Breathing Underwater

[The_Whale]

I have kind of a problem and I don't know where to turn to. I am a girl. I have been a sort of a christian for like 3 years. Well I have tried to be, and I have had this problem that just keeps coming up and it will not go away. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about this so I am coming here to talk about it to where no one really knows who I am. So here goes, I have been friends with this girl for like 10 years. We are both 17 now. We have both been christians for about 3 years, but things have been kind of complicated over those years too. I am in love with her, and I have been for a long time. I try to pray it away and stuff but nothing ever changes. Everytime I look at her and everytime I see her, I totally freak out and get a depressed all over again and stuff. I know that homosexuality is wrong and all but I can' t help how I feel about stuff. I have tried to change it but it is like impossible. I always thought that she loved me too, but all that she wanted me for was sex. I love her so much but she doesn't love me and it tears me apart. She is in a relationship with a guy right now, and I tried to explain to her how I feel and that it is tough for me. Then she got mad at me and stuff. Like, now that she is with this guy and she doesn't want to spend anytime with me whatsoever. She says she is all about the will of God for her life now, but they do sexual stuff too. I am just so torn up and I don't really know what to do. I know I need to live for God but right now I am just so broken up inside and angry at him and I know that I really shouldn't be. But this girl was like my only friend, but since I started having feelings for her, we have never been normal since. I just don't know which way to go or what to do. I want to talk to my Pastor about this stuff, but there has been a lot going on at my church right now, and he has been really busy. My friend always told me that that no matter what that she would never let a guy come between us, but she is choosing him over my friendship. I know I am really whiney, but I know I have to get this out somehow, I like go to counseling and stuff but it is really hard for me to talk about stuff there too. I just need to take baby steps right now, to getting back where I need to be. I figured that this could be one of those steps.

 

[Cristiano]

I have kind of a problem and I don't know where to turn to. I am a girl. I have been a sort of a christian for like 3 years. Well I have tried to be, and I have had this problem that just keeps coming up and it will not go away. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about this so I am coming here to talk about it to where no one really knows who I am. So here goes, I have been friends with this girl for like 10 years. We are both 17 now. We have both been christians for about 3 years, but things have been kind of complicated over those years too. I am in love with her, and I have been for a long time. I try to pray it away and stuff but nothing ever changes. Everytime I look at her and everytime I see her, I totally freak out and get a depressed all over again and stuff. I know that homosexuality is wrong and all but I can' t help how I feel about stuff. I have tried to change it but it is like impossible. I always thought that she loved me too, but all that she wanted me for was sex. I love her so much but she doesn't love me and it tears me apart. She is in a relationship with a guy right now, and I tried to explain to her how I feel and that it is tough for me. Then she got mad at me and stuff. Like, now that she is with this guy and she doesn't want to spend anytime with me whatsoever. She says she is all about the will of God for her life now, but they do sexual stuff too. I am just so torn up and I don't really know what to do. I know I need to live for God but right now I am just so broken up inside and angry at him and I know that I really shouldn't be. But this girl was like my only friend, but since I started having feelings for her, we have never been normal since. I just don't know which way to go or what to do. I want to talk to my Pastor about this stuff, but there has been a lot going on at my church right now, and he has been really busy. My friend always told me that that no matter what that she would never let a guy come between us, but she is choosing him over my friendship. I know I am really whiney, but I know I have to get this out somehow, I like go to counseling and stuff but it is really hard for me to talk about stuff there too. I just need to take baby steps right now, to getting back where I need to be. I figured that this could be one of those steps.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been in love with one of my best friends for a while now. At the same time, I try to keep a Godly perspective on things. I try to see him as my brother, letting him know I love him and would do anything for him. It is hard because he as a girlfriend that he is in love with and I experienced the same thing, her coming between us. Remember, partly it might be true and partly it is more that you love this person in a way that is not reciprocated, so you see things more than another "friend" might not even care about. The main thing is to just ask God to keep your motivations pure. If you honestly feel that you are being ditched for this guy and that your friendship is in jeopardy, talk to your friend. Let them know that you feel like you are being pushed aside. Let them know that you understand they are in a relationship but that you feel like your friendship just isn't what it used to be. See how she responds. Remember that your flesh is making you more emotional over things that normal friends who aren't attracted to each other don't notice. Pray hard about it and see if there really are concrete things that your friend is or isn't doing to jeopardize the frienship. If you confront her in friendship and in a spirit of maintaining that friendship, she will either agree or disagree, but you cannot do anything about that. If she doesn't agree, you have to consider backing off and losing part of the friendship. It's a hard pill to swallow, but remember when you are in love, you see things differenty. Please contact me if you want to talk more. I could go on and on about this because God has taught me many things about who I am and my role in my friends' lives. Remember that we are spiritual beings and we cannot allow our flesh to define us. Just try to love as Christ loves. May God bless.

 

[Johnnz]

A broken relationship really hurts. It's like a big painful hole suddenly appearing and nothing will make it go away.

I don't want to minimise your pain. But you must recognise that millions of hearts have been broken in the teenage years. People do get on with their lives, and some can look back on their first broken heart now with a quiet humour.

Bit by bit get back into living and growing and enjoying other people.

Bless you

John
NZ

 

[KTskater]

Your friend sounds like she was having a tough time with your relationship (the sexual one I mean). She may be embaressed or even disgusted about it. I'm sorry she hurt you so much. But you may need to break off friendship with her, atleast until you both get your lives straight (no pun intended). If a friendship is getting in the way and you won't end it, God will.
When I was 11 I was with this guy Adam, we were both way to young for any of the things we were doing. About 3 months after I met Adam. My parents told me we were moving. Later I found out that Adam was on drugs, he was in a gang...etc
I believe God pulled me out of a situation that because I was to blind to end it myself. Was it painful? Of course, I was depressed for a year and tried to kill myself 3 times.
But now I have a relationship with God and I am working towards what he wants me to do. God works in mysterious ways.
And yes this is one of those steps. But now you have a choice to make. Are you going to depend on your friend for love or Jesus?
God loves you far more than anyone on this planet could, he knows what's best for you. From what I can tell you already know that homosexual behaviour is wrong. That, I believe, was your first step.
Now you have one big step to take, will you refuse this homosexuality or accept it? Allow no tolance of it or embrace it?
I sincerly hope you choose the first ones.

May God's will be clear in your life,
KTskater

 

[Ssarl]

Hey... you're not the only one who's been attracted to somebody you shouldn't.
I was attracted to another guy in my church when I first came to this city; I knew this was wrong and it would only screw things up between us, so I took it to God and asked Him to help me control this. The attraction went away and we've made a great friendship without any hint of anything inappropriate.
It's more difficult sometimes, but it is possible to get over these things, and God is always willing to help and take you back.

God bless you
Your brother in Christ,
Andrew

 

[kingzjewel]

i was in your same position, but reversed: she was in love with me and i was the one with the boyfriend. speaking from that perspective, it probably hurts her, too. she probably thinks that it would just be better to cut all ties with you than to continue in such a confusing spiral. she is more than likely upset that your friendship has to end, but in reality she realizes that there is no way you could continue without healing your past with each other. it took years before me and my ex gf could do that. i really think the healthiest thing for you to do is let her go and do what she feels she should and you do what you feel you should. staying away from each other and staying out of sinful behaviors will help you both grow. i understand that she is doing things sexually with the guy, but she is probably just trying to get on a "normal" path and that may be the only way she feels she can do it effectively. praying 4 u both.