Break up

[IncognitoBurrito]

I'm thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. He was the most amazing boy in the whole world and treated me like a princess for a long time. He was everything I ever wanted and asked for, so I thought he was the one. I had asked God my whole life for only one boyfriend, as I don't think my heart can take it, because once I give my love to someone, I don't want to give it to anyone else. I didn't even want to love him at first because I was so used to getting hurt, but sometimes who you love isn't really a choice. He promised me that we would get married, and he even wanted to go get promise rings. He talked about our wedding every day and loved being part of my family. I finally gave myself to him and slept with him because he promised we would always be together. I knew it was wrong but I just wanted so badly to feel loved and beautiful and happy. After awhile he started changing, accusing me of cheating on him, making me text him all the time, and he wouldn't even let me talk to other boys. I think I eventually slipped into depression, but whenever I tried to reach out to him for help, he wasn't there for me. Everything became about him. I tried so hard for so long to be everything he wanted me to be, but I was never good enough. My family all saw him as a brother and son, but now they don't even want me to be with him. I have done everything in my power to make him happy, but he hasn't tried to make me happy. My heart aches so much, I don't think I've ever hurt this much before. I love him more than anyone in the world, I would die for him, but I don't think I can do this anymore. Today he cut himself all over his arm and told his mother it was because he was sad because I was sad, but he treated me like garbage all day. I know this is how domestic abuse starts, and I love him so much, but I don't think I can live like this anymore.

Edit: We broke up last night. He says he wants to remain friends and maybe get back together in a few months. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's difficult. I was once in an abusive relationship myself. I strongly urge you to end the relationship. He sounds very controlling, and you aren't happy. You aren't obligated to stay with him. His recent self-harming behavior is extremely alarming, and it's a huge red flag. He could potentially be dangerous. I think you should tell your parents that you want to break up so you have their support as you go through this.

I pray that you are safe and that God protects you as move forward.

 

[joshua 1 9]

I'm thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. He was the most amazing boy in the whole world and treated me like a princess for a long time. He was everything I ever wanted and asked for, so I thought he was the one. I had asked God my whole life for only one boyfriend, as I don't think my heart can take it, because once I give my love to someone, I don't want to give it to anyone else. I didn't even want to love him at first because I was so used to getting hurt, but sometimes who you love isn't really a choice. He promised me that we would get married, and he even wanted to go get promise rings. He talked about our wedding every day and loved being part of my family. I finally gave myself to him and slept with him because he promised we would always be together. I knew it was wrong but I just wanted so badly to feel loved and beautiful and happy. After awhile he started changing, accusing me of cheating on him, making me text him all the time, and he wouldn't even let me talk to other boys. I think I eventually slipped into depression, but whenever I tried to reach out to him for help, he wasn't there for me. Everything became about him. I tried so hard for so long to be everything he wanted me to be, but I was never good enough. My family all saw him as a brother and son, but now they don't even want me to be with him. I have done everything in my power to make him happy, but he hasn't tried to make me happy. My heart aches so much, I don't think I've ever hurt this much before. I love him more than anyone in the world, I would die for him, but I don't think I can do this anymore. Today he cut himself all over his arm and told his mother it was because he was sad because I was sad, but he treated me like garbage all day. I know this is how domestic abuse starts, and I love him so much, but I don't think I can live like this anymore.

If you break up with him there is a very good chance you will end up with someone just like him. Atoms are made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They are positive, negative and neutral. Relationships are very much like this. There are attractions & passions - also there are repulsions and negative feelings.

With God love is sacrificial. In the world people want to feel good. With God He loves us so much that He is willing to give of Himself for our sake. People need to work on becoming the person that God intended for us to be. We need to follow the teachings of the Bible.

The hormones designed to keep people together over long periods of time are strong. This makes it difficult to walk away from someone. Sometimes a breakup can make people crazy. They try to control the other person to get them to satisfy their wants, needs and desires. Even if what they want is in the flesh and we are to die to the flesh and live in the spirit.

In the world people do what feels good. With God we sacrifice ourself for the sake of the beloved. Somehow someway we are better people when we can sacrifice for others.

 

[paul1149]

I don't think I can live like this anymore

If love isn't done God's way it becomes destructive. The best thing for each of you is to spend time apart and make God first in your lives again. No idols. Chances are it won't be easy or painless, but if you consecrate yourself to the Lord you can ask and expect He will be there with you, and He may ease the pain. What the future will bring, I don't know. But getting right with God is the best way to get there no matter what it turns out to be.

 

[IncognitoBurrito]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's difficult. I was once in an abusive relationship myself. I strongly urge you to end the relationship. He sounds very controlling, and you aren't happy. You aren't obligated to stay with him. His recent self-harming behavior is extremely alarming, and it's a huge red flag. He could potentially be dangerous. I think you should tell your parents that you want to break up so you have their support as you go through this.

I pray that you are safe and that God protects you as move forward.

Thank you for your support. My parents say the same thing about not being obligated to stay with him, but I kind of feel like I am. I already slept with him, and although I really regret it, I feel like I don't deserve anyone else I don't know.

 

[Poppyseed78]

You truly do not owe him anything. I know that you feel attached, and that's understandable due to the intimacy. But you are still God's child, and He loves you, and you do deserve to be loved and cherished. Your current situation sounds unhealthy and not one where you can flourish and be happy. You deserve better than that.

 

[thehehe]

I'm so sorry for you! I send you all my friendship and good wishes... I hope you will soon feel better.
For what I read, your parents know him very well, so I guess their advice must be precious on this matter.

Like Poppyseed told you, I think that you need time by your own.. It seems like an unhealthy relationship, and you deserve much more.
I would advise you to take the time to talk about it with your parents. Then, to decide what to do: 1. you could confront him about everything that went wrong and ask why he is acting this way : he could perhaps feel bad or lost ? Anyway, the dialogue is always a key. 2. Perhaps the wisest situation: to break up or to live separately for a while.

If a relationship becomes such a burden, it is better to take your distances. The situation is worrying. If you feel like you have done everything to deserve him, while it is never enough, it may mean that he is not the guy for you.

I really hope everything will calm down, and that this abusive relationship will not prevent you to live a better life. Good luck anyway!