Breakup with fiance

[selgr]

3 yr relationship. Im 55. Behaved badly recently and she worked hard but the past week I was out of line. Insecure, angry and insensitive. Really hurt her and she is done with me. She was my everything, all I thought about and now its over. I want to turn back the clock and repeat that day. Feel so alone, empty and hopelrss. Cant sleep or eat. All my dreams are shattered and at my age I dont want to grow old without her. I just want it to go away and this fear of being without my love for the remander of my years is aweful.

 

[JohnDB]

Relationships aren't created in a day nor destroyed in a day.

Why don't you go to her and apologize telling her what you now realize and tell her how you understand how you hurt her feelings.

She will listen.

maybe

and if for some reason she gives you another chance...don't screw up

 

[joy2daworld]

Time heals. I agree with JohnDB in that you should go to her. But I also want to add that if she doesn't forgive you immediately, give it some time. Stay closeby but don't smother her. Be available so that she can see that you are truly sorry for your actions and want her in your life. If it's meant to be, she will forgive you and take you back.

 

[selgr]

Thanks. It was a rocky relationship and on hindsite eerytime we would get back together Id carry the grude from the previous issue. This i think was the last straw... I realized what Id been doing too late. What a fool and now im soooo alone and regretful seems like there is no breath in me. im lost. feeling is almost more than i can bare. Prey for this feeling to go away.

 

[joy2daworld]

I will pray for you and for her to be forgiving. I have been in her place. My husband and I have been married 21 yrs, but the first 17 were similar to your situation in that he would behave poorly (to put it lightly), then realize it wasn't how he should act, be repentent, then about 3 weeks later, begin again. This went on way too long, but God stood by my side and no matter how badly I wanted to leave, something always happened to change that. Now, we are much better. Communication is good and we enjoy each other's company again. There is hope, but healing takes a while. Please be patient.

 

[selgr]

Alot of prayer time spent. Praying for forgiveness for hurting her. The loss of my hopes and dreams at this stage of life and subsequent grief are what I have comming to me. I request prayers to help me deal with it.

 

[selgr]

could you relay some of what you saw as what would work for you in this situation? Thanks for your prayers! You dont know how much that means to me.

 

[joy2daworld]

Every situation is different, but I can tell you that kindness and attentiveness are key components. My husband was selfish, thinking of only his own needs, not realizing what was best for the family. And when I tried to help him see the shortcomings in his thinking, he attacked me, saying I was the selfish one and that I didn't want him to see the fruits of his labors by spending money on himself once in a while. There were other issues. I wasn't supposed to spend time with friends, I wasn't supposed to talk to them about my concerns with my relationship or the treatment I received, the list goes on. When he finally came to see how he needed to treat me, it was nearly too late. But, because I could see that he didn't intend to be that way, it was a trap he had fallen into because of his upbringing (divorced parents, alcoholism, etc), I trusted that God was working a good thing in his heart and stayed. It was about a year and a half before I could finally settle into being content with my marriage again. Overall, it was the way he continually showed me he would not behave that way anymore that finally gave me peace and healed our relationship.

He says he did a lot of praying during that time period that I wouldn't give up on him. I know his walk was much closer than it ever had been, and I can tell by his actions that he doesn't ever want to be like that again. He is very understanding and caring. He stops to listen now and apologizes right away when he says or does something he knows is wrong. I try to do the same.

But one person can not heal this. I equated my relationship with a car that had two flat tires. Even if one tire is fixed, the car still doesn't travel well. Both flat tires must commit to being repaired. Even if you want to take all the blame for this, I'm convinced there is some animosity between you that only she can heal. Be patient. If it's meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime, I'll pray for daily strength and discernment for you as you decide how best to show your love to her in tangible ways.

 

[selgr]

very good information. And tou have no idea how helpful. I need to get to the core of why I ws so sensitive about some things. Differing tolerance levels for different types of people make it a non exact science as to faukt. But i agree there is an action/reaction component between my friend and m. Your prayers are a gift and I am very appreciative. They do help. God listens , I have no doubt. He inspired a great sermon from my pastor. What are the odds that I would walk into church and get told exactly what I needed to hear.