The more I think about the ritual mitzvot, the more I realize that I'm just not called to them. That makes sense if I feel I'm not called to be a member of the Jewish people. They have a special role as the priesthood of mankind. So perhaps someone with a "Jewish soul" as the Kabbalist speak of, that is someone called by God to adopt all the mitzvot would feel more led to do so and are thus called towards conversion. I even remember a specific point where my wife and I were arguing about my growing interest in Judaism (she's Christian) and I felt God was saying "it's going to be okay, don't lose your marriage over this." And I thought how could it be okay?! I had just found and been found by God again after a long time of searching. But His plans are better than our plans.
I do feel very called to the noahide laws and to a practice of prayer. The Rabbis say there is nothing wrong with a Gentile/noahide wearing tefflin and may gain blessings from doing so.
Can a non-Jew don tefillin?
And yes, this is totally contradictory that I'm pointing to Rabbinical judgements on Noahides yet saying I don't accept their authority

maybe it's just me not being called to being Jewish. Also it's a legalistic solution of covering my basis in response to a legalistic system.