BPD fellowship thread

[Theresasjourney]

Therasasjourney, I'm feeling the same way. Sometimes it takes all I have to step out side and to go to work. I must tell you that you have a twin on the Oregon Coast. I saw your profile picture a while back and in just the last week I have seen someone that looks so much like you. Hugs and Prayers Daysoni

oh no~~poor lady!
Hang in there~~we will get through this!

 

[Soulwings]

/me runs in and hugs everyone.

Things on my end are going alright.
I'm on Day 3.
And man, am I ready for summer to be here!

 

[Theresasjourney]

/me runs in and hugs everyone.

Things on my end are going alright.
I'm on Day 3.
And man, am I ready for summer to be here!

May I ask what day 3 means?

 

[Soulwings]

The third day since I last self injured (cut).
Today is day 4.

 

[Theresasjourney]

The third day since I last self injured (cut).
Today is day 4.

Wahoo!! awesome!!
I'm proud of you!

 

[Soulwings]

Aww thanks

Has anyone else experienced how all SIers are generally pushed towards BPD, since it is the only mental disorder that recognises SI as a symptom?

 

[Theresasjourney]

Aww thanks

Has anyone else experienced how all SIers are generally pushed towards BPD, since it is the only mental disorder that recognises SI as a symptom?

Not sure~~Bi-polars have the same issue~~
It could possibly be to feel something other then emptiness~~not sure.

 

[goldenviolet]

SI is not a symptom of BPD. it is a symptom of emotional issues though. since BPD is emotional too., it must just be a common simularity we see in recovery forums.

the syptoms of BPD (in the class i took) were all behaviors from emotional feelings....(ie BPD doesn't cause it); SI is a behavioral issue too.

 

[Soulwings]

It's also the truth though, that Borderline Personality Disorder is the disorder that most doctors/psychs put SIers. The DSM-IV criteria (nine different criterium) hold that SI is one of the symptoms ... but I agree, BPD is more emotional that physical, but having SI as evidence of an emotional problem? Meh. I was just wondering, because that's what I've heard. And experienced, kind of.

Hope you all are doing well. s

 

[goldenviolet]

hey, we need a bowl of snacks in here!

*brings out two platters of goodies*

 

[madison1101]

Hi all. I just discovered this forum. I was diagnosed with BPD in 1989, at the age of 32. I have been in therapy with the same psychologist since then. I have also gotten divorced because my ex just couldn't handle life with a borderline, even though I improved dramatically.

After my divorce, I went back to grad school and got my Masters in Social Work to become a therapist myself. I have also gotten sober, and been in treatment for binge eating disorder.

I just want to tell everyone that there is hope for relief. Prayer, accountability to another Christian woman, and a really good therapist are key in my recovery. Just last week, my therapist told me he is changing my diagnosis to Personality Disorder NOS, with borderline features. Progress not perfection is my goal.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Theresasjourney]

Welcome and yes I believe there is hope also and moving forward and overcoming as well~~~;o))

 

[Soulwings]

Welcome to the board, Trish
Thank you for sharing your story and encouragement.

 

[lmarie23]

Does anyone here ever get that empty feeling (as I mentioned above), like a black hole inside of you? Its there now, and although this sounds really weird if you havent experienced it, its as if its pulling everything good away, so there isnt anything left but self hate, anger, disgust, self loathing. Right between my shoulders is where its centered. And its making me feel so ... lost. Empty. Except for that fire of negative thoughts.

yes... and i feel like because i'm a Christian i shouldn't feel like that. because people always say how Christianity fills the emptiness you felt before. but i know it's just my illness. i understand what you're talking about - the self-hate, anger... yup. restlessness, too.

Lynne

 

[lmarie23]

Hi all. I just discovered this forum. I was diagnosed with BPD in 1989, at the age of 32. I have been in therapy with the same psychologist since then. I have also gotten divorced because my ex just couldn't handle life with a borderline, even though I improved dramatically.

