BPD fellowship thread

[AnointedPoetess]

Ive been diagnosed with features of BPD; Im missing a few of the DSM-IV criteria.
Another symptom is chronic emptiness. And anger.

everyone.

Hi SW, I was diagnosed with bpd a few yrs ago and then just a yr or so ago I was diagnosed with features of it, and i think im missing some criteria too.

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Does anyone here ever get that empty feeling (as I mentioned above), like a black hole inside of you? Its there now, and although this sounds really weird if you havent experienced it, its as if its pulling everything good away, so there isnt anything left but self hate, anger, disgust, self loathing. Right between my shoulders is where its centered. And its making me feel so ... lost. Empty. Except for that fire of negative thoughts.

Whoa SW, I can totally relate to what your saying 100 percent! with me i feel it in my chest and its gets so heavy that i feel like my heart is aching.. im on meds for major depression and anxiety and it usually happens at night and is really intense!

 

[AnointedPoetess]

So far I haven't found a test for determining psyc age~~I think the best way is when you pulled into a BPD sate to stop and ask yourself how old you feel~~BPD are emotionally stuck at a certain age.
Mentally and IQ wise I function as my chronilogical age~~but when pulled big time into deep painful feelings I am 12~~lol
Maybe a mod here will let me know how to do a poll~~do you think they are here?

Wow, that really interesting! I'd say i feel about 7 or so not quite sure tho but i do know that i feel childlike emotionally and always have but im not sure why at all, is that normal or am i just un normal?

 

[Soulwings]

s Anointed Poetess. Im also on meds for major depression, psychosis, and anxiety. The black hole is really hard, especially at night - I dont know why night is always a worse time. Have you figured out any ways to help alleviate it?

 

[AnointedPoetess]

No, not yet and i feel really hopeless! please help if u can SW. I know it sucks and its very hard to deal with for me bc i dont know what to do!

 

[Soulwings]

*thinks*
I think sometimes when I feel like that, I try to get involved in something. Usually writing in my journal helps. The black hole is generally empty except for a ball of flaming anger, so just getting a pen and paper and scrawling out my feelings, even if it is such stuff as and things i hate [you fill in the blanks]" or just one word over and over again ... (even though I dont verbally swear). It just gets the anger out.

A good cry might also help.

Do you feel anything when youre like that? Is the black hole totally empty, or is one emotion overwhelming?

 

[AnointedPoetess]

LOL, that helps.. i think its both equally and i feel alot of anguish but not sure why.

 

[Soulwings]

Oh- and reading the Psalms helps too.
Two verses that really stuck out to me were Psalms 141:8 and 142:3 ... I think. I might have switched the numbers. But theyre both about finding refuge in the Lord.

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Oh- and reading the Psalms helps too.
Two verses that really stuck out to me were Psalms 141:8 and 142:3 ... I think. I might have switched the numbers. But theyre both about finding refuge in the Lord.

Thats awesome, hey can i add u to my msn? so we can chat there.

 

[Ave Maria]

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after having my worst case of psychosis ever. I was actually hospitalised for it because it was so bad. It was brought on by a lack of sleep. I am so thankful that we have a forum for this now!

 

[Theresasjourney]

Wow, that really interesting! I'd say i feel about 7 or so not quite sure tho but i do know that i feel childlike emotionally and always have but im not sure why at all, is that normal or am i just un normal?

Being stuck emotionally at a certain age is very normal for BPDs~~hey your normal~~yeah!!!

 

[Theresasjourney]

BPD is pretty much brought on by huge abandonment issues~~that is what leaves a black empty hole inside~~b/c we didn't get the proper emotional nuturing in all areas while we were growing up.
So it leaves a perpetual feeling of being unlovable~~unacceptable~~unwanted~~unworthy~~and it leaves us without the skills to accept ourselves and love ourselves~~thus the hole.
Though the hole is filled with pain and anger~~
Journaling is good~~healthy anger work~~touching that pain~~crying~~screaming~~replaced with positive selftalk while always doing self nuturing and taking steps to accept and love ourselves helps. And really knowing/believing Gods love and unconditional acceptance of us!

 

[Soulwings]

Thats awesome, hey can i add u to my msn? so we can chat there.

Yes, sure, you can add me to MSN. Id love to chat more.

/me s everyone
Ill come back and post more in depth, right now Im at uni.

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Yay, thanks so much!!

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Being stuck emotionally at a certain age is very normal for BPDs~~hey your normal~~yeah!!!

Wow, I didnt know that! I've always felt like this but never knew or understood why and now I do, thanks so much! Does it matter if u have bpd or just a few features of it?? I'm not sure..

 

[Soulwings]

I think most likely some of those features of BPD could include the being stuck at a particular age. I dont think that having a psychological age is necessarily a Borderline thing either, other disorders have it as well. I think. Dont take my word on that though.

 

[AnointedPoetess]

LOL, I always thought it was psychological but wasnt sure.. Hmm.. but i agree with TJ, i think. Its a interesting fact.

 

[goldenviolet]

not everyone is stuck at a certain age. i have a certificate in in PBD, and i've never read that, but i have read that parts of us emotionally/ phsically can be immature. espeacially concerning traumas.
i need to mod hat now.

*MOD HAT*
NONE of us have the ability to diagnos or treat eachother. everything said should be checked with your therepist. the purpose for our lovelyt forum is support and fellowship. sharing coping/managing skills and links is
meant to be a resource not a diagnosis or solution.

 

[Soulwings]

Whoops. Sorry, Dee, if anything I said may be misconstrued as my attempts to diagnose someone.

Thanks for reminding us.

 

[goldenviolet]

aawww... .... *warmfuzzies* the reminder is for us all.

*brings out big bowls of snacks*