you'd like to talk with our chaplains about just click on the icon below and start a thread in ask a chaplain forum. You're also welcome to pm us once you have enough posts (15) to do that.

Good luck with everything and God bless you.

Faithfully,

Thanks a lot for the encouragement and support! I agree that it is good that I ended it and I am sure I will look back on this down the road and have an even better perspective.

 

[CC268]

I think you will be just fine...it hurts to be lied to like that, it just does...does not matter how old one is. I can just say that it will get better, I know that does not help much now, but I wanted to comment on something else you mentioned in you post.

From reading your post it made me think about back when I was in College, I can relate to your comment above, "I never really had to find a girlfriend." Which is great!!! it means you are a nice good looking guy, a great advantage in life (an advantage I enjoyed in my youth, now I am just a grumpy old man...hahah).

FIND YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! A lot of girls may want to be your girlfriend, many of them very good looking...that does not mean she is the girl for you. Take your time, you don't go out with the first nice good looking girl that you meet.

I kind of wish I had done that...Just wanted to pass that along.

Thanks a lot for the advice! I will definitely try to put myself out there, but I will make sure to take the time to be single for a little and let myself heal. I will trust that God will lead me to better things and a better girl. I guess I do have a lot of time to find the right person, so I am looking forward to it and trying to stay positive. I have been praying a lot about it.

 

[CC268]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone so far who has commented and been encouraging! I really appreciate it and it helps a lot. This is definitely a time when I need encouragement. I am still struggling and still hurting, but I have my ups and downs. I will continue to pray and trust that God will lead me to the right person. Keep it coming! Any advice and encouragement is a big help.

P.S. My ex texted me today, but I didn't respond, I think its for the best. At least for a while.

 

[cerette]

Good choice not to reply to your ex's text. Better to just get over her and let go 100%.
I'm glad you're feeling better about things.
Let us know how it goes, and don't stress over the girlfriend issue, nobody ever said one must have a partner all the time...it's good to be single too sometimes. Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[CC268]

Good choice not to reply to your ex's text. Better to just get over her and let go 100%.
I'm glad you're feeling better about things.
Let us know how it goes, and don't stress over the girlfriend issue, nobody ever said one must have a partner all the time...it's good to be single too sometimes. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Yea, a part of me wanted to say something, especially since there was never any closure on the break up...but for now I think it was best to just not respond even if I really wanted to. The mornings are always a bit rough for me as I wake up and check to see if that girl has messaged me back...it looks like I won't be hearing from her, for whatever reason. Really disappointing, I wish I knew what was going on. Anyways...just trying to get through each day and praying and about it.

One question...should I text that girl again sometime? Or is it just best to leave her alone and move on if I don't hear from her?

 

[fdsfndls]

I have never really had to find a girlfriend, it seems like God has always brought them to me, which I am very thankful for. I have always done my best to treat any girl with respect, and show my thankfulness and love for them. I guess I am a bit discouraged and worried I won't find someone who will respect me and love me for who I am.

Are you interesting in courting or girlfriends?

We reap what we sow.

 

[CC268]

Are you interesting in courting or girlfriends?

We reap what we sow.

I am not sure what the difference between courting and dating is...of course any girl I date I think of it as an opportunity to really get to know the person and decide if I want to marry that person. I know I am still young though.

Anyways...the mornings seem to be the toughest for me right now. I don't know why, but I really liked that girl that I had been talking to and it is such a big disappointment that I haven't heard from her. I will keep praying and trying to move forward, but its tough

 

[cerette]

Yea, a part of me wanted to say something, especially since there was never any closure on the break up...but for now I think it was best to just not respond even if I really wanted to. The mornings are always a bit rough for me as I wake up and check to see if that girl has messaged me back...it looks like I won't be hearing from her, for whatever reason. Really disappointing, I wish I knew what was going on. Anyways...just trying to get through each day and praying and about it.

One question...should I text that girl again sometime? Or is it just best to leave her alone and move on if I don't hear from her?

For the sake of your own dignity I would not text her again, if it is so that you've texted her before and she hasn't yet replied. Maybe she just figured she wasn't interested in you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, so she's choosing to let it "die" by itself... these things happen a lot!

My general advice to you is that when you meet girls and start talking to them/going out/hanging out, do not immediately entertain the idea that "maybe she's the one!" because if you do, and she turns out not to be the girl for you, you'll just end up disappointed time and time again... Try to chill and let whatever happens happen. I am sure there will be no doubt once you've met the girl you'll end up with.

 

[CC268]

For the sake of your own dignity I would not text her again, if it is so that you've texted her before and she hasn't yet replied. Maybe she just figured she wasn't interested in you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, so she's choosing to let it "die" by itself... these things happen a lot!

My general advice to you is that when you meet girls and start talking to them/going out/hanging out, do not immediately entertain the idea that "maybe she's the one!" because if you do, and she turns out not to be the girl for you, you'll just end up disappointed time and time again... Try to chill and let whatever happens happen. I am sure there will be no doubt once you've met the girl you'll end up with.

Yea I was debating if I should text her again, but I think your right...just very weird...never had a girl do that, I have a feeling there is some emotional stuff going on with her as well, because she was very interested in me and she even said that multiple times and then its like things blew up. Anyways, I guess I will just wait and see what comes my way. Thanks for the support, you have been very helpful

 

[cerette]

I wish you the best, and if I were you I'd look forward to an exciting summer and fall with who knows what all is going to happen!

 

[CC268]

Alright so I finally talked to her...to keep it short she said she just thought things were moving too fast and she just wasn't ready for anything...funny thing is she was the one moving things fast. Anyways she said she just didn't want to talk about it right now anyways. Which is alright...so who knows I may hear from her when she is ready. Good to know though it didn't have to do with me. God sure did make girls mysterious creatures haha. I will continue to pray and do my own thing and who knows what will happen. I appreciate all your guys' help and encouragement. It has been a big help to me.