After my divorce, I went back to grad school and got my Masters in Social Work to become a therapist myself. I have also gotten sober, and been in treatment for binge eating disorder.

I just want to tell everyone that there is hope for relief. Prayer, accountability to another Christian woman, and a really good therapist are key in my recovery. Just last week, my therapist told me he is changing my diagnosis to Personality Disorder NOS, with borderline features. Progress not perfection is my goal.

Hugs,
Trish

<sigh> It's nice to hear you say that there is hope for recovery from BPD. I've had mental health professionals tell me that I would probably never be able to hold a job or go back to college because of my "severe mental illness" and "mental breakdown." I'm glad I didn't let their discouraging words dictate my opinion on my future success, as I am now back in college with two part-time jobs.

And I don't know if this is the place to say it, but I just wanted to say that I've recently joined this site and am in the process of exploring it and meeting people, but I really enjoy these boards, particularly the mental health boards, and I've really enjoyed reading the insights you have to say in particular, Trish. Thanks for contributing your wisdom and insight.

Lynne

 

[jess144]

Hello everyone!

I occasionally post on the depression forum, but I think that this place might be more appropriate for me. I have never officially been diagnosed with borderline, but when I read the description of it, it matches up so much with how I feel (especially inner emptiness and lack of identity) that I can't help but believe that this is what I am struggling with. In high school I felt so competent and able...I had a 4.0 gpa, was elected homecoming queen, student of the year, and athlete of the year (all in my senior year). But I was also struggling with bulimia and depression. And now 6 years later, I am starting to feel defeated by life. I was psychiatrically hospitalized 3 weeks ago for suicidal thoughts and I quit my job while in the hospital (I had been working for a non-profit mental health agency for 18 months). I am feeling a lot better now, but I think that it is because I haven't been going to work and don't have the stress there.
I have a hard time sustaining friendships or romantic relationships because I feel like I never developed a "self". I can relate on the superficial level (can be friendly and humorous), but when it comes to getting personal, I feel very stunted because I feel like I don't have a self to share (likes, dislikes, feelings, passions, etc.). I can get really self-absorbed sometimes and feel sorry for myself about this (sometimes I feel like a prank has been played on me...like God made me to look like a normal person on the outside and then he forgot to put something in the inside).
Okay, I've written way too much. I really just wanted to post a request for prayer. Today I came home and felt really lonely. Please please pray that God would give me extra grace and mercy during this time and that instead of giving in to self-pity and doing these things, that I would seek God? Please pm me if you have prayer requests also. I want to start being more "others-focussed" in my prayers.

Jessica

 

[lmarie23]

Hello everyone!

I occasionally post on the depression forum, but I think that this place might be more appropriate for me. I have never officially been diagnosed with borderline, but when I read the description of it, it matches up so much with how I feel (especially inner emptiness and lack of identity) that I can't help but believe that this is what I am struggling with. In high school I felt so competent and able...I had a 4.0 gpa, was elected homecoming queen, student of the year, and athlete of the year (all in my senior year). But I was also struggling with bulimia and depression. And now 6 years later, I am starting to feel defeated by life. I was psychiatrically hospitalized 3 weeks ago for suicidal thoughts and I quit my job while in the hospital (I had been working for a non-profit mental health agency for 18 months). I am feeling a lot better now, but I think that it is because I haven't been going to work and don't have the stress there.
I have a hard time sustaining friendships or romantic relationships because I feel like I never developed a "self". I can relate on the superficial level (can be friendly and humorous), but when it comes to getting personal, I feel very stunted because I feel like I don't have a self to share (likes, dislikes, feelings, passions, etc.). I can get really self-absorbed sometimes and feel sorry for myself about this (sometimes I feel like a prank has been played on me...like God made me to look like a normal person on the outside and then he forgot to put something in the inside).
Okay, I've written way too much. I really just wanted to post a request for prayer. Today I came home and felt really lonely. Instead of turning to God, though, I ended up turning to internet pornography to distract me. Then I went and made myself throw up. these are two addictions that I have struggled with in the past and I don't want start again. Please please pray that God would give me extra grace and mercy during this time and that instead of giving in to self-pity and doing these things, that I would seek God? Please pm me if you have prayer requests also. I want to start being more "others-focussed" in my prayers.

Jessica

Jessica,

I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I was such an overachiever in high school - my GPA was over a 4.0 because of all the honors classes I took, I was so involved in musical ensembles and extra-curriculars. Then in college I had to take time off because of hospitalization and struggles with mental illness.

My counselor told me this analogy one day. He said a pastor held up a new $20 bill for his congregation. THe pastor said, who wants this? Everyone in the congregation raised their hands. Then the pastor took the dollar bill and crumpled it up. He held it up again. "Who wants this?" he asked. Everyone still raised their hands. Then the pastor took the dollar bill and put it under his food and crumpled it some more. It even started to tear a little. He held it up. "Who wants this?" Everyone still raised their hands. No matter what happens to you, your worth does not change. You are still the same person you were in high school, though maybe you don't feel the same. I needed to hear that, maybe it helps for you to hear it as well.

I struggle with addictions too. When I'm feeling sad and lonely, I fall into them. I don't feel comfortable sharing them on the board yet, but I'll pm you.

About not feeling like you have a self... sometimes I feel like my self is so inextricably tied in with my mental illnesses... like who am i apart from the illnesses and struggles that i have? i can name interests that i have, and passions that i have, but those are superficial things. i've been meeting with a woman lately who wants me to realize that my identity is found only in Christ. that's who i really am - a precious child of God. have you ever thought of that as being your true identity, and going from there?

love your sister in Christ,

Lynne

 

[jess144]

Jessica,

I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I was such an overachiever in high school - my GPA was over a 4.0 because of all the honors classes I took, I was so involved in musical ensembles and extra-curriculars. Then in college I had to take time off because of hospitalization and struggles with mental illness.

My counselor told me this analogy one day. He said a pastor held up a new $20 bill for his congregation. THe pastor said, who wants this? Everyone in the congregation raised their hands. Then the pastor took the dollar bill and crumpled it up. He held it up again. "Who wants this?" he asked. Everyone still raised their hands. Then the pastor took the dollar bill and put it under his food and crumpled it some more. It even started to tear a little. He held it up. "Who wants this?" Everyone still raised their hands. No matter what happens to you, your worth does not change. You are still the same person you were in high school, though maybe you don't feel the same. I needed to hear that, maybe it helps for you to hear it as well.

I struggle with addictions too. When I'm feeling sad and lonely, I fall into them. I don't feel comfortable sharing them on the board yet, but I'll pm you.

About not feeling like you have a self... sometimes I feel like my self is so inextricably tied in with my mental illnesses... like who am i apart from the illnesses and struggles that i have? i can name interests that i have, and passions that i have, but those are superficial things. i've been meeting with a woman lately who wants me to realize that my identity is found only in Christ. that's who i really am - a precious child of God. have you ever thought of that as being your true identity, and going from there?

love your sister in Christ,

Lynne

Thanks for the encouragement Lynne. Pm me anytime you want!

 

[AnointedPoetess]

My BPD features are getting stronger and overwhelming.. what can i do to cope or how??

 

[goldenviolet]

sounds like you are in the process of learning about the features. this is the road to healling. being able to see is a great step. next is practicing managing it all. start with every minute. i mean stay in focus of one thing/thought at a time. distract yourself with favorite things. managing by trying new things, prayer, or coping skills. crisis lines, friends, here. learn the promises in the bible. God will take you thriugh it all. enough practice and you will feel control and power over these things. you are learning them younger than what i did. i learned these things in my 30's... no worries hun.

you will be very successful with Jesus on your side